Ok, this is my first post on Fanfiction, but I hope to write more. Please
review!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, scenery, ect. JK Rowling does. I do not own the song "Bad to the bone." rewritten by George Thorogood.
~*~*~*~
Malfoy sighed, looking at both his comrades and wondering how he could have ended up with these trolls in the first place. They didn't seem to notice him, for they were far to busy stuffing their faces with pies and cakes. For once Malfoy wished the food at Hogwarts wasn't so delicious. He sipped at his pumpkin juice, grimacing at the bitter taste and rethinking his last thoughts. When the food finally diminished from their side of the table, the plates magically refilled and Crabb and Goyle began to bury themselves into the meal again. Malfoy stood up, and began to leave the Great Hall. This was likely to go on all day.
*
Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled down the hall. Ron was back complaining about how much homework he had, Hermione was fussing over the fact that he hadn't done it earlier, and he should have put it in the organizer she had given him for Christmas. Harry simply strolled along next to them, nodding and muttering "Yeps" and "Uh-huhs" Far off down the hall, Mrs. Norris's green eyes peered out at them, but the group ignored them, knowing they couldn't be doing anything wrong. "Really, Ron." Hermione was saying, "You really should listen to what the book says when you open it. It can be very -." A loud cackling that echoed along the tall arches of the hall interrupted her. They froze for a moment, eyes wide and scanning the hall. Peeves cackle reemerged behind them, and they all swerved around. "What are you doing here?" Sneered a voice behind them. Once again the group spun around. Malfoy stood in front of them, looking smug. "This is my territory. You're not supposed to be here." "You know quite well that this terri.hall doesn't belong to you." Snapped Hermione. Suddenly, Mrs. Norris burst out of the darkness and streaked across the hall. Peeves followed, laughing madly and clutching a small black jar. He slowed as he reached the group. "What's that?" asked Ron on impulse, motioning to the black bottle. Peeves sniggered and bent over him. "Snatched off Snape. Why do you care?" he sneered mockingly. Usually by now Mrs. Norris would have been up by Filch's office, but instead she stood behind them, watching in anticipation as if something were about to happen. Without warning, Ron whipped out his wand and aimed it at Peeves. "Retreiveus!" he hollered. Once again, Hermione was right. He should have done his homework and practiced the spell. Instead of floating towards him, the bottle slipped out of Peeve's ghastly fingers and onto the ground. It shattered, and with a hiss like a giant snake, it exploded into a great cloud of black smoke. Peeves swooped off, cheering loudly.
*
When they all awoke, they were in the Hospital wing. Madam Promfrey hastily explained that Peeves had knocked them unconscious with some kind of spell, but even Snape wasn't quite sure what it was. They had missed about an hour of class, but would be able to go back to class as soon as they felt better. Hermione moaned a bit as she sat up. As soon as the noise left her mouth she cupped a hand over it, eyes widening in shock. It was different that her own, yet familiar. If peeves had done something to her voice, she would murder him. She squinted at the hospital wing as it came into focus. And looked right at herself.
MALFOY: AHH!
RON: AHH!
HERMIONE: AHH!
HARRY: Meow! *Looking at them with wide eyes*
HERMIONE: *grins* Blimey! I'm HOT! *Pokes self, as if to make sure self is real*
MALFOY: *Looking hurt* Honestly Ron!
RON: Holy sh*t! *Looks down* I'm.UGLY!
HERMIONE: I am NOT!
RON: (sneers) You are now.
MALFOY/Hermione: Hey.
RON: Shut up all of you. This is a dream. I'm going to wake up any second.
HERMIONE: *pinches self* OW!
MALFOY: What are you doing?
HERMIONE: This isn't a dream.
MALFOY: No kidding.
"Meow." Said 'Harry' again, looking up at the ceiling. Ms Promfrey, who had been watching them with fascination interrupted. "Are you all right?" she asked nervously. She had seen some teenagers upset about the way they looked before, but never anything like this.. Malfoy, who was still studying himself in horror looked up. "Um.we're fine, Ms. Promfrey." Ms. Promfrey nodded feverishly, still with no idea what had happened. "I'll get you some pumpkin juice." She scurried out of the room as if it were about to be blown to bits.
*
Harry opened his eyes and gaped around the room. He was in Filch's office. He groaned. Had he done something wrong? Or worse, gotten blamed for something? He sat up and blinked. Filch was scribbling something onto a piece of parchment. "Hey poochy baby." He cooed, reaching a hand towards him. "RWA!" he cried. He had meant to demand what the janitor had just called him, but his voice had come out like a cat's howl. Filch raised his eyebrows and pulled away his hand. "What's wrong poochy- pooh? Did Peeves hurt you?" Peeves. Harry remembered choking on some kind of gas spilled by him. He shuddered suddenly, wondering what kind of horrible spell had been placed on him. Maybe he was hearing things. For all he knew, Filch could have just called him a troll, and that he had gotten detention for the rest of the semester. He looked down. "RWACH!"
*
RON: "WHAT THE H*LL IS GOING ON??" *looks at Malfoy* Who's in there?
MALFOY: *turns to Hermione* I'd like to ask you the same question.
HERMIONE: *points to Ron* I'm not telling until he does.
RON: Shut up Weasley, I know you're in there.
Suddenly, Hermione's eyes widened. "Wait a minute!" she said, "You can't call me that because now YOU'RE a Weasley! HA! You've lost your power Malfoy, anything you say can be used against you!!!" "Shut up, Mudblood." Sneered Ron. Hermione's face dropped. "Meow." Said Harry. Malfoy looked up at the ceiling. "Ok, Let's think. How could this have happened?" There was a long silence. "Peeves!" they all cried out in unison. "I am going to cream him!" cried Ron, pounding a fist into the center of his palm. "Honestly Ron, you know that two wrongs don't-." she stopped as "Hermione" burst out laughing. "What?" "Say that again." She chortled. "What, two wrongs-." "No!" laughed Hermione. " 'Honestly!' That's sound's so funny coming out of Malfoy's mouth!"
