Chapter 8: Fall Away

He was wet, he was cold, and there was no end to his search in sight. The weeks had seemed like centuries as Inuyasha followed up empty leads. He had not found any sign of Sesshoumaru or Kagome since his brother had left him wounded days ago. He had not seen Miroku and Sango for days; they had only rendezvoused briefly to check each other's progress.

He had swallowed his pride and gone to Kouga for help. Humbling himself before that arrogant jerk would be justified if he found Kagome. He endured the wolf's angry rants, not denying a word of it. He should have saved her. He shouldn't have given her up so easily. He should have found her by now.

But Kouga's search net of wolves had been no more successful.

As the days dragged on he could only wearily continue, trudging on through the dismal weather and wishing she were by his side. He preyed that she was safe, but was almost certain she was not. It burned at his mind that he did not even know Sesshoumaru's purpose. He feared he would not see her again.

It was the way the world worked. There was no room in this time for compassion. She was too dear to him, and those who were close to a hanyou always paid the price.


The broken shards of metal clanged onto the stone bench in front of the rat-like youkai. Sesshoumaru waited in silent frustration as Inken bent to examine them.

"They're broken," he observed curiously.

"Obviously," Sesshoumaru snapped. "Perhaps you can tell me why."

Inken shook his head in wonder. "They should not have been breakable, by strength of body or spirit. Not unless the wearer wielded outrageous power." He picked them up, sniffing at the shards with a dazed look in his eye and a greasy half-smile. "This has never happened before. To so easily shatter the magic and the metal..."

"Your failure has been bothersome. You assured me that these would suit my purpose."

Inken remained in his dazed little world. "A miko..." he mumbled at the feel of the lingering magic. "I've never felt such strength, though. She smells human... but there is something else." He turned to Sesshoumaru. "Give me another chance, Sesshoumaru-sama. It will take some time, but I will devise a way to hold this woman." He licked his lips slightly, finding the project unusually alluring.

"I'm not interested. I will get rid of her soon. Until then, I think I would be better off without your inferior tools." He had come here for an explanation, but this road gave him as little satisfaction as any of the others.

"You no longer want her?" Inken blurted. "What do you intend to do with her?"

Sesshoumaru only gave him a sharp look.

"Give her to me, Sesshoumaru-sama! It would be such a waste to destroy something like this. Ah... a miko of such great power... what I would do to her..." The old youkai's eyes were far away and unfocused as his mouth twitched slightly. "Her scent is perfect. She is so beautiful, I have never seen a human like her. Her skin is so white and delicate. Her hair shines like obsidian--and her eyes gleam like the flare of a knife from a sheath."

Sesshoumaru tensed in realization. "You've seen her."

"Ah... just once. A spell of sight, to see what my spells were binding. I thought then that she could not have felt it, but perhaps she knew after all. She is a rare thing. More precious than any of the gems I have ever seen. Please give her to me, Sesshoumaru-sama. I would bind her in the most precious metals, with power and luster to rival her." His finger's twitched at his thoughts, his tongue running over his lips again. "I would make her shine only for me... I would make such spells to hold her power and beauty... hold her to me. In exchange for such a thing, I will make whatever you chose, whatever you may need in the future."

Sesshoumaru's thoughts strayed with his words, into a very dark place. The cave seemed to fade, sounds blurring in his ears as his vision blackened.

The sound of tearing flesh pulled him from his lapse. A dangerous growl filled his ears. He had an overpowering urge to fight, his youki surging with his anger. He belatedly realized that the growl was coming from his own throat, and that there was fresh blood in the air. And on his hand. His irrational rage dimmed slightly with his surprise. It was then that he noticed Inken bleeding against the wall. His throat had been torn out, the spray of blood speckling the wall behind him. The youkai's red eyes were confused for a moment, then began to fade.

Sesshoumaru flicked the blood from his claws, bringing his raging blood under control. "Do not presume to gain what I, Sesshoumaru possess."

With those words, he turned and left. He had not come with any such intention, but the rat had deserved it. Unfortunately, the bloodshed had done nothing to ease his frustrations. Now he only had more doubts.

Sesshoumaru stalked through the chilled early-afternoon rain, welcoming the cold downpour as it washed the traces of blood from him. He was intent on seeing Kagome immediately. Something about Inken's words had filled him with uncertainty. He refused to analyze his actions, afraid of what he might find lurking in his psyche.

In the few days since Kagome's attack, her condition had changed little. He knew her chest gave her a great deal of pain, though as a general rule, she did not speak of it. Yet she had shown little signs of any healing thus far. Much to Sesshoumaru's disappointment, even her pain did not cure her of her restlessness. Uncharacteristically despondent since she was locked away again, she had resumed her drawing and writing. He had ordered her to her bed, but he could see from the ever-evolving walls that she only obeyed him to the extent she wished when he was out of the room.

