Rockin On
A Final Fantasy Fanfic
Disclaimer: I really don't have anything to say. *insert disclaimer here* Happy Now?? This chapter written under the influence of Queen, and the Air Guitar 2 album, and GTA Vice City, so expect lots of references to chainsaws *revs chainsaw and looks longingly at squaresoft building*
Ok, I finally got some more reviews!! Selphie_amlasy13, you've made a under- reviewed author very happy, and i am planning to continue, so you can put the flamingos down, very slowly... *runs away with pink flamingos on tails* Good lord, since i wrote that bit i've actually contemplated stopping cos i was ill and depressed, but i'm carrying on, definite. you have my permission to beat me with sticks if i don't. Again, no bothered can me be to spellcheck I sacrifice all of my typos to my own typo deity, Hopaloga Andrews
*********************************************************************** Chapter 5: the First Practice, or, what happens when Irvine trys to play the lead break to some Judas Priest.......
KOV: The scene, the abandoned hall of Balamb Garden. The cast, teh newly formed Distorted Minds. The reason, the first practice....
DAY: *throws a squeegee at KOV* That'll stop ya bein poetic.
KOV: Mmmmph (i'm gonna getcha)
Irvine: Right, first practice, yeah?
All: What?
Irvine: Eh. don't like you me speak backwards fish and chips?
All: Keh? beepbeep....
Irvine: Tell me about your spoon......whee! Mr Jelly!! Wobbly flobbly, eel pies......
*a large STOP sign hits irvine on teh head*
KOV: Right, now, i think i have summat to say.....SHUT UP RIGHT NOW YOU MUSO-GUITARIST FELLER WHAT YOU ARE!!
Irvine: ohhhkayyy...*sucks thumb*
KOV: Jeesh, this is almost as bad as that thing with teh poker.....
DAY: *taps on KOV's head* ANYONE IN?? ANYONE ABOUT?
*a small door opens and a tiny imp climbs out*
Tiny Imp That Gives KOV All These Weird Thoughts: Oi! Bugger Off! You're upsetting the Arrangement!
All: Who the HELL are you!!!!
TITGKOVATWT(boy that's a long abbrieviation): I'm the....er..i'm just getting a message from the author that if he has to type out that acronym one more time then he's gonna kill me....call me Bob!
All, including now-conscious KOV: What are you doing? (and added by KOV: Why have i got a purple imp in my head? wurble weeble sclup *clonk*)
Bob: I'm prodding this green slimy bit that gives him weird thoughts! like how to write a fanfic that i'm being invented for and he's in even tho he's writing it, yes he's definitely gone a bit barmy, it's probably too much coffee and stuff oops i'm rambling!
DAY: O_o, anyone get that?
Edward: Yep, he says that KOV's barmy, and that we are too.
KOV: *hits imp with a hammer, concusses it and chucks it out* That'll teach ya to go around in my head, free meal ticket...grr..anyway!
*picks up materialised bass* Let's rock!
Zell: er, how exactly do we do that?
KOV: *sigh* right, ya pick up your guitar *materialises Zell's Stratocaster* ya plug it into a big stack of amps *materialises some Marshalls, a Mesa Boogie, a Hughes and Kettner Warp 7, and the ubiquitous Vox AC30 and Orange* *plugs the guitar into the Marshall* Ya turn everything up to 10.....and then ya hit a string very softly.
Zell: Ok, i can do that. *hits a string very softly*
WHA- WAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGNIGNIGNGIGNIGNIGGNI*clonk*CHANGGGGGGG GGG
KOV: *doing sign language* *This* *Is* *Called* *Feedback* *!!!!*
Zell: *passes out from volume*
KOV: *acting like nothings happened, calmy strolls over and kicks zell in teh, erm, trousers* GET! UP!
Zell: ouchie.....that hurts...
KOV: Yeah, great, ain't it. It ain't loud enough if ya can hear yaself think!
