Mom, help me, please. I really thought Akito cared, I really thought things
were different. Had I just been believing a lie? But then, why did I sense
a change in Akito? In all honesty, I truly believed there was something
different in Akito. I saw some amazing change, and I had no doubts of its
existence. I knew there was something there, at once.
~~~a friend's voice~~~
Hatori called. He wanted me to come over, he said he wanted to talk about something with me. It was a sunny afternooon with only a few clouds floating high in the sky the day I went to see Hatori. The birds of spring were awake and lively again as last spring had brought, and the spring before that, and even the one before that.
Hatori was wearing his usual grey vest over a white shirt with brown, creased pants and a pair of spectacle glasses framed his face; he was donning his usual white doctor coat as well. The one side of his hair was hung over the left side of his face, where he was blind. I smiled at him.
"Come in," he told me. I did so and took my shoes off at the door and set them on the porch. He led me to a room that served as an office for him. He sat in a chair at a desk and gestured for me to sit as well in a seat across from him. At his desk, he wrote a few notes on some papers and then set his pen down and turned his chair to face me. His eyes were serious. I waited in anticipation for him to explain. "I know what Akito did," Hatori said calmly. I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact with Hatori.
"Did he tell you?" I said.
"No. I asked him first, and finally he did. In all my years of living close- by and very immediate to Akito, in many ways, he's become something like the son I never had, to me." Hatori hesitated and said nothing for a moment; he seemed to be thinking about something of the past. "All my life, I had cared that I was a Juunishi, I didn't like being the Dragon. But when I met Kana, my whole life changed. She accepted me as what I was, and it no longer mattered anymore to me. As long as she was there..." He paused for a moment. "When she left...I felt as if everything mattered again. I cried. I felt as if I had been believing a false sense of salvation, but I knew at one time, it had been true. Kana had been in my life, for a short while, and then she was gone... Maybe it was my fault, maybe I had done this to her, because I had wanted to get married. Afterwards, after she was gone from my life, I thought, there had to be a better way. But we chose to tell Akito instead, and that was our mistake, telling Akito. But, in the end, I guess it really wasn't; I may never come to terms with what I am, but I know that I can never just leave. I can't simply get away from it, get away from the grief."
"Hatori...?" I whispered softly. He seemed not to notice.
"The grief that I had caused Akito to become angry. And Kana became sad, and I for a while, I just needed it all to go away. But it never did... And then, Akito persuaded me to erase Kana's memories, and even though I hated him wholeheartedly for what he had done, I obeyed. Akito had made me believe that Kana wanted this, that she didn't want to get married to me; he made me believe she wished she had never gotten involved with the Sohmas and that she secretly wanted her memories erased. And it was so easy for me to accept that because that's what they all said. For every 'other' that passed through our lives, there was always a sickening farewell, because they just couldn't cope. Sometimes, I still wonder, if even you will be an exception." Hatori had said that knowing I would understand. Before he had even finished I had a strong feeling of sympathy for Hatori, than even before. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he told this to me, though not looking directly at me. "I don't know what's right or wrong, or up from down, or east to west anymore; they became confused to me long ago. Just like the frozen snow... I am as empty as the coldness of winter. That's what I promised Kana," he finished with a whisper.
For now, I had no say in this conversation. It was simply Hatori's turn to tell me things, to pour out his soul to me, to get it out. I only needed to listen. With nothing to say, I waited intently for his voice to speak again.
"Tohru, because of what I let happen in my life, because I let Akito fool me, because I let Kana get away, don't lose Akito. Please promise me, you won't let Akito slip away. I know now for you it must seem pretty hopeless, but it's not. Akito, all his life, has felt shunned by some means, just as the Cat; so now that he has been accepted by someone -you- he has difficulty expressing it. He doesn't know how to tell you he cares, because up until only recently, it was totally alien to him. Be patient with him, and don't desert him, please, you're all he has." Hatori sighed and looked at me. I nodded. I stood and bowed as if accepting a job. I straightened and looked at Hatori.
"I promise," I assured him. "I won't abandon Akito," I said. Lastly, I stepped toward Hatori and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in the chair. A few seconds later, there was a 'poof' and a small puff of purplish smoke rose from the air. A white coat flew in the air. When the smoke settled, the brown-haired man was no longer in the chair, leaving only a small seahorse on the carpet, squirming around in the coat. I sighed.
