A/N from Chapter 7 apply: innuendo etc.
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Her hand hadn't left my upper arm. It was firmly fastened just above my elbow and was becoming a source of potentially fatal distraction. Ordinarily it would've been one of those innocent touches I loved, but today, after that display of affection in my office, it was closer to a reason to pin her against a wall somewhere and well- yes. In any other circumstances, I wouldn't have minded Sarah Mackenzie being the subject of such a distraction, but crossing the bullpen to face the Admiral was not a great time to be entertaining such thoughts. I turned to face her to find her staring up at my quizzically.
"Penny for your thoughts Sailor."
I inhaled, no way was I going to tell her that my thoughts involved her and filing cabinet and a locked door. I settled for a diplomatic answer (ie. not a lie; just a truth that left out the incriminating parts.)
"I was thinking about you."
"Really?" she inquired knowingly, her left eyebrow raising the way it always does when she catches me out.
"Yeah."
"I can imagine."
"After recently becoming acquainted with your imagination, it would be ten times worse than reality."
She shrugged, "True."
We had reached Tiner's desk. He rose and stood at attention.
"Sir, Ma'am."
"Thanks Tiner," she responded, "Is Admiral Chegwidden free?"
"Yes Ma'am."
"The Commander and I would like to speak with him please."
"He mentioned that Ma'am," Tiner stated, turning to speak into the phone.
"Did he?" she answered, gulping a little. When she turned to face me, her eyes were laughing and her cheeks were flushed an interesting shade of scarlet.
"Wondering how much he mentioned Marine?" I asked her quietly, leaning in a little too close.
I felt her shiver against me and was forced to suppress a smile when she lost an inch in height.
"Something like that," she whispered, stepping away as Tiner spun to face us once more.
"He said he's ready for you if you're ready for him," Tiner notified us. We subsequently exchanged looks of dread before thanking him and walking toward the door.
I knocked on the door warily.
"ENTER," Chegwidden summoned.
"Sir," we both called in unison.
"Ah, Colonel, Commander, have a seat."
We glanced at each other again before complying.
"Would either of you care to explain yourselves?" he asked us.
After a long pause we both started talking at once.
"Well sir, we were just--"
"Colonel Mackenzie and I were, uh---"
"I didn't think so," he cut both of us off, "I am sure you are both aware that this is the Judge Advocate General headquarters of the United States Navy?"
"Yes Sir," we responded in perfect time.
"This is the Navy's top legal establishment and I will not allow standards of professionalism to slip while I am the JAG, do you understand me?"
"Yes Sir."
"This is not the first, not the second, but the third time the pair of you have been in my office because of PDA's in my military establishment in a matter of days. I happen to love baseball and its three strikes and your out. This would be your third strike," the CO reported.
All the baseball talk had me thinking of bases. A good look in Mac's direction and that was it. (She obviously hadn't realised, but the top button of her blouse was undone and following the line it created towards her---well I was getting one heck of visual.) My mind had officially left the building and was now travelling a dangerous road.
Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there's the wind up and there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. This boy can really fly!
He's rounding first and really turning it on now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in centre, and here comes the throw, and what a throw!
He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out! No, wait; safe--- safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there.
Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--- he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--- safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!
"COMMANDER?"
I jumped slightly and turned toward the source of the noise.
"Yes Sir?"
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
"Yes Sir."
His tone softened, thank God.
"This is your last warning. I'm going to pretend I have no idea about this relationship and I trust you will keep it out of the office," he paused, "If you don't, let me assure you, there will be hell to pay. I don't want to hear any more stories from anyone about conduct unbecoming in this building, be it in that damn break room, the elevator or an office," his eyebrow furrowed in what I was sure was amusement, "If I do, your sixes will be in a court martial for Christmas, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Sir," Mac replied predictably, around the same time as I uttered, "Crystal Sir."
"Now I don't want that, because I've already purchased other gifts for each of you. If you were any other two people you'd be packing your things now and shipping out to opposite ends of the globe, if not out of this man's Navy, but you are not any other two people," he stopped again and sighed wearily, "Harm, Mac, this has been a long time coming. I would be a failure as a CO if I hadn't predicted this, although I didn't imagine such passionate displays on Rabb's desk. I say this as a friend and as an ancient Navy officer- work it out away from work. I don't want to have to separate you. Personally and professionally that would be a disaster for both of you. Quite frankly Mac, Harm needs you to keep him out of trouble and Harm, when I have seen Mac at her best in a courtroom it has invariably been after a dispute with you. Even when you bring out the worst in each other you bring out the best in each other, and both of you would suffer from a transfer from one another."
