Rockin On
A Final Fantasy Humour Fic
Disclaimer: Man, i'm really out of ideas......
Ok, i realise taht i haven't been updating this for a long long time, and for that i apologise. Forgive me, i beg of thee....*lies down and kowtows*
I'm gonna try and get round to the concert this chapter, so it may finally come to fruition at last, if i have enough Jacob's crackers....no more spellchekking of long wordz.....
*********************************************************************** Chapter 9: The Balamb Garden Wint.....Spri.....Summer Concert!!
All is set for the greatest concert that the Garden has ever seen, starring the up-and-coming band, Distorted Minds.
All is quiet on stage, the towering stacks of amps and PA left silent, for now, biding their time ubtil they can be unleashed upon the unsuspecting masses....
Sqaull: What the hell are you going on about man.......whatever.....
KOV: DAMMIT!! Why did ya have to destroy the atmosphere you fool!
Squall: Whatever....
DAY: And why are you speaking into that bullrush?
KOV: Er...*stares at bullrush in hand*
Irvine: It's your hand mate.....
Selphie: YeahmrAuthorman!!
Squall: Yeah whatever....
Nida: Yeah....*runs away*
Rinoa: Ye...
KOV: SHUTTIT!! AARGH! It's you! Begone foul shade, unto the blackest pit of the night from whence thou eminated!
Quistis: *still gagged* Mmph! Mmph Mmph-er-Mmpher Mmph! *SLAP*
KOV: Why.....why....
DAY: Hey man, you're writing this, so its your own fault!
KOV: Yeah man, you are!
KOV: Wait, i am?
KOV: Yeah!!
KOV: Now i'm confuzzled.....
KOV: You should be! I'm me and you're me too!
KOV: Wait, I'm You!
KOV: Er.....
Random Garden Flunkie: 2 hours until the concert, people!
DAY: *turns the flunkie into a talking clock* Heehee.....
RGF: T.H.E....T.I.M.E....I.S...T.W.E.L.V.E....F.I.F.T.Y....S.E.V.E.N....A.N.D.... T.W.E.N.T.Y....F.I.V.E....S.E.C.O.N.D.S....T.H.A.N.K.Y.O.U
Zell: hey, can i have a line of dialogue?
KOV: No, i'm still annoyed with you and your bad hairdo.....
Zell: *weeps*
KOV: this is getting odd.....
KOV: That's true....
Squall: *stares at bottle of clear liquid he is swigging from* wonder where i can get more of this stuff from....
KOV: Ok, i'm just worried now.....
KOV: Yeah, me too....
DAY: Which one of you is you?
KOV: Me!
KOV: No, Me!!
(AN: betcha saw that one coming)
KOV: One way to decide this, padre....
KOVs (together): ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!!
Edward: *grabs bullrush from where it was discarded by KOV, er, i mean KOV, er.....anyway, a while ago* And the almighty clash of the rock paper scissors titans, KOV and KOV is now on....KOV looks tense, his opening gambit deep and meaning ful...the countdowns started, oh the tension is killing me, and....KOV WINS!! Stone beats Scissors and KOV is the champion!! KOV looks dejected, beaten finally by a superior combatant, i can see this man has a great future in Rock Paper Scissors world championships and....erk...
Quisty: MMMPH!!!! *runs after Edward with a hammer*
Edward: *taunting quisty* You can't catch me, you can't catch me.....
KOV: ENOUGH!! *uses author magic to strap quisty to a magically materialised office chair* You, ratboy, can just chill it.
Edward: I don't have to take that from you, tall man....
KOV: Hey, I ain't that tall, but this guy is *materialises me mate Loz, who happens to be 6' 6''*
Loz: WHAT THA HELL!
KOV: Good question, man.
Loz: What you doing here, foo'?
Irvine: I could ask thee the same question, cully *loading Exceter calmly*
Loz: OH MAN!! I'M IN FF8!!!! AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGG......*runs away and tries to climb the walls*
KOV: Right, enough *dematerialises loz back into the real world*
DAY: That was random
KOV: *twitches* yeah.....