Irvine: *also on the floor* I'll take your word for it, mr hard rocker.
KOV: I prefer the term, metaller.
Irvine: Fair dos, metaller....
KOV: Anyway, we haven't even put that through the towering stacks of P.A yet. *materialises towering stacks of P.A*
DAY: *Takes one look at P.A and dematerilises it again* This isn't Woodstock, dude. Hendrix is Dead, get over it.
KOV: Ya don't have to tell it like it is....oh well, let's get on with the rockin. What are we gonna play??
Seifer: I say we play some really depressing metal. Like, Bauhaus or sumthin.
KOV: Man, ya might as well dress all in black and write angsty poetry then, i can't say i blame ya, i get heads like taht on me too sometimes again i'm rambling cos of the mad author i am. heehee. *falls over* *get back up again*
Rinoa: *dusts off pointy hat* You Are A Wacko!
KOV: *talking to himself* 3....2....1....about now
*1 ton of bricks in a large skip saying 'Acme Ton Of Bricks' on teh side falls on Rinoa*
KOV: I believe i said that i'd come down like a ton of bricks on the next person who called me a wacko.....hmmmm.
Irvine; erm, i don't think ya ever said taht, dude
KOV: *revs chainsaw* pardon?
Irvine: Rock on man! heehee....*falls over*
KOV: Good, now as long as that's settled.....
*plonks everybody back on stage*
KOV:...we can get on with teh rock!
DAY: Ok dude, i can see taht you're really into just rambling on about distortion and valves and stuff, but what are we actually gonna play?
KOV: well, i........dunno? let's have a look *materialises huge list with 'coolest songs ever' as a title*
KOV: *sniff* *sniff* HEY! CUT IT OUT!
*kicks Squall who is sitting under the list setting fire to the end*
Squall: Whee! Mr Jelly Mr Jelly!!
Squall continued to totally wig out in this fashion until he was hit round teh face with a plank of 2x4 by KOV
Squall: Ouch!
Zell: This is really going nowhere.....
KOV: Just like me man......
*SLAP*
KOV: Ouch......
*SLAP*
KOV: Ouch......
*SLAP*
KOV; It's not working you know....
DAY: Worth a try....
Irvine: What's your obsession with putting dots after everybody says summat.....
KOV: I dunno man.....i really don't....i guess it makes me sound disconsolate and miserable.....i really can't keep up this cheerful thing for much longer....maybe i shouldn't have continued writing this fic in such an angsty frame of mind, man....
*SLAP*
KOV: Hey, stoppit! That hurts, ya know?
All; Raijin Alert!!
KOV: *revs chainsaw* *everyone shuts up*
Quistis: Personally, i reckon taht this mad author dude....
KOV: IE Me
Quistis: ...yeah...is writing too much of this random crap, yuh?
All: We agree!
*DAY materialises a court room, and puts on one of them judges wigs*
DAY: Knight-Of-Valhala, A.K.A KOV, A.K.A Have You Seen this Man?, A.K.A oi Nutter!, you have been charged with writing too much random crap in your fanfic. How do you plead?
KOV: wibble weeble banzai!
DAY: I sentence you to lots of days not writing random crap!
KOV: Nooooo!
All; Yay!
KOV: *dematerialises courtroom, and replaces everyone back on teh stage* Right, that's enough of that.......
*picks up bass again*
Now, are we actually going to get down to playing anything this chap?
All: Doubtful!
KOV: Yep.....
Edward: *gnaws asparagus* So, all i do is hit these drums with various parts of me body, yuh?
KOV; Yah, man, that's the deal
*BANG* *BOOM* *CLANK* *MOO*
All: Moo?
Edward: *gnaws asparagus* Sorry about that. *cherubic grin*
KOV: Gragh! Why does everybody have to be so mad?
Irvine: Madder than you? That's going some....
KOV: *revs chaisaw* Pardon et meself??
