Proud of My Loneliness
~Part: 2~
The bed felt so good, so soft and comforting. It felt better than anything he had slept on since the last time, which would specifically have been the jeep, which Hakuryuu turned into, but soon became the hard, grass-padded earth when he became too weak to transform. They had been greeted warmly, just like at any other town and village that knew about the journey the Sanzo group were undertaking. He remembered the heavenly taste of that well cooked and prepared meal, his stomach beginning to yearn for more as his mouth began to salivate all over again.
They had certainly eaten well, at least he knew he did, after all Gojyo did get his share of his fun, which was short-lived since he had made that comment about the half-breed being a bit odd in his tastes, then they had both been whacked by that massive paper fan. Hakkai had been calm and polite, as ever, even though the young youkai would have sworn that one of those waitresses had become swayed with that smile of his, and Sanzo…well, he had just been Sanzo, cold as ever and indifferent, although when he had hit them, it appeared that he had actually enjoyed it.
Goku rolled onto his side, relishing the feel of the sheets he lay between, he wasn't asleep yet, and nor did he plan to. He sighed as he looked out from the window that was before him, gazing up at the moon that hung among that star-dappled sky, with the odd shapes of the clouds drifting lazily past. He heard Sanzo shuffle about in the other bed, obviously awake and finding it hard to sleep, 'Maybe now's a good time to ask…'
"Sanzo…" the young youkai began his tone tentative in case he should bother the monk, whom he knew to be irritable when he was having trouble sleeping. A sound of acknowledgement came from behind him, and Goku knew that he was awake. He chewed his lip nervously, as he thought of how to phrase the words he wanted to ask, then sensing that the blond man was getting impatient, he took a deep breath and asked, "I was just wondering…why did you stick up for me back there…when Gojyo was being the prick he is?" he could hear Sanzo shuffle about in his bed again, but this time it lasted longer, and he knew it was deliberately done.
"Goku…I didn't protect you back there okay…I never have," he stated, his tone cold and matter-of-fact, "if it appears that I've been protecting you all this time, then I have to tell you, its just that my interests happen to coincide with you being safe, so I have never protected you…to explain for today, that bastard kappa brought me into your argument, I had to set him straight," he ended, his words carrying the finality of his explanation. The brown-haired teen continued to look out the window, listening to every word spoken by the monk, then swallowed down the lump that seemed to unexpectedly form in his throat.
"Right…okay…'night, Sanzo," he managed to say, without revealing the true extent of his hurt feelings, and not even expecting a response to what he just said. 'Why does he have to be so cold…if he hates my presence…then why did he let me follow him this far…' He thought, his brow drawing close together as he stifled the tears that threatened, 'I can't stay here…I've got to go…' he concluded, feeling that his presence would be a burden, and further increase his misery. He lay there for some time; waiting until the other mans breathing became slow, and then rose out of his bed, sitting at the edge, contemplating his idea. He looked up again out into the night sky, then sighed, and went about to retrieve his clothes to dress himself.
He stepped up to the door, holding his staff in one hand as he slid the door open, and then froze as a sudden moan came from the blond monk. He turned to find the full-blooded humans' brow knitted together, revealing he was having a bad dream of some sort, and then quietly he made his way over to his bedside, standing over him, a somewhat pained expression on his face. Goku sniffed once, reaching out a hand and placed it gently along Sanzo's brow, stroking the blond locks he seemed to remember from another life…that was if he ever had another life before this one, 'No one can ever replace you as the Sun…Sanzo…no one…' he thought, then chewed his lower lip to keep from sobbing there and then. He turned about swiftly, and stepped through the doors, closing them gently behind him, and began to walk down the hall towards the exit, when he stopped outside the room that Hakkai and Gojyo were sharing.
He looked at it, wondering if he should say some form of good-bye to these two as well. The thought still unprocessed within his mind, he placed his ear against the door, trying to see if they were sleeping, he didn't want to leave with one of them awake, it would ruin everything he had decided to do that night, the decision coming to him on impulse. He let out a small breath in relief; he couldn't a single sound, apart from their gentle breathing, and so he slowly opened the door, a small crack at first allowing his eyes to roam about the room, then wider so that he could step in. He closed the door behind him, and stood there by the doors for some time, watching the two men sleep. The white body of Hakuryuu was nestled warmly on top of Hakkai's chest, rising and falling with his steady breathing, 'God, it must be comforting to be there…and even more so to know that you're cared for…' he thought, then moved up beside the bed, watching their sleeping forms.
"Good-bye Hakkai…Hakuryuu…" came the young youkai's whispered tones; he stood there watching them for a few more moments, then stepped up to Gojyo's bed, where he found the man practically hidden beneath the covers, save for one of his arms. Goku's face softened, it was hard to imagine that such a man who looked so nice in his sleep, could cause him so much grief…even though it was all in good humour, and he understood that, because he too tormented the half-breed for the same sense of humour. "See ya Gojyo…" He whispered, then sighed, "I'm gonna miss you pissing me off, just like I'm hoping you'll miss me fucking up your life…guess I'm gonna miss your perverted kappa-ness even more…" He turned away from the sleeping redhead, and made his way to the doors of the room, turning back one last time, "I really envy you…Hakuryuu…sleep well," he whispered, then opened the door and stepped out into the dormant Inn.
All business had been packed up for the night, the proprietors deep within their slumber, so he knew he was able to slip out unnoticed. He walked down the halls, and went through the doors that led to the bar area of the Inn, from here he wove between the neatly placed and cleaned tables, benches and chairs, reaching the doors that led out into to the cool, moonlit night. He hesitated as he placed his hand on the door handle, then drew in a deep breath, 'I've made my decision…now I'm gonna stick to it…' he thought, then twisted the handle, as he pushed the door open and stepped out into the sleeping town they were staying at.
He looked up and down the dimly lit streets, and drew up his collar against the light wind that sailed lazily by, a sense of excitement and apprehension filling within him, 'I can't believe I'm going to do this…but I can't stay with them any longer…besides, I've been on my own far longer than any of them have…' he thought to himself, trying to reassure his fast-fraying nerves. He drew in a deep breath, steadying himself, calming himself, steeling himself against the rush of emotions he felt, and faced the way they had come earlier that day. Using his pole as a support, he walked through the sleeping town, and back the way he had come with the others, making his way back to the hill they'd stopped at for a short respite.