"Shut up, Weasley." sneered Ron "The sooner I get out of this thing the better. I need to get back into my own body."
"Hey, I'm no happier than you are." Spat Hermione/Malfoy. "Now that's Malfoy." Said Hermione suddenly, sitting up straight. "No it isn't!" sneered Ron. "That's nothing like me!" Hermione stopped laughing suddenly. "I love your hair, Hermione." He exclaimed, "It's so.flippy!" He hung his head down and let it fall, and then threw it back as an example. Hermione/Malfoy looked horrified. "Don't. Touch. My. Hair." He said, his brow furrowing. Ron/Hermione continued to flip it back and forth. "No, I mean it." "I don't have time for this!" cried "Ron" standing up. "I need my body back!" he leaped out of his bed and started to march out of the room. "What's wrong, don't think you can survive a day in the life of a Weasley?" snorted Ron/Hermione. Ron froze in his tracks. "Of course I could!" he sneered. "Your life is nothing!" Ron/Hermione snorted. "Yeah right." Malfoy/Ron swerved around. "Listen here, Mudblood-Weasley-Whatever! I could survive two days in your shoes blindfolded!" "Want a bet?" Ron's brows narrowed. "Ok. How about this, Loser has to clean the winner's robes" "At the Halloween ball!" put in Malfoy. "Wearing a tutu!" "And a kick me sign!" "And pink nail polish!" "And Handcuffed!" "To a chair!" "No, to Snape!" "And playing a kazoo!" "Playing the old spice song!" "And on fire, wait, no, that's good." Malfoy and Ron shook hands. "And if you try to insult me in any way, or want to switch back." Added Ron, "You lose!" Malfoy grimaced, but nodded. "Ok." Said Ron. He grabbed a sash that tied back the curtains on his bed and handed it to Malfoy. "Here's your blindfold." "WHAT?"
*
By the time they were allowed to leave the hospital wing, they had missed their final classes, and all the students were rushing off to their homerooms. "There you are!" said a voice. Crabb and Goyle were striding up to them. Malfoy started, but they only shoved him out of the way. They walked up to Hermione, who winced a bit as they towered over her. "Malfoy, if we don't get moving, we're gonna be late for quidditch practice." Said Goyle, grabbing her by the arm. "Quidditch?" she repeated in horror, remembering Malfoy's position as seeker. "Yeah. C'mon." Malfoy watched in horror as they dragged her away. "I don't believe this!" he cried to no one in particular. Ron, however, was laughing hysterically. "Oh, this is going to be brilliant! Griffindor plays Slytherin tomorrow!" Malfoy's jaw dropped. "I'm dead." Ron's joy diminished as Harry began to run up the halls on all fours. "Oh god no." Malfoy erupted into fits of laughter. He clutched his sides, nearly falling over. "This is nothing. Griffindor's seeker is a cat!" Ron ran up the halls after Harry. "We've got to change him back!" he gasped. "Oh no you don't." he hissed, "If you tell anyone about this, you lose the deal." Ron moaned, but nodded. "Ok. Just be glad I didn't make you wear the blind-fold." Malfoy grinned. "Just be glad I haven't made a fool out of yourself yet." He said smugly. "Hey, that's part of the bet, remember?" pointed out Ron. Malfoy moaned. "You mean I have to last two whole days and not make fun of you? This isn't fair!"
*
Harry streaked out of the room as soon as the door to Filch's office was opened. He skidded to a stop, recognizing Ron. "MREOW" he cried, circling him. Ron smirked. "Serves you right." He sneered, "You should have stopped Weasley from spilling that potion." Harry stopped, looking baffled. Was something wrong with Ron? Did he know what had happened? "MWAT MRAPPAN" he cried, trying to form the words "what happened?" "Blimey, Harry are you alright?" asked Hermione, bending down. A wave of relief washed over Harry. At least they know who I am.did she just say 'Blimey'?
*
"Really." Said Hermione as Crabb and Goyle dragged her across the field to the rest of the team. "I don't feel so good. Maybe I should sit out." "You look fine." Grunted the Slytherin keeper, Bletchley. Hermione winced as Goyle forced a broom into her hands and picked up his own beating stick. She had liked to watch quidditch, but had never pictured herself playing it, let alone on the Slytherin team. She was a traitor to her house. Bletchley opened up the decorated chest and watched as the bludgers flew up into the air. Seconds later, he tossed a quaffle after them. "Let's try method 17." He said as the bludgers began to circle round and plummet towards them. Before anyone could say anything, the team was up. Hermione fought to stay on Malfoy's broom as they took off.
*
Malfoy and Ron made their way up to their common room. If it hadn't been his body, Ron would have made sure Malfoy didn't get in. Harry followed just behind their heels, his nails clicking across the floor. Ms Norris followed, staring around with enormous eyes. Ron threw Hermione's knapsack on a chair beside the fireplace, glad his homework was done now, and that he wouldn't have to worry about his grades, as long as Malfoy went along with the bet. As he headed towards the two sets of stirs, his eyes widened. He turned to Harry. "Wait a minute! I get to go to the girl's dormitory!" Harry shrugged, which looked quite peculiar coming from a cat, and Ron hurried up the stairs. Malfoy looked around, smirking. "Boy, this place is filthy!" Harry gaped at him. "It's exactly the same!!!" he exclaimed. Malfoy shrugged, still smirking. "Whatever.hey, did you just speak?" Harry's emerald eyes widened wholly. "Hey, I did! I can speak.sort of. Telepathically, I guess." "Congratulations, you have the gift of gab." Sighed Malfoy, rolling his eyes. "I'm going to bed. C'mon Ha- Ms. Norris." Ms. Norris didn't answer. She was gone. "Uh-oh."
