Warning: Proceed with extreme caution. This story gets really insane after the first chapter. Well, the first chapter is insane after a little bit, but it starts out like any other chapter. This is my first shot at a Harry Potter humor fic, so please bear with me until I get used to it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, Draco Malfoy, Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters, the Weasley family, the Dursleys, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, or Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am not J.K. Rowling (no, really, I'm not). I am a fifteen year old girl with a crazy brain going bonkers after 7 weeks of no school, which makes for laziness and mind wandering! I also own any other character used in this fic (I think) and I also own the Wizard Protection Program (as apposed to the Witness Protection Program…get it?)
Chapter One: The Manila Envelopes
"I have called you all here today because your lives are in very great danger now," a smooth voice said. Albus Dumbledore was smiling behind his great desk in his office. He was seated in his normal chair, but on his right, there was an extra chair.
The chair was filled by an elderly man in crisp navy blue robes. He had graying hair and small square spectacles. The man was one that, besides Dumbledore, only three of the five others in the room had recognized.
On the other side of the desk, five minds were buzzing. Each about something different. A few were pondering the man, Geoffrey McNally's presence in Dumbledore's office. Others were wondering why the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was smiling at the mention of their demise. One had also noted a similar smile on Mr. McNally's face and doubted things even more.
Directly across from Dumbledore, a girl with voluminous chestnut curls that were once frizzy, sparkling cinnamon eyes, and a brain that could rival many of the Hogwarts professors was thinking to herself, 'I do wonder what Minister McNally is here for. I have read about him in "Western Hemisphere's Leaders in Magical Government" once or twice. If I recall, he has a strong emphasis on keeping Voldemort and other dark sorcerers out of the United States. He also spends a large amount of his time on education, which could be another in to what this is about. I doubt he's here to look to work on a Magical Creatures treaty, seeing as we aren't really heading in that direction, but that was another strong point for his focuses. Hmm, what did it say in "The Red, White, and Blue Wizard's Guide to the American Ministry?" Hmm…"
On the left of Miss Hermione Granger was her best friend, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Beneath his crazy, untamable black hair, behind his round glasses and blazing emerald eyes, Harry was thinking as well. 'Who is this guy, and furthermore, why is Dumbledore always so frigging calm whenever my life is once again in danger. This is so typical. "Oh, Harry, you could die anytime. Hurry off to class now, don't have any fun, and there will be nothing to worry about!" Well, not this time. I am not under the rules of Hogwarts for much longer. A day left, and I am gone, free from all these people who are trying to "do what's best for me" and free to do whatever I please. But still, can't he at least be concerned on the outside if he is on the inside?'
Next to Harry was his other best friend, Ron Weasley. Ron was still as tall as he was back when he joined the Quidditch team, but not as gangly. He had gotten some muscle mass and had all the girls all over him. He had been completely cruel to Hermione, and broken her heart. The two hadn't spoken in over a year, and Harry was left to pick up the pieces. Ron had gained some muscle in his arms and legs, but definitely not his brain. His thoughts were much less complex than the others. 'What the hell? Why's he smiling? Does he always do this? What a way to end the year, the Headmaster calls us in, tell us our lives are at stake, and practically burst out laughing! What is this world coming to? Bloody hell!'
Next to Ron's enemy sat Ron and Harry's arch enemy, Draco Malfoy. They had been wrong about him, as Hermione had said to them one night after having a meeting with him, being Head Boy and Girl. She said that he wasn't a mini Death Eater; that he hated his father, but the other two wouldn't budge on their thoughts. The boy with the misunderstood past sat in deep thought. He, like Hermione, recognized Minister McNally. Draco was familiar with most high up authority figures, or used to be, anyway, when his father had thrown grand parties and they would all come. He was thinking, too, running his hands through his silver blond hair, his gray eyes unfocused. 'I do agree with Lucius on one thing, Dumbledore is bonkers. And why is Minister McNally here. He was from…the United States, right. They stress anti-dark arts…hmm…what is going on here?'
