The fall
"I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for." -
Practical Magic.
Months have passed by now. I am completely healed but for one thing; I still can't walk unaided. I don't use the wheelchair anymore; instead I use a walking frame. I have been using for at least five weeks now.
I sit up and rub the aching muscles in my legs as Charlotte packs up her gear.
"You're doing well Sam, but I want to get you off that frame if we can."
"Yeah, that would be nice. When do you think we can do that?" I ask
"To be honest, I expected you to be ok by now. I think it's more a mental thing now than physical. Your muscles are still a little weak but they are strong enough to hold you. My advice is that you try to go for a couple of minutes each day without the frame, try walking across the lounge or something."
"You really think I can do it?"
"Yeah I do. But don't try now; you've just done enough for today. When I come next week, I expect you to have been practising! But make sure that gorgeous man of yours is there, I don't want you to get hurt."
"Ok." I smile.
"Hey, Sam, I'm just taking the dog out. I'll be back soon." Jack comes in and kisses my head before taking an over excited puppy for a walk. "See you next week Charlie." He smiles at the dark haired woman.
"Bye Jack and bye Sam. I'm outta here!"
"I'll see you out." He says. In moments the house is completely empty.
Sighing I look around the room. I don't know if its just hormones or something else but I suddenly feel angry and sick with myself. I just want a normal life I want a family, I want to get married, and go back to work. I am so tired of being the invalid, of being tiptoed around. I . I want to be how I used to be; independent, respected, 'one of the guys'. Now I am not trusted to be left alone for more than half an hour. I feel so stupid, and inferior and small. I am nearly forty years old for Christ's sake! I take a deep breathe and stare at my walking frame with disgust. Without a second thought I stand up. My legs take my weight and immediately scream for help, but I ignore them. Curiously I slide one foot forward and let my shaking limb adjust before letting go on the bed behind me and doing the same with my other leg.
My confidence grows with each step, and I make it about three meters before I feel my legs demand to be heard and have support. I reach out to grab hold of something but miss, and end up on the floor. Tears fill my eyes, but that just makes me angrier. I get up and take another step, but again and I end up on the floor.
Running shaking hands through my hair I cry out. Tears fall like a rain storm, this is the first time I have truly cried since this happened.
"Sam?" His voice comes from the door, and in seconds he is trying to hold me, but I push him away with all the force I can muster.
"Don't!" I practically spit in response to his startled look.
"Don't be silly, come on, let me help you" he says reaching out for me with renewed determination. I push him away again and pull myself up into a protective ball.
"Just go away! Please. just go." I sob. He moves back and leans his back against the wall. He's only response to my plea is to shake his head and stay right where he is.
After about five minutes of crying my heart out I look up at him and wipe the tears from my red and sore cheeks.
"Why? Why can't I do it yet? Why do you always stay with me, why don't you just leave, go find a woman who you don't have to baby-sit, who you don't have to bath and dress. Someone you can sleep with. I know that's what you want. I've seen you with that look in your eye. Just go Jack, I can manage without you!"
The look he throws me is one of tiredness; rubbing a hand over his face he looks away and laughs a bitter laugh before looking at me again. "Ever thought that maybe I can't manage without you. Ever thought that that's maybe why I brought you back; that the few days you were gone were the worst days of my life. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you? Maybe it's not getting through to you?" he moves closer to me, his eyes shinning with salty water. "I would kill for you. For you, Sam! I'd walk to hell and back just to see you smile." A fresh wave of tears cascade down my burning face.
"As for sex, of course you've seen that look in my eyes, I'm a man! But that look is for you, and only you. Can I help it if I want to show you how much I love you? I know you want it too. I know it drives you crazy, not just that but not being able to do things yourself. You hate it, I see that everyday. But this isn't forever. You have just proven that!" He gently takes my hand. I don't push him away, not this time.
"Jack" I say in a husky emotion filled voice, before pulling him close to me and kissing him softly. He lifts me up in his arms, not breaking our kiss. Before I know it I am lying on our bed, Jack on top of me. He's hands snake their way around my body, and he looks at me with a questioning look in his eyes. I know what his asking.
"Yes Jack." I smile.
**
Sunset roles in across the hills. Here I stand with my husband, Herby running madly around, as the tractor on the fields in the distance kick up dust, beheading the corn and wheat. A warm breeze carries the smell of September while I carry our baby in my belly. I am due to give birth in four months.
Once I got a hold on walking, which took another month after that night, Jack and I sold his place, and my house, and now we have a place of our own. A four bedroom place, with a big garden by a river on the edge of the city. We want a big family, and the child I carry is the first step towards that.
We mostly work from home now, well, I do, Jack spends most of the day fishing or building things for the baby. We are so happy, and I didn't think that that was going to be possible a few months ago. Finally we have everything we've ever wanted.
"I love you Jack O'Neill" I smile and kiss him gently. A cloud of dust covers us and we disappear.
THE END (If you want the happy ending!) TBC (if you want the sad ending.)
Ok, if you want the nice happy ending, for the love of god don't read the next chapter! If you want to ball your eyes out, I will be writing the sad ending very soon, and oh my is it sad! You have been warned!