*
Filch looked up from his writing as "Harry" scampered into the office. He scowled angrily. "What do you want?" he seethed. For a moment, Ms. Norris struggled to form words. "M-master." He said slowly, "E-I ssaw W-Weasley and Gr-Granger. Something wrong. Very wrong." Filch's brow furrowed. "Is this some kind of trick?" he demanded, "Are you telling on your friends?" Ms. Norris shook herself. "Th-they are not my friends." She said slowly. "I don't know w-why you would think that." Filch's frown deepened. "Do you expect me to believe this?" "Master!" She cried, looking mortified now, "Why wouldn't you?" Filch looked as if someone was strangling him. His eyes bulged and a small outraged sound escaped from his mouth. "You're Harry Potter! You don't get your two best friends in trouble! That's not you at all!" Suddenly, Ms. Norris caught her reflection in a cracked mirror sitting by Filch's desk. "AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
*
~~On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered 'round
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
Said leave this one alone
She could tell right away
That I was bad to the bone
Bad to the bone, bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
Malfoy stepped down into the common room. He grinned, tilting his dark sunglasses down. As he stepped towards the fireplace, his dragon-skin boots raised small clouds of dust and small metal chains attached to his black leather jacket clinked lightly. His smoothed back his hair, now black with flaming red highlights. A pale miniature skull on a golden ring winked at them from his right ear. His cape was artfully torn and a small metal dragon pin was clipped to his scarlet and yellow scarf. His prefects badge seemed to have been painted black and red.
~~I broke a thousand hearts
Before I met you
I'll break a thousand more baby
Before I am through
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell you honey
That I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
"What are you doing?" demanded Ron, standing up. Harry looked up from the chair he was curled up on, cocking his head curiously.
"Something you should have done a long time ago." Said Malfoy smugly.
~~I'll make a rich woman beg
And I'll make a good woman steal
I'll make an old woman blush
And I'll make a young girl squeal
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
Malfoy walked right up to a small group of giggling girls who were gathered around the fireplace. Their heads turned as he approached. Several jaws dropped.
"Hey, pretty thangs." He said coolly.
"R-Ron?" gasped one.
"Call me Talon." Said Malfoy coolly, jabbing a finger towards them as
if he were
pointing a gun. There was a long silence.
"Holy sh*t." said one suddenly. Malfoy's heart sank. This wasn't the response he was going for.
~~And when I walk the streets
Kings and queens step aside
Every woman I meet
They all stay satisfied
I wanna tell ya pretty baby
What I see I make my own
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone, bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
"I'll see you chicks at the game then," he continued, winking. The girls burst into a fit of giggles as he left the room. Ron gaped. "What did he just do to me?"
"Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry's second quidditch match of the year!!!" Cried Lee Jordon, his voice magically magnified into a roar. The entire stadium roared their approval as the two teams formed a circle in the field. "Captains, shake hands." Ordered the referee, madam Hooche, as the Angelina and Montague reached each other. "Mount your brooms." Hermione, Malfoy, and the rest of the teams mounted their brooms obediently. Ms. Norris however was not so docile. She simply held the broom in front of her, refusing to move another inch. "Oh, great, I already look like an idiot!" moaned Harry from his place in the stands. Ron put a finger to his lips, motioning him to shush. Finally, after much complaining from Angelina, Ms. Norris perched on the broom. She looked around with a stunned face. "Alright," said Madam Hooch, placing her whistle in her mouth. She blew. The balls and fourteen players all flew into the air. "I can't watch." Said Ron, smothering his eyes with his hands. Malfoy streaked off towards the goalposts, grinning at the roaring crowd. "If he does something stupid, I look stupid." continued Ron, "If he doesn't I have to wash his robe at the Halloween ball.in a tutu!" "Oh yeah?" said Harry, flipping back his ears, "Take a look at me!" Ms. Norris was riding the broom on all fours, hissing as bludgers drove by her. "We're doomed." Moaned Ron. "And it's Johnson-Johnson with the quaffle." Hollered Lee Jordon, "She passes to Angelica - back to Johnson. Brent steals it. He shoots-" All heads turned to Malfoy. He grinned smugly, pointed a crude finger to the Slytherin stands, and dove towards the hurtling quaffle. The Slytherin side moaned as he gripped the ball.and threw it to Angelica. "WHAT??????" raged Ron, standing up. He pulled at Hermione's hair. "What's he doing? Is he helping me???? Who's Malfoy think he's kidding???" Five minutes into the game, the Slytherin team still didn't have any points, thanks to Malfoy. Ron was going insane. He watched as he flawlessly blocked another quaffle. "NOOOOOO!" he sobbed, keeling over. "Calm down!" exclaimed Harry, "He's helping!" "Helping?" repeated Ron, "He's driving me insane!!!!" Harry sighed and looked back at the field. "You know, this is going to go on forever if Hermione and Ms. Norris can't catch that snitch." Ron's eyes bulged. "You mean this is gonna last forever? As in it'll never end? You mean I've been doomed to an eternity of confusion and insanity?" "You've been spending too much time in Hermione's body." Sighed Harry. "Looks like they've spotted the snitch!" roared Lee Jordon. "WHAT?" cried Ron and Harry in unison. They both leaned forward, gaping at the field. "There's no way." gasped Harry. Hermione and Ms. Norris were riding alongside each other at incredible speed. A golden light in front of them blinked in the sunlight. It swerved dangerously, and Hermione and Ms Norris spun around after it. They skimmed the surface of the ring quickly, blades of grass combing their brooms. As the snitch blasted forward, Ms Norris and Hermione slipped next to each other. Suddenly, they both lunged forward, Ms. Norris leaping completely off her broom and Hermione gripping the handle of Malfoy's broom tightly. Two sets of hands gripped the quivering snitch. Its wings folded inwards and it fell to the ground. Ms Norris and Hermione dropped to the ground, each still gripping the snitch tightly. Fortunately they were only a few feet off the ground. "And it's." Lee Jordon cried, peering over the crowd in anticipation, "It's.it's... are Harry and Malfoy in a cat-fight?" A wave of confusion swept over the audience as Hermione and Ms. Norris began to claw at each other. Before Madam Hooch could react, Hermione was twisting Ms. Norris's ankle and Ms. Norris was yanking at Hermione's new, sleek blonde hair. They began to slap at each other frantically, screaming in high-pitched voices. Finally, a very confused Madam Hooch pulled them apart. It took both Crabb and Goyle to hold them back. Ms. Norris hissed, bearing all her teeth. It almost looked funny coming from Harry. "Uh.who won?" questioned Jordon. The whole quidditch stadium seemed to be asking the same question. "Oh, I'm getting some info from Madam Hooch." announced Jordon. "In the event that both seekers catch the winning snitch at the same time, the team with the most points wins.Aw, cr*p! I had fifty bucks on Slytherin! What? Yes it's off! Well because I can see the red light blinking! No, that's the off button! Shut up, I've been working this thing for five years, you think I don't know how to use a simple-." Without warning, an ear-piercing beep screamed through the stadium. "Hey! Don't touch that!" echoed Jordan's voice. "Is this thing on?" "JORDON!" hollered Professor McGonagall. "That's it," he sighed, "It's been five f*cking years, I QUIT!!!"
