Chapter 4 – No Man Is An Island

Obi-Wan sat up and stretched his stiff muscles. He had been laying on "his" bed for nearly four hours now, reading through the journal he had found stored away in boxes, shoved in the back of the closet. Though the hours of reading seemed to be a waste of time as he still had no idea where exactly he was or why he had been brought here in the first place but he had learned a few small details that helped him understand why the people around him were acting very out of character. From what he had read, Master Xanatos Crion wasn't the same man he had meet on Bandomeer when he was 13-years-old. The Xanatos that was sitting out in the common room at this moment had passed his last trial on Telos and went on to become a knight and then his Master after Qui-Gon's death. Siri had become a constant presence in his life after Qui-Gon's death. Many entries in the journal spoke of her trying to help him move past the terrible ordeal of his Master's passing.

At that moment the door to the bed room slide open and Siri walked in. Speak of the Sith. He thought to himself as he swung his legs over the side of the sleep couch and stood. "What brings you here, Siri?"

She looked at him for a long moment as though she were rethinking what she was going to say to him. When she spoke her words seemed forced. "Master Crion told me that Healer Terah might think you have some sort of amnesia brought on by all your emotional stress and that being around familiar things might help. I thought I could help."

"Seems you've been doing that a lot lately…" Her reaction to his words was completely spontaneous. The look in her eyes was a mix of shock and surprise. He could read it in her gaze that she thought he had remembered something. He reached down for the journal and held it up, "Don't get too excited. I read about you're acts of kindness in here."

Her enthusiasm died down. "Ah…does anything in there seem familiar to you?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you but no. If anything I'm more confused then when I started out." He turned slightly and tossed the journal onto the bed then turned back to her. "Tell me, Siri, what happened to my Master. How did Qui-Gon die? The details in the journal were scratchy on that subject."

"That doesn't surprise me. You never liked talking about what happened. Master Windu had told you that if you wrote it down in the journal and vented the feelings you were holding inside you, it would help. You could never bring yourself to do so though." She stopped speaking for a long moment and just looked at him. He knew that she was hoping he would change his mind on knowing the details of his Qui-Gon's death but he just returned her stare, not even planning on backing down. She took in a deep before starting, "It was on the Planet Simpla-12, when the scientist, Jenna Zan Arbor had taken Qui-Gon captive and was using him for her lab experiments on the Force. Master Tahl had told you not to take any impulsive actions and even though you could feel that there was little time to spare, you obeyed her order and waited till Master Adi and I arrived before any action to free Master Jinn was taken. Needless to say we didn't make it to him in time. Zan Arbor had sucked the life right out of him. You blamed yourself for not trusting your instincts and going into Jenna's lab sooner."

Obi-Wan took in her narration in silence. He clearly remember the events on Simpla-12. When he and Astri had managed to sneak into Jenna's lab by disguising Astri as the bounty hunter that Zan Arbor had hired, Ona Nobis. His chest tightened slightly as he remembered seeing his Master floating in glass prison, weakening by the second. He had become chocked with anguish at just the sight of it. He couldn't even imagine what it had felt like to actually have watched Qui-Gon die.

Siri continued, "After Qui-Gon's passing, something inside you snapped and you wanted revenge on those who were responsible. It was very convenient for you that Ona Nobis had arrived for her payment from Zan Arbor. You were able to care of both of them at once. Though once you had realized what you had done, you were filled with immense guilt." She ran a hand through her blonde hair. It was obviously a hard topic for her to discuss. "When we returned to the Temple, you were put on probation and were repeatedly tested by the council to make sure that you didn't stray again. You became completely dedicated to the Order. It became an obsession. I personally think that you lost your perspective and your humanity because of it."

"Is that why you were so committed to helping me?"

"I wanted to help you because I felt I owed it to you." She said after a moment of contemplation. "I witnessed you touch the dark side and almost become completely consumed by it. There was something very….personal about that. As initiates we're taught that the dark side is always a present threat and just waiting for the moment to swallow you up in it's grasp. I never really fully understood that lesson until I saw what happened to you. It was an awakening. I realized we're not as invulnerable as we think we are. So because of that, I was going to help you wither you liked it or not."