RGF: O.N.E....H.O.U.R....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T....*clunk*
DAY: Erm....is it just me....or do we really need to practice?
KOV: Yeah, we kinda need to....*dumps everyone on stage with AM, and picks up bass, motioning to Squall to do the same with an identical bass next to KOV's*
Squall: Whatever....*starts playing some random riffs, looks around as everyone is shocked by sweetness of harmonies that KOV and him are making*
Zell: Hey, this double bass solo thing might be a good idea....
Irvine: NO WAY! *launches into Purple Haze*
KOV: SOLO HOGGER!
Irvine: LUNATIC!
KOV: BAD-COMEBACK-THINKER-UPPER!
Irvine: That just does it *puts down strat, starts a fight with KOV* Im gonna getcha!
KOV: Your mother was a bucket of turtle slime and your father smelled of ELDERBERRIES!
Irvine: *slaps KOV*
KOV: *picks Irvine up using AM, and throws him around a bit whilst making "whoosh" noises*
RGF: T.H.I.R.T.Y....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T.....
KOV: *leaves Irvine hanging in mid-air* How the hell did he get down here?
DAY: I dunno, you're the author....
Zell: Yeah....
Selph: Yeah!!
Squall: Ye....
KOV: *interrupting* Don't start that again.....
RGF: T.W.E.N.T.Y....N.I.N.E....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T
Selph: Is it just me or is this guy really getting on our nerves....
All: *stares at her in shock*
Selph: What, what?
Zell: Thou Speakest Coherently? Bigods? What has occured to my mode of speech?
KOV: *looks at DAY suspiciously*
DAY: Hey! It wasn't me!!
KOV: *raises one eyebrow*
DAY: Okay, okay, i'll fix it...*fixes it*
Zell: Hell yeah!!
Selphie: Wheeicantalklikeatotalloonyagain!
DAY: Oh man, i've created a monster....
RGF: T.E.N....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....U.N.T.I.L....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T....
DAY: Right, Set List!
KOV: CAN'T THINK!! TOO BUSY PANICKING!!
DAY: *lends new and improved Mk 4 to Quistis* feel free
Quisty: MMPH! *slaps KOV*
KOV: ouchie.....
Death: BIGODS, I POP OUT FOR AN HOUR OR SO TO GET SOME MILK AND FILL A FEW APPOINTMENTS, HEH-HEM *gestures to scythe* AND I RETURN TO CHAOS....
KOV: Right, okay, no need to panic. We'll just have to improv our way through it, okay?
RGF: *beeps randomly* G.E.T...Y.O.U.R....L.A.Z.Y....B.E.H.I.N.D.S....O.U.T....T.H.E.R.E....
DAY: *gags flunkie* right, let's go!
As the gang walk out, the previously riotous hall, and the various gangs that were breaking up the fixtures and fittings, notably including one drunk Headmaster Cid in pink leggings, fall silent. As everyone takes up their positions, a random whispering ripple spreads out in the audience, as everyone realises the identity of the various shadowy figures in black suits that are on-stage
Squall: *whispering to Irvine* why are we in suits.....whatever.....
Irvine: *whispering back* i dunno....erm....blame him *points to KOV*
Squall: Ah, right, whatever....
DAY: Heya, and good evening!
Silence prevades....
DAY: I said, Heya and good evening!
Still silence reigns, and someone throws a beer can....
DAY: *catches the beer can, and blasts the thrower with a random Firaga* Naughty Naughty now....
Crowd: *realise that the vocalist is in control of magic, and choruses "Good Evening" in a full-hearted fashion*
DAY: Much better, now, this is a little number we call Paranoid...
KOV: One, Two, One Two Threee FOUR!