*
Later that day, the Great hall was flooded with talk of the quidditch match. "What were you thinking???" demanded Harry furiously, watching Hermione and Ms Norris with a look of pure hatred. "He started it!" protested Hermione. "Meow." Said Ms. Norris sporting an innocent smile. Harry gaped at them. "The number one rule of quidditch," seethed Harry, "Is to avoid getting in a cat fight with the opponent at all costs." "Really?" Hermione curiously. "Yes," continued Harry, "It was the first thing Woods told me when I joined the team" He puffed out his tabby cat chest, mimicking Wood's voice. "Harry, there's only one rule in quidditch. And that's don't get in a cat fight." "Oh." Hermione said, looking down at her plate of spaghetti. "Next time I won't get into a fight." "Good." said Harry. Hermione got up, picking up her books. "Wait a sec!" hollered Harry, "Next time! What'd' you mean, next time? Hermione!"
Just then, Malfoy strolled up to them, grinning smugly.
"Well, Weasley," he drawled, "I've gotten through your classes, I've slept in your room, I've even eaten at your filthy little table, and in just two more days, you'll be preparing your tutu for the Halloween dance."
Ron jutted out his lip. "You haven't won yet, Malfoy!"
Malfoy grinned. "Whatever, Weasley."
Chains and jewels clinking mercilessly, he strolled away and found his place in a small cluster of Griffindor girls.
Ron frowned deeply, turning to Harry.
"Tell me the truth," he begged, conjuring up two different tutus, one plain and pink, the other lacy and blue. "Which one looks better?"
*
The next morning, Harry and Ron met at the Griffindor table.
"Alright." Said Ginny suddenly, slamming a small plate of pancakes in front of them so that everyone jumped. "I'll bite. What's going on?"
Harry, and Ron exchanged looks. (Hermione was sitting with the other Slytherin that morning)
"What do you mean?" asked Ron.
"Oh please," she continued rolling her eyes. "Ever since that thing with peeves you've been acting weird, Ron."
Ron's eyes bulged.
"How-."
"C'mon! Since when does Hermione go through one of Lupin's classes without raising her hand? And since when do you hang out with Ms. Norris? And-."
"Okay. Okay." Said Ron, raising a palm. "So we were a little obvious."
"A little obvious?" repeated Ginny, jabbing a thumb towards Malfoy. Ron raised his eyebrows.
"Okay. So we were really obvious."
Ginny nodded.
"So.Any idea on how you're going to get back?"
"Oh, no." said Ron, sipping his pumpkin juice. "Me and Malfoy have a bet. If he can't survive two days in my life, he has to.never mind. You'll see at the ball. He's gonna be so humiliated!"
"You mean you're gonna be so humiliated."
Ron paused.
"Huh?"
"Well," said Ginny, "If Malfoy looses, that means he'll be humiliated at the ball in your body. That means you'll be humiliated. And if you loose, you'll just be humiliated in Hermione's body. Then she'll kill you. Either way, you lose."
Ron's jaw dropped.
*
Thud. Thud. Thud.
"Would you please stop banging your head on the wall!" pleaded Harry. "You're gonna give yourself a headache!"
"Too late." Moaned Ron.
Harry shook his head, sending tufts of brown fur into the air.
Malfoy crawled through the Griffindor entrance, looking up at Ron.
"You do realize I've won?" he said curiously, looking at his watch. "I've been in your body for 48 hours and five minutes."
Ron sighed, thinking.
"Wait a minute," interrupted Ron, eyes gleaming. "You were supposed to live my life! But you didn't! You lived.in some other guy's life. The point is, you didn't act like me at all! I don't wear jewelry or tattoos! I'm not that cool!"
"But I didn't even insult you!"
"At least I followed the rules!"
"You're wearing a skirt."
"So?"
"Just saying."
For a moment, the two just stared at each other.
"So I guess that means the deal is off." said Malfoy uncertainly.
"Oh no!" hollered Ron. "You're not getting off that easy! It's a tie!"
"So.No one has to clean the other's clothes in a tutu playing kazoo at the Halloween ball?" "Don't be stupid. We're both doing that!!" "Uh, Ron? That means."
"Don't even try to change my mind! It's a tie, and that's that!"
*
The next week the Ballroom filled with hoots and howls as Malfoy and Ron, now in their own bodies thanks to a threatening letter to Ron from Hermione and the book of transformation, began to wash the other's robes, wearing a bright pink tutu and pink nail polish, hand cuffed to a reluctant Snape, wearing a kick me sign, and holding a kazoo between each others lips, playing the old spice song and soon taking requests from the crowd.
~*~*~*~
Hmm. not bad. I wish I had a bit more of Ginny, but oh well. Please please please review!
