Those words echoed in my mind endlessly for the better part of a week. I
was desperate to spend as much time as possible with Akito in his last
hours after he was released from the hospital.
Sometimes I would spend all day there at Hatori's house; Hatori and I talked a lot. It calmed us both.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, while visiting with Akito in his dim room where he had been sleeping, he awoke. I smiled down at him. He blinked and sat up. I didnt stop him.
"To-" he was cut off by a coughing fit. His throat was partially blocked from the saliva and had a raspy, unsteady sound.
Removing his hand from his mouth, he looked up at me and said: "Tohru Honda, do you remember, at the New Year's Celebration?" he said. I nodded as the memories came to mind.
"You never told, did you?" he said, looking away. I shook my head silently.
"No, I would never tell, of course. I told you, I swore, I'd never tell a soul as long as I live."
"Then it is my transgression. I- I apologize." Simply those words brought tears to my eyes; I knew, had Akito not been sick he would have under no circumstances have ever apologized. For him, it was like a code of honor to keep his pride.
"No! It isn't your fault at all! It was just a misunderstanding," I insisted. "Really, Akito, it's okay." He was completely silent for a moment. He opened a window and let a bird fly in, and rest gently upon his finger.
"You know I am going to die soon. How will that affect you? How will it affect the others?" he asked. I looked to the floor.
"I will be sad, everyone will. Akito Sohma, you keep us alive. You keep us moving in the direction that we should be, so that we don't ever stray. For such a young age, you are wise beyond your years, and despite your rough exterior, I know you're a good person as well as leader inside."
"But I will eventually be forgotten as all the others."
"No, of course not! We'll never forget you, Akito. You're part of the family. You may...pass on, but we'll never forget you," I told him encouragingly. He paused for a moment.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked. I took a breathe.
"Hatori doesn't know. You're just...sick. I'm sorry, but we really don't," I confessed sadly.
"Why, why did you stay with us?" he asked. "Why did you stay with us when you knew what our lives were like, and you willingly were pulled in?"
"Because, everyone has to be saved in this world from something. And I know that I can't cure you of your curse, but I think that you and your family needed a friend. A friend that understood," I told him.
"Thank...you..." Akito whispered so that it was barely audible, followed by another coughing fit. "You willingly saved us; you may not be of Sohma blood, but you're part of our family now." I smiled at that. I sincerely thought I'd never hear Akito say those words. He turned to me now and the bird flew off his finger, out the window.
"Tohru Honda, do you wish I would live?" he asked. I nodded solemnly.
"Yes. More than anything."
"Everyone in this world has to be saved from something, you say. I guess though, you just weren't on time for me," he said tonelessly. Normally, I would have protested that with all my heart, but I knew, that it was nothing but the truth. The bitter truth; that Akito would, indeed die, and that there was nothing we could ever do to stop it now. I said nothing for a long time as we both sat in silence.
"Akito, are you scared?" I whispered.
"I don't know. Though I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. I have lived with the idea for so long, I'm used to it. Like I said, I was born in order to die. It simply means, I will no longer have a visible existence in this place, this cruel, wretched world. So maybe, it's just a relief."
Always, when I wouldn't know what to do, I woud just remember my mother's words and that would give me the strength and guidance to believe. But now, I didn't want to believe. It was almost like: they're just words, they can't do much of anything. Right now, I don't think anybody wanted to believe; believing was just too hard right now. Nobody wants to believe in a futile cause.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, when I was all alone, I crept into Akito's room. He wasn't there anymore, Hatori was tending to him somewhere else. I sat by the chair I always sat in and touched the covers, creating small wrinkles. I touched the pillow where he would always lay his head. Removing my hand, I saw a bittersweet reminder of the young man usually laying there, strands of his dark hair.
How long had it been that Akito had been laid up? By now, it would have passed 4 months. And he still was showing no signs of improvement, at least not that I could see; though Hatori said he was eating more. But at this point, that was our only glimmer of hope. We simply continued to fret over him and make sure he was comfortable until.... But I still didn't want to think about what happens then.
All these thoughts swirling infinitely around in my end brought tears to my eyes for the thousandth time. Sliding off the chair and onto the floor, I lay, listening to the silence with my ear to the floor. I let a low sob escape my throat.
Closing my eyes, I counted the seconds before I pushed myself up into a sitting position, leaning upon the bed. I looked up at the dim ceiling for a moment and that ancient thought crept back into my mind. When I was younger, my mother was like my guide through life to help me do the right thing and be of help. There must be someone like that for everyone, right? That's what I thought once, but only until I met the Sohmas. They have no one. They have no one to help them out and understand, so all they can do is be shot and ruined by life, giving up the futile struggle they've held all their lives for generations and generations. Just because of a stupid curse that they really don't deserve. No one can ever understand their own pain and suffering; I realize even now- I've only seen a small fraction of their real, torturous lives- to be brushed aside because of something totally out of their control.
With a cracky voice I said: "Spirits, gods, whoever, please, please help them. I beg of you, help them. Why have you forsaken them, and me?" I began so desperately. "They have done nothing wrong, yet are cursed with lives of pain and sadness. I really don't care whatever you spirits think if you even exist, because I think they have lived very honorable lives for all their sacrifices. And, Akito... Help Akito... Please, I beg of you..." I pleaded and fell silent, dropping to the floor once again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello! How was that for a ch. 4? I really apologize for any grammar errors; I'm constantly trying to improve and become a better writer so thanks for the much-needed support.
