Chapter 1
Breakfast Anyone??
Cyril awoke suddenly that morning to find himself hovering vertically a few above his bed. It was the third time that week that it happened but Cyril thought it was a side effect of eating birdseed, after all his parents were feeding it to him. Cyril swung his legs off the bed and fell… he'd forgotten to use the ladders as he had a new bunk bed and insisted that he'd sleep on the top bunk. Lying on a pile on the floor, he simply dragged himself to the bathroom. Using the sink to pull himself up he noticed there was an extra toothbrush in the cupboard. He heard a faint splash coming from behind the shower curtain. Feeling slightly apprehensive he quickly peeled back the curtain. There sitting in the bath tub with bubbles up to her neck was Cyril's Grandmother!
"Holy Hell!" Cyril screamed
"Ello Cyril my dear!" Said Granny in a Cockney accent
"What The F… erm What are you doing here?" He questioned.
"Taking a bath, what does it look like?"
Cyril suddenly realised that in front of him was a relative that resembled a shriveled prune, naked in the bath!! Feeling a sudden pulse in his brain he whipped the shower curtain closed and ran. Running so fast he tripped on the rug and found himself, yet again, on the floor. Stumbling through the doorframe he dived onto the bottom bunk.
"Aaaaarrrrggghhhh! GRANDAD???"
"Gees Son, did you have to do that? I think you dislocated my god-damn hip!" Said Gramps.
"What are you doing in my bedroom?" he asked his Grandfather
"Not just your room sonny! I'll be staying for a few days!"
Cyril was given a violent shove back into reality. If Gramps was staying in the bottom bunk, where did Granny plan to make her bed? Feeling a sudden about of depression Cyril grabbed his clothes from the draw and headed for the privacy of his parent's room. Cyril was thinking whilst subconsciously getting dressed. Why were the older generations in the family taking over the house? Why couldn't his Grandparents sleep in the shed? And why, why was he putting on his grandmother's best dress?? Feeling very sickened he jumped out of the dress and stumbled down the stairs. He ran into the garden and pointed the garden hose at himself. His hand was poised on the tap when Cyril's father appeared in the doorway.
"A, A, A! You can't do that!" His dad explained
"Why not?"
"No Water!"
"No water? NO WATER!! Why the hell don't we have any water??"
"We didn't pay the bills!"
"How did Grandma run a bath then?"
"Bath? No son, that's not water!"
"What is it then?"
"Remember the erm… Weak Bladder?"
"URGH gross! Hang on, what about the bubbles?"
"Flatulence!"
Cyril was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He had already seen his Grandmother naked, dislocated his Grandfather's hip and put on a dress and he currently felt like he was covered in layer upon layer of his Granny's dead skin. He hadn't even had breakfast yet!