As the opening triuphal chords of the Black Sabbath anthem rang out, the mood changed suddenly in the hall. No longer were the crowd screaming in hatred of being kept waiting with a ridiculous 7 pints to keep them going, but with the joy and ecstacy of being subjected to vast sound pressure levels and drastic levels of bass reverberation, courtesy of the 120-foot "Earthquake" pipe on Death's custom church organ.
The mood was suddenly disrupted as a rip in the fabric of reality appeared next to the stage, suddenly erupting two roaring harley davidsons, with screaming Gundam Wing chars on them....
Duo+Heero: SLLOOOWWWW DDDOOOWWWNNNNN!!!
Zara+Trin: NOOOO!!!!
Death suddenly looks up from his random noodlings on the organ.
He stops time.
Such a short sentence, but containing such a lot of incident, don't you think?
The reason for this interjection suddenly becomes apparent, as the eye of view shifts out to an overall of the hall, with another random garden flunkie appearing to be trodden beneath the wheels of the dual bikes
Death DAMN, NOT AGAIN *pulls out a fancy-looking hourglass, and unships his scythe from it's storage point on the Gravissima pipe*
As Death saunters over to the RGF, a shadowy figure detaches itself from the body, and starts screaming. Death waits until the figure has stopped yelling the house down, this being the usual response when you are looking down at yourself.
Soul of RGF: What thew hell, coulda killed me that thing!
Death: YOU DON'T SAY
SORGF: Oh, right.....*dissappears to a wisp of dust, which Death collects and stashes into his robe*
Death: RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT, SOMETIMES I REALLY DO DESPAIR *starts time again*
In the end, they had to organise a bucket chain to the foutains. The courtyard was strewn with purple feathers. Two SeeD members had to stand outside each of the band's rooms with clubs..
With nails in them....
*********************************************************************** Okay, there it is, it's finally done. Once again, a thousand apologies for not updating this for so long. Coursework's getting piled upon us like no- one's business, and thus i've had practically no time to write my fics recently. Forgive me, please. The next chapter will be soon in coming.
Knight Of Valhala.
A Final Fantasy Humour Fic
Disclaimer: Man, i'm really out of ideas......
Ok, i realise taht i haven't been updating this for a long long time, and for that i apologise. Forgive me, i beg of thee....*lies down and kowtows*
I'm gonna try and get round to the concert this chapter, so it may finally come to fruition at last, if i have enough Jacob's crackers....no more spellchekking of long wordz.....
*********************************************************************** Chapter 9: The Balamb Garden Wint.....Spri.....Summer Concert!!
All is set for the greatest concert that the Garden has ever seen, starring the up-and-coming band, Distorted Minds.
All is quiet on stage, the towering stacks of amps and PA left silent, for now, biding their time ubtil they can be unleashed upon the unsuspecting masses....
Sqaull: What the hell are you going on about man.......whatever.....
KOV: DAMMIT!! Why did ya have to destroy the atmosphere you fool!
Squall: Whatever....
DAY: And why are you speaking into that bullrush?
KOV: Er...*stares at bullrush in hand*
Irvine: It's your hand mate.....
Selphie: YeahmrAuthorman!!
Squall: Yeah whatever....
Nida: Yeah....*runs away*
Rinoa: Ye...
KOV: SHUTTIT!! AARGH! It's you! Begone foul shade, unto the blackest pit of the night from whence thou eminated!
Quistis: *still gagged* Mmph! Mmph Mmph-er-Mmpher Mmph! *SLAP*
KOV: Why.....why....
DAY: Hey man, you're writing this, so its your own fault!
KOV: Yeah man, you are!
KOV: Wait, i am?
KOV: Yeah!!
KOV: Now i'm confuzzled.....
KOV: You should be! I'm me and you're me too!
KOV: Wait, I'm You!
KOV: Er.....
Random Garden Flunkie: 2 hours until the concert, people!
DAY: *turns the flunkie into a talking clock* Heehee.....