This may be longer than I actually intended, but that's okay; since Akito has been sick, there hasn't been much time for character development and feelings, so I think I'll work on that after- I won't go any further otherwise I'd be giving away the storyline. *hehe* ^___^
Sometimes I would spend all day there at Hatori's house; Hatori and I talked a lot. It calmed us both.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, while visiting with Akito in his dim room where he had been sleeping, he awoke. I smiled down at him. He blinked and sat up. I didnt stop him.
"To-" he was cut off by a coughing fit. His throat was partially blocked from the saliva and had a raspy, unsteady sound.
Removing his hand from his mouth, he looked up at me and said: "Tohru Honda, do you remember, at the New Year's Celebration?" he said. I nodded as the memories came to mind.
"You never told, did you?" he said, looking away. I shook my head silently.
"No, I would never tell, of course. I told you, I swore, I'd never tell a soul as long as I live."
"Then it is my transgression. I- I apologize." Simply those words brought tears to my eyes; I knew, had Akito not been sick he would have under no circumstances have ever apologized. For him, it was like a code of honor to keep his pride.
"No! It isn't your fault at all! It was just a misunderstanding," I insisted. "Really, Akito, it's okay." He was completely silent for a moment. He opened a window and let a bird fly in, and rest gently upon his finger.
"You know I am going to die soon. How will that affect you? How will it affect the others?" he asked. I looked to the floor.
"I will be sad, everyone will. Akito Sohma, you keep us alive. You keep us moving in the direction that we should be, so that we don't ever stray. For such a young age, you are wise beyond your years, and despite your rough exterior, I know you're a good person as well as leader inside."
"But I will eventually be forgotten as all the others."
"No, of course not! We'll never forget you, Akito. You're part of the family. You may...pass on, but we'll never forget you," I told him encouragingly. He paused for a moment.
"What's wrong with me?" he asked. I took a breathe.
"Hatori doesn't know. You're just...sick. I'm sorry, but we really don't," I confessed sadly.
"Why, why did you stay with us?" he asked. "Why did you stay with us when you knew what our lives were like, and you willingly were pulled in?"
"Because, everyone has to be saved in this world from something. And I know that I can't cure you of your curse, but I think that you and your family needed a friend. A friend that understood," I told him.
"Thank...you..." Akito whispered so that it was barely audible, followed by another coughing fit. "You willingly saved us; you may not be of Sohma blood, but you're part of our family now." I smiled at that. I sincerely thought I'd never hear Akito say those words. He turned to me now and the bird flew off his finger, out the window.
"Tohru Honda, do you wish I would live?" he asked. I nodded solemnly.
"Yes. More than anything."
"Everyone in this world has to be saved from something, you say. I guess though, you just weren't on time for me," he said tonelessly. Normally, I would have protested that with all my heart, but I knew, that it was nothing but the truth. The bitter truth; that Akito would, indeed die, and that there was nothing we could ever do to stop it now. I said nothing for a long time as we both sat in silence.
"Akito, are you scared?" I whispered.
"I don't know. Though I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. I have lived with the idea for so long, I'm used to it. Like I said, I was born in order to die. It simply means, I will no longer have a visible existence in this place, this cruel, wretched world. So maybe, it's just a relief."
Always, when I wouldn't know what to do, I woud just remember my mother's words and that would give me the strength and guidance to believe. But now, I didn't want to believe. It was almost like: they're just words, they can't do much of anything. Right now, I don't think anybody wanted to believe; believing was just too hard right now. Nobody wants to believe in a futile cause.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, when I was all alone, I crept into Akito's room. He wasn't there anymore, Hatori was tending to him somewhere else. I sat by the chair I always sat in and touched the covers, creating small wrinkles. I touched the pillow where he would always lay his head. Removing my hand, I saw a bittersweet reminder of the young man usually laying there, strands of his dark hair.
How long had it been that Akito had been laid up? By now, it would have passed 4 months. And he still was showing no signs of improvement, at least not that I could see; though Hatori said he was eating more. But at this point, that was our only glimmer of hope. We simply continued to fret over him and make sure he was comfortable until.... But I still didn't want to think about what happens then.
All these thoughts swirling infinitely around in my end brought tears to my eyes for the thousandth time. Sliding off the chair and onto the floor, I lay, listening to the silence with my ear to the floor. I let a low sob escape my throat.
Closing my eyes, I counted the seconds before I pushed myself up into a sitting position, leaning upon the bed. I looked up at the dim ceiling for a moment and that ancient thought crept back into my mind. When I was younger, my mother was like my guide through life to help me do the right thing and be of help. There must be someone like that for everyone, right? That's what I thought once, but only until I met the Sohmas. They have no one. They have no one to help them out and understand, so all they can do is be shot and ruined by life, giving up the futile struggle they've held all their lives for generations and generations. Just because of a stupid curse that they really don't deserve. No one can ever understand their own pain and suffering; I realize even now- I've only seen a small fraction of their real, torturous lives- to be brushed aside because of something totally out of their control.
With a cracky voice I said: "Spirits, gods, whoever, please, please help them. I beg of you, help them. Why have you forsaken them, and me?" I began so desperately. "They have done nothing wrong, yet are cursed with lives of pain and sadness. I really don't care whatever you spirits think if you even exist, because I think they have lived very honorable lives for all their sacrifices. And, Akito... Help Akito... Please, I beg of you..." I pleaded and fell silent, dropping to the floor once again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello! How was that for a ch. 4? I really apologize for any grammar errors; I'm constantly trying to improve and become a better writer so thanks for the much-needed support.
This may be longer than I actually intended, but that's okay; since Akito has been sick, there hasn't been much time for character development and feelings, so I think I'll work on that after- I won't go any further otherwise I'd be giving away the storyline. *hehe* ^___^