It relieved him only slightly when he came into sight of the hillside and felt the fringes of Kagome's power. He was pleased to slash to bits the mindless low-level youkai stalking and growling near her door. Two sides of him battled, the newer calmness and warmth was overwhelmed by his frustration.

He stepped through the heavy door, and the slamming din of the rain dimmed to a gentle rumble. The air was cool and moist even inside, water dripping steadily from the small window Kagome was so fond of.

He immediately saw Kagome was not in her bed. The second thing he noticed was that there was nothing new on the walls. She had not even marked the previous night on her calendar. He cast his molten eyes about searching for her.

That cold feeling that had been growing all morning suddenly roared up and swallowed him, cutting off his breath. Kagome was crumpled on the ground next to the western wall. Her ink-black waves were spilled across the floor and her limbs were uncomfortably positioned and tangled in her white kimono, as if she simply had fallen and had not moved.

He was at her side in a heartbeat, the last of his breath gone with the whisper of her name. He cursed the rain; he could hear neither her breath nor her heartbeat. He laid his hand against her soft cheek, feeling the warmth of life still within her. If anything, her skin was much warmer than it should be. It was then the scent hit him. It was overwhelming, more so because it was Kagome it was clinging to. The scent of illness came from her in waves.

He lifted her against him--not a difficult task, but to preform it gently with only one hand was significantly harder. He could not avoid jostling her wounds, but it disturbed him more when she did not react at all. He would have welcomed cries of pain, if only to show some life from her. He carried her to the bed, which he had at least had the foresight to move into the warmest corner. He arrayed her feverish body on it, covering her with the furs he had brought her.

She had gotten damp lying on the floor. He noticed now that her food from that morning had not been touched at all. It was already mid-afternoon. She could have been lying on that cold floor for hours before he came in. He made a vicious mental note to kill Jaken. At the very least the toad should have noticed something. Of course... by the same token, he should have also. She had been in poor condition, but for her to get so bad so quickly... it did not bode well.

He propped her up against him, coaxing water down her throat. Her blazing heat sank into him. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly but did not open. He stroked her cheek softly, whispering her name a few times in hopes of seeing her stir.

The tension was a volatile mass within him. He seethed silently, enraged about everything and nothing at once. He was disgusted by her weakness, and he was disgusted at himself for caring at all.

But he could not turn away.

She curled into him slightly, suddenly shivering. He wrapped his arm around her and pressed her as close as he could. She coughed slightly, her hands fisting in his clothes. Gradually her coughs grew worse until her hole body tossed in his arms. He held her as tightly as he dared, knowing there was nothing to do but wait for her to stop. He ran his hand soothingly over her back as she finally stilled again.

He knew woefully little about human illness. He did understand, however, that Kagome had been very weak before this illness had overcome her. As much as his heart fought the idea, he knew it was unlikely she had strength enough in her small body to combat this.

Kagome wandered through heavy and confusing dreams. Her mind seemed only to be half-working, as if something was wrong but she was unable to see what. She heard voices. Speaking to her? She forced herself from her unrestful slumber, groaning heavily as the pain of the waking world returned to her. She considered opening her eyes, but decided it simply would be too much work. Her eyelids were heavy and sticky, as if tears had dried there.

"Miss?" A soft unfamiliar voice tickled her ears.

Gradually she came to the conclusion that she was still in the room Sesshoumaru kept her in, but he could not place the voice no matter how she tried. A cool hand on her forehead startled her.

She forced her eyes open with a soft moan, blinking at the face in front of her. He was elderly, his face tired and frightened. His clothing suggested he had come from some village.

She shrank away from him, suddenly confused. "Sesshoumaru?" She whispered hoarsely.

"Here," his low voice rumbled from behind the other man. She saw him now, leaning against the wall with both piercing eyes on her. "Relax, Kagome." It registered, even as she was, that he sounded very irritable.

She did as he ordered, sinking heavily back into her bed. She didn't remember exactly what had happened, but she felt horrible now. She wouldn't worry as long as Sesshoumaru was here watching over her.

The strange man was taking her pulse. Kagome noticed his hand was shaking as he held her wrist. A doctor, she surmised.

"It is very good to see you awake, Miss," he said shakily.

"Kagome," she said heavily.

"Of course... Kagome-sama, how long have you been sick?"

Kagome scrunched her eyebrows, not even certain what time or day it was. "Started yesterday. I think."

He frowned, leaning down closer to her. There was a quick sharp growl from behind him, causing him to jerk himself back upright and looking back at the glaring demon with wide frightened eyes.

"I only wished to listen to her breathing!" He said quickly.

Sesshoumaru did not move, merely staring contemptuously at the man.