-Di
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, scenery, ect. JK Rowling does. I do not own the song "Bad to the bone." rewritten by George Thorogood.
~*~*~*~
Malfoy sighed, looking at both his comrades and wondering how he could have ended up with these trolls in the first place. They didn't seem to notice him, for they were far to busy stuffing their faces with pies and cakes. For once Malfoy wished the food at Hogwarts wasn't so delicious. He sipped at his pumpkin juice, grimacing at the bitter taste and rethinking his last thoughts. When the food finally diminished from their side of the table, the plates magically refilled and Crabb and Goyle began to bury themselves into the meal again. Malfoy stood up, and began to leave the Great Hall. This was likely to go on all day.
*
Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled down the hall. Ron was back complaining about how much homework he had, Hermione was fussing over the fact that he hadn't done it earlier, and he should have put it in the organizer she had given him for Christmas. Harry simply strolled along next to them, nodding and muttering "Yeps" and "Uh-huhs" Far off down the hall, Mrs. Norris's green eyes peered out at them, but the group ignored them, knowing they couldn't be doing anything wrong. "Really, Ron." Hermione was saying, "You really should listen to what the book says when you open it. It can be very -." A loud cackling that echoed along the tall arches of the hall interrupted her. They froze for a moment, eyes wide and scanning the hall. Peeves cackle reemerged behind them, and they all swerved around. "What are you doing here?" Sneered a voice behind them. Once again the group spun around. Malfoy stood in front of them, looking smug. "This is my territory. You're not supposed to be here." "You know quite well that this terri.hall doesn't belong to you." Snapped Hermione. Suddenly, Mrs. Norris burst out of the darkness and streaked across the hall. Peeves followed, laughing madly and clutching a small black jar. He slowed as he reached the group. "What's that?" asked Ron on impulse, motioning to the black bottle. Peeves sniggered and bent over him. "Snatched off Snape. Why do you care?" he sneered mockingly. Usually by now Mrs. Norris would have been up by Filch's office, but instead she stood behind them, watching in anticipation as if something were about to happen. Without warning, Ron whipped out his wand and aimed it at Peeves. "Retreiveus!" he hollered. Once again, Hermione was right. He should have done his homework and practiced the spell. Instead of floating towards him, the bottle slipped out of Peeve's ghastly fingers and onto the ground. It shattered, and with a hiss like a giant snake, it exploded into a great cloud of black smoke. Peeves swooped off, cheering loudly.
*
When they all awoke, they were in the Hospital wing. Madam Promfrey hastily explained that Peeves had knocked them unconscious with some kind of spell, but even Snape wasn't quite sure what it was. They had missed about an hour of class, but would be able to go back to class as soon as they felt better. Hermione moaned a bit as she sat up. As soon as the noise left her mouth she cupped a hand over it, eyes widening in shock. It was different that her own, yet familiar. If peeves had done something to her voice, she would murder him. She squinted at the hospital wing as it came into focus. And looked right at herself.
MALFOY: AHH!
RON: AHH!
HERMIONE: AHH!
HARRY: Meow! *Looking at them with wide eyes*
HERMIONE: *grins* Blimey! I'm HOT! *Pokes self, as if to make sure self is real*
MALFOY: *Looking hurt* Honestly Ron!
RON: Holy sh*t! *Looks down* I'm.UGLY!
HERMIONE: I am NOT!
RON: (sneers) You are now.
MALFOY/Hermione: Hey.
RON: Shut up all of you. This is a dream. I'm going to wake up any second.
HERMIONE: *pinches self* OW!
MALFOY: What are you doing?
HERMIONE: This isn't a dream.
MALFOY: No kidding.
"Meow." Said 'Harry' again, looking up at the ceiling. Ms Promfrey, who had been watching them with fascination interrupted. "Are you all right?" she asked nervously. She had seen some teenagers upset about the way they looked before, but never anything like this.. Malfoy, who was still studying himself in horror looked up. "Um.we're fine, Ms. Promfrey." Ms. Promfrey nodded feverishly, still with no idea what had happened. "I'll get you some pumpkin juice." She scurried out of the room as if it were about to be blown to bits.
*
Harry opened his eyes and gaped around the room. He was in Filch's office. He groaned. Had he done something wrong? Or worse, gotten blamed for something? He sat up and blinked. Filch was scribbling something onto a piece of parchment. "Hey poochy baby." He cooed, reaching a hand towards him. "RWA!" he cried. He had meant to demand what the janitor had just called him, but his voice had come out like a cat's howl. Filch raised his eyebrows and pulled away his hand. "What's wrong poochy- pooh? Did Peeves hurt you?" Peeves. Harry remembered choking on some kind of gas spilled by him. He shuddered suddenly, wondering what kind of horrible spell had been placed on him. Maybe he was hearing things. For all he knew, Filch could have just called him a troll, and that he had gotten detention for the rest of the semester. He looked down. "RWACH!"
*
RON: "WHAT THE H*LL IS GOING ON??" *looks at Malfoy* Who's in there?
MALFOY: *turns to Hermione* I'd like to ask you the same question.
HERMIONE: *points to Ron* I'm not telling until he does.
RON: Shut up Weasley, I know you're in there.
Suddenly, Hermione's eyes widened. "Wait a minute!" she said, "You can't call me that because now YOU'RE a Weasley! HA! You've lost your power Malfoy, anything you say can be used against you!!!" "Shut up, Mudblood." Sneered Ron. Hermione's face dropped. "Meow." Said Harry. Malfoy looked up at the ceiling. "Ok, Let's think. How could this have happened?" There was a long silence. "Peeves!" they all cried out in unison. "I am going to cream him!" cried Ron, pounding a fist into the center of his palm. "Honestly Ron, you know that two wrongs don't-." she stopped as "Hermione" burst out laughing. "What?" "Say that again." She chortled. "What, two wrongs-." "No!" laughed Hermione. " 'Honestly!' That's sound's so funny coming out of Malfoy's mouth!"
