Disclaimer: I *yawns* don't own Saiyuki…..
Sanzo: Oi! Baka, don't sleep type! There are people who want to read this.
Kenren: *sleepy face* I….need…..caffeine…..*head drops on keyboard and snores*
Sanzo: *vein twitching* One day…she will go too far and then…*sighs* What the hell, she never listens anyway…Kenren thanks anyone that has reviewed - any compliments/critique were really appreciated. She excuses herself for any kind of OOCness (especially on my part) and promises to update the next chapter (which thank the heavens is also the last chapter) very very soon, so in the mean time…Enjoy!!!...And as usual there is no yaoi in this chapter either (Ch…the things I have to put up with in this world! Hakkai! Get this damned idiot some coffee, maybe one day she will actually start working on this bloody chapter)
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If You Had A Father…..
Hyo
"Sanzo! Sanzo!"
I hear him calling him again, the voice getting stronger as he moved closer…closer, until he came to the clearing where I was.
"Hi Hyo! Seen Sanzo anywhere?"
I had just seen the monk walk towards the stream but I knew that if I told him that he would just run off to find him. I wanted him, my son, to stay with me. I wanted us to talk like father and son.
"No, I haven't seen him anywhere near. Why don't you sit here though, maybe he'll walk this way."
So he sat near me, and for the first time in so many years I think I was happy again.
"You seem pretty attached to this Sanzo, why's that? What's he to you" His eyes lit up at the name…
"Sanzo, he freed me after 500years of imprisonment on a mountain. He is the only person that understands what I say and knows what I don't say. I feel an immense gratitude towards what he's done to me; he's given me a world that shines more than the sun but it's not just that…to me he's a….I don't know what to call him exactly…all I know is that he's a very special person"
"And you? What are you to him?" His eyes lost something of that spark
"Me?...I don't know…Sometimes I think he does care about me but then again at other times it's as if I'm just an extra burden, a weight…sometimes he treats me more like a pet or something…"
Then the question I had longed to ask him ever since I knew the truth escaped my lips
"Goku, if you had a father, who would you want him to be like?'
"If I had a father? I don't know, never thought of it…hmm…I'd want him to be like…Sanzo! I don't know why. Sanzo's the only reason why I sometimes feel sad or hurt but if I had a father…someone to be a heaven in troubled time…someone you can pour your soul out to….someone who will always be there for you and guide you…I'd want him to be Sanzo.
I smiled at the way his eyes lit up the ways hers used to. But these eyes did not light up because of me. I had my answer now. My heart ached more than before. I couldn't make up for the time lost with my son. He had found a replacement for me…If I told him the truth maybe…no, it's impossible...He'll never choose me over Sanzo.
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Sanzo
I saw them, from a distance, sitting side by side talking…like father and son…even though Goku probably didn't know the truth. And then I felt it again…deep in my heart's core – jealousy!
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Goku
I walked back to the area where we had set up camp. This place…funny, but it somehow seemed familiar. It is as if I've already been here, a long long time age, before I was…..Suddenly the memory vanished. I couldn't remember what I was thinking…it was as if that memory had vanished. Every time I seemed to be able to recall something from my hidden past, even if it was just a flash, a blurred picture in my mind, it would all be swept away by this unbearable headache. And yet this place…why did it give me the feeling that I was, in a way, just where I belonged?
When I finally found the others they were already waiting for me, ready to drive off.
"Move it! You're holding us back!"
I looked at Sanzo "We're leaving already? How come?" For some reason I just didn't want to leave the place…not now…not just yet…"Can't we stay a little longer?"
"We must go West, NOW! You either join us or you stay behind."
I sighed, why did Sanzo always have to be so stubborn? "OK…Can I at least go say goodbye to Hyo?"
"No"
"But why?" I protested "He is my friend after all!!!"
"I said no and that's it!"
"Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do?!! You are not my father!"
Sanzo lowered his head and whispered: "Drive"
Hakkai was incredulous. "But Sanzo..."
"Just shut up and do your job! Now drive!"
Hakkai started the engine: "Goku…"
I got into the four wheel drive, my spirits heavy. Tears where stinging my eyes but I had to hold them back…I couldn't let Sanzo see me cry. I had hurt his feelings and I didn't want him to know that it hurt me as well…
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Sanzo
Why did he have to say that? I know I'm not his bloody father!! Damn idiot! I didn't want him to say his goodbyes…Hyo would have told him the truth and I would have lost him forever…I didn't want to lose another person I cared about, it hurt too much the first time…
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Kenren: *sniff sniff* Poor Sanzo….*sniff* he's actually managing to make me feel sorry for him...
Sanzo: Crocodile's tears!!! You're not even one bit sorry for me!!! Why else would you torture me like that in almost all your fanfics?!
Kenren: *wipes tears away* Maybe…you're right…so I'll just keep on torturing you by making you say and think all these soppy embarrassing things…
Sanzo: Nooooooo!!!! Why?!!
Kenren: Simple…It's fun!!