On the other end of the line, someone had picked up on far much more than any of the rest. That was to be expected. The man with shoulder-length greasy black hair and cold black eyes had, of course, learned a lot about the world's magical leaders being a Death Eater. He noticed McNally's smile as well as Dumbledore's, and he knew things were all right. 'Dumbledore may be crazy,' Severus Snape thought to himself, 'but he is a genius, and so is McNally! Everything will work out…I hope!'
Ron, known for hhis temper, was the first to speak. "Are you outta your tree?" he roared, looking to Harry for support. "Why're you grinning when we are in 'great danger'?"
"Mr. Weasley, please calm down," came the silky voice of Snape from the other end of the line of chairs. "I am sure the Headmaster has some explanation to his happiness."
After Snape spoke, all of the looked up at Dumbledore, genuinely hope that Snape was right, which was a new feeling for some. He grinned more, then spoke. "This is Minister McNally, the Minister of Magic for the United States of America. He has offered a very exclusive program to keep you all safe. Geoffrey?"
The minister rose, and picked up five manila envelopes, each with the three letters written on the front. "I am offering you all places in our 'Wizarding Protection Program', which we created in the U.S. It is a progam where wizards in severe danger are given new identities. Right now, these identities are all Muggle identies, though. We, at the program, will supply you with everything you need; money, clothes, new hair and eye colors if nescessary. You are perfectly welcome to do magic as long as you are alone or with only the other members of the Program in this room. I hope you all will be able to adapt to your new lives. Please read the reports on your new selves in those envelopes. You will leave for your new places of residence in a week, and that is explained in the letter." He handed the envelopes to Dumbledore and stared around at the faces. Snape's was of pure surprise, Dumbledore had gotten more nutball ideas in one year than he had ever thought possible. Draco's was a mix of shock and horror, he had never lived with Muggles before. Hermione's was of deep concentration, as she was trying to remember what she had read about the program. Harry's was of wonder, how had Dumbledore come up with this, it was very different to his normal "keep Harry safe" plan. Ron was thinking about Dumbldore's sanity.
Dumbledore rose and took the envelopes. He read off what they said. "HJP, that's Harry. SBS, that's you, Severus. What did B stand for again?" Snape muttered something none of them could make out, except Dumbledore, who then exclaimed, "Right, Benjamin!" The four seventh years quickly stiffled their laughter, Draco clearing his throat, Hermione suddenly developing allergies, and the two Gyffindor Quidditch stars becoming overtaken by a whooping cough.
Dumbledore watched as Snaped glared at them, then continued. "HJG, that would be you, Miss Granger. It's Josephine, right?" She nodded, blushing at the name. Ron laughed at her reddening cheeks, Harry elbowing him in his side. Hermione grew redder and hid her face from the laughing boy with her hand and newly aquired enevlope. Dumbledore continued, saying, "DRM, that is Draco Randell Malfoy, if I am not mistaken." Draco simply grabbed the envelope as Ron cascaded into another fit of laughter, this time, Harry joining in.
Suddenly, Snape whipped around. "Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter," he said, his tone full of malice, "Do you realize that you are being very rude? People have interesting middle names. Why don't you share with us yours?" Harry suddenly grew quiet. There was a reason Dumbledore hadn't brought up his middle name, it was the name of his father, James.
"James, sir," he said quietly, suddenly very interested with the design of the rug on the floor.
"Hmm," Snape said, suits you. And Mr. Weasley?"
"Chester," he mumbled. Hermione and Draco shared a look, but contained their laughter.
"Here is your envelope, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said, reaching over his desk with the last malina envelope. Ron took it, blushing. "You all my return to your quarters now. I will see you all tomorrow at breakfast, I expect?"
They all nodded and headed out. Minister McNally and Professor Dumbledore watched them file out, shooting looks at each other. "That went well!" said McNally, breaking the silence.
