Even The Perfect Soldier Cries Chapter 3: Easier to Run, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

Hey look a new chapter finally!

These are not all the lyrics, just the ones that fit. I do not own Linkin Park or any thing related. I do not own Gundam Wing either,

Even the Perfect Soldier Cries

Chapter Three: Easier to Run

The white hallway was empty, except for the sound of squeaky nurses shoes as they occasionally passed by. This wasn't that often, not in this section of the hospital. Sighing Duo looked up at the ceiling tiles over them in that hallway, thinking. It had been almost an entire day since the gundam pilots brought the unconscious, bleeding Heero to emergency room, and about three hours since they moved him to this section, the section for those with mental problems. 'Not him…..he's not here right now. He's stronger than that.' Duo thought and sighed, knowing this wasn't entirely true. Looking across from him now he saw Quatre standing next to Trowa, looking down at the floor with as much concern on his face as he had. Quatre was thinking the same thoughts as Duo, almost word for word. Trowa looked down at his best friend with concern, which could only be seen from the part of his face, which was not covered with his brown hair.

"Are you alright Quatre?" he asked, placing a hand on Quatre's shoulder, a move that Duo didn't notice, being he was looking at the ceiling tiles above them once more.

A bit surprised by this sudden action, Quatre's worried face looked up at Trowa and he forced a smile and nodded. In his mind, Quatre wasn't alright. He was sick with worry, more worry than he had ever felt for himself at one time or another, because his friend was slipping farther away from sanity. Trowa knew this and smiled a small smile, big enough for only Quatre to see, just incase Duo had found them more interesting then the ceiling tiles above.

"I'm sure Heero will be fine" Trowa quietly said to his best friend, to relieve some of the worry from Quatre's mind.

*******

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

*******

The hospital room was bright, the shades drawn open to cheer this room up a bit. This was the way it was in all the rooms in the mental ward, full of teenagers who had tried to do the same thing to themselves, only, as Heero felt, which less reason then him. He hated this, he almost hated his friends as well. Why couldn't they have just let him die? He had caused them all, everyone he came in contact with so much misery and pain. Why couldn't they let him run from it all, his past and present? He felt he deserved to die. Laying on his side he held his forearms out, staring at gauze wrapped around them, closing his eyes. It wasn't too long ago he awoke to find himself alive, in a room similar to this, staring at the stsitches which closed his wounds. He was angry, angry that they had done this and began to claw at those stitches, tearing skin along with the stitches so he could bleed again, bleed away his pain, and curl up and die.

******

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

******

As his eyes remained closed he remembered the reason he wanted to die from the start, even at an early age. Those days of training, loosing every part of him that was human, all for one purpose. To become, as they all felt, the perfect soldier. He knew this, and he didn't want it, no more training, loosing himself knowing he wouldn't never fully recover any part of him that was human. He kept this from everyone, all his friends. He didn't want them to know what abuse he suffered during his upbringing, the pain he felt. He would not forget, he would never forget it, and he would always see that little girl that greeted him two nights ago.

Out in the hallway, a large group arrived, consisting of Noin, Sally Po and Wufei. As they all knew and wanted, Relena was not notified of this. It wouldn't help her at this moment, trying to keep the peace going, screwing up because her crush tried to commit suicide twice in two days. They couldn't let the peace they all worked for so hard and lost so much for fall, and they wouldn't let this event cause it to. Sending a silent message to each other, they knew it was about time to step into the room, and confront their half sane friend.

******

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

*****

Stepping into the room, they all looked at him, or his side with deep sorrow. Here he was for all them to see in his emotional glory. They had never seen Heero with such emotion before, which such a deep set of mind to keep himself in this world with them. They didn't know why he did what he did, but they needed to know. And they wanted to know now. It was now or never for Heero to confront them with whatever caused him to become suicidal.

"Hey there" said Duo, the one always to start a conversation in any conversation.

There was not much of a response as Heero rolled onto his back, his blue eyes filled with nothing, only staring up at the ceiling. He knew they were all there and whispered one thing he wanted answered.

"Why didn't you let me die?"

*****

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

*****

Filled with nothing but rage because of what his friend said, Duo started to say everything he was thinking for the past day.

"How could you say that Heero? Whats so wrong with you that you think death is the only way out? Why are you doing this to everyone huh? Why?"

Quatre leaned against the wall and brought his arms around him, hugging himself. Trowa sighed and looked down at the floor, the same as Wufei who was a bit more understanding now, but believing those who wanted to take their lives were week. Noin rested her hand on Duo's shoulder gently and shook her head. Sally Po on the other hand brought a chair to Heeor's bedside and sat down, looking down at him with a small smile.

"Is it because of your past haunting you? Because you feel you are reliving the pain you were forced to keep bottled up?

*******

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a path

******

Closing his eyes again he listened to Sally's words, especially those of keeping bottle up. It wasn't his fault! It wasn't he thought over and over again in his mind. It was that bastard Barton's fault (and no not Trowa) for this, ordering his retraining, stripping him off his humanity, and keeping anything he could feel to himself. And that was all pain, until he met his new friends.

"I know you don't know what to do with the things you can feel again. Talking with people who care about you helps, and yes there are people who do." Sally said gently.

******

Just watching in the sun
All of my helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler to change

*****

She was right, he thought. But a part of him still didn't want this, and wanted only to be dead. He was confused inside, and he felt helpless. He didn't want to die, but still the other part of him would take control and do as wished. All of him wanted to die before, and never give these people any more grief, and be forgiven by those who he harmed, and rot in hell as he though, was destined for. But as Sally talked, comforting and helping, more and more he thought he had a chance, and that they all did forgive him. Perhaps, even the little girl, who had disappeared from his mind. Everyone else was listing, and heard the faint replies he gave her, saying about how much pain he felt during his childhood, abuse, neglect, sorrow. No one really cared, they only wanted him for their ideals. Duo felt horrible about his shouting earlier, now understanding why Heero wanted to die so bad. He himself had once wanted to die. After what happened at the oprhange. But he had now, something which Heero though was false, and didn't really have. But now that changed. Sighing as a tear streamed down his face he whispered something.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to die"

Another chapter done. Hopefully more will be up soon.