Selph: ehyouwhatisthatsomekindalanguageorsummat?
KOV: *deep sigh* Anybody?
Squall: Not a chance....
DAY: Man, you're awake?
Squall: Yep, so make the most of it.....
KOV: Right, i knew i was going to be able to get him to do summat in this chapter.... *presses another bass into Squalls hands*
Squall: What's this man....
KOV; It's called a Bass Guitar, and it is very good..
Squall: Ahhh, sweet bass frequencies.....reverberation.....
DAY: *stage whisper to quistis* Is he stoned or summat?
Quistis: I dunno, HEY SQUALL!
Squall: Yeah....
Quistis: You up on summat?
Squall: Dunno.....
KOV: Yep, he's out of it....Oh well, *picks up bass yet again* Let's try some Judas Priest...*materialises some tabs*
Irvine; Yay, lead break! *tries to play lead break to one shot at glory, but ends up knotting his fingers together* Aargh! *leaps around like a total stuypid fool* No! *passes out when he hits he head on stack of Marshalls*
DAY: Man, why does everybody have to be so mad? *revives irvine with author magic* *points to sky* Hey, Author dude! This is your fault, ain't it!
KOV: Hey, i dunno, talk to teh KOV on the ground
KOV: Man, there's 2 of me?
KOV: Yeah, and you're both me!
KOV: What? *beep*........*fzzt*
*********************************************************************** Whee, another rollercoaster chapter of Rockin on! Will KOV 1 and 2 get over this personal identity crisis? Will the band ever get any practice done without Irvine or Zell passisng out? Will selphie EVER come down off that sugar high? Doubt it....
Anyone wondering about the Judas Priest stuff i keep talking about, they're a Midlands (i think) heavy metal/death metal outfit, whom are very cool. Anyway, Review, pleez, or i'll get the chainsaw out and charge up Hopaloga Andrews
Hopaloga Andrews: *beep* Attack no-reviewers *beep*
Knight Of Valhala
Disclaimer: I really don't have anything to say. *insert disclaimer here* Happy Now?? This chapter written under the influence of Queen, and the Air Guitar 2 album, and GTA Vice City, so expect lots of references to chainsaws *revs chainsaw and looks longingly at squaresoft building*
Ok, I finally got some more reviews!! Selphie_amlasy13, you've made a under- reviewed author very happy, and i am planning to continue, so you can put the flamingos down, very slowly... *runs away with pink flamingos on tails* Good lord, since i wrote that bit i've actually contemplated stopping cos i was ill and depressed, but i'm carrying on, definite. you have my permission to beat me with sticks if i don't. Again, no bothered can me be to spellcheck I sacrifice all of my typos to my own typo deity, Hopaloga Andrews
*********************************************************************** Chapter 5: the First Practice, or, what happens when Irvine trys to play the lead break to some Judas Priest.......
KOV: The scene, the abandoned hall of Balamb Garden. The cast, teh newly formed Distorted Minds. The reason, the first practice....
DAY: *throws a squeegee at KOV* That'll stop ya bein poetic.
KOV: Mmmmph (i'm gonna getcha)
Irvine: Right, first practice, yeah?
All: What?
Irvine: Eh. don't like you me speak backwards fish and chips?
All: Keh? beepbeep....
Irvine: Tell me about your spoon......whee! Mr Jelly!! Wobbly flobbly, eel pies......
*a large STOP sign hits irvine on teh head*
KOV: Right, now, i think i have summat to say.....SHUT UP RIGHT NOW YOU MUSO-GUITARIST FELLER WHAT YOU ARE!!
Irvine: ohhhkayyy...*sucks thumb*
KOV: Jeesh, this is almost as bad as that thing with teh poker.....
DAY: *taps on KOV's head* ANYONE IN?? ANYONE ABOUT?
