~Chapter 3~
Ghosts
Sun
Light pours forth on blinded eyes.
I face the truth of my demise.
I'll not resist, though pain is strong -
The ending notes of one last song.
Deprived of thought, my mind is numb.
At last this final day has come.
The hand of death wraps 'round my throat
As devils cloaked in sorrow float
Around my body, scorched by sin,
But I won't let the demons in.
The image of your face appears.
I cannot wipe away your tears.
They fall so gently to the ground
And say so much yet make no sound.
I reach out toward the brilliant sky.
I've lived enough. Now let me die.
Numb is all I feel. This can't be happening. I can't bring myself to go and she her, coz that would make it real, make it final. I don't want to believe it, not yet. I want to pretend I'll walk into her lab and there she'll be, playing with some new doohicky and nothing will have happened. Everything will be fine again. I'd take back the last four months in a heartbeat just to see her smile again.
I drove home, stopping only for a six-pack of bear and TV dinner, not that I feel like eating, but I promised Janet. Walking through my door, I'm surprised how musty it smells, and how quickly the spiders made themselves at home the seconds my back was turned. My belongings are boxed up; the guys didn't know what else to do with them. They'd drop by once a week at different times to make sure no one was helping themselves to my stuff, but they thought it best to pack things up, just in case we didn't come back. I'm sure if I should be grateful or annoyed.
I enter the kitchen, pull the box from the bag, dig into it and pull out a bear, leaving everything else where it is and heading for the front room to plant myself on the sheet-covered sofa. I feel myself sitting on something- the hifi remote. I hit the play button; some nice easy jazz comes on. Norah Jones, I must have left the CD in there months ago. I've been a fan of jazz since I was a kid. I close my eyes, taking a long drag on my painkiller for the night as I see her face, her hands, and her body. Feel her skin, hear her voice. She should be here. We should be sitting here now together, eating pizza and her teasing me over buying this album, when really she was glad we'd be living together from now on, coz otherwise she'd have to get her own copy.
The song finishes and the next comes on. Two lines are as loud as thunder in my head; 'I can't help myself, I've got too see you again'. Tears sting! They really cut like knives sometimes. I thought when Charlie died; I thought that I'd never feel pain like that again. Too lose your child is like losing part of your own flesh, like someone has cut your heart out and throw it against a wall, and you watch, helpless as it slowly slides down, leaving a trail of blood behind it, too land in a heap on the floor. This is just exactly like that. A part of me has died, and it's a part I can't live without.
"Jack?" my eyes are open in a flash. Sam. Standing right there, in front of me. For a second, I forget everything and stand up, moving to hold her close, but she's gone. Her body that was right there, so real I could smell her perfume just vanishes in a mist and I'm left standing, reaching out to touch an elusion. I can't explain it but a sudden wave of anger and frustration rushes over me. I throw my bear, which collides with the wall, smashing into a shower of glass and alcohol, landing on the carpet and leaving a stain. I can't sit here anymore. I can't be in this house that should have been ours, watching ghosts haunt me. I have to do something to get her back.
Within an hour I'm back at the base, demanding to see Hammond. I explain to him that I have to do something; he, of course, tries to convince me that she's gone to a better place, that I have to sit back and take it, but I can't accept that. I won't!
"If you won't do it for me, do it for Sam. She's your goddaughter for crying out loud. She's so young, sir, don't you think she deserves more of a life than she's had so far? Don't you think she should have known love, happiness, before she leaves? General, please!"
"God damn it, I know Jack! But you think I can just give you permission to go bringing people back from the dead? That's something that only one man has the right to do, and it's not me, son!"
I rub an irritated hand over my face, paying particular attention to my eyes, damming the river that's about to flow. I sallow hard and tell him the cold hard truth, hoping that it will be enough to make him understand.
"General, Sam and I were going to be married. She asked me just before." I can't say it. "Look, just let me use the gate, please. If you don't, you can tell the grave digger he'll be getting some more work real soon!" his eyes widen in shock, or is it disbelief, no, he knows I'd do it. He closes his eyes for a second, digesting my words. Sighing sadly, he gives me his consent with a small nod of his head, adding a few words as I leave.
"Be careful, Jack. You're medalling with a powerful force now." I nod and almost run to see Daniel. If anyone knows whom I have to talk to, it's him.