"Oh, I guess I forgot. Sorry Hatori, I'm really sorry," I apologized as I bent down and wrapped the tiny seahorse in the coat and walked out of the room with him. "I'll take you to your room, Hatori, so you can just wait to change back." My only response were a few tiny squeaks and a little squirming. I gave a laugh. Somehow I didn't think Hatori liked it when he transformed in front of people; I think it sort of ruined his professional complex, and he knew it.
Later...
"Tohru, please don't tell anyone I transformed," Hatori said while pulling his right arm through a sleeve of the white doctor coat. I nodded my agreement.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
Mom, why do I care so much about Akito? Do you know? And does Akito care for me too? According to Hatori, he does to an extent, but what that extent is I don't know.
Okay, well, Akito is the next one to make a move obviously. Uh...so what do I do now? I think I should just take a break and give Akito time to sort out his own feelings. If he can do that, then maybe he can realize what he needs and wants from me. And after that, we can endulge in a sweet, unfolding romance for all time! With Akito though, that's actually not likely possible; I was lucky I even got a couple kisses out of him! Well, hey, I should be glad I even got this far, as to where Akito needs time to sort out his own feelings for me. And I know for a fact no other woman has ever accomplished such an exploit of Akito.
Things like this, like romance, take time.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
It was a week and a half later and I had heard nothing from either Hatori or Akito.
I was in the kitchen, preparing lunch for Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and myself, when the phone rang. I set the bowls I had been holding on the table and walked to the phone. I picked it up.
"Hello," I said cheerily. A thrilling chill went down my spine when I heard who was on the other line; I guess Akito just has that effect on people. I suddenly lost all my wits.
"Tohru, I want to meet you somewhere," Akito said stoicly. I nodded over the phone and I tried to gather my shreds of wits.
"Uh...y- yeah. Okay, uh, where do you want to meet?" I managed to ask.
"I don't know; where would any regular couple go?" I froze from feet to head and felt my brain pause temporarily. My breath stopped in mid-inhale. This was exactly the guy who had just told me nothing had changed only a week and a half ago!
~mental relapse~
I involuntarily gave a hiccup over the line.
"Uh...I don't know...anywhere is fine with me," I said, trying to keep myself from falling over.
"Good. I'll pick you up then, tomorrow, at seven."
"Y- yeah. Do you drive?" I asked in a dream.
"No." And the line was cut off. I wobbled back over to the bowls on the table and continued what I was doing as best I could from the utter shock.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmm, so Akito does care after all. And now, what's this?! Their first date! *does boogy* Stay tuned for the next chapter!
~~~a friend's voice~~~
Hatori called. He wanted me to come over, he said he wanted to talk about something with me. It was a sunny afternooon with only a few clouds floating high in the sky the day I went to see Hatori. The birds of spring were awake and lively again as last spring had brought, and the spring before that, and even the one before that.
Hatori was wearing his usual grey vest over a white shirt with brown, creased pants and a pair of spectacle glasses framed his face; he was donning his usual white doctor coat as well. The one side of his hair was hung over the left side of his face, where he was blind. I smiled at him.
"Come in," he told me. I did so and took my shoes off at the door and set them on the porch. He led me to a room that served as an office for him. He sat in a chair at a desk and gestured for me to sit as well in a seat across from him. At his desk, he wrote a few notes on some papers and then set his pen down and turned his chair to face me. His eyes were serious. I waited in anticipation for him to explain. "I know what Akito did," Hatori said calmly. I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact with Hatori.
"Did he tell you?" I said.
"No. I asked him first, and finally he did. In all my years of living close- by and very immediate to Akito, in many ways, he's become something like the son I never had, to me." Hatori hesitated and said nothing for a moment; he seemed to be thinking about something of the past. "All my life, I had cared that I was a Juunishi, I didn't like being the Dragon. But when I met Kana, my whole life changed. She accepted me as what I was, and it no longer mattered anymore to me. As long as she was there..." He paused for a moment. "When she left...I felt as if everything mattered again. I cried. I felt as if I had been believing a false sense of salvation, but I knew at one time, it had been true. Kana had been in my life, for a short while, and then she was gone... Maybe it was my fault, maybe I had done this to her, because I had wanted to get married. Afterwards, after she was gone from my life, I thought, there had to be a better way. But we chose to tell Akito instead, and that was our mistake, telling Akito. But, in the end, I guess it really wasn't; I may never come to terms with what I am, but I know that I can never just leave. I can't simply get away from it, get away from the grief."
"Hatori...?" I whispered softly. He seemed not to notice.