*a small door opens and a tiny imp climbs out*
Tiny Imp That Gives KOV All These Weird Thoughts: Oi! Bugger Off! You're upsetting the Arrangement!
All: Who the HELL are you!!!!
TITGKOVATWT(boy that's a long abbrieviation): I'm the....er..i'm just getting a message from the author that if he has to type out that acronym one more time then he's gonna kill me....call me Bob!
All, including now-conscious KOV: What are you doing? (and added by KOV: Why have i got a purple imp in my head? wurble weeble sclup *clonk*)
Bob: I'm prodding this green slimy bit that gives him weird thoughts! like how to write a fanfic that i'm being invented for and he's in even tho he's writing it, yes he's definitely gone a bit barmy, it's probably too much coffee and stuff oops i'm rambling!
DAY: O_o, anyone get that?
Edward: Yep, he says that KOV's barmy, and that we are too.
KOV: *hits imp with a hammer, concusses it and chucks it out* That'll teach ya to go around in my head, free meal ticket...grr..anyway!
*picks up materialised bass* Let's rock!
Zell: er, how exactly do we do that?
KOV: *sigh* right, ya pick up your guitar *materialises Zell's Stratocaster* ya plug it into a big stack of amps *materialises some Marshalls, a Mesa Boogie, a Hughes and Kettner Warp 7, and the ubiquitous Vox AC30 and Orange* *plugs the guitar into the Marshall* Ya turn everything up to 10.....and then ya hit a string very softly.
Zell: Ok, i can do that. *hits a string very softly*
WHA- WAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGNIGNIGNGIGNIGNIGGNI*clonk*CHANGGGGGGG GGG
KOV: *doing sign language* *This* *Is* *Called* *Feedback* *!!!!*
Zell: *passes out from volume*
KOV: *acting like nothings happened, calmy strolls over and kicks zell in teh, erm, trousers* GET! UP!
Zell: ouchie.....that hurts...
KOV: Yeah, great, ain't it. It ain't loud enough if ya can hear yaself think!
Irvine: *also on the floor* I'll take your word for it, mr hard rocker.
KOV: I prefer the term, metaller.
Irvine: Fair dos, metaller....
KOV: Anyway, we haven't even put that through the towering stacks of P.A yet. *materialises towering stacks of P.A*
DAY: *Takes one look at P.A and dematerilises it again* This isn't Woodstock, dude. Hendrix is Dead, get over it.
KOV: Ya don't have to tell it like it is....oh well, let's get on with the rockin. What are we gonna play??
Seifer: I say we play some really depressing metal. Like, Bauhaus or sumthin.
KOV: Man, ya might as well dress all in black and write angsty poetry then, i can't say i blame ya, i get heads like taht on me too sometimes again i'm rambling cos of the mad author i am. heehee. *falls over* *get back up again*
Rinoa: *dusts off pointy hat* You Are A Wacko!
KOV: *talking to himself* 3....2....1....about now
*1 ton of bricks in a large skip saying 'Acme Ton Of Bricks' on teh side falls on Rinoa*
KOV: I believe i said that i'd come down like a ton of bricks on the next person who called me a wacko.....hmmmm.
Irvine; erm, i don't think ya ever said taht, dude
KOV: *revs chainsaw* pardon?
Irvine: Rock on man! heehee....*falls over*
KOV: Good, now as long as that's settled.....
*plonks everybody back on stage*
KOV:...we can get on with teh rock!
DAY: Ok dude, i can see taht you're really into just rambling on about distortion and valves and stuff, but what are we actually gonna play?
KOV: well, i........dunno? let's have a look *materialises huge list with 'coolest songs ever' as a title*
KOV: *sniff* *sniff* HEY! CUT IT OUT!
*kicks Squall who is sitting under the list setting fire to the end*
Squall: Whee! Mr Jelly Mr Jelly!!
Squall continued to totally wig out in this fashion until he was hit round teh face with a plank of 2x4 by KOV
Squall: Ouch!