"Shut up, Weasley." sneered Ron "The sooner I get out of this thing the better. I need to get back into my own body."
"Hey, I'm no happier than you are." Spat Hermione/Malfoy. "Now that's Malfoy." Said Hermione suddenly, sitting up straight. "No it isn't!" sneered Ron. "That's nothing like me!" Hermione stopped laughing suddenly. "I love your hair, Hermione." He exclaimed, "It's so.flippy!" He hung his head down and let it fall, and then threw it back as an example. Hermione/Malfoy looked horrified. "Don't. Touch. My. Hair." He said, his brow furrowing. Ron/Hermione continued to flip it back and forth. "No, I mean it." "I don't have time for this!" cried "Ron" standing up. "I need my body back!" he leaped out of his bed and started to march out of the room. "What's wrong, don't think you can survive a day in the life of a Weasley?" snorted Ron/Hermione. Ron froze in his tracks. "Of course I could!" he sneered. "Your life is nothing!" Ron/Hermione snorted. "Yeah right." Malfoy/Ron swerved around. "Listen here, Mudblood-Weasley-Whatever! I could survive two days in your shoes blindfolded!" "Want a bet?" Ron's brows narrowed. "Ok. How about this, Loser has to clean the winner's robes" "At the Halloween ball!" put in Malfoy. "Wearing a tutu!" "And a kick me sign!" "And pink nail polish!" "And Handcuffed!" "To a chair!" "No, to Snape!" "And playing a kazoo!" "Playing the old spice song!" "And on fire, wait, no, that's good." Malfoy and Ron shook hands. "And if you try to insult me in any way, or want to switch back." Added Ron, "You lose!" Malfoy grimaced, but nodded. "Ok." Said Ron. He grabbed a sash that tied back the curtains on his bed and handed it to Malfoy. "Here's your blindfold." "WHAT?"
*
By the time they were allowed to leave the hospital wing, they had missed their final classes, and all the students were rushing off to their homerooms. "There you are!" said a voice. Crabb and Goyle were striding up to them. Malfoy started, but they only shoved him out of the way. They walked up to Hermione, who winced a bit as they towered over her. "Malfoy, if we don't get moving, we're gonna be late for quidditch practice." Said Goyle, grabbing her by the arm. "Quidditch?" she repeated in horror, remembering Malfoy's position as seeker. "Yeah. C'mon." Malfoy watched in horror as they dragged her away. "I don't believe this!" he cried to no one in particular. Ron, however, was laughing hysterically. "Oh, this is going to be brilliant! Griffindor plays Slytherin tomorrow!" Malfoy's jaw dropped. "I'm dead." Ron's joy diminished as Harry began to run up the halls on all fours. "Oh god no." Malfoy erupted into fits of laughter. He clutched his sides, nearly falling over. "This is nothing. Griffindor's seeker is a cat!" Ron ran up the halls after Harry. "We've got to change him back!" he gasped. "Oh no you don't." he hissed, "If you tell anyone about this, you lose the deal." Ron moaned, but nodded. "Ok. Just be glad I didn't make you wear the blind-fold." Malfoy grinned. "Just be glad I haven't made a fool out of yourself yet." He said smugly. "Hey, that's part of the bet, remember?" pointed out Ron. Malfoy moaned. "You mean I have to last two whole days and not make fun of you? This isn't fair!"
*
Harry streaked out of the room as soon as the door to Filch's office was opened. He skidded to a stop, recognizing Ron. "MREOW" he cried, circling him. Ron smirked. "Serves you right." He sneered, "You should have stopped Weasley from spilling that potion." Harry stopped, looking baffled. Was something wrong with Ron? Did he know what had happened? "MWAT MRAPPAN" he cried, trying to form the words "what happened?" "Blimey, Harry are you alright?" asked Hermione, bending down. A wave of relief washed over Harry. At least they know who I am.did she just say 'Blimey'?
*
"Really." Said Hermione as Crabb and Goyle dragged her across the field to the rest of the team. "I don't feel so good. Maybe I should sit out." "You look fine." Grunted the Slytherin keeper, Bletchley. Hermione winced as Goyle forced a broom into her hands and picked up his own beating stick. She had liked to watch quidditch, but had never pictured herself playing it, let alone on the Slytherin team. She was a traitor to her house. Bletchley opened up the decorated chest and watched as the bludgers flew up into the air. Seconds later, he tossed a quaffle after them. "Let's try method 17." He said as the bludgers began to circle round and plummet towards them. Before anyone could say anything, the team was up. Hermione fought to stay on Malfoy's broom as they took off.
*
Malfoy and Ron made their way up to their common room. If it hadn't been his body, Ron would have made sure Malfoy didn't get in. Harry followed just behind their heels, his nails clicking across the floor. Ms Norris followed, staring around with enormous eyes. Ron threw Hermione's knapsack on a chair beside the fireplace, glad his homework was done now, and that he wouldn't have to worry about his grades, as long as Malfoy went along with the bet. As he headed towards the two sets of stirs, his eyes widened. He turned to Harry. "Wait a minute! I get to go to the girl's dormitory!" Harry shrugged, which looked quite peculiar coming from a cat, and Ron hurried up the stairs. Malfoy looked around, smirking. "Boy, this place is filthy!" Harry gaped at him. "It's exactly the same!!!" he exclaimed. Malfoy shrugged, still smirking. "Whatever.hey, did you just speak?" Harry's emerald eyes widened wholly. "Hey, I did! I can speak.sort of. Telepathically, I guess." "Congratulations, you have the gift of gab." Sighed Malfoy, rolling his eyes. "I'm going to bed. C'mon Ha- Ms. Norris." Ms. Norris didn't answer. She was gone. "Uh-oh."
