They entered a forest. Frodo was sending death glares to Kelly, who was totally oblivious to the situation.
"There is an elven witch who lives here..." Gimli muttered. Legolas glared back.
"I am offended."
"Whatever..."
Whit raised her eyebrows. "Whatever? What kind of stupid response is that?" She was responded by sharp metal piercing her neck. "Ow..." She looked up into the face of an Elf.
Kelly smiled at the Elves all around her, "Merry Christmas!"
All: O.o
Aragorn explained to the Elves why they were there and so they led the group to Lothrien....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reaching the Elven city, Kelly could not help but notice that everything was up in the trees. The Elves led them to their accommodations. Yes, trees. Night fell and everyone within the woods fell asleep. Save for Whit.
She got out her stereo and popped in her CSI soundtrack. The music came out in a loud burst and Whit sang along.
"Whoooo are youuu? Whoooo whoo whoo whoo? Whoooo a-"
The Elf in the tree across was extremely ticked off, therefore he shot an arrow into Whit's stereo. "Shut up, you idiotic child!"
"I'm not idiotic! I have an IQ of... Wait, I don't know my IQ. But I know it must be high, so there!" She was responded by an arrow grazing her ear. "That was mean."
Grisel had woken up by now and chucked her clarinet case at the tree across, knocking the rude Elf unconscious. "C'mon. Let's go to sleep." And they did so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Galadriel, a very important Elf, had called the Fellowship to speak with her. They all walked up and Kelly gasped.
"I want hair like that! EXACTLY!"
"I thought you wanted Arwen's hair," Aragorn whispered.
"No way. She kissed you, so forget it. The hair has some affect on her brain...." Aragorn whacked Kelly over the head. "Ow..."
"Welcome, it seems you are missing one... Where is Gandalf?"
"She killed him," Frodo pointed to Kelly.
"I did not! Mah flute did! There is a difference! So there!"
"I did not think you would kill him anyway, Miss Kelly," Sam whispered.
"Thank goodness one of you has a brain," Kelly muttered.
"SILENCE!" Galadriel spoke in a freakishly deep voice. "I- I mean, please. Be quiet... Heh."
"Suuuure...." Grisel grinned evilly.
Galadriel laughed nervously again. Her serv- I mean followers all gave her odd looks. Galdadriel cleared her throat and continued speaking.
Kelly and Tabitha drifted off in the middle of Galdriel's unbelievably long speech andecided to have fun with duct tape. Kelly fished the silver roll from her backpack and wrapped it around a random tree. Legolas whacked her on the head with a fish for doing that to the beloved trees. Kelly growled and hit him back... Only with a CD case. This soon turned into a "slap fight" and Galdriel still did not notice. Tabitha stared at her friend and the Elf in wonder, then at Galadriel, back and forth.... She finally grew dizzy, yawned, sat down, and laid her head on what seemed to be a very soft rock.
"And that is why the power plants of Middle-earth should die!" Galadreil finished up.
She looked around and noticed everyone had fallen asleep, even her husband. Galadriel growled in the back of her throat. Being the extremely ticked off queen she was, Galadriel was in desperate need of revenge. She stared around. The human men? No, too stupid. The human girls? No, no, too loud and chaotic. She finally reached the Ringbearer. He was perfect! Hobbits did spook easily, according to her "10000 Fun Ways To Scare Small Mammals and Have Fun Doing It!" book. She walked away from the scene, cackling evilly and glowing and odd green color....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frodo had wandered off, obviously looking for mushrooms. Whit had found her portable DVD player and had begun playing her "A Walk To Remember" DVD. Grisel and Tabitha were watching over her shoulder.
"Oooh... Shane be so fiiiiine!"
"Use proper English Tabitha. And he is U-G-L-Y!" said Grisel.
"Why you- HOW DARE YOU INSULT SHANE WEST!?"
"Eeep..." Grisel took off.