**
"Well, there's the Nox. We know first hand that they can revive their dead. But I don't think they like to interfere if the person has been dead for over a certain amount of time, something to do with irreparable damage. Besides, while you were gone, they had to move and they haven't contacted us with their new address yet. We expect it any day now."
"Well, then I guess there out, who else?"
Daniels face had been priceless when I told him everything. He agreed to help me, although he didn't agree with what I was doing, or so he said. It'll be different when she's back. He'll be glad.
"Well, we haven't got a sarcophagus and getting one would be too risky, the General would never go for it. The Tok'ra, but I'm not sure if they can actually bring people back from the dead? I mean, they can heal, but can they revive? We've recently met a new race, they have the ability, or so they say, to ask the gods to grant life. They are pagans, or like them any way and worship the sun and moon. We have a good relationship with them."
"Sounds good, let's go."
"Jack?"
"What?"
"Why are you doing this? I loved her too but and I see why you don't wanna lose that, but she's gone, can't you let her rest in piece?"
"Daniel, did you ever feel like you'd rather put a gun to your head than spend another day without the only person capable of giving you a reason to breath. The only person who you look at and know that they're everything to you, they're you world?"
"Yeah." He says sadly, looking at the photograph of his wife on his desk before picking up the folder on this new race and saying "let's go."
*
it took a couple of days and some long sleepless nights but the arrangements I made with Jasper paid off. He held up his end of the bargain, and I had managed to convince Hammond that this is a good idea. Daniel did a little research and couldn't find any reason why we shouldn't give it a go. Ok, it could be a bit risky, but what's the worst that could happen? I'm just glad I didn't have to go behind their backs after all. To be honest, I don't even know if I could have managed without there help.
Sam's body, which had been laying the morgue the past few days while her funeral arrangements were being attended to, is clothed in a long white dress that matches her skin in shade. Rigor mortis staked its claim over a day ago, and so as I lifted her lifeless, cold body, her limbs were stubborn to fall into a comfortable carrying position. I felt ailing when I first saw her. After throwing up in the men's room I managed to pull myself together, but the sight of her is still ghostly.
As we step through the gate, we are greeted by night and a full moon. Jasper awaits us and leads us to a stone monument, very much like Stonehenge on Earth. Daniel said that from what he could tell, these people had descended from early age Celts, and may even hold the key to a question that has plagued archaeologists for years; 'what's the purpose of Stonehenge?' right now I don't give a damn, I just want Sam back.
I place her body on a stone alter, and step away as several fairy like creatures approach. They have unkept hair in colours of red and gold and wear long white and green robes. Two women begin to work on her, mixing powders and herbs in blows whilst whispering chants. Some kind of symbol is marked on her forehead in a mixture of blood and ash. Jasper comes to my side to translate the happenings.
"You must wear your hood, O'Neill, only the head of the subject may be borne." I do as he says and place the hood of the navy blue cloak over my head.
"What are they doing?" I ask as they busily light candles and say more chants.
"First they light the candles, to sanctify the space. They anoint their heads and purify the area, ringing a bell to cast off unclean spirits. They will now light the guardian angel candle." He whispers as I catch part of the prayer they say whilst turning to each direction and light a candle, each a different colour. "This is a time that is not a time, in a place, that is not a place, on a day that is not a day - - I stand at the threshold between the worlds. Before the veil of mysteries. Universal Light, Circle Nigh, Bring my Guardian Angel by. Silver wings about me protect, all negative energy they will deflect. Guardian Angel, I call thee here, to vanquish any doubt or fear. Together now, I work with thee, as God wills, so mote it be." Is spoken into the night and lost on the breeze.
As the service goes on, herbs of allspice, angelica, bay, burdock and caraway or spread on her body, giving off a powerful scent. An oil mixture of carrier oil, rosemary, juniper and sandalwood is added to a pool, in which she is then placed to float on the surface. Large stones, bloodstone, hematite, green tourmaline, amethyst and citrine are placed on the seven focal points of the body, so Jasper says. Like a protective father I demanded to know what everything was and why it was happening. A stone is placed on her head, between the eyes, on her heart, her wrists and ankles. More prayers are said, more rituals acted out as the night gets later and later, and I begin to feel I have been given a false hope. Cruelly lied too.