Eventually the doctor turned back to Kagome, listening carefully in case Sesshoumaru made any objections. Slowly he pressed his ear against her above her breast, listening as the air moved through her lungs.

Kagome reached out and took his shaking hand, beginning to understand the situation. Sesshoumaru had probably just yanked the man from some village. Knowing him, he had probably made several clear and descriptive threats about what would happen should he decline or fail.

Kagome spoke to him softly, though her eyes were fixed on Sesshoumaru. "Don't worry, Sensei. Thank you for coming to help me, I am sure you will find a way. But I would be very sad if anything happened to you."

The doctor looked at her in confusion, but Sesshoumaru gave her a narrowed gaze, telling her he had understood the message. He didn't look happy about it, which Kagome took to mean that he had given up any intentions of hurting the man.

She laid back, her whole body aching and tired. The pain was strangely distant, as if her mind were somewhere other than her body. Her eyes refused to focus correctly and everything was hazy around the edges. Satisfied that Sesshoumaru would not do anything harmful, she let her eyes drift closed again as the doctor finished his examination. She was already asleep again when he poured a bitter solution down her throat.

Sesshoumaru met the man with a hard glare as he finally turned away from Kagome with a defeated sigh.

"I have done all I can do, Lord." The man trembled nervously under the demon's scrutiny.

Sesshoumaru merely beckoned for the man to follow him back outside. The rain had slowed to a gentle shower, though it was still quite cold.

"What is wrong with her?" he asked without prelude.

The human sighed. "Her symptoms are those of many common illnesses, but for her to become so ill so quickly is discouraging." He turned his head away from Sesshoumaru's eyes. "She is still young. But it seems she was wounded and weak before this illness claimed her. Her body seems to have no strength left to fight." He shivered from the rain, determined to stand bravely in the presence of this taiyoukai.

"How can she be cured?"

"There is little to be done. The fever must be broken. She must be kept warm and she should take water frequently."

"That's all?" Sesshoumaru frowned. "How long will it take for her to recover?"

The doctor took a deep breath, hoping the demon lord would not choose to harm him for his inability to do more for her. "I fear that this illness is advancing to rapidly. Unless she finds some reserve of strength, she may die."

Sesshoumaru's claws snapped like a spring-loaded trap around the man's neck, his temper only barely in check. "That is not acceptable."

The smaller man grasped at Sesshoumaru's hand. "I have done all I can!" he struggled to say.

Sesshoumaru squeezed slightly, his eyes burning in anger. For a moment, the man was certain he was dead, but without warning Sesshoumaru simply dropped him. His body fell to the wet earth with a muffled thud.

The man looked up through the scattered droplets at the statuesque youkai, still gasping for breath. "I am sorry," he admitted. "If nothing else, for the sake of the young woman. She seems to be of a rare type, one of beauty and kindness." He was tactful enough not to remark on the obvious fact that Sesshoumaru was holding her captive. He suspected the demon was to blame for her weakness and injury, and his heart reached out to the young girl. Yet he saw that there was more between captor and captive than could be understood.

Then the man had the strange honor of seeing something that no other living being ever had. Sesshoumaru's head bowed. His chin fell only a fraction of an inch, barely perceptible to the human eye. His cold eyes softened if only for the briefest moments as the rain fell in drops of crystal from his immaculate hair.

The steady drumming of rain was the only sound. Water rolled off Sesshoumaru's immaculate white form like beads of pearl, though his clothes and hair never really seemed to absorb the moisture. Nothing in this world seemed to reach him, he was untouchable, immortal, god-like. If only for a moment, though, he felt a heavy weight pressing down on him.

"You may leave," he dismissed the man still staring up in awe from the muddy ground. "My animal will guide you back." He summoned Ah-Un, turning away from the man without a further look.

Sesshoumaru returned to Kagome, his steps falling soundlessly on the bare floor. The room was dark, and for a moment it fell oppressively on him and he pitied the girl anew.

Of all the harm he had caused her, keeping her forever locked in the dark was the worst.

He sat near her, re-tucking the blankets she had thrown off in her fevered sleep. The backs of his fingers ran delicately down her flushed cheeks. Her long eyelashes fluttered like moth wings against her skin, but she made no other response. Her sleep was not so profoundly deep this time, he thought he could wake her if the need arose.

He listened to her breath, hearing easily what had so unnerved the doctor. Each breath sounded weak and painful, almost buzzing as it passed through her abused lungs. He passed the rest of the cold day at her side, examining the writing on the walls. She had woven her flowers through the links of the chains on the wall, where they dried but still held some of their color. The scent of rain-kissed fall blossoms fell through her small window. She woke a few times, looked at him as if confirming his continued presence, and then would drift again.