I half-shrugged and listening to Chegwidden's advice. It was probably true; she did save my butt a lot.
"Personally I have no idea what kind of hell you have endured to get to where you were about twenty minutes ago. I am pretty sure it manifests in another man's ring and a 40 million dollar aircraft being dumped in the Atlantic. Harm, whatever I said to you in Sydney about never looking back was five-star bullshit. If you love her, then don't let her get away. Mac, same to you. I have watched you two dance circles around one another for seven years. I said it before and it bears repeating: get a room and get it over with. I don't care where or how and please, for the love of God, spare me details, but I damned near encourage it as long as it is not on this base. While you're in that room either screw each other or kill each other because God knows that is the only way to settle the tension between you that has this entire office taking sides, spreading rumours and in chaos. You've sucked my entire staff into a dangerous vortex, which quite matter-of-factly, they are underqualified to navigate. If you don't mind, I'd appreciate some amends made for that offence. I don't care how you do it, but I suggest you put the junior staff back to work, and kick Commander Turner back into line. I have heard some of the scuttlebutt born in his office and none of it is worth restating. Needless to say, it's some pretty heated shit," Chegwidden sighed, "Between the pair of you you'll kill me if I don't kill you first. Now I don't want to hear about this relationship until there is a ring on her finger, do you understand me?"
"Yes Sir."
"At such time arrangements will be made to accommodate your professional and personal interests. Now get the hell out of my office."
We both stood and came to attention.
"Aye aye Sir,"
"And Commander?"
"Yes Sir."
"You'd better look after her or I swear, you will be shovelling snow in Alaska."
"I will take every pleasure in looking after her Sir," I responded, slipping out the door with Mac following.
"You will will you?" she asked, pressing her lips together firmly.
"Oh yes," I answered as she pushed past me and sauntered into her office.
I followed her.
"Are we Ok?"
She nodded.
"Really?"
"Mmm."
"Sarah---"
"We're fine, really we are," she assured me.
"What was he yelling about in there?" I questioned, "You Ok?"
She nodded again, "And how come you don't know what he was yelling about?"
"Oh I was a little distracted," I answered evasively, waiting until she closed the distance between us to reach out and secure her top button.
She stared up at me.
"Is this all we are going to be about?" she asked seriously.
"No," I responded without needing time to think, "No, of course not."
"Cuz it seems that all you ever think about is---"
"That's not true. You are my best friend. I may be in love with you, but first and foremost you are my best friend and you always will be. Understand?"
"Yes," she smiled a small smile.
"Sarah Mackenzie if I didn't know better I'd say you'd had time to consider the realities of the situation and now you're second guessing us."
"Maybe true," she admitted, keeping her distance from me.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she replied, too quickly, "Nothing is wrong."
"Then why are you so quiet all of a sudden?"
"Harm, the Admiral is right. We work best when we work together, and if we do--- this we, you know we wouldn't be allowed to work together any more. I'm beginning to wonder if we should just- it's too late to go back now isn't it?"
She watched my reaction carefully. I just stood there, unsure of how to feel.
"Yes it is," she answered her own question, "And in all honestly I don't want to. But, but how is this going to turn out?"
"I don't know," I replied honestly, "I don't have a clue. All I know is no matter how shit scared I am of finding out, I'd go crazy without you. So there, that's all I'm going to say. Your turn."
"I don't want to lose you if it doesn't work out. And combined with our history with each other and with members of the opposite sex, well, all the evidence is against us Harm."
"Like I said: first and foremost my best friend. Besides, we've been up against worse odds than this and everything has turned out reasonably well in the end, maybe a little different from expectations, but the situation has always been liveable."
"Is liveable good enough?"
"As long as you're still at the very least a friend, then for me, yeah. For you, I don't know. Like I said before, you set high standards Sarah."
She nodded slowly, "Yeah, I guess I do."
"Let's do a quick review: we are in love with each other, we're both very stubborn people who are used to making things work, we're pretty obviously physically attracted to each other, we can have conversations without speaking to each other and emotionally, we're probably as close to each other as we have been to anyone. Sure, there are other arguments, but that's a pretty strong one that says we can make something a lot better than merely liveable. I don't know what you want to hear, but I think you have too many doubts and not a whole lot of confidence in me and in you more than anyone. You're unsure of yourself and I have no idea why. You're a very capable person Sarah Mackenzie, and you always see sense, so what is your issue?"