But then something happens. As the sun now begins to rise and crosses paths with the largest moon, the rays intermingle and create a colour like no other I have seen before. Pinks, gold's, blues, whites and oranges fill the land with such a glow that I think this must be what heaven looks like. The glow reaches out and touches Sam, making her look like a sleeping angel. Her body lifts from its pedestal and levitates metres above the ground, the glow now encircling her completely. The stones fall away as her head drops back, lifting her chest higher to the sky. This last for minutes until the sun and moon part once more, and she falls to the ground with a thud. There's not a signal movement. Her head is hidden under her garments. Finally, I can take it no more; I have to know if it worked. Stepping forward, a strong hand on my shoulder stops me, and instead a priestess goes to her side, lifting away her garments to reveal Sam's face.
A face whose eyes are now open and looking around, whose lips draw breath once more. Relief floods though my veins with such a force I feel dizzy. I have her back. I have my salvation back. I feel I have been given back a million tomorrows where before I only saw none. Running to her side as soon as the hand on my shoulder leaves, I remove my hood to look at her properly.
I stand before her, a cold chill washing away the relief. Something's not right. The grey colouring of her skin, the dull pink and blue of her lips, torn by crimson ribbons spilling only the smallest amount of blood and the ghostly shadows under her eyes are to be expected, I suppose, from someone who has been dead and walked the afterlife for more than a day. But that she makes no attempt to stand or speak, that her fingers twitch at her sides and her eyes fill with fear, diluting at the brightness of the morning sun, and simmering beneath salt water pools, each tear fighting to escape until the first succeeds and runs a path away from her eyes and down her skin, landing gently beside her ear, that she may be breathing once more, but not here, not truly alive again, the possibility begins to dawn on me. At least with the Nox, or the use of a sarcophagus, she would have been completely healed. If this hasn't worked, if I've brought her back only to suffer.if I have to loose her again. oh god, what have I done?
TBC
Weird, aren't I!? I researched that bit; it's a real pagan ritual! Though I did add some of my own stuff, I don't know that they use it to bring back the dead, but it is a real prayer and the stones and scents are used for healing. This story is going somewhere, I promise, not sure I know where yet, but that's half the fun!
Ghosts
Sun
Light pours forth on blinded eyes.
I face the truth of my demise.
I'll not resist, though pain is strong -
The ending notes of one last song.
Deprived of thought, my mind is numb.
At last this final day has come.
The hand of death wraps 'round my throat
As devils cloaked in sorrow float
Around my body, scorched by sin,
But I won't let the demons in.
The image of your face appears.
I cannot wipe away your tears.
They fall so gently to the ground
And say so much yet make no sound.
I reach out toward the brilliant sky.
I've lived enough. Now let me die.
Numb is all I feel. This can't be happening. I can't bring myself to go and she her, coz that would make it real, make it final. I don't want to believe it, not yet. I want to pretend I'll walk into her lab and there she'll be, playing with some new doohicky and nothing will have happened. Everything will be fine again. I'd take back the last four months in a heartbeat just to see her smile again.
I drove home, stopping only for a six-pack of bear and TV dinner, not that I feel like eating, but I promised Janet. Walking through my door, I'm surprised how musty it smells, and how quickly the spiders made themselves at home the seconds my back was turned. My belongings are boxed up; the guys didn't know what else to do with them. They'd drop by once a week at different times to make sure no one was helping themselves to my stuff, but they thought it best to pack things up, just in case we didn't come back. I'm sure if I should be grateful or annoyed.
I enter the kitchen, pull the box from the bag, dig into it and pull out a bear, leaving everything else where it is and heading for the front room to plant myself on the sheet-covered sofa. I feel myself sitting on something- the hifi remote. I hit the play button; some nice easy jazz comes on. Norah Jones, I must have left the CD in there months ago. I've been a fan of jazz since I was a kid. I close my eyes, taking a long drag on my painkiller for the night as I see her face, her hands, and her body. Feel her skin, hear her voice. She should be here. We should be sitting here now together, eating pizza and her teasing me over buying this album, when really she was glad we'd be living together from now on, coz otherwise she'd have to get her own copy.