"I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for." -
Practical Magic.
Months have passed by now. I am completely healed but for one thing; I still can't walk unaided. I don't use the wheelchair anymore; instead I use a walking frame. I have been using for at least five weeks now.
I sit up and rub the aching muscles in my legs as Charlotte packs up her gear.
"You're doing well Sam, but I want to get you off that frame if we can."
"Yeah, that would be nice. When do you think we can do that?" I ask
"To be honest, I expected you to be ok by now. I think it's more a mental thing now than physical. Your muscles are still a little weak but they are strong enough to hold you. My advice is that you try to go for a couple of minutes each day without the frame, try walking across the lounge or something."
"You really think I can do it?"
"Yeah I do. But don't try now; you've just done enough for today. When I come next week, I expect you to have been practising! But make sure that gorgeous man of yours is there, I don't want you to get hurt."
"Ok." I smile.
"Hey, Sam, I'm just taking the dog out. I'll be back soon." Jack comes in and kisses my head before taking an over excited puppy for a walk. "See you next week Charlie." He smiles at the dark haired woman.
"Bye Jack and bye Sam. I'm outta here!"
"I'll see you out." He says. In moments the house is completely empty.
Sighing I look around the room. I don't know if its just hormones or something else but I suddenly feel angry and sick with myself. I just want a normal life I want a family, I want to get married, and go back to work. I am so tired of being the invalid, of being tiptoed around. I . I want to be how I used to be; independent, respected, 'one of the guys'. Now I am not trusted to be left alone for more than half an hour. I feel so stupid, and inferior and small. I am nearly forty years old for Christ's sake! I take a deep breathe and stare at my walking frame with disgust. Without a second thought I stand up. My legs take my weight and immediately scream for help, but I ignore them. Curiously I slide one foot forward and let my shaking limb adjust before letting go on the bed behind me and doing the same with my other leg.
My confidence grows with each step, and I make it about three meters before I feel my legs demand to be heard and have support. I reach out to grab hold of something but miss, and end up on the floor. Tears fill my eyes, but that just makes me angrier. I get up and take another step, but again and I end up on the floor.
Running shaking hands through my hair I cry out. Tears fall like a rain storm, this is the first time I have truly cried since this happened.
"Sam?" His voice comes from the door, and in seconds he is trying to hold me, but I push him away with all the force I can muster.
"Don't!" I practically spit in response to his startled look.
"Don't be silly, come on, let me help you" he says reaching out for me with renewed determination. I push him away again and pull myself up into a protective ball.
"Just go away! Please. just go." I sob. He moves back and leans his back against the wall. He's only response to my plea is to shake his head and stay right where he is.
After about five minutes of crying my heart out I look up at him and wipe the tears from my red and sore cheeks.
"Why? Why can't I do it yet? Why do you always stay with me, why don't you just leave, go find a woman who you don't have to baby-sit, who you don't have to bath and dress. Someone you can sleep with. I know that's what you want. I've seen you with that look in your eye. Just go Jack, I can manage without you!"
The look he throws me is one of tiredness; rubbing a hand over his face he looks away and laughs a bitter laugh before looking at me again. "Ever thought that maybe I can't manage without you. Ever thought that that's maybe why I brought you back; that the few days you were gone were the worst days of my life. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you? Maybe it's not getting through to you?" he moves closer to me, his eyes shinning with salty water. "I would kill for you. For you, Sam! I'd walk to hell and back just to see you smile." A fresh wave of tears cascade down my burning face.
"As for sex, of course you've seen that look in my eyes, I'm a man! But that look is for you, and only you. Can I help it if I want to show you how much I love you? I know you want it too. I know it drives you crazy, not just that but not being able to do things yourself. You hate it, I see that everyday. But this isn't forever. You have just proven that!" He gently takes my hand. I don't push him away, not this time.
"Jack" I say in a husky emotion filled voice, before pulling him close to me and kissing him softly. He lifts me up in his arms, not breaking our kiss. Before I know it I am lying on our bed, Jack on top of me. He's hands snake their way around my body, and he looks at me with a questioning look in his eyes. I know what his asking.
"Yes Jack." I smile.
**
Sunset roles in across the hills. Here I stand with my husband, Herby running madly around, as the tractor on the fields in the distance kick up dust, beheading the corn and wheat. A warm breeze carries the smell of September while I carry our baby in my belly. I am due to give birth in four months.
Once I got a hold on walking, which took another month after that night, Jack and I sold his place, and my house, and now we have a place of our own. A four bedroom place, with a big garden by a river on the edge of the city. We want a big family, and the child I carry is the first step towards that.
We mostly work from home now, well, I do, Jack spends most of the day fishing or building things for the baby. We are so happy, and I didn't think that that was going to be possible a few months ago. Finally we have everything we've ever wanted.
"I love you Jack O'Neill" I smile and kiss him gently. A cloud of dust covers us and we disappear.
THE END (If you want the happy ending!) TBC (if you want the sad ending.)
Ok, if you want the nice happy ending, for the love of god don't read the next chapter! If you want to ball your eyes out, I will be writing the sad ending very soon, and oh my is it sad! You have been warned!