"The grief that I had caused Akito to become angry. And Kana became sad, and I for a while, I just needed it all to go away. But it never did... And then, Akito persuaded me to erase Kana's memories, and even though I hated him wholeheartedly for what he had done, I obeyed. Akito had made me believe that Kana wanted this, that she didn't want to get married to me; he made me believe she wished she had never gotten involved with the Sohmas and that she secretly wanted her memories erased. And it was so easy for me to accept that because that's what they all said. For every 'other' that passed through our lives, there was always a sickening farewell, because they just couldn't cope. Sometimes, I still wonder, if even you will be an exception." Hatori had said that knowing I would understand. Before he had even finished I had a strong feeling of sympathy for Hatori, than even before. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he told this to me, though not looking directly at me. "I don't know what's right or wrong, or up from down, or east to west anymore; they became confused to me long ago. Just like the frozen snow... I am as empty as the coldness of winter. That's what I promised Kana," he finished with a whisper.
For now, I had no say in this conversation. It was simply Hatori's turn to tell me things, to pour out his soul to me, to get it out. I only needed to listen. With nothing to say, I waited intently for his voice to speak again.
"Tohru, because of what I let happen in my life, because I let Akito fool me, because I let Kana get away, don't lose Akito. Please promise me, you won't let Akito slip away. I know now for you it must seem pretty hopeless, but it's not. Akito, all his life, has felt shunned by some means, just as the Cat; so now that he has been accepted by someone -you- he has difficulty expressing it. He doesn't know how to tell you he cares, because up until only recently, it was totally alien to him. Be patient with him, and don't desert him, please, you're all he has." Hatori sighed and looked at me. I nodded. I stood and bowed as if accepting a job. I straightened and looked at Hatori.
"I promise," I assured him. "I won't abandon Akito," I said. Lastly, I stepped toward Hatori and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in the chair. A few seconds later, there was a 'poof' and a small puff of purplish smoke rose from the air. A white coat flew in the air. When the smoke settled, the brown-haired man was no longer in the chair, leaving only a small seahorse on the carpet, squirming around in the coat. I sighed.
"Oh, I guess I forgot. Sorry Hatori, I'm really sorry," I apologized as I bent down and wrapped the tiny seahorse in the coat and walked out of the room with him. "I'll take you to your room, Hatori, so you can just wait to change back." My only response were a few tiny squeaks and a little squirming. I gave a laugh. Somehow I didn't think Hatori liked it when he transformed in front of people; I think it sort of ruined his professional complex, and he knew it.
Later...
"Tohru, please don't tell anyone I transformed," Hatori said while pulling his right arm through a sleeve of the white doctor coat. I nodded my agreement.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
Mom, why do I care so much about Akito? Do you know? And does Akito care for me too? According to Hatori, he does to an extent, but what that extent is I don't know.
Okay, well, Akito is the next one to make a move obviously. Uh...so what do I do now? I think I should just take a break and give Akito time to sort out his own feelings. If he can do that, then maybe he can realize what he needs and wants from me. And after that, we can endulge in a sweet, unfolding romance for all time! With Akito though, that's actually not likely possible; I was lucky I even got a couple kisses out of him! Well, hey, I should be glad I even got this far, as to where Akito needs time to sort out his own feelings for me. And I know for a fact no other woman has ever accomplished such an exploit of Akito.
Things like this, like romance, take time.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
It was a week and a half later and I had heard nothing from either Hatori or Akito.
I was in the kitchen, preparing lunch for Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, and myself, when the phone rang. I set the bowls I had been holding on the table and walked to the phone. I picked it up.
"Hello," I said cheerily. A thrilling chill went down my spine when I heard who was on the other line; I guess Akito just has that effect on people. I suddenly lost all my wits.
"Tohru, I want to meet you somewhere," Akito said stoicly. I nodded over the phone and I tried to gather my shreds of wits.
"Uh...y- yeah. Okay, uh, where do you want to meet?" I managed to ask.
"I don't know; where would any regular couple go?" I froze from feet to head and felt my brain pause temporarily. My breath stopped in mid-inhale. This was exactly the guy who had just told me nothing had changed only a week and a half ago!
~mental relapse~
I involuntarily gave a hiccup over the line.
"Uh...I don't know...anywhere is fine with me," I said, trying to keep myself from falling over.
"Good. I'll pick you up then, tomorrow, at seven."
"Y- yeah. Do you drive?" I asked in a dream.
"No." And the line was cut off. I wobbled back over to the bowls on the table and continued what I was doing as best I could from the utter shock.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmm, so Akito does care after all. And now, what's this?! Their first date! *does boogy* Stay tuned for the next chapter!