*
Filch looked up from his writing as "Harry" scampered into the office. He scowled angrily. "What do you want?" he seethed. For a moment, Ms. Norris struggled to form words. "M-master." He said slowly, "E-I ssaw W-Weasley and Gr-Granger. Something wrong. Very wrong." Filch's brow furrowed. "Is this some kind of trick?" he demanded, "Are you telling on your friends?" Ms. Norris shook herself. "Th-they are not my friends." She said slowly. "I don't know w-why you would think that." Filch's frown deepened. "Do you expect me to believe this?" "Master!" She cried, looking mortified now, "Why wouldn't you?" Filch looked as if someone was strangling him. His eyes bulged and a small outraged sound escaped from his mouth. "You're Harry Potter! You don't get your two best friends in trouble! That's not you at all!" Suddenly, Ms. Norris caught her reflection in a cracked mirror sitting by Filch's desk. "AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
*
~~On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered 'round
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
Said leave this one alone
She could tell right away
That I was bad to the bone
Bad to the bone, bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
Malfoy stepped down into the common room. He grinned, tilting his dark sunglasses down. As he stepped towards the fireplace, his dragon-skin boots raised small clouds of dust and small metal chains attached to his black leather jacket clinked lightly. His smoothed back his hair, now black with flaming red highlights. A pale miniature skull on a golden ring winked at them from his right ear. His cape was artfully torn and a small metal dragon pin was clipped to his scarlet and yellow scarf. His prefects badge seemed to have been painted black and red.
~~I broke a thousand hearts
Before I met you
I'll break a thousand more baby
Before I am through
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell you honey
That I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
"What are you doing?" demanded Ron, standing up. Harry looked up from the chair he was curled up on, cocking his head curiously.
"Something you should have done a long time ago." Said Malfoy smugly.
~~I'll make a rich woman beg
And I'll make a good woman steal
I'll make an old woman blush
And I'll make a young girl squeal
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
Malfoy walked right up to a small group of giggling girls who were gathered around the fireplace. Their heads turned as he approached. Several jaws dropped.
"Hey, pretty thangs." He said coolly.
"R-Ron?" gasped one.
"Call me Talon." Said Malfoy coolly, jabbing a finger towards them as
if he were
pointing a gun. There was a long silence.
"Holy sh*t." said one suddenly. Malfoy's heart sank. This wasn't the response he was going for.
~~And when I walk the streets
Kings and queens step aside
Every woman I meet
They all stay satisfied
I wanna tell ya pretty baby
What I see I make my own
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone, bad to the bone
B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, B-b-b-b-bad, bad to the bone~~
"I'll see you chicks at the game then," he continued, winking. The girls burst into a fit of giggles as he left the room. Ron gaped. "What did he just do to me?"
"Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry's second quidditch match of the year!!!" Cried Lee Jordon, his voice magically magnified into a roar. The entire stadium roared their approval as the two teams formed a circle in the field. "Captains, shake hands." Ordered the referee, madam Hooche, as the Angelina and Montague reached each other. "Mount your brooms." Hermione, Malfoy, and the rest of the teams mounted their brooms obediently. Ms. Norris however was not so docile. She simply held the broom in front of her, refusing to move another inch. "Oh, great, I already look like an idiot!" moaned Harry from his place in the stands. Ron put a finger to his lips, motioning him to shush. Finally, after much complaining from Angelina, Ms. Norris perched on the broom. She looked around with a stunned face. "Alright," said Madam Hooch, placing her whistle in her mouth. She blew. The balls and fourteen players all flew into the air. "I can't watch." Said Ron, smothering his eyes with his hands. Malfoy streaked off towards the goalposts, grinning at the roaring crowd. "If he does something stupid, I look stupid." continued Ron, "If he doesn't I have to wash his robe at the Halloween ball.in a tutu!" "Oh yeah?" said Harry, flipping back his ears, "Take a look at me!" Ms. Norris was riding the broom on all fours, hissing as bludgers drove by her. "We're doomed." Moaned Ron. "And it's Johnson-Johnson with the quaffle." Hollered Lee Jordon, "She passes to Angelica - back to Johnson. Brent steals it. He shoots-" All heads turned to Malfoy. He grinned smugly, pointed a crude finger to the Slytherin stands, and dove towards the hurtling quaffle. The Slytherin side moaned as he gripped the ball.and threw it to Angelica. "WHAT??????" raged Ron, standing up. He pulled at Hermione's hair. "What's he doing? Is he helping me???? Who's Malfoy think he's kidding???" Five minutes into the game, the Slytherin team still didn't have any points, thanks to Malfoy. Ron was going insane. He watched as he flawlessly blocked another quaffle. "NOOOOOO!" he sobbed, keeling over. "Calm down!" exclaimed Harry, "He's helping!" "Helping?" repeated Ron, "He's driving me insane!!!!" Harry sighed and looked back at the field. "You know, this is going to go on forever if Hermione and Ms. Norris can't catch that snitch." Ron's eyes bulged. "You mean this is gonna last forever? As in it'll never end? You mean I've been doomed to an eternity of confusion and insanity?" "You've been spending too much time in Hermione's body." Sighed Harry. "Looks like they've spotted the snitch!" roared Lee Jordon. "WHAT?" cried Ron and Harry in unison. They both leaned forward, gaping at the field. "There's no way." gasped Harry. Hermione and Ms. Norris were riding alongside each other at incredible speed. A golden light in front of them blinked in the sunlight. It swerved dangerously, and Hermione and Ms Norris spun around after it. They skimmed the surface of the ring quickly, blades of grass combing their brooms. As the snitch blasted forward, Ms Norris and Hermione slipped next to each other. Suddenly, they both lunged forward, Ms. Norris leaping completely off her broom and Hermione gripping the handle of Malfoy's broom tightly. Two sets of hands gripped the quivering snitch. Its wings folded inwards and it fell to the ground. Ms Norris and Hermione dropped to the ground, each still gripping the snitch tightly. Fortunately they were only a few feet off the ground. "And it's." Lee Jordon cried, peering over the crowd in anticipation, "It's.it's... are Harry and Malfoy in a cat-fight?" A wave of confusion swept over the audience as Hermione and Ms. Norris began to claw at each other. Before Madam Hooch could react, Hermione was twisting Ms. Norris's ankle and Ms. Norris was yanking at Hermione's new, sleek blonde hair. They began to slap at each other frantically, screaming in high-pitched voices. Finally, a very confused Madam Hooch pulled them apart. It took both Crabb and Goyle to hold them back. Ms. Norris hissed, bearing all her teeth. It almost looked funny coming from Harry. "Uh.who won?" questioned Jordon. The whole quidditch stadium seemed to be asking the same question. "Oh, I'm getting some info from Madam Hooch." announced Jordon. "In the event that both seekers catch the winning snitch at the same time, the team with the most points wins.Aw, cr*p! I had fifty bucks on Slytherin! What? Yes it's off! Well because I can see the red light blinking! No, that's the off button! Shut up, I've been working this thing for five years, you think I don't know how to use a simple-." Without warning, an ear-piercing beep screamed through the stadium. "Hey! Don't touch that!" echoed Jordan's voice. "Is this thing on?" "JORDON!" hollered Professor McGonagall. "That's it," he sighed, "It's been five f*cking years, I QUIT!!!"
