Harry Potter and the Beach Vacation: chapter 9
pairings: HP/SS, HG/RW, DM/NL
author's note: Hahaaaa, still on my Rocky Horror hype! Woo! Next chapter is up!
P.S. note: sorry to all readers who don't have a clue about RHPS, but I promise that this is the last Rocky Horror-based chapter!
Severus grumbled outwardly as Harry and Dumbledore tugged him along the street, towards a seedy-looking movie theater with the long title "Rocky Horror Picture Show" emblazoned above. In actuality, he was thoroughly enjoying the feel of Harry's strong fingers entwined with his, but the Headmaster's grip on his other wrist rather dampened the mood. And his leather pants were chafing.......
A doped-up ticket salesman looked so stunned to see so many young faces eager to get in out of the night, that he had them pay $2 for all thirty of their passes, yet Dumbledore slipped him a fifty when he wasn't looking.
Inside the dark movie theater, about forty-five freakishly-dressed creepers were partying like it was the day before Armageddon. Severus was catapulted into the seventies again, when he was one of them, except with phenomenal cosmic powers.....ahem. He longed to join their carefree frolicking....wait, what the hell was he thinking?! The hallucinogenic-tinged smoke was messing with his mind.
"This is fantastic! I should have gotten into this before!" Harry exclaimed as they picked their seats, bag of props in hand. He shrugged off his coat, and Severus's breath caught: all the damn hottie was wearing was a tight pair of short SHORT shorts.....with just a hint of butt crack. Lovely. 'Oh, and cutie little gold boots to match......what the-?! I've gotta see my shrink when I get back.' Snape mused, his hands finding place on Harry's shoulders. The young man turned around with a mischievous grin, and tore off the professor's trench coat as well. A dark green turtle neck hugged his torso, while his strong legs were encased in sensual black leather pants. Harry's eyes bugged, but he raised an eyebrow at the ensemble.
"That's not in the movie...."he complained, but Severus cut him off.
"I realize that. Did you really think that I was going to parade around in front of my students in fishnet stockings and a bikini? Could you actually picture me doing that?" Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Snape clapped a hand over it. "Don't answer that."
Everyone settled down throughout the theater, a dozen groups scattered, all sporting paper bags of the various items of which to throw and/or shower people with.
The lights dimmed, and the audience cheered, as those famous lips lit up the screen, and sang their tune. Everyone followed Severus's direct instructions about what to throw and when, when to say what to say, and when to dance and how. That was TOO MANY question words in one sentence.
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"That was a blast! I loved it! Thanks for introducing me to this, Headmaster!" Many of the students chorused to their beloved teacher as they all poured out of the cinema. Snape gave each of them a sour look when they totally bypassed him. 'Honestly, WHO taught them all the moves? All the sayings? All the songs and props and costumes?! The cheek.' He grumbled mentally, until Harry came out of the doors along with Hermione and Ron.
"Absolutely hilarious! And the night isn't over! Headmaster says that he booked us a couple of tables at a karaoke club nearby! They're having a Rocky Horror-theme special! "
Oh Merlin.
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The bar was smothered in the smell of beer and french fries. Luckily, Amendment Six of the Florida Constitution prohibited smoking in any and all restaurants....so at least they weren't getting lungfuls of carbon monoxide etc to go along with it.
A bald, mousy-looking man was crooning to the tune of "I'm Going Home" on the brightly illuminated stage. Suddenly, Harry, Ron, and Hermione shot out from the group and tackled him onto the ground, screaming and cursing obscenities at him. The crowd in the bar all watched in alarm, as Snape tried to contain them.
"Harry! Miss Granger! Mr. Weasley! What the blazes are you doing? Trying to get us all arrested?!"
Harry panted a response. "Peter! Peter Pettigrew!" And the bald man squeaked in alarm, and instantly vanished. A huge rat scampered from beneath the pile of bodies, but Ron saw it just in time.
"There he goes! Don't loose him!"
McGonagall immediately transformed into a tabby cat, and locked her jaws on the squirming Animagus. "Woo! Go Professor!" Hermione shrieked, making her way over to the cat.
Severus couldn't believe his eyes when Dumbledore bound and gagged the true Peter Pettigrew, back-stabber of all Gryffindor Golden Boys, and Portkeyed him off to Remus Lupin. Wow. He could never have imagined that it would be THAT easy.
Suddenly, Lord Voldemort Himself materialized out of the air. "You may have lost me my nanny-er, servant, but I will kill you all nevertheless! Avada-omph!" The evil man grunted as a shot glass collided with his head. He whirled around menacingly. "Who threw that? You shall be the first to die-OW!" And the muggle patrons roared at the ugly old man shouting death threats, tossing beer cans and french fries and barstools and heavy glass mugs at him. "Argh! Stoppit, you inferior dimwits! Bloody Hell!" Voldemort shrieked and tried to get out of the way, but a score of burly NFL-sized men piled on top of him, hollering battle cries like, "For the dimwits!" or "kill the evil genius who hates our guts!" Well, maybe not that last one, but you get the picture.
All wizard-kind stood stunned behind a wide-eyed Dumbledore. The muggles slowly disentangled themselves from the pile, and everyone got to see the damage.
Lord Voldemort was now just a funny-shaped smudge on the hardwood floor. Snape ran a hand through his hair after he felt his Dark Mark disappear from his arm with a comical *pop!*and decided to reassess his previous thoughts.
Yes, it COULD be that easy.
Dumbledore turned to the stricken muggle crowd. "Oh shit."
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One whopping Obliviate later, students were whooping and partying, calling home on the payphones to spread the good news. Others who felt like singing out their jubilation were ushering themselves onto the stage, singing duets to "Dammit, Janet," or "Eddie." Harry had somehow swapped outfits with Hermione(who had gone aaaaas....JANET in lingerie!), traipsed onto the platform, and grabbed the microphone.