He took care of her as best he could. He turned away when she started coughing, unable to bear the sight of her painful convulsions. For the first time in his life, he felt helpless. He dreaded the coming of night.

She woke to discover the dark of night, though Sesshoumaru had lit a lamp for her. Sesshoumaru sat on the edge of her bed, his face still and blank. He was apparently deep in thought.

She reached out for him slightly, finding the movement very difficult. "Sess-" she whispered, but it only came out as a muddled gurgle. She winced.

He snapped his head to her, quickly whisking his hand behind her as she tried to raise herself from the bed. "You should not move," he said distantly. He lowered her back down, but she feebly clung at his arm, unwilling to let go.

"Please," she whispered. "Please stay with me." She sniffed slightly. She was frightened by the dark, by the cold. Her illness scared her, she wanted to be home with her mother more than anything. But more than all of these, he was deathly afraid that he would leave her.

Something softened in his metal gaze as tears began to well up in her clouded eyes.

"I know you probably think I'm weak, but I don't care anymore, Sesshoumaru." The first of her tears spilled over. "I am afraid."

Something within him ached. Saying nothing, he gently pulled her onto his lap, gathering blankets over her when he had settled her. She sank into him, her tears fading as he held her. It would be their twenty-fourth night of this intimate exchange. Even he could not deny the tenuous companionship that had grown between them.

He stroked her hair as she pressed against his chest for warmth. The more logical part of his mind pointed out that he should not allow this pathetic creature so close. Too easily was he forgetting the roles he had assigned them both in this little game. He was letting himself get far to attached.

He knew what he had to do. It was necessary that he consume her blood tonight, whether she was sick or not. But he knew... she wasn't simply sick. She was dying. He could deny it no longer.

"The doctor ok?" Kagome mumbled. Her breathing hitched on every whisper.

"Yes," he answered easily.

"Good. What'd he say about me?"

Sesshoumaru ran his fingers slowly through her shadowy hair. "That you were sick," he said blandly.

He felt her smile slightly against his chest. "I knew he was good," she said. She turned into him sleepily, shivering despite his heat and her fever. "You're cool... it feels nice..." He felt her burning hand reach up and brush against his cheek before falling limply at his neck. "I can't stay awake anymore." Her voice was almost soft beyond hearing. "I'm sorry. I think my power will control itself even if I sleep. Will you just wait until I go?" Her fingers gripped his silk clothing in weak half-claws. "I don't want to feel anymore pain tonight..."

"Sleep," he said softly.

"Thank you," she breathed as she went limp in his hold.

He looked at her arm, resting where she had deliberately left it. Kagome's fever burned through him as her breath reached a dangerously low rate.

She had lost far too much blood over the past days, he knew. She was hanging on by a thread, her will binding her to the living world as her body slowly betrayed her. He held her small body tighter, as if he was afraid she would slip through his grasp like water. She had given him all she had within her; there was nothing left to heal herself.

If he harmed her tonight, something told him she would not recover. If he carried out his plan, she--Kagome--would almost certainly die.

She sighed slightly in her slumber, and he felt the flames of anger building inside him. He damned her for making him feel this way. He damned Bokusenou for spreading her poison in his mind. He damned his brother for cutting off the arm in the first place. He damned himself for falling victim to it all.

He would not fall to this human girl. He would not sacrifice his dignity for anyone, least of all someone like her. This was simply another battle, another vendetta to be satisfied. And he would be the one to emerge victorious.



Ignoring the painful twist in his heart, he resolutely lifted her flesh against lips. He let his youki rise, encouraging the need to taste her blood. If this was what it took, so be it. The end was only days away.

He tasted the lingering traces of blood on her skin, losing himself further. He would not be stopped.

Some things, he reflected, simply had to be done.

His fangs closed on her pale skin.

His eyes shut in what could have been defeat or relief, but he was as unreadable as always.

His choice was made, but still peace and chaos battled in his mind, giving him no relief. He whispered to her and to himself that he had done what was necessary, even as his mind continued to rage.

His heart would not be comforted.





Well, it was a struggle, but I got the chapter out since you were all waiting so patiently... or not, as the case may be. I'm kinda picky about this section in the story, and to tell the truth I'd like to have had more feedback first. But hey, that's what you fine peoples are for.

Why the chapter title? Because "Until I Fall Away" is the song I listen to in order to get into the mood to write this, and I couldn't think of another. Sad song; for some reason the opening riff always makes me cry. MtaE's unofficial soundtrack was "Morning Afterglow" by electrasy, if you want to know. (Hey, I've been on this site for months now, and this is my first electrasy plug. Can't believe it took that long.)

I'm reallllly busy right now, so... Well, you know what that means. Thanks for the great reviews, as always. Please keep them coming.

Aiwendil



This chapter last modified: Tuesday, November 11, 2003