"Yeah, 'Eeep' yeh creepy kid! GET BACK HERE!" Tabitha followed Grisel in hot pursuit.
Whit was still enthralled by her movie.
"It is all so sad! WAAAAAAAAH!"
Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir all stared at her wide-eyed.
"Uh, what is so sad, child?"
"This! This love is so tragic! JAMIE IS DYING AND LANDON LOVES HER! WAAAAAH!" Whit put the DVD back a few scenes and handed it to Boromir. He, Aragorn, and Legolas all watched the DVD.
"It is sad. Those poor children. Wait, how can teenagers know love from hormones?" Aragorn looked confused. Legolas and Bormir shrugged.
"What is your opinion, Gimli?" Boromir asked. No response. "Gimli?" He turned around and saw Gimli staring at a picture of Galadriel he had found.
"Ohhh noooo...." The Humans and Elf said slowly.
"It's attack of the rabid fandwarf!" Whit's eyes grew wide in horror
A loud "DUN DUN DUN" played in the distance, causing all of them to jump.
"AGH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Aragorn screeched in terror.
"You realize your scream is actually higher than mine?" Whit rubbed her ear. "Great Fuzzy. You gots lungs."
"Thank you. But what WAS THAT?"
"I dunno...." Whit looked around and found her answer. She had left her CD player on.
"Well what dya know! Mah CD player! Ooh... Beethoven!" Whit banged her head, causing her to look like some freaky 80's punkster. The Elf and Men backed away from her slowly.
A few meters away, Kelly, in her absolute boredom had decided that spelling her name out in duct tape would be a nice activity. Boy, was she wrong.
(Author Kelly: But I'm never wrong!
Author Whit: You are in this.)
"[censored] TAPE!" Kelly chucked the duct tape in the air, accidentally hitting Pippin in the head.
"Oopsies..."
Pippin sauntered over, carrying the duct tape and rubbing his head. "Ooopsies is right, you homicidal girl!"
Kelly, already ticked off, stood up and stared Pippin down. "Wanna do something about it?"
Pippin stood on his tip-toes. "Yeah!"
"Bring it on, shorty!"
"Why you-" Pippin kicked Kelly in the shin.
"Owa!" Kelly put tape over Pippin's mouth.
The other Humans, Elf, and Hobbits present watched the fight, each nibbling on a bowl of popcorn that had appeared magically.
"So, who do ye think is gonna win?" Merry looked to Legolas.
"I have my money on the teen. She has duct tape, man!"
"Good point," Merry nodded.
The small crowd shrugged and continued to watch, "Oooh"-ing and 'Ahhh"-in in the correct places, of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About ten meters away, Tabitha had given up chasing Grisel. She sighed and sat down on the ground. A rest was needed before heading back.
Tabitha noticed Frodo walking oddly with a perplexed look on his face.
"Hey, Frodo dude. What's de matter?"
"Galadriel... Freaked me out... Turned green...."
"She hurled on you?"
"No, no. She tried to take this," Frodo held up the Ring. Tabitha's breath caught in her throat. The Ring seemed to be drawing her, calling to her....
"No!"
"What?" Frodo looked up at her.
"Oh, nothing. You should put that Ring up and keep it safe, kiddo."
"Wait, you are younger than me!"
"Point well taken." Tabitha smiled, gave Frodo a motherly hug, and set off with him to the camp.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days later, the Fellowship took off in four boats.
Kelly glanced over to Frodo. "Why does HE get all the really cool junk? He got the Ring, and that crystal thingy ma bob. It's no fair." She frowned. Her attention was soon caught by towering statues.
"DUDE!" Tabitha yelled out from a different boat. Her voice echoed like mad. Legolas took out some of his very own duct tape (heh, he and Kelly have something in common) and put it over Tabitha's mouth, causing her eyes to go wide.
"Mmmroof!"
"I know. You can't talk, " Legolas smiled to himself. Grisel and Boromir both gave him a high five from the next boat. Tabitha glared.