Zell: This is really going nowhere.....
KOV: Just like me man......
*SLAP*
KOV: Ouch......
*SLAP*
KOV: Ouch......
*SLAP*
KOV; It's not working you know....
DAY: Worth a try....
Irvine: What's your obsession with putting dots after everybody says summat.....
KOV: I dunno man.....i really don't....i guess it makes me sound disconsolate and miserable.....i really can't keep up this cheerful thing for much longer....maybe i shouldn't have continued writing this fic in such an angsty frame of mind, man....
*SLAP*
KOV: Hey, stoppit! That hurts, ya know?
All; Raijin Alert!!
KOV: *revs chainsaw* *everyone shuts up*
Quistis: Personally, i reckon taht this mad author dude....
KOV: IE Me
Quistis: ...yeah...is writing too much of this random crap, yuh?
All: We agree!
*DAY materialises a court room, and puts on one of them judges wigs*
DAY: Knight-Of-Valhala, A.K.A KOV, A.K.A Have You Seen this Man?, A.K.A oi Nutter!, you have been charged with writing too much random crap in your fanfic. How do you plead?
KOV: wibble weeble banzai!
DAY: I sentence you to lots of days not writing random crap!
KOV: Nooooo!
All; Yay!
KOV: *dematerialises courtroom, and replaces everyone back on teh stage* Right, that's enough of that.......
*picks up bass again*
Now, are we actually going to get down to playing anything this chap?
All: Doubtful!
KOV: Yep.....
Edward: *gnaws asparagus* So, all i do is hit these drums with various parts of me body, yuh?
KOV; Yah, man, that's the deal
*BANG* *BOOM* *CLANK* *MOO*
All: Moo?
Edward: *gnaws asparagus* Sorry about that. *cherubic grin*
KOV: Gragh! Why does everybody have to be so mad?
Irvine: Madder than you? That's going some....
KOV: *revs chaisaw* Pardon et meself??
Selph: ehyouwhatisthatsomekindalanguageorsummat?
KOV: *deep sigh* Anybody?
Squall: Not a chance....
DAY: Man, you're awake?
Squall: Yep, so make the most of it.....
KOV: Right, i knew i was going to be able to get him to do summat in this chapter.... *presses another bass into Squalls hands*
Squall: What's this man....
KOV; It's called a Bass Guitar, and it is very good..
Squall: Ahhh, sweet bass frequencies.....reverberation.....
DAY: *stage whisper to quistis* Is he stoned or summat?
Quistis: I dunno, HEY SQUALL!
Squall: Yeah....
Quistis: You up on summat?
Squall: Dunno.....
KOV: Yep, he's out of it....Oh well, *picks up bass yet again* Let's try some Judas Priest...*materialises some tabs*
Irvine; Yay, lead break! *tries to play lead break to one shot at glory, but ends up knotting his fingers together* Aargh! *leaps around like a total stuypid fool* No! *passes out when he hits he head on stack of Marshalls*
DAY: Man, why does everybody have to be so mad? *revives irvine with author magic* *points to sky* Hey, Author dude! This is your fault, ain't it!
KOV: Hey, i dunno, talk to teh KOV on the ground
KOV: Man, there's 2 of me?
KOV: Yeah, and you're both me!
KOV: What? *beep*........*fzzt*
*********************************************************************** Whee, another rollercoaster chapter of Rockin on! Will KOV 1 and 2 get over this personal identity crisis? Will the band ever get any practice done without Irvine or Zell passisng out? Will selphie EVER come down off that sugar high? Doubt it....
Anyone wondering about the Judas Priest stuff i keep talking about, they're a Midlands (i think) heavy metal/death metal outfit, whom are very cool. Anyway, Review, pleez, or i'll get the chainsaw out and charge up Hopaloga Andrews
Hopaloga Andrews: *beep* Attack no-reviewers *beep*
Knight Of Valhala