"You will break my heart."
"I don't know what to say to that. I can't promise I won't, cuz I seem to hurt you very easily. It's a risk we have to take."
"Are you willing to risk everything we have for something we don't even know will work out?"
"Yes, because as I said on Monday when you got back, is normal really good enough? You and I both know that doing nothing will eventually kill our relationship. Being friends is safe, really safe, but we both know what we want and denial can only lead to disaster. Sure, we can be friends, just friends, and you can fall in love and marry someone else and I probably can too, but how miserable would we be? You have no idea how hard it was to see with someone else. And yes, I was going to let you marry him, because you did say you were happy with him. I loved you enough to let you go, and I was weak enough to give you up without a fight, until it became a really sombre reality. Then I realised something- I couldn't bear to lose you to anyone. There was one thing that was perfectly clear in my mind that stuck out through all the crap in the Atlantic Ok? And that was you. That image probably induced the little lucidity I had, but hell, there were a few insane thoughts going through my head. The first was something about parting on bad terms. The second was 'oh shit I'm gonna die'. The third was 'who gives a damn, by the time they haul my six outta here, Mac's gonna be married to Mic Brumby and in all honesty, what's the point in living though this near-death encounter just to face that hell?' The fourth was just how much I loved you. I originally thought that realisation had hit like a Stinger missile, then I became aware that it was just one bitch of a wave that had pushed me under---"
"That's right Flyboy," she interrupted under her breath, "Sucker all the romance out of it."
"But the more I thought about it and the closer I came to losing consciousness, the less insane most of those thoughts seemed. In fact, I realised all of them were true, and they increased in order of importance. One- well I should've said something a little earlier and we should've had a better discussion about me going to fly the day you left early before the wedding, that's given. Two- yeah, I might've died. Three- what is life without you anyway? Sarah, I have a heck of an imagination when you're involved, but I cannot imagine you not being here Ok? And you marrying Brumby was like, like hell. It didn't get any worse. Punishment for Sydney? A thousand times at least. Penance for the chances I didn't take but should've, the things I didn't do but should've, the things I didn't say, but should've- oh yeah, easily a million times over. And four- yes four was the most important- I was in love with you. Completely, totally, head-over-heels in love with you. I'd been aware of that for some time, since before Sydney, hell, I'd probably subconsciously been in love with you since I first saw you in that damn rose garden, but this, this was different. At your engagement party? Well I told, ok, *implied* that I was in love with you, I'd known it myself and all that jazz. In the Atlantic? Sarah, we're talking oxygen-replacing love here. Not just, yeah I love her, could spend the rest of my life with her, have kids with her, white picket fence, matching plots side-by-side. We're talking eternity, forever, infinite, as-natural-as-breathing-and-even-more- necessary-for-survival love. The tidal wave's impeccable timing was no accident, more a message from God," I inhaled, "I am in love with you, I need to be in love with you and I want to be in love with you, and yes, it is worth risking quote 'everything we have' for that, for you. Now I'm gonna shut up, because that was a whole lot more than I intended to tell you and one hell of a speech and I don't think I have anything left where that came from, so I hope you're convinced."
She stared at me for a long moment.
"Yes, I am convinced," she paused, "I don't think it will be easy, but we can try."
"Good answer."
"Great speech."
I shrugged, "It was the truth--- besides, how could I call myself a lawyer if, despite all the evidence on my side and my command of the English language, I could not convince you to reach the logical conclusion about us?"
"What would that conclusion be counsellor?"
I kissed her softly at first, moving closer to deepen the contact when she pulled away.
"You heard what Chegwidden said---" she reminded me, not bothering to finish her sentence.
"There are some orders from Admirals that I find difficult to obey," I began, eyeing her appreciatively, "On the other hand there are some---"
"That are all too easy?" she recommended with a smile.
"Something like that," I replied, stepping closer to her.
"Wanna get a room and get it over with Commander?" she inquired.
Before I had time to respond she'd planted an inferno starting kiss on my lips and dragged me halfway out the door.
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A/N: The li'l baseball commentary in the Admiral's office was courtesy of good ol' Meat Loaf, and "Paradise By The Dashboard Light".
*screams*
I AM GOING TO MEAT LOAF IN FEBRUARY!!!
*screams again*
Ok, ok, yeah, as you may have guessed, this 13-year-old-turning-14-in-just-24-days is THE Meat Loaf fan--- don't own the little commentary though, just so you all know.