"Tonight I would like to celebrate the Light's victory tonight by singing a special song for my special someone!" He leaned over and cued the DJ, whispering his song of choice into his ear. The teen's hair fanned out as he turned provocatively, locking eyes with Snape. He placed the microphone up to his lips, and started his serenade.
" I was feelin' done in: couldn't win," he displayed his best pouty-lips, "I'd only ever kissed before."
Hermione(Magenta now), and Ron(*gasp!* Columbia), started as his backup.
"You mean she-?"
"Uh-huh..."
"I thought there's no use getting, into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble aaand, seat wetting...." Harry blushed like a virgin, sending white-hot bolts of electricity down Severus's spine.
"Now all I want to know, is how to go. I've tasted blood and I want more..."
"More more more!" Hermione and Ron chorused in sultry voices, licking their chops.
"I'll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance." Harry shut his eyes longingly and swayed his hips. "I have an ITCH to scratch...I need assistance!"
Snape didn't have a chance to run as the randy young man threw himself at his feet, running his hands up and down his calves and singing, "Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!"
"Gah!" Snape cried out in alarm, trying to stop Harry from drawing so much attention to them. And all the little brat did was smile and wink. What an ass.
"And if anything grows, *giggle* while you pose, I'll oil you up and rub you down..."Now those dastardly hands were inching up his thighs, and Severus blushed beet red for the third time in his life as the whole audience shrieked with mirth. All he could do was scoot his chair away from Harry, and pretend that his seductive voice wasn't getting to him.
"Down down down!" Hermione and Ron sang, with the same coarse voices and lip wetting.
"And that's just one small fraction, of the main attraction!" His student got off of his knees to swagger back up on-stage, make a dramatic 360 spin, and stare straight at him AGAIN! "You need a friendly hand, oh I need action! Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!"
"Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me!" Ron squeaked.
"I wanna be dirty." Hermione growled back.
"Thrill me chill me fulfill me!" Ron moved closer to his girlfriend, as she groaned her last line and pounced on him, both falling behind the curtain.
"Creature of the night!"
And Harry moved forward again, this time into Severus's rather sensitive lap. The older man mumbled in alarm, and the crowd howled.
"Oh, touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-TOUCH ME! Ah oh, I wanna be DIRTY! Thrill me chill me fulfill me, creature of the niiiiight!" He crooned, and pointed at Draco.
"Creature of the night." He said with a dignified tone, whilst sitting on the lap of one Neville Longbottom. The raven-haired savior moved on to his lover.
"Creature of the night?" The Potions Master said, caught off guard but still remembering the script. Harry laughed and motioned to a random muggle, who immediately replied with the needed line.
"Creature of the night."
"Creature of the niiiight." Hermione moaned from somewhere in the left wing.
Dumbledore's turn. "Creature of the night..." Wow. Perfect imitation of Riff Raff.
"Creature of the niiight!" Ron squealed soon after. And Harry pointed back to Severus.
"CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!" He yelled, getting into it now.
"Creature of the night!" Harry finished off, and the music died. The crowd, muggles and wizards included, whooped and hollered. The Man Who Lived grinned and took a bow, after climbing off the former Death Eater's lap.
Severus clutched his head and groaned in pain. Migraine killing his arousal like a locomotive running over a squirrel. Lovely image, no?
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"The look on you face, my friend! Oh, I shall always remember that when I am in need of a good laugh!" Lucius chuckled, wiping tears from his eyes.
Severus gawked at him. "The Dark Lord is turned into a splat on the floor and all you can talk about is my facial expressions? Are you in denial or something?"
"Of course not, I saw it with my own eyes! And just for your information, it was I who threw that first shot glass." Lucius grinned and plopped onto a chair, looking all the part of the heroic cartoon savior.
Their hotel room was as messy as a pig stye, and The Head of Slytherin grumbled as he tidied up the discarded clothes and bed sheets.
"Where are the bloody maids?" He growled, tossing all the laundry onto Neville's pull-out couch.
"I think I am the reason for their absence. I ah.....turned them into newts." The elder Malfoy muttered, fiddling with his wand. Severus glared at his friend and snatched the ebony stick from him. "Let me guess.....on a Monty Python craze now, are we? No more magic for you until we are back in merry ol' England!"
"But but but! I started the fight in the bar! I brought about the Dark Lord's destruction! I deserve to have a little fun!" Lucius whimpered, waving his arms for his stolen wand. Severus slapped his hands away.
"No! You have been bad! Go to your cot!" And the blonde stomped away, tossing himself down on the rickety little makeshift bed, almost collapsing it. What a baby.
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The wizardlings returned from their 2 AM swim in the pool drenched and pruny. Well, all except for Harry, whose skin glistened with pearls of water droplets, and whose hair clung to his face in slick, gleaming rivulets.....
All five men watched in mixed alarm and awe as Severus Snape screamed and ran straight into a wall, knocking himself out in the process.
Ron turned to Neville. "Hey! He did that scene from the Mummy! Remember, the guy with the bug in his skin? Yeah!"
Harry smacked his friend as he rushed to Severus's side. 'Oooh, big ugly red bump on the forehead. Wonder what caused him to go so bananas.' The teen mused, as he peeled off his towel and ran it over his body. 'What a strange man.'
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Author's Note: Woo! Finished AT LAST! I am so sorry for the endless time span between these chapters, but between school, family, and extracurricular activities, I am hard-pressed to find quality time with my computer. I hope the longer chapter compensates a bit, but I really am working hard to finish this fic so that I can move on to my other WIPs. Thank you for being so patient!