"It indeed did, you have no idea how interesting it gets with all of them in a room together," came Dumbledore's reply.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter is Harry's new "life", I have decided to skip ahead to when they start the program. Please REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, Draco Malfoy, Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters, the Weasley family, the Dursleys, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, or Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am not J.K. Rowling (no, really, I'm not). I am a fifteen year old girl with a crazy brain going bonkers after 7 weeks of no school, which makes for laziness and mind wandering! I also own any other character used in this fic (I think) and I also own the Wizard Protection Program (as apposed to the Witness Protection Program…get it?)
Chapter One: The Manila Envelopes
"I have called you all here today because your lives are in very great danger now," a smooth voice said. Albus Dumbledore was smiling behind his great desk in his office. He was seated in his normal chair, but on his right, there was an extra chair.
The chair was filled by an elderly man in crisp navy blue robes. He had graying hair and small square spectacles. The man was one that, besides Dumbledore, only three of the five others in the room had recognized.
On the other side of the desk, five minds were buzzing. Each about something different. A few were pondering the man, Geoffrey McNally's presence in Dumbledore's office. Others were wondering why the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was smiling at the mention of their demise. One had also noted a similar smile on Mr. McNally's face and doubted things even more.
Directly across from Dumbledore, a girl with voluminous chestnut curls that were once frizzy, sparkling cinnamon eyes, and a brain that could rival many of the Hogwarts professors was thinking to herself, 'I do wonder what Minister McNally is here for. I have read about him in "Western Hemisphere's Leaders in Magical Government" once or twice. If I recall, he has a strong emphasis on keeping Voldemort and other dark sorcerers out of the United States. He also spends a large amount of his time on education, which could be another in to what this is about. I doubt he's here to look to work on a Magical Creatures treaty, seeing as we aren't really heading in that direction, but that was another strong point for his focuses. Hmm, what did it say in "The Red, White, and Blue Wizard's Guide to the American Ministry?" Hmm…"
On the left of Miss Hermione Granger was her best friend, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Beneath his crazy, untamable black hair, behind his round glasses and blazing emerald eyes, Harry was thinking as well. 'Who is this guy, and furthermore, why is Dumbledore always so frigging calm whenever my life is once again in danger. This is so typical. "Oh, Harry, you could die anytime. Hurry off to class now, don't have any fun, and there will be nothing to worry about!" Well, not this time. I am not under the rules of Hogwarts for much longer. A day left, and I am gone, free from all these people who are trying to "do what's best for me" and free to do whatever I please. But still, can't he at least be concerned on the outside if he is on the inside?'
Next to Harry was his other best friend, Ron Weasley. Ron was still as tall as he was back when he joined the Quidditch team, but not as gangly. He had gotten some muscle mass and had all the girls all over him. He had been completely cruel to Hermione, and broken her heart. The two hadn't spoken in over a year, and Harry was left to pick up the pieces. Ron had gained some muscle in his arms and legs, but definitely not his brain. His thoughts were much less complex than the others. 'What the hell? Why's he smiling? Does he always do this? What a way to end the year, the Headmaster calls us in, tell us our lives are at stake, and practically burst out laughing! What is this world coming to? Bloody hell!'
Next to Ron's enemy sat Ron and Harry's arch enemy, Draco Malfoy. They had been wrong about him, as Hermione had said to them one night after having a meeting with him, being Head Boy and Girl. She said that he wasn't a mini Death Eater; that he hated his father, but the other two wouldn't budge on their thoughts. The boy with the misunderstood past sat in deep thought. He, like Hermione, recognized Minister McNally. Draco was familiar with most high up authority figures, or used to be, anyway, when his father had thrown grand parties and they would all come. He was thinking, too, running his hands through his silver blond hair, his gray eyes unfocused. 'I do agree with Lucius on one thing, Dumbledore is bonkers. And why is Minister McNally here. He was from…the United States, right. They stress anti-dark arts…hmm…what is going on here?'