RGF: T.H.E....T.I.M.E....I.S...T.W.E.L.V.E....F.I.F.T.Y....S.E.V.E.N....A.N.D.... T.W.E.N.T.Y....F.I.V.E....S.E.C.O.N.D.S....T.H.A.N.K.Y.O.U
Zell: hey, can i have a line of dialogue?
KOV: No, i'm still annoyed with you and your bad hairdo.....
Zell: *weeps*
KOV: this is getting odd.....
KOV: That's true....
Squall: *stares at bottle of clear liquid he is swigging from* wonder where i can get more of this stuff from....
KOV: Ok, i'm just worried now.....
KOV: Yeah, me too....
DAY: Which one of you is you?
KOV: Me!
KOV: No, Me!!
(AN: betcha saw that one coming)
KOV: One way to decide this, padre....
KOVs (together): ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!!
Edward: *grabs bullrush from where it was discarded by KOV, er, i mean KOV, er.....anyway, a while ago* And the almighty clash of the rock paper scissors titans, KOV and KOV is now on....KOV looks tense, his opening gambit deep and meaning ful...the countdowns started, oh the tension is killing me, and....KOV WINS!! Stone beats Scissors and KOV is the champion!! KOV looks dejected, beaten finally by a superior combatant, i can see this man has a great future in Rock Paper Scissors world championships and....erk...
Quisty: MMMPH!!!! *runs after Edward with a hammer*
Edward: *taunting quisty* You can't catch me, you can't catch me.....
KOV: ENOUGH!! *uses author magic to strap quisty to a magically materialised office chair* You, ratboy, can just chill it.
Edward: I don't have to take that from you, tall man....
KOV: Hey, I ain't that tall, but this guy is *materialises me mate Loz, who happens to be 6' 6''*
Loz: WHAT THA HELL!
KOV: Good question, man.
Loz: What you doing here, foo'?
Irvine: I could ask thee the same question, cully *loading Exceter calmly*
Loz: OH MAN!! I'M IN FF8!!!! AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGG......*runs away and tries to climb the walls*
KOV: Right, enough *dematerialises loz back into the real world*
DAY: That was random
KOV: *twitches* yeah.....
RGF: O.N.E....H.O.U.R....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T....*clunk*
DAY: Erm....is it just me....or do we really need to practice?
KOV: Yeah, we kinda need to....*dumps everyone on stage with AM, and picks up bass, motioning to Squall to do the same with an identical bass next to KOV's*
Squall: Whatever....*starts playing some random riffs, looks around as everyone is shocked by sweetness of harmonies that KOV and him are making*
Zell: Hey, this double bass solo thing might be a good idea....
Irvine: NO WAY! *launches into Purple Haze*
KOV: SOLO HOGGER!
Irvine: LUNATIC!
KOV: BAD-COMEBACK-THINKER-UPPER!
Irvine: That just does it *puts down strat, starts a fight with KOV* Im gonna getcha!
KOV: Your mother was a bucket of turtle slime and your father smelled of ELDERBERRIES!
Irvine: *slaps KOV*
KOV: *picks Irvine up using AM, and throws him around a bit whilst making "whoosh" noises*
RGF: T.H.I.R.T.Y....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T.....
KOV: *leaves Irvine hanging in mid-air* How the hell did he get down here?
DAY: I dunno, you're the author....
Zell: Yeah....
Selph: Yeah!!
Squall: Ye....
KOV: *interrupting* Don't start that again.....
RGF: T.W.E.N.T.Y....N.I.N.E....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....T.O....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T
Selph: Is it just me or is this guy really getting on our nerves....
All: *stares at her in shock*
Selph: What, what?
Zell: Thou Speakest Coherently? Bigods? What has occured to my mode of speech?
KOV: *looks at DAY suspiciously*
DAY: Hey! It wasn't me!!
KOV: *raises one eyebrow*
DAY: Okay, okay, i'll fix it...*fixes it*
Zell: Hell yeah!!
Selphie: Wheeicantalklikeatotalloonyagain!
DAY: Oh man, i've created a monster....