The song finishes and the next comes on. Two lines are as loud as thunder in my head; 'I can't help myself, I've got too see you again'. Tears sting! They really cut like knives sometimes. I thought when Charlie died; I thought that I'd never feel pain like that again. Too lose your child is like losing part of your own flesh, like someone has cut your heart out and throw it against a wall, and you watch, helpless as it slowly slides down, leaving a trail of blood behind it, too land in a heap on the floor. This is just exactly like that. A part of me has died, and it's a part I can't live without.
"Jack?" my eyes are open in a flash. Sam. Standing right there, in front of me. For a second, I forget everything and stand up, moving to hold her close, but she's gone. Her body that was right there, so real I could smell her perfume just vanishes in a mist and I'm left standing, reaching out to touch an elusion. I can't explain it but a sudden wave of anger and frustration rushes over me. I throw my bear, which collides with the wall, smashing into a shower of glass and alcohol, landing on the carpet and leaving a stain. I can't sit here anymore. I can't be in this house that should have been ours, watching ghosts haunt me. I have to do something to get her back.
Within an hour I'm back at the base, demanding to see Hammond. I explain to him that I have to do something; he, of course, tries to convince me that she's gone to a better place, that I have to sit back and take it, but I can't accept that. I won't!
"If you won't do it for me, do it for Sam. She's your goddaughter for crying out loud. She's so young, sir, don't you think she deserves more of a life than she's had so far? Don't you think she should have known love, happiness, before she leaves? General, please!"
"God damn it, I know Jack! But you think I can just give you permission to go bringing people back from the dead? That's something that only one man has the right to do, and it's not me, son!"
I rub an irritated hand over my face, paying particular attention to my eyes, damming the river that's about to flow. I sallow hard and tell him the cold hard truth, hoping that it will be enough to make him understand.
"General, Sam and I were going to be married. She asked me just before." I can't say it. "Look, just let me use the gate, please. If you don't, you can tell the grave digger he'll be getting some more work real soon!" his eyes widen in shock, or is it disbelief, no, he knows I'd do it. He closes his eyes for a second, digesting my words. Sighing sadly, he gives me his consent with a small nod of his head, adding a few words as I leave.
"Be careful, Jack. You're medalling with a powerful force now." I nod and almost run to see Daniel. If anyone knows whom I have to talk to, it's him.
**
"Well, there's the Nox. We know first hand that they can revive their dead. But I don't think they like to interfere if the person has been dead for over a certain amount of time, something to do with irreparable damage. Besides, while you were gone, they had to move and they haven't contacted us with their new address yet. We expect it any day now."
"Well, then I guess there out, who else?"
Daniels face had been priceless when I told him everything. He agreed to help me, although he didn't agree with what I was doing, or so he said. It'll be different when she's back. He'll be glad.
"Well, we haven't got a sarcophagus and getting one would be too risky, the General would never go for it. The Tok'ra, but I'm not sure if they can actually bring people back from the dead? I mean, they can heal, but can they revive? We've recently met a new race, they have the ability, or so they say, to ask the gods to grant life. They are pagans, or like them any way and worship the sun and moon. We have a good relationship with them."
"Sounds good, let's go."
"Jack?"
"What?"
"Why are you doing this? I loved her too but and I see why you don't wanna lose that, but she's gone, can't you let her rest in piece?"
"Daniel, did you ever feel like you'd rather put a gun to your head than spend another day without the only person capable of giving you a reason to breath. The only person who you look at and know that they're everything to you, they're you world?"
"Yeah." He says sadly, looking at the photograph of his wife on his desk before picking up the folder on this new race and saying "let's go."
*
it took a couple of days and some long sleepless nights but the arrangements I made with Jasper paid off. He held up his end of the bargain, and I had managed to convince Hammond that this is a good idea. Daniel did a little research and couldn't find any reason why we shouldn't give it a go. Ok, it could be a bit risky, but what's the worst that could happen? I'm just glad I didn't have to go behind their backs after all. To be honest, I don't even know if I could have managed without there help.
Sam's body, which had been laying the morgue the past few days while her funeral arrangements were being attended to, is clothed in a long white dress that matches her skin in shade. Rigor mortis staked its claim over a day ago, and so as I lifted her lifeless, cold body, her limbs were stubborn to fall into a comfortable carrying position. I felt ailing when I first saw her. After throwing up in the men's room I managed to pull myself together, but the sight of her is still ghostly.