The company decided to stop for whatever reason and all got out and stepped onto land.
Whit sat on the ground and rocked a bit.
"Mesa still feels like mesa on water..."
"AGH! SHE SOUNDS LIKE JAR-JAR WITHOUT AN ACCENT!" Kelly screamed.
"Oh, shuddup, Kelly. By the way, who is Jar-Jar?" Sam looked confused.
"Uh, well..." Kelly dug through Whit's backpack and finally found her "Essential Guide to Star Wars Characters" book. She pointed to a picture of Jar Jar Binks and Sam screamed like a girl.
"THAT IS SO UGLY!"
"I know. He needs come mascara, maybe some blu--"
"What the heck are those?" Aragorn asked.
Kelly dug through her own backpack and fished out pink blush and a tube of black mascara. Then, she got an evil idea.
"Want me to show you what they do?
Aragorn shrugged. "Sure, why not." He sat on a rock and Kelly went to work....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Across the forest, Frodo was looking for firewood. Suddenly, he heard a loud scream and chuckled to himself. Kelly had obviously pulled her "Sure, let's play with mascara and blush" trick again. Frodo suddenly heard a twig snap from behind him. He flipped around and saw Boromir standing behind him.
"Hey, Boromir."
Boromir did not respond. Instead, he was staring right at Frodo's neck. Frodo raised an eyebrow.
"Y'know, if I did not know any better, I'd swear you're a vampire."
"I am not searching for blood... I am searching for that Ring in all it's lovely shininess....."
'Well, you can't have it! I must destroy it! I get the fun out of doing that and you can't take it away from me! So nyah!" Frodo stuck out his tongue.
"Why you little-" Boromir lunged for Frodo, but before he reached him, the Hobbit disappeared.
"I can see your mind, Frodo!" Boromir heard the hobbit mutter a curse from behind him. Then he felt a kick in his back. "OW! DARNED HOBBIT! YOU WILL REGRET IT!"
Frodo did not care. He ran up stairs and found he had reached what looked like an old temple. He gasped for air then heard a movement behind him. He flipped around and met Aragorn's kind eyes... Which were outlined with black.
"Frodo, what's wrong?"
"I should ask you the same."
"Oh, that cursed girl." Aragorn attempted to wipe the mascara from his eyelashes and was unsuccessful, just like the other hundred times. "I'm looking for her right now. Ran off after she finished with the makeup."
"Oh, well, Boromir tried to take m- I mean the Ring."
"He did WHAT?!"
"Now, I know you said you would protect me no matter what, but after that I must ask this: Can you protect me from yourself?"
Aragorn eyed him strangely. "I'm not sure..."
"Well, then. Aragorn, I have made a decision: I am going to Mordor by myself to destroy it. No needing you all getting killed on my behalf."
"You're a brave soul, Frodo Baggins." Aragorn gave his friend and hug. "I wish you luck.
Well, here," Aragorn held out a small purple box outlined with green. It had a rainbow, four-leaf-clover and the word "Lucky!" on the top. "Whit gave it to me in Lothrien. She said for me to keep it for luck when I had to 'head the tribe,' whatever that means."
Frodo smiled, "Thank you, for everything, Aragorn. I hope we meet again. Good- bye."
"Good-bye, young Hobbit." Aragorn watched as his young friend set off down the hill, tucking the box into his pocket. His attention shifted as he noticed out of the corner of his eye a very large army of Orcs...
~****~
A couple hundred yards away, Kelly's odd sixth sense was kicking in. She sniffed the air. Tabitha gave her an odd look.
"What is it, Kelly?"
"Orcs... They hate me! AGH!" Kelly drew her sword (and her duct tape) and ran to where her nose was telling her. Everyone else followed. Everyone, that is, besides Grisel and Sam. They were being drawn to a different place. When their hearts were content with their location, Grisel noticed what had drawn her. Frodo was pushing a boat out into the river. Sam waded out.