RGF: T.E.N....M.I.N.U.T.E.S....U.N.T.I.L....T.H.E....C.O.N.C.E.R.T....
DAY: Right, Set List!
KOV: CAN'T THINK!! TOO BUSY PANICKING!!
DAY: *lends new and improved Mk 4 to Quistis* feel free
Quisty: MMPH! *slaps KOV*
KOV: ouchie.....
Death: BIGODS, I POP OUT FOR AN HOUR OR SO TO GET SOME MILK AND FILL A FEW APPOINTMENTS, HEH-HEM *gestures to scythe* AND I RETURN TO CHAOS....
KOV: Right, okay, no need to panic. We'll just have to improv our way through it, okay?
RGF: *beeps randomly* G.E.T...Y.O.U.R....L.A.Z.Y....B.E.H.I.N.D.S....O.U.T....T.H.E.R.E....
DAY: *gags flunkie* right, let's go!
As the gang walk out, the previously riotous hall, and the various gangs that were breaking up the fixtures and fittings, notably including one drunk Headmaster Cid in pink leggings, fall silent. As everyone takes up their positions, a random whispering ripple spreads out in the audience, as everyone realises the identity of the various shadowy figures in black suits that are on-stage
Squall: *whispering to Irvine* why are we in suits.....whatever.....
Irvine: *whispering back* i dunno....erm....blame him *points to KOV*
Squall: Ah, right, whatever....
DAY: Heya, and good evening!
Silence prevades....
DAY: I said, Heya and good evening!
Still silence reigns, and someone throws a beer can....
DAY: *catches the beer can, and blasts the thrower with a random Firaga* Naughty Naughty now....
Crowd: *realise that the vocalist is in control of magic, and choruses "Good Evening" in a full-hearted fashion*
DAY: Much better, now, this is a little number we call Paranoid...
KOV: One, Two, One Two Threee FOUR!
As the opening triuphal chords of the Black Sabbath anthem rang out, the mood changed suddenly in the hall. No longer were the crowd screaming in hatred of being kept waiting with a ridiculous 7 pints to keep them going, but with the joy and ecstacy of being subjected to vast sound pressure levels and drastic levels of bass reverberation, courtesy of the 120-foot "Earthquake" pipe on Death's custom church organ.
The mood was suddenly disrupted as a rip in the fabric of reality appeared next to the stage, suddenly erupting two roaring harley davidsons, with screaming Gundam Wing chars on them....
Duo+Heero: SLLOOOWWWW DDDOOOWWWNNNNN!!!
Zara+Trin: NOOOO!!!!
Death suddenly looks up from his random noodlings on the organ.
He stops time.
Such a short sentence, but containing such a lot of incident, don't you think?
The reason for this interjection suddenly becomes apparent, as the eye of view shifts out to an overall of the hall, with another random garden flunkie appearing to be trodden beneath the wheels of the dual bikes
Death DAMN, NOT AGAIN *pulls out a fancy-looking hourglass, and unships his scythe from it's storage point on the Gravissima pipe*
As Death saunters over to the RGF, a shadowy figure detaches itself from the body, and starts screaming. Death waits until the figure has stopped yelling the house down, this being the usual response when you are looking down at yourself.
Soul of RGF: What thew hell, coulda killed me that thing!
Death: YOU DON'T SAY
SORGF: Oh, right.....*dissappears to a wisp of dust, which Death collects and stashes into his robe*
Death: RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT, SOMETIMES I REALLY DO DESPAIR *starts time again*
In the end, they had to organise a bucket chain to the foutains. The courtyard was strewn with purple feathers. Two SeeD members had to stand outside each of the band's rooms with clubs..
With nails in them....
*********************************************************************** Okay, there it is, it's finally done. Once again, a thousand apologies for not updating this for so long. Coursework's getting piled upon us like no- one's business, and thus i've had practically no time to write my fics recently. Forgive me, please. The next chapter will be soon in coming.
Knight Of Valhala.