As we step through the gate, we are greeted by night and a full moon. Jasper awaits us and leads us to a stone monument, very much like Stonehenge on Earth. Daniel said that from what he could tell, these people had descended from early age Celts, and may even hold the key to a question that has plagued archaeologists for years; 'what's the purpose of Stonehenge?' right now I don't give a damn, I just want Sam back.
I place her body on a stone alter, and step away as several fairy like creatures approach. They have unkept hair in colours of red and gold and wear long white and green robes. Two women begin to work on her, mixing powders and herbs in blows whilst whispering chants. Some kind of symbol is marked on her forehead in a mixture of blood and ash. Jasper comes to my side to translate the happenings.
"You must wear your hood, O'Neill, only the head of the subject may be borne." I do as he says and place the hood of the navy blue cloak over my head.
"What are they doing?" I ask as they busily light candles and say more chants.
"First they light the candles, to sanctify the space. They anoint their heads and purify the area, ringing a bell to cast off unclean spirits. They will now light the guardian angel candle." He whispers as I catch part of the prayer they say whilst turning to each direction and light a candle, each a different colour. "This is a time that is not a time, in a place, that is not a place, on a day that is not a day - - I stand at the threshold between the worlds. Before the veil of mysteries. Universal Light, Circle Nigh, Bring my Guardian Angel by. Silver wings about me protect, all negative energy they will deflect. Guardian Angel, I call thee here, to vanquish any doubt or fear. Together now, I work with thee, as God wills, so mote it be." Is spoken into the night and lost on the breeze.
As the service goes on, herbs of allspice, angelica, bay, burdock and caraway or spread on her body, giving off a powerful scent. An oil mixture of carrier oil, rosemary, juniper and sandalwood is added to a pool, in which she is then placed to float on the surface. Large stones, bloodstone, hematite, green tourmaline, amethyst and citrine are placed on the seven focal points of the body, so Jasper says. Like a protective father I demanded to know what everything was and why it was happening. A stone is placed on her head, between the eyes, on her heart, her wrists and ankles. More prayers are said, more rituals acted out as the night gets later and later, and I begin to feel I have been given a false hope. Cruelly lied too.
But then something happens. As the sun now begins to rise and crosses paths with the largest moon, the rays intermingle and create a colour like no other I have seen before. Pinks, gold's, blues, whites and oranges fill the land with such a glow that I think this must be what heaven looks like. The glow reaches out and touches Sam, making her look like a sleeping angel. Her body lifts from its pedestal and levitates metres above the ground, the glow now encircling her completely. The stones fall away as her head drops back, lifting her chest higher to the sky. This last for minutes until the sun and moon part once more, and she falls to the ground with a thud. There's not a signal movement. Her head is hidden under her garments. Finally, I can take it no more; I have to know if it worked. Stepping forward, a strong hand on my shoulder stops me, and instead a priestess goes to her side, lifting away her garments to reveal Sam's face.
A face whose eyes are now open and looking around, whose lips draw breath once more. Relief floods though my veins with such a force I feel dizzy. I have her back. I have my salvation back. I feel I have been given back a million tomorrows where before I only saw none. Running to her side as soon as the hand on my shoulder leaves, I remove my hood to look at her properly.
I stand before her, a cold chill washing away the relief. Something's not right. The grey colouring of her skin, the dull pink and blue of her lips, torn by crimson ribbons spilling only the smallest amount of blood and the ghostly shadows under her eyes are to be expected, I suppose, from someone who has been dead and walked the afterlife for more than a day. But that she makes no attempt to stand or speak, that her fingers twitch at her sides and her eyes fill with fear, diluting at the brightness of the morning sun, and simmering beneath salt water pools, each tear fighting to escape until the first succeeds and runs a path away from her eyes and down her skin, landing gently beside her ear, that she may be breathing once more, but not here, not truly alive again, the possibility begins to dawn on me. At least with the Nox, or the use of a sarcophagus, she would have been completely healed. If this hasn't worked, if I've brought her back only to suffer.if I have to loose her again. oh god, what have I done?
TBC
Weird, aren't I!? I researched that bit; it's a real pagan ritual! Though I did add some of my own stuff, I don't know that they use it to bring back the dead, but it is a real prayer and the stones and scents are used for healing. This story is going somewhere, I promise, not sure I know where yet, but that's half the fun!