"Master Frodo! I must come with you!"
"Sam! No! You can't swim!"
That was obvious to Grisel, though. Sam sank beneath the surface of the water.
"SAM!" Frodo yelled out. Grisel decided that Frodo prolly could not swim either, so she dove in and brought Sam to the surface. Frodo reached out and grabbed Sam, then Grisel dragged herself into the boat.
"Good grief, that water is so frickin' cold!" she shuddered and then noticed her backpack was floating out to the boat above the water.
"What the-?" Frodo and Sam asked in unison.
"This is the world's most loyal backpack!" Grisel beamed.
"No, really..." Sam picked up a paddle and began rowing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"HAYA!" Kelly pounded random Orc with her spear.
"YOU LIKE THIS?!" Tabitha sliced and diced any enemy with her sword.
"WOOT!" Whit sliced and whacked with her glaive.
Boromir (who had come to the rescue), Gimli, Legolas, Pippin, and Merry were kicking Orc booty their owns ways, also. Aragorn was nowhere to be seen.
"Where the heck is he?" Kelly yelled.
~** Aragorn: *trying to get the makeup off of his face**~
"Ohhh..." Kelly nodded and she whacked another Orc. Out of the corner of her eye, Kelly noticed that this one super ugly one was shooting arrows into Boromir!
"Hey, you! That is my friend! Haaaayaaaaaaa!" Kelly charged but was stopped by two Orcs, who picked her up right off of her feet.
"WHAT THE?! LET GO OF ME, YOU FIENDS! I HAVE RABIES!!!" Kelly bit both Orcs on their necks. They did not even howl.
"HOW?!!?!?!?" She tried again, and again, and agaaaainn....
Whit noticed Kelly's screams and ran after the Orcs. "YOU LET GO OF HER!" Whit reared back to strike the Orcs, but she was stopped by an arrow striking her in the shoulder. Whir screamed in pain and gripped her shoulder, pulling the arrow out. She looked at it and realized that it was not an Orc arrow, but rather...
"LEGOLAS GREENLEAF! AGH!" Whit stood again, still gripping her shoulder, she noticed that an Orc had also taken Tabitha.
Whit struggled to stand. She sighed in defeat and could only stare hopelessly as her friends tried to get from the grips of the enemy, Tabitha clawing with her nails and Kelly biting. She turned from the scene, only to see another even sadder one. Boromir had fallen and his friend; the one who was like his brother, was at his side up to the end. Whit got an odd thought of Boromir saying "You will train Anakin... He is the Chosen One...." She shook her head and sniffled sadly as Aragorn said good-bye to his friend. He leaned over and kissed his friend on the forehead. Whit smiled sadly and struggled to stand, but she did. Using her glaive as a walking stick, she walked over to Legolas and Gimli as they too watched the saddening scene.
~***~***
Later that day, the foursome sent Boromir down the waterfall. Once again, must be symbolic or somethin'.
"So, uh, what are we gonna do?" Gimli asked.
Aragorn shrugged. Then, he got a brilliant idea "How 'bout we go try to find Pippin, Merry, Tabby, and Kelly?"
"Oh, cool, sure!" were the responses. The foursome set off into the forest.
~***~***~
A few days later, Frodo, Grisel, and Sam reached a mountain overlooking what Grisel assumed to be Mordor. She got a sudden urge and stood on top of a rock.
"I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WOOOOOOOORLD!" she yelled... But then she tripped and fell into Frodo and Sam.
"Ow," the three said together.
*~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
So, did you like?
What will Whit, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli face besides a rabid teen , The Princess of
the Deadly Fingernails, and the White Lady of Rohan?
Will Grisel, Frodo, and Sam destroy the Ring or just go insane trying? Also, who is that
gray, short, bald thing following them?
Will Kelly, Tabitha, Pippin, and Merry escape the Orcs by means of driving them insane or
by methods such as beating, biting, and scratching?
