Heh! You know, this story was originally going to be a one-chapter story;
Kaoru dies, Yahiko is sad. Well, I think I'll write more actually. ^__^ I
hope this second chapter is as good as the first.
Note: I did research as to see whether the thermometer existed in the late 1800's. The basic thermometer and the system in which heat is measured known as thermometry, was invented in 1714.
The grave read clearly in kanji: Kamiya Kaoru, Kamiya Kasshin Sword Stlyist and Assistant Master. Megumi and Dr. Genzai had each given a medical item- bandages and a simple thermometer- which they set in the grave. Sano had given away his "lucky" wrist bands, and Kenshin had given some flowers and a pair of his sandals. I, I gave my wooden sword. That was her sword once, and now I was giving it back to her. I swore that evening of the day Kaoru died I would stop learning swordsmanship. Kaoru was my one and only Sensei, and it would remain that way. I swore to never use a sword again.
And so they buried her with all that we had given, my sword included. We all cried, myseld included. Megumi and Dr. Genzai wished they could have done more, and Sano and Kenshin each felt sad as well for Kaoru's death. And I felt guilty that she had been killed for no good reason at all, just because someone at the Shuei was out for a good kill and was hoping it would be me, but they found her instead.
Now that she was gone, everything seemed so silent and utterly dead around the dojo, at the Akabeko, everywhere. Her absence was deeply felt among us; it seemed as if no one laughed for days. No one even tried to lighten the mood, each one of us felt completely broken. I would lie awake sometimes at night, not able to sleep, because of the wretching feeling in my heart. Sometimes I would wake from dreams filled of memories of when Kaoru was alive. And then I would wake up, and I couldn't stop the tears. Over the last few days, I had emotionally crumbled. I wanted to die with her, so that this feeling of despair and hopelessness went away.
*~spring's blooms~*
Kenshin had noticed I wasn't practicing lately and I think he was starting to become worried about me. I cared little if any of this fact and simply did nothing but sit and watch the wall of the dojo, gazing at the swords lined against the wall in the corners. I would close my eyes and I could feel her presence there; I could feel it touch me and make me warm. The training room was the only place I could be in peace without breaking down. There, I felt newly found stability and assurance.
The days passed and the others seemed to have recovered from Kaoru's death quickly. I too, could feel my emotional wounds healing, but there would always be the scar. And even though I did feel better a little, I still felt empty and dead inside; like I was a lost body, my soul sucked from me without warning.
Sanosuke and Megumi got married, Kenshin's techniques became bettter than ever, Suzume and Ayame were growing quickly, but I seemed to be stuck in a stand-still. Nowhere to go; the past is over, and nowhere to go in the future.
I visited Kaoru everyday and sometimes I talked to her. I'd tell her what had been happening in my life and other things, things I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else beside her. Once, I even brought her some soba noodles, she used to like those. I left them at her tombstone; the birds at them. To me, Kaoru was still alive in a sense... She was there beside me, or that's what I wanted myself to believe.
~Spring's evenings~
Kaoru, are you okay? Are you happy where you are? I miss you, you know; I really do. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one who misses you anymore. I don't know if it'll make you feel any better or not, but I tried one of your recipes for soup that I never tried before; it was good. I wish you could have made it for me though.
"Yahiko, what are you doing?" Kenshin asked as he entered the training room. I had been meditating there, well, talking to Kaoru. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at Kenshin who sat down beside me. "What are you doing?" Kenshin repeated gently.
"Meditating."
"Yahiko, even since you were a young boy, you never meditated," Kenshin laughed.
"I was talking to Kaoru," I told him softly. Kenshin smiled gently and looked at the room we were in.
"I do too. I miss her too, you know; you're not the only one," Kenshin said.
"Once, I made her some soba noodles," I said.
"I know, I saw. That was very good of you, Yahiko. In truth, I do believe that out of all of us, she would have missed you the most, Yahiko-kun."
"No, it would have been you, Kenshin. I was just her apprentice, a stubborn student of her's."
"Yahiko, what did I ever do for Miss Kaoru? The fact that she saved you from the Yakuza all those years ago, doesn't that prove she saw something in you that was worth fighting for? She saw talent in you, Yahiko, and besides, I think you grew on her too," Kenshin told me. I gave a small laugh.
"Yeah...thanks," I said despondently. There was a silence between us for a moment.
"Yahiko, are you giving up the sword?" Kenshin asked me. I sighed.
"Yes, I am."
"Because of Kaoru?" Kenshin asked. He didn't wait for my reply, he knew the answer. "Don't you think she would have wanted more for you to continue in what you knew and add more to the style, and teach others the Kamiya Kasshin?"
"Maybe. But after she died, I just couldn't do it anymore; I couldn't hold the sword in my hands without trembling." Kenshin sighed.
"Yes, I know what it's like. There have been times I've thought of all the people I have killed when I was known as the Battousai, and it makes me sick. At times like those I never wanted to pick up a sword again. And to this day, if I was not obligated to, I would drop my sword for the last time. But I already have tied my life to it, so I can't leave that lifestlye, it's a part of me now; I'm bound to it." Kenshin paused. "But you still have a chance, Yahiko. Don't spend your time like this; you have to keep moving forward."
I swallowed the sobs gathering in my throat.
"Don't tell me that, Kenshin. You can't imagine what it was like to hold that sword. You just can't even begin to imagine the emotional stress. It's like it isn't right, like it shouldn't happen..." I faded off in last attempt to somehow disprove what Kenshin was saying, before I surrendered to his words.
"Yahiko, soon, the wounds will heal and close," Kenshin said. He stood from where he was and gave me one last supportive look before leaving.
