Typed because I felt like it. If this gets nominated for anything other than addition to a smoldering heap of crap, I…. have no clue what I'll do. Beyond having a heart attack at a young age.
I was cleaning my living room. This bunny attacked me. I'm sorry.
[Title] Duel Monsters, the Musical.
[Author] …..
::Dil:: Do I have to claim it?
::Kevin:: Yes.
::Dil, sighing: Yeah, I wrote it. Please don't sue me.
[Summary] Jou and friends go to see the new stage play, Duel Monsters The Musical. *Things* ensue. I refuse to say hilarity.
[Disclaimers] I own a large stack of medical bills, and incomplete set of Metal Gear Action Figures (who decline to appear) And an evil peanut butter cookie named Kevin. And Kyo, my 6 ft redtail boa. Sue me? I laugh.
A note- There are 2 OCs in this fic. You will groan when you see them. No Mary-Sues, Gary-Sues, or anything resembling them with the possible exception of Anzu, but that's just her.
Domino City, after school hours. Jou is leaving the school, when he is suddenly yanked from his path by a speeding blue blur. By the odd hair, he recognizes it as his friend Yugi. Far from unhappy to see his friend, but highly confused by the method in which he has been abducted, he makes a concerted attempt to stop while simultaneously vying for the attention of said midget.
"Hey! Yugi! Mind telling me where we're going?"
Yugi stops and looks at his tall, possibly developmentally challenged friend.
"Jou, did you forget? Today opens Duel Monsters, The Musical! Anzu and Honda are already in line for tickets! If we don't hurry, we won't get a seat!"
Jonouchi cocked his head in confusion, and uttered the most intelligent reply he could muster.
"Huh?"
Yugi sighed in exasperation
"Duel Monsters, the musical? A smash hit all over the world, and Canada? An epic tale of love, rivalry, and sheep? Performed by legendary American stage duo Kevin and Kyo? We planned this 3 months ago, man, wake up!"
Jou slapped his head
"Oh, that!"
He still had no clue what Yugi was on about, but decided to go along anyway.
"Yeah, man! Let's go!"
When they got to Domino Theatre, Anzu and Honda were waiting. Anzu called to them from near the door.
"Come on guys, it's starting! We have Bakura and Malik holding our seats."
Jou paled
"Let's go, before we have too many bodies to deal with"
Once inside the theatre, they quickly made their way to their seats. Jou got the innermost, while Bakura and Malik squirmed to the aisle. Honda wound up between Malik and Yugi, with Anzu between Yugi and Jou. Jou couldn't make out who he was next to, but sincerely hoped the play wasn't long enough for him to get claustrophobic, he'd rather not have to choose between puking on his friend or a stranger. The lights dimmed quickly, and a spotlight focused on the center of the stage. A small man in a white robe stood in the light, speaking in ominous tones.
"Love. It is a word which brings beauty to the mind, and light to the heart. But it can also bring pain, and misery. To some, it may bring death. Submitted for your approval, the story of two duel monsters, and the trials and tribulations their true love brings."
From Jou's right came a disgusted voice
"Dear god, could they be more cliche'd? I could get this kind of excitement reading Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction!"
Jou snickered and nodded his approval. He whispered back
"I'm just glad I'm not paying to see it"
The voice chuckled, and they returned their attention to the stage. Entering left was a lithe figure in magician's robes, leading a curiously colored group of four sheep. The figure, obviously intended to be Magician of Faith, sat on a papier-maiche log left of center stage, and began to sing a little song to the sheep.
"Ah, little sheep, what do you see?
Does my true love remember me?
Where, oh where, oh where can he be?
To whom my... heart... belongs the key?"
The voice scoffed
"Dear god, who is their writer? He should be shot! My kid brother could write this!"
There was the sound of the voice's owner receiving blunt force trauma in the vicinity of the ribs, and a whispered scolding. Jou supressed a laugh.
"I know, man. What do people see in this? I can just hear the sheep now 'How the hell should I know? I'm a wool-production unit!'"
Anzu 'Shh'ed disapprovingly
Jou refocused on the play. Sometime in the past few minutes a stocky young man in Dark Magician's robes had arrived on the scene.
"Wee. How surprising" muttered Jou, blandly
Anzu elbowed him, and the voice on his right snickered before also being elbowed.
The Dark Magician cried out
"Ahh, what is this I see?
Waiting here so prettily!
A vision of utterly loveliness
Waiting, waiting, for my kiss!"
The Magician of Faith replied
"Do not advance, you lovesick fool!
I am no maid for you to rule!
If your trap is baited with a kiss,
prepare your mouth to receive my fist!"
Jonouchi and the guy next to him laughed out loud, and were summarily shushed and elbowed. Both groaned, still chuckling.
For the next half hour, the Dark Magician danced about, following Magician of Faith and, at times, the sheep. At some point, a 'wild storm' began to blow, and the Magicians wrapped the sheep in some form of black strapping which caused Jou to chuckle
"Electrical Tape Rain Coat. For when you only want to keep you barnyard animal partially dry!"
to which the guy next to him chuckled, and they both got elbowed.
The Dark Magician protected the Magician of Faith's sheep from a hungry pair of dragons, a red eyes and a blue eyes. In gratitude, the Magician of Faith allowed Dark Magician to have a word.
Dark Magician dropped to a knee, a tear in his eye
"My dear, your sheep have made me see!
My love for you is deep as the sea!
Oh, please, say that it will be,
will you give your love to me?"
The Magician of Faith cocked an eyebrow
"My sheep is currently mating a log
It that the love that you wish to win?
If that is the sort of thing for you, dog
Go present your declarations of love to him!"
The Dark Magician turned an unbecoming shade of red
"That… is not the sheep I meant.
I know not where the other sheep went.
But they and their devotion to you
Have made my love start anew"
Jou had tears streaming down his face, from the suppression of his laughter. Finally, unable to hold it, he collapsed on the vibrating form beside him. They laughed until the user appeared and warned them that they would be asked to leave, whereupon they regained their composure and promised to try to maintain control.
Dark Magician continued on, oblivious
"My love, I do propose a duel for our fate
We shall decide by the heart of the cards
A duel to decide if I be your mate
A game for the matching of our… hearts"
Jonouchi and his new friend collapsed in each others arms. Despite their protesting to the usher that they were "overcome with excitement, and worry for the outcome", they were escorted to the exit before the narrowed eyes of their peers.
In the hallway, Jou leaned on a wall beside the guy from the theatre. He thought a moment before clearing his throat, and speaking
"So, Kaiba, wanna pick up a pizza and come over to my place? I got a couple DVDs, and I think I got ice cream."
Kaiba raised an eyebrow
"Are you trying to seduce me, Jonouchi Katsuya?"
Jou smirked
"Depends. Is it working?"
Kaiba considered a moment
"That depends"
"On what?"
"They type of ice cream, and the name of the movie"
Jou smirked more forcefully
"Rocky Road and Pulp Fiction"
Kaiba smiled, a genuine smile that spread across his face like sweet honey over fresh buttered bread
"Just let me call Hiko to take Mokuba home."
Jou smiled. Maybe tonight wouldn't suck, after all.
The End