"There is an elven witch who lives here..." Gimli muttered. Legolas glared back.
"I am offended."
"Whatever..."
Whit raised her eyebrows. "Whatever? What kind of stupid response is that?" She was responded by sharp metal piercing her neck. "Ow..." She looked up into the face of an Elf.
Kelly smiled at the Elves all around her, "Merry Christmas!"
All: O.o
Aragorn explained to the Elves why they were there and so they led the group to Lothrien....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reaching the Elven city, Kelly could not help but notice that everything was up in the trees. The Elves led them to their accommodations. Yes, trees. Night fell and everyone within the woods fell asleep. Save for Whit.
She got out her stereo and popped in her CSI soundtrack. The music came out in a loud burst and Whit sang along.
"Whoooo are youuu? Whoooo whoo whoo whoo? Whoooo a-"
The Elf in the tree across was extremely ticked off, therefore he shot an arrow into Whit's stereo. "Shut up, you idiotic child!"
"I'm not idiotic! I have an IQ of... Wait, I don't know my IQ. But I know it must be high, so there!" She was responded by an arrow grazing her ear. "That was mean."
Grisel had woken up by now and chucked her clarinet case at the tree across, knocking the rude Elf unconscious. "C'mon. Let's go to sleep." And they did so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Galadriel, a very important Elf, had called the Fellowship to speak with her. They all walked up and Kelly gasped.
"I want hair like that! EXACTLY!"
"I thought you wanted Arwen's hair," Aragorn whispered.
"No way. She kissed you, so forget it. The hair has some affect on her brain...." Aragorn whacked Kelly over the head. "Ow..."
"Welcome, it seems you are missing one... Where is Gandalf?"
"She killed him," Frodo pointed to Kelly.
"I did not! Mah flute did! There is a difference! So there!"
"I did not think you would kill him anyway, Miss Kelly," Sam whispered.
"Thank goodness one of you has a brain," Kelly muttered.
"SILENCE!" Galadriel spoke in a freakishly deep voice. "I- I mean, please. Be quiet... Heh."
"Suuuure...." Grisel grinned evilly.
Galadriel laughed nervously again. Her serv- I mean followers all gave her odd looks. Galdadriel cleared her throat and continued speaking.
Kelly and Tabitha drifted off in the middle of Galdriel's unbelievably long speech andecided to have fun with duct tape. Kelly fished the silver roll from her backpack and wrapped it around a random tree. Legolas whacked her on the head with a fish for doing that to the beloved trees. Kelly growled and hit him back... Only with a CD case. This soon turned into a "slap fight" and Galdriel still did not notice. Tabitha stared at her friend and the Elf in wonder, then at Galadriel, back and forth.... She finally grew dizzy, yawned, sat down, and laid her head on what seemed to be a very soft rock.
"And that is why the power plants of Middle-earth should die!" Galadreil finished up.
She looked around and noticed everyone had fallen asleep, even her husband. Galadriel growled in the back of her throat. Being the extremely ticked off queen she was, Galadriel was in desperate need of revenge. She stared around. The human men? No, too stupid. The human girls? No, no, too loud and chaotic. She finally reached the Ringbearer. He was perfect! Hobbits did spook easily, according to her "10000 Fun Ways To Scare Small Mammals and Have Fun Doing It!" book. She walked away from the scene, cackling evilly and glowing and odd green color....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frodo had wandered off, obviously looking for mushrooms. Whit had found her portable DVD player and had begun playing her "A Walk To Remember" DVD. Grisel and Tabitha were watching over her shoulder.
"Oooh... Shane be so fiiiiine!"
"Use proper English Tabitha. And he is U-G-L-Y!" said Grisel.
"Why you- HOW DARE YOU INSULT SHANE WEST!?"
"Eeep..." Grisel took off.
"Yeah, 'Eeep' yeh creepy kid! GET BACK HERE!" Tabitha followed Grisel in hot pursuit.