"But the scar will always remain..." I whispered. "The scar will always remain, won't it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
Strange ending for a chapter, huh?
Note: I did research as to see whether the thermometer existed in the late 1800's. The basic thermometer and the system in which heat is measured known as thermometry, was invented in 1714.
The grave read clearly in kanji: Kamiya Kaoru, Kamiya Kasshin Sword Stlyist and Assistant Master. Megumi and Dr. Genzai had each given a medical item- bandages and a simple thermometer- which they set in the grave. Sano had given away his "lucky" wrist bands, and Kenshin had given some flowers and a pair of his sandals. I, I gave my wooden sword. That was her sword once, and now I was giving it back to her. I swore that evening of the day Kaoru died I would stop learning swordsmanship. Kaoru was my one and only Sensei, and it would remain that way. I swore to never use a sword again.
And so they buried her with all that we had given, my sword included. We all cried, myseld included. Megumi and Dr. Genzai wished they could have done more, and Sano and Kenshin each felt sad as well for Kaoru's death. And I felt guilty that she had been killed for no good reason at all, just because someone at the Shuei was out for a good kill and was hoping it would be me, but they found her instead.
Now that she was gone, everything seemed so silent and utterly dead around the dojo, at the Akabeko, everywhere. Her absence was deeply felt among us; it seemed as if no one laughed for days. No one even tried to lighten the mood, each one of us felt completely broken. I would lie awake sometimes at night, not able to sleep, because of the wretching feeling in my heart. Sometimes I would wake from dreams filled of memories of when Kaoru was alive. And then I would wake up, and I couldn't stop the tears. Over the last few days, I had emotionally crumbled. I wanted to die with her, so that this feeling of despair and hopelessness went away.
*~spring's blooms~*
Kenshin had noticed I wasn't practicing lately and I think he was starting to become worried about me. I cared little if any of this fact and simply did nothing but sit and watch the wall of the dojo, gazing at the swords lined against the wall in the corners. I would close my eyes and I could feel her presence there; I could feel it touch me and make me warm. The training room was the only place I could be in peace without breaking down. There, I felt newly found stability and assurance.
The days passed and the others seemed to have recovered from Kaoru's death quickly. I too, could feel my emotional wounds healing, but there would always be the scar. And even though I did feel better a little, I still felt empty and dead inside; like I was a lost body, my soul sucked from me without warning.
Sanosuke and Megumi got married, Kenshin's techniques became bettter than ever, Suzume and Ayame were growing quickly, but I seemed to be stuck in a stand-still. Nowhere to go; the past is over, and nowhere to go in the future.
I visited Kaoru everyday and sometimes I talked to her. I'd tell her what had been happening in my life and other things, things I wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else beside her. Once, I even brought her some soba noodles, she used to like those. I left them at her tombstone; the birds at them. To me, Kaoru was still alive in a sense... She was there beside me, or that's what I wanted myself to believe.
~Spring's evenings~
Kaoru, are you okay? Are you happy where you are? I miss you, you know; I really do. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one who misses you anymore. I don't know if it'll make you feel any better or not, but I tried one of your recipes for soup that I never tried before; it was good. I wish you could have made it for me though.
"Yahiko, what are you doing?" Kenshin asked as he entered the training room. I had been meditating there, well, talking to Kaoru. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at Kenshin who sat down beside me. "What are you doing?" Kenshin repeated gently.
"Meditating."
"Yahiko, even since you were a young boy, you never meditated," Kenshin laughed.
"I was talking to Kaoru," I told him softly. Kenshin smiled gently and looked at the room we were in.
"I do too. I miss her too, you know; you're not the only one," Kenshin said.
"Once, I made her some soba noodles," I said.
"I know, I saw. That was very good of you, Yahiko. In truth, I do believe that out of all of us, she would have missed you the most, Yahiko-kun."
"No, it would have been you, Kenshin. I was just her apprentice, a stubborn student of her's."
"Yahiko, what did I ever do for Miss Kaoru? The fact that she saved you from the Yakuza all those years ago, doesn't that prove she saw something in you that was worth fighting for? She saw talent in you, Yahiko, and besides, I think you grew on her too," Kenshin told me. I gave a small laugh.
"Yeah...thanks," I said despondently. There was a silence between us for a moment.
"Yahiko, are you giving up the sword?" Kenshin asked me. I sighed.
"Yes, I am."
"Because of Kaoru?" Kenshin asked. He didn't wait for my reply, he knew the answer. "Don't you think she would have wanted more for you to continue in what you knew and add more to the style, and teach others the Kamiya Kasshin?"
"Maybe. But after she died, I just couldn't do it anymore; I couldn't hold the sword in my hands without trembling." Kenshin sighed.
"Yes, I know what it's like. There have been times I've thought of all the people I have killed when I was known as the Battousai, and it makes me sick. At times like those I never wanted to pick up a sword again. And to this day, if I was not obligated to, I would drop my sword for the last time. But I already have tied my life to it, so I can't leave that lifestlye, it's a part of me now; I'm bound to it." Kenshin paused. "But you still have a chance, Yahiko. Don't spend your time like this; you have to keep moving forward."
I swallowed the sobs gathering in my throat.
"Don't tell me that, Kenshin. You can't imagine what it was like to hold that sword. You just can't even begin to imagine the emotional stress. It's like it isn't right, like it shouldn't happen..." I faded off in last attempt to somehow disprove what Kenshin was saying, before I surrendered to his words.
"Yahiko, soon, the wounds will heal and close," Kenshin said. He stood from where he was and gave me one last supportive look before leaving.
"But the scar will always remain..." I whispered. "The scar will always remain, won't it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
Strange ending for a chapter, huh?