On the other end of the line, someone had picked up on far much more than any of the rest. That was to be expected. The man with shoulder-length greasy black hair and cold black eyes had, of course, learned a lot about the world's magical leaders being a Death Eater. He noticed McNally's smile as well as Dumbledore's, and he knew things were all right. 'Dumbledore may be crazy,' Severus Snape thought to himself, 'but he is a genius, and so is McNally! Everything will work out…I hope!'
Ron, known for hhis temper, was the first to speak. "Are you outta your tree?" he roared, looking to Harry for support. "Why're you grinning when we are in 'great danger'?"
"Mr. Weasley, please calm down," came the silky voice of Snape from the other end of the line of chairs. "I am sure the Headmaster has some explanation to his happiness."
After Snape spoke, all of the looked up at Dumbledore, genuinely hope that Snape was right, which was a new feeling for some. He grinned more, then spoke. "This is Minister McNally, the Minister of Magic for the United States of America. He has offered a very exclusive program to keep you all safe. Geoffrey?"
The minister rose, and picked up five manila envelopes, each with the three letters written on the front. "I am offering you all places in our 'Wizarding Protection Program', which we created in the U.S. It is a progam where wizards in severe danger are given new identities. Right now, these identities are all Muggle identies, though. We, at the program, will supply you with everything you need; money, clothes, new hair and eye colors if nescessary. You are perfectly welcome to do magic as long as you are alone or with only the other members of the Program in this room. I hope you all will be able to adapt to your new lives. Please read the reports on your new selves in those envelopes. You will leave for your new places of residence in a week, and that is explained in the letter." He handed the envelopes to Dumbledore and stared around at the faces. Snape's was of pure surprise, Dumbledore had gotten more nutball ideas in one year than he had ever thought possible. Draco's was a mix of shock and horror, he had never lived with Muggles before. Hermione's was of deep concentration, as she was trying to remember what she had read about the program. Harry's was of wonder, how had Dumbledore come up with this, it was very different to his normal "keep Harry safe" plan. Ron was thinking about Dumbldore's sanity.
Dumbledore rose and took the envelopes. He read off what they said. "HJP, that's Harry. SBS, that's you, Severus. What did B stand for again?" Snape muttered something none of them could make out, except Dumbledore, who then exclaimed, "Right, Benjamin!" The four seventh years quickly stiffled their laughter, Draco clearing his throat, Hermione suddenly developing allergies, and the two Gyffindor Quidditch stars becoming overtaken by a whooping cough.
Dumbledore watched as Snaped glared at them, then continued. "HJG, that would be you, Miss Granger. It's Josephine, right?" She nodded, blushing at the name. Ron laughed at her reddening cheeks, Harry elbowing him in his side. Hermione grew redder and hid her face from the laughing boy with her hand and newly aquired enevlope. Dumbledore continued, saying, "DRM, that is Draco Randell Malfoy, if I am not mistaken." Draco simply grabbed the envelope as Ron cascaded into another fit of laughter, this time, Harry joining in.
Suddenly, Snape whipped around. "Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter," he said, his tone full of malice, "Do you realize that you are being very rude? People have interesting middle names. Why don't you share with us yours?" Harry suddenly grew quiet. There was a reason Dumbledore hadn't brought up his middle name, it was the name of his father, James.
"James, sir," he said quietly, suddenly very interested with the design of the rug on the floor.
"Hmm," Snape said, suits you. And Mr. Weasley?"
"Chester," he mumbled. Hermione and Draco shared a look, but contained their laughter.
"Here is your envelope, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said, reaching over his desk with the last malina envelope. Ron took it, blushing. "You all my return to your quarters now. I will see you all tomorrow at breakfast, I expect?"
They all nodded and headed out. Minister McNally and Professor Dumbledore watched them file out, shooting looks at each other. "That went well!" said McNally, breaking the silence.
"It indeed did, you have no idea how interesting it gets with all of them in a room together," came Dumbledore's reply.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter is Harry's new "life", I have decided to skip ahead to when they start the program. Please REVIEW!!!