*
Later that day, the Great hall was flooded with talk of the quidditch match. "What were you thinking???" demanded Harry furiously, watching Hermione and Ms Norris with a look of pure hatred. "He started it!" protested Hermione. "Meow." Said Ms. Norris sporting an innocent smile. Harry gaped at them. "The number one rule of quidditch," seethed Harry, "Is to avoid getting in a cat fight with the opponent at all costs." "Really?" Hermione curiously. "Yes," continued Harry, "It was the first thing Woods told me when I joined the team" He puffed out his tabby cat chest, mimicking Wood's voice. "Harry, there's only one rule in quidditch. And that's don't get in a cat fight." "Oh." Hermione said, looking down at her plate of spaghetti. "Next time I won't get into a fight." "Good." said Harry. Hermione got up, picking up her books. "Wait a sec!" hollered Harry, "Next time! What'd' you mean, next time? Hermione!"
Just then, Malfoy strolled up to them, grinning smugly.
"Well, Weasley," he drawled, "I've gotten through your classes, I've slept in your room, I've even eaten at your filthy little table, and in just two more days, you'll be preparing your tutu for the Halloween dance."
Ron jutted out his lip. "You haven't won yet, Malfoy!"
Malfoy grinned. "Whatever, Weasley."
Chains and jewels clinking mercilessly, he strolled away and found his place in a small cluster of Griffindor girls.
Ron frowned deeply, turning to Harry.
"Tell me the truth," he begged, conjuring up two different tutus, one plain and pink, the other lacy and blue. "Which one looks better?"
*
The next morning, Harry and Ron met at the Griffindor table.
"Alright." Said Ginny suddenly, slamming a small plate of pancakes in front of them so that everyone jumped. "I'll bite. What's going on?"
Harry, and Ron exchanged looks. (Hermione was sitting with the other Slytherin that morning)
"What do you mean?" asked Ron.
"Oh please," she continued rolling her eyes. "Ever since that thing with peeves you've been acting weird, Ron."
Ron's eyes bulged.
"How-."
"C'mon! Since when does Hermione go through one of Lupin's classes without raising her hand? And since when do you hang out with Ms. Norris? And-."
"Okay. Okay." Said Ron, raising a palm. "So we were a little obvious."
"A little obvious?" repeated Ginny, jabbing a thumb towards Malfoy. Ron raised his eyebrows.
"Okay. So we were really obvious."
Ginny nodded.
"So.Any idea on how you're going to get back?"
"Oh, no." said Ron, sipping his pumpkin juice. "Me and Malfoy have a bet. If he can't survive two days in my life, he has to.never mind. You'll see at the ball. He's gonna be so humiliated!"
"You mean you're gonna be so humiliated."
Ron paused.
"Huh?"
"Well," said Ginny, "If Malfoy looses, that means he'll be humiliated at the ball in your body. That means you'll be humiliated. And if you loose, you'll just be humiliated in Hermione's body. Then she'll kill you. Either way, you lose."
Ron's jaw dropped.
*
Thud. Thud. Thud.
"Would you please stop banging your head on the wall!" pleaded Harry. "You're gonna give yourself a headache!"
"Too late." Moaned Ron.
Harry shook his head, sending tufts of brown fur into the air.
Malfoy crawled through the Griffindor entrance, looking up at Ron.
"You do realize I've won?" he said curiously, looking at his watch. "I've been in your body for 48 hours and five minutes."
Ron sighed, thinking.
"Wait a minute," interrupted Ron, eyes gleaming. "You were supposed to live my life! But you didn't! You lived.in some other guy's life. The point is, you didn't act like me at all! I don't wear jewelry or tattoos! I'm not that cool!"
"But I didn't even insult you!"
"At least I followed the rules!"
"You're wearing a skirt."
"So?"
"Just saying."
For a moment, the two just stared at each other.
"So I guess that means the deal is off." said Malfoy uncertainly.
"Oh no!" hollered Ron. "You're not getting off that easy! It's a tie!"
"So.No one has to clean the other's clothes in a tutu playing kazoo at the Halloween ball?" "Don't be stupid. We're both doing that!!" "Uh, Ron? That means."
"Don't even try to change my mind! It's a tie, and that's that!"
*
The next week the Ballroom filled with hoots and howls as Malfoy and Ron, now in their own bodies thanks to a threatening letter to Ron from Hermione and the book of transformation, began to wash the other's robes, wearing a bright pink tutu and pink nail polish, hand cuffed to a reluctant Snape, wearing a kick me sign, and holding a kazoo between each others lips, playing the old spice song and soon taking requests from the crowd.
~*~*~*~
Hmm. not bad. I wish I had a bit more of Ginny, but oh well. Please please please review!
-Di