The atmosphere had become very serious and was weighing down heavily on both of them. To lighten the mood Obi-Wan commented, "I wasn't very cooperative was I?" From what he had read in the journals, he wasn't very appreciative of the help that Siri and Xanatos and many others in the Temple had tried to give him.

"I found that getting planets, who have been warring for centuries to agree to peace is easier then getting you to accept help from someone." She grinned slightly, "I assumed it had something to do with stubborn male pride."

He returned the grin but the light mood vanished as quickly as it had appeared when Siri asked, "None of this is brining anything back?"

Obi-Wan eased himself down to sit on the edge of the bed, running a hand over his shot cropped auburn hair he said, "I remember Simpla-12 but my version of the story have some major differences to yours. For instance, Qui-Gon didn't die. I saved him that day."

The look of concern and slight pity returned to Siri's gaze. Obi-Wan was really starting to become annoyed with that look. "Come with me, Obi-Wan. I want to show you something." She didn't even wait for to respond before she reached down and grasped his hand firmly, hauling him to his feet. She was leaving him little room to protest.


Halfway towards their destination, Obi-Wan began to realize where she was taking him, the Temple Memorial Hall. Half of the large circular room was lined with picture windows that gave a solemn view of the city and also with the position that the room was situated in, one could watch the sun set behind the skyscrapers. The other half of the room was covered by small gold plated plaques that held the names of all the deceased Jedi who had come through this place. In the center of the room was the funeral Pyre. Directly above altar was an opening in the ceiling for the smoke to filter out of during a funeral.

Siri led him over toward the wall where the gold plated plaques were positioned. Though there were more then a hundred names of Jedi, only a third of the plaques were filled while the others still waited for holders. As Obi-Wan drew closer to the wall his eyes almost instantly fell upon the plaque that had the name Master Qui-Gon Jinn chiseled into it.

"This is the first time you've come back here since the funeral." Siri said from beside him.

Obi-Wan stared at the nameplate for a long moment. He could still feel Qui-Gon over their bond but even with that knowledge, seeing his masters name on a wall meant to commemorate the dead was unnerving. He reached up and gingerly brushed his fingers over the plaque "This isn't right." He said quietly. "Qui-Gon did not die on Simpla-12. I can still feel him through our bond."

"It's all in your head, Obi-Wan. You wanted him to be alive so much—"

"So what you're saying is I've lost my mind?" Obi-Wan asked indignantly. He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply then slowly exhaled. It would do no good to get angry with Siri.

He opened his eyes again and stared at the nameplate. Maybe he was loosing his mind. Maybe Qui-Gon was really dead. That would mean that the past three years of his life was just some illusion that his grief stricken mind had conjured up to ease his sorrow. He quickly shook his head to clear his mind of those thoughts. He couldn't think like that. Qui-Gon was alive. He knew it in the depths of his soul.

"Qui-Gon is not dead." He stated firmly. Siri rolled her eyes and looked like she was going to speck but Obi-Wan quickly raised his hand to cut her off. "Before you say anything. Before you give me that look that says you think I belong in the psychiatric ward, give me a chance to prove to you I'm not insane. That everything I am saying is the truth."

Siri crossed her arms over her chest. For a moment Obi-Wan thought he saw a little glint of the old Siri he knew in her eyes. "And how are you going to do this, Kenobi?"

"I'm not sure yet but just give me the opportunity."

Siri considered this for a moment. "What if I'm not convinced?"

"If you aren't convinced, then I'll stop all this talk about Qui-Gon not being dead and we can all move on with our lives. Deal?" He extended his hand towards her.

Siri stared at him for a long moment. Obi-Wan silently willed her to take his offer. He needed to prove to her that he wasn't insane. He needed to prove to himself that he wasn't. Siri reached out and grasped his hand. "Deal."