Today started out as a normal day. I went to classes like normal. I did homework like normal, but today was anything but. Today was the eve of my father's Yahrzeit, the anniversary of his death. I wasn't able to be at his side when he died, he was killed along with millions of others in Genosha.
The last Yahrzeit I 'celebrated' was for an old friend, who died to save hundreds if not millions. I thought I saw him on that day…wound up spending most of the day chasing a cop.
Since it's a Friday, I went to Shabbat services. Normally I don't bother, but tonight is a special night. My father wasn't very religious, but this I knew would be important for him. I also picked up a Yahrzeit candle, a candle meant to burn 24 hours. Then came the Mourners Kaddish. I had been taught that you only say it when you have a lost a parent, still I had said it after Peter's death as well.
Yeetgadal v' yeetkadash sh'mey rabbah. Amein.
B'almah dee v'rah kheer'utey v' yamleekh
malkhutei,b'chahyeykhohn, uv' yohmeykhohn
uv'chahyei d'chohl beyt yisrael, ba'agalah
u'veez'man kareev, v'eemru: Amein.
Amein.
Y'hey sh'met rabbah m'varach l'alam u'l'almey
almahya. Y'hey sh'met rabbah m'varach l'alam
u'l'almey almahyah.
Yeet'barakh, v' yeesh'tabach, v' yeetpa'ar,
v' yeetrohmam, v' yeet'nasei, v' yeet'hadar,
v' yeet'aleh, v' yeet'halal sh'mey d'kudshah b'reekh hoo
b'reekh hoo.
L'eylah meen kohl beerkhatah v'sheeratah, toosh'b'chatah
v'nechematah, da'ameeran b'al'mah, v'eemru: Amein, Amein.
Y'hei shlamah rabbah meen sh'mahyah,v'chahyeem
aleynu v'al kohl yisrael, v'eemru: Amein, Amein.
Oseh shalom beem'roh'mahv, hoo ya'aseh shalom,
aleynu v'al kohl yisrael v'eemru: Amein, Amein.
I guess it helped a little. I went home and lit my candle and recited the prayer again in the privacy of my own apartment. I had taken tonight and tomorrow off from work, but what to do with them, if anything?
I must have fallen asleep. I didn't dream at all that night. The next morning I went out, trying to see if I could find my father, like I had found Peter. I took a bus and sat in Grant Park, I walked all over Hyde Park and downtown, but to no advail. I didn't see my father at all.
When I got back home there were two messages on my machine. The first one was my mother, saying how sorry she was that I had lost my father so young. My mom and me had kind of drifted apart since the divorce, but she had lost her father young too. Still I doubt we'd ever have a very good relationship. I was always much closer to my father.
The second one intreged me more. It was from Kurt Wager, a friend from Xavier's. He had remembered as well. The message was just a simple, I know I'm not a Rabbi, but I'm still here if you want to talk. I loved Kurt like an older brother. He was training to be a catholic priest, but religion had never been an issue between us. I decided to give him a call.
"Hello?" Kurt answered the phone.
"Kurt it's me." I said into it, trying to hold back sobs. "I didn't see him at all today." I told him. He was one of the first people I called when I saw 'Peter'.
"I'm sorry." He replied. He was patent with me when I broke down into tears, and I wish he could teleport to be right here beside me.
That night I feel asleep. I dreamed this time that my father was looking down on me and he told me everything would be okay; I got to say goodbye. When I woke up I called Kurt again.
"I saw him Kurt. He told me everything was okay, and I believed him."
"Good Kitty I'm glad you did." He responded.
I'll carry that dream with me for the rest of my life. I'm sure of it. It was then that I sensed the closer that Yahrzeit is suppose to bring. That's what the first year is all about. Closure. The next year, and the year after that are suppose to get easier, and I survived this year, I'll survive the next. I'll never forget my father's, or Peter's, Yahrzeit. I'll celebrate it till I join them.