Whit was still enthralled by her movie.
"It is all so sad! WAAAAAAAAH!"
Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir all stared at her wide-eyed.
"Uh, what is so sad, child?"
"This! This love is so tragic! JAMIE IS DYING AND LANDON LOVES HER! WAAAAAH!" Whit put the DVD back a few scenes and handed it to Boromir. He, Aragorn, and Legolas all watched the DVD.
"It is sad. Those poor children. Wait, how can teenagers know love from hormones?" Aragorn looked confused. Legolas and Bormir shrugged.
"What is your opinion, Gimli?" Boromir asked. No response. "Gimli?" He turned around and saw Gimli staring at a picture of Galadriel he had found.
"Ohhh noooo...." The Humans and Elf said slowly.
"It's attack of the rabid fandwarf!" Whit's eyes grew wide in horror
A loud "DUN DUN DUN" played in the distance, causing all of them to jump.
"AGH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Aragorn screeched in terror.
"You realize your scream is actually higher than mine?" Whit rubbed her ear. "Great Fuzzy. You gots lungs."
"Thank you. But what WAS THAT?"
"I dunno...." Whit looked around and found her answer. She had left her CD player on.
"Well what dya know! Mah CD player! Ooh... Beethoven!" Whit banged her head, causing her to look like some freaky 80's punkster. The Elf and Men backed away from her slowly.
A few meters away, Kelly, in her absolute boredom had decided that spelling her name out in duct tape would be a nice activity. Boy, was she wrong.
(Author Kelly: But I'm never wrong!
Author Whit: You are in this.)
"[censored] TAPE!" Kelly chucked the duct tape in the air, accidentally hitting Pippin in the head.
"Oopsies..."
Pippin sauntered over, carrying the duct tape and rubbing his head. "Ooopsies is right, you homicidal girl!"
Kelly, already ticked off, stood up and stared Pippin down. "Wanna do something about it?"
Pippin stood on his tip-toes. "Yeah!"
"Bring it on, shorty!"
"Why you-" Pippin kicked Kelly in the shin.
"Owa!" Kelly put tape over Pippin's mouth.
The other Humans, Elf, and Hobbits present watched the fight, each nibbling on a bowl of popcorn that had appeared magically.
"So, who do ye think is gonna win?" Merry looked to Legolas.
"I have my money on the teen. She has duct tape, man!"
"Good point," Merry nodded.
The small crowd shrugged and continued to watch, "Oooh"-ing and 'Ahhh"-in in the correct places, of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About ten meters away, Tabitha had given up chasing Grisel. She sighed and sat down on the ground. A rest was needed before heading back.
Tabitha noticed Frodo walking oddly with a perplexed look on his face.
"Hey, Frodo dude. What's de matter?"
"Galadriel... Freaked me out... Turned green...."
"She hurled on you?"
"No, no. She tried to take this," Frodo held up the Ring. Tabitha's breath caught in her throat. The Ring seemed to be drawing her, calling to her....
"No!"
"What?" Frodo looked up at her.
"Oh, nothing. You should put that Ring up and keep it safe, kiddo."
"Wait, you are younger than me!"
"Point well taken." Tabitha smiled, gave Frodo a motherly hug, and set off with him to the camp.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days later, the Fellowship took off in four boats.
Kelly glanced over to Frodo. "Why does HE get all the really cool junk? He got the Ring, and that crystal thingy ma bob. It's no fair." She frowned. Her attention was soon caught by towering statues.
"DUDE!" Tabitha yelled out from a different boat. Her voice echoed like mad. Legolas took out some of his very own duct tape (heh, he and Kelly have something in common) and put it over Tabitha's mouth, causing her eyes to go wide.
"Mmmroof!"
"I know. You can't talk, " Legolas smiled to himself. Grisel and Boromir both gave him a high five from the next boat. Tabitha glared.
The company decided to stop for whatever reason and all got out and stepped onto land.
Whit sat on the ground and rocked a bit.
"Mesa still feels like mesa on water..."
"AGH! SHE SOUNDS LIKE JAR-JAR WITHOUT AN ACCENT!" Kelly screamed.
"Oh, shuddup, Kelly. By the way, who is Jar-Jar?" Sam looked confused.
"Uh, well..." Kelly dug through Whit's backpack and finally found her "Essential Guide to Star Wars Characters" book. She pointed to a picture of Jar Jar Binks and Sam screamed like a girl.
"THAT IS SO UGLY!"
"I know. He needs come mascara, maybe some blu--"
"What the heck are those?" Aragorn asked.
Kelly dug through her own backpack and fished out pink blush and a tube of black mascara. Then, she got an evil idea.
"Want me to show you what they do?
Aragorn shrugged. "Sure, why not." He sat on a rock and Kelly went to work....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Across the forest, Frodo was looking for firewood. Suddenly, he heard a loud scream and chuckled to himself. Kelly had obviously pulled her "Sure, let's play with mascara and blush" trick again. Frodo suddenly heard a twig snap from behind him. He flipped around and saw Boromir standing behind him.
"Hey, Boromir."
Boromir did not respond. Instead, he was staring right at Frodo's neck. Frodo raised an eyebrow.
"Y'know, if I did not know any better, I'd swear you're a vampire."
"I am not searching for blood... I am searching for that Ring in all it's lovely shininess....."
'Well, you can't have it! I must destroy it! I get the fun out of doing that and you can't take it away from me! So nyah!" Frodo stuck out his tongue.
"Why you little-" Boromir lunged for Frodo, but before he reached him, the Hobbit disappeared.
"I can see your mind, Frodo!" Boromir heard the hobbit mutter a curse from behind him. Then he felt a kick in his back. "OW! DARNED HOBBIT! YOU WILL REGRET IT!"
Frodo did not care. He ran up stairs and found he had reached what looked like an old temple. He gasped for air then heard a movement behind him. He flipped around and met Aragorn's kind eyes... Which were outlined with black.
"Frodo, what's wrong?"
"I should ask you the same."
"Oh, that cursed girl." Aragorn attempted to wipe the mascara from his eyelashes and was unsuccessful, just like the other hundred times. "I'm looking for her right now. Ran off after she finished with the makeup."
"Oh, well, Boromir tried to take m- I mean the Ring."
"He did WHAT?!"
"Now, I know you said you would protect me no matter what, but after that I must ask this: Can you protect me from yourself?"
Aragorn eyed him strangely. "I'm not sure..."
"Well, then. Aragorn, I have made a decision: I am going to Mordor by myself to destroy it. No needing you all getting killed on my behalf."
"You're a brave soul, Frodo Baggins." Aragorn gave his friend and hug. "I wish you luck.
Well, here," Aragorn held out a small purple box outlined with green. It had a rainbow, four-leaf-clover and the word "Lucky!" on the top. "Whit gave it to me in Lothrien. She said for me to keep it for luck when I had to 'head the tribe,' whatever that means."
Frodo smiled, "Thank you, for everything, Aragorn. I hope we meet again. Good- bye."
"Good-bye, young Hobbit." Aragorn watched as his young friend set off down the hill, tucking the box into his pocket. His attention shifted as he noticed out of the corner of his eye a very large army of Orcs...
~****~
A couple hundred yards away, Kelly's odd sixth sense was kicking in. She sniffed the air. Tabitha gave her an odd look.
"What is it, Kelly?"
"Orcs... They hate me! AGH!" Kelly drew her sword (and her duct tape) and ran to where her nose was telling her. Everyone else followed. Everyone, that is, besides Grisel and Sam. They were being drawn to a different place. When their hearts were content with their location, Grisel noticed what had drawn her. Frodo was pushing a boat out into the river. Sam waded out.
"Master Frodo! I must come with you!"
"Sam! No! You can't swim!"
That was obvious to Grisel, though. Sam sank beneath the surface of the water.
"SAM!" Frodo yelled out. Grisel decided that Frodo prolly could not swim either, so she dove in and brought Sam to the surface. Frodo reached out and grabbed Sam, then Grisel dragged herself into the boat.
"Good grief, that water is so frickin' cold!" she shuddered and then noticed her backpack was floating out to the boat above the water.
"What the-?" Frodo and Sam asked in unison.
"This is the world's most loyal backpack!" Grisel beamed.
"No, really..." Sam picked up a paddle and began rowing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"HAYA!" Kelly pounded random Orc with her spear.
"YOU LIKE THIS?!" Tabitha sliced and diced any enemy with her sword.
"WOOT!" Whit sliced and whacked with her glaive.
Boromir (who had come to the rescue), Gimli, Legolas, Pippin, and Merry were kicking Orc booty their owns ways, also. Aragorn was nowhere to be seen.
"Where the heck is he?" Kelly yelled.
~** Aragorn: *trying to get the makeup off of his face**~
"Ohhh..." Kelly nodded and she whacked another Orc. Out of the corner of her eye, Kelly noticed that this one super ugly one was shooting arrows into Boromir!
"Hey, you! That is my friend! Haaaayaaaaaaa!" Kelly charged but was stopped by two Orcs, who picked her up right off of her feet.
"WHAT THE?! LET GO OF ME, YOU FIENDS! I HAVE RABIES!!!" Kelly bit both Orcs on their necks. They did not even howl.
"HOW?!!?!?!?" She tried again, and again, and agaaaainn....
Whit noticed Kelly's screams and ran after the Orcs. "YOU LET GO OF HER!" Whit reared back to strike the Orcs, but she was stopped by an arrow striking her in the shoulder. Whir screamed in pain and gripped her shoulder, pulling the arrow out. She looked at it and realized that it was not an Orc arrow, but rather...
"LEGOLAS GREENLEAF! AGH!" Whit stood again, still gripping her shoulder, she noticed that an Orc had also taken Tabitha.
Whit struggled to stand. She sighed in defeat and could only stare hopelessly as her friends tried to get from the grips of the enemy, Tabitha clawing with her nails and Kelly biting. She turned from the scene, only to see another even sadder one. Boromir had fallen and his friend; the one who was like his brother, was at his side up to the end. Whit got an odd thought of Boromir saying "You will train Anakin... He is the Chosen One...." She shook her head and sniffled sadly as Aragorn said good-bye to his friend. He leaned over and kissed his friend on the forehead. Whit smiled sadly and struggled to stand, but she did. Using her glaive as a walking stick, she walked over to Legolas and Gimli as they too watched the saddening scene.
~***~***
Later that day, the foursome sent Boromir down the waterfall. Once again, must be symbolic or somethin'.
"So, uh, what are we gonna do?" Gimli asked.
Aragorn shrugged. Then, he got a brilliant idea "How 'bout we go try to find Pippin, Merry, Tabby, and Kelly?"
"Oh, cool, sure!" were the responses. The foursome set off into the forest.
~***~***~
A few days later, Frodo, Grisel, and Sam reached a mountain overlooking what Grisel assumed to be Mordor. She got a sudden urge and stood on top of a rock.
"I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WOOOOOOOORLD!" she yelled... But then she tripped and fell into Frodo and Sam.
"Ow," the three said together.
*~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
So, did you like?
What will Whit, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli face besides a rabid teen , The Princess of
the Deadly Fingernails, and the White Lady of Rohan?
Will Grisel, Frodo, and Sam destroy the Ring or just go insane trying? Also, who is that
gray, short, bald thing following them?
Will Kelly, Tabitha, Pippin, and Merry escape the Orcs by means of driving them insane or
by methods such as beating, biting, and scratching?