Warning: This chapter is gonna be outright hilarious. Just because it's
Snape. What more can I say?
Disclaimer: Still not mine. No Snape for me. No Draco for me. Boo hoo!
The Wizard Protection Program
Pairings: Harry/Ashley, Ron/not telling, Hermione/not telling, Draco/not telling, Snape/not telling
Rating: PG
Chapter 3: The Candy Man Can
A tinkling bell sounded as the door of Candyland Candies swung open. A steady stream of children poured through the door, all ogling the colored sweets the magical new store contained. The two people behind the counter exchanged a glance with wide eyes. "Damn," they mouthed in unison to each other.
It was the candy dish, full of sherbet lemons, which sat on Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's desk that prompted the existence of the candy shop right next to a large elementary school in Midland, Illinois. Minister McNally and the esteemed headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were deeply engaged in a planning meeting for the new program when the latter offered the former a little bit of candy. Thus, Candyland Candies was born.
Of the two behind the counter, it's hard to say if you could ever find a more interesting pair to actually spend their days selling sugary sweets to greedy kids.
The first of the employees behind the counter was none other than the ex- Death Eater spy and Potions Professor at Hogwarts, Ron Weasley...oh wait, wrong chapter, I meant Severus Snape (a/n: did I have you there for a second? *crickets* Well, anyways...). Though it may be said otherwise, as his lollypop shaped name tag sported the identity of Owen Chapman. You all may be currently trying to picture the "overgrown bat" filling children's lives with joy right now. Hint: stop before you hurt yourself. I'm sure that Dumbledore, back in that chintz armchair of his, is still laughing, as he was last when we left him, shortly after the author got lazy with chapter one. Then again, who could blame the old (and rather nutty) chap for getting one last laugh in? Not I.
Back to this dynamic duo. Member number two was a kindly young woman, not to mention certified witch, by the name of Lisa Jensen. Though not a member of the Wizard Protection Program, she happens to be a personal friend of the headmaster. Attending a local Illinois college (one the author made up) not too far from the shop, she studies art while working full time. One might ask how, but to them, another would have to tell them to stuff it, and read the rest of the chapter, and all will be explained. Anyways, Lisa and Severus actually get on surprisingly well, given Snape's track record.
The grand opening sales of Candyland Candies had virtually every child in the whole town packed into the miniscule shop, plastering their grubby little fingers all over. Needless to say, Snape was not amused, and the scowl he wore, similar to the one he saved for the Golden Trio, proved it without a doubt. Lisa shot him a sympathetic glance as a boy who would make Dudley Dursley look anorexic waddled up to the register Snape was tending to, chubby hands filled with sweets.
After four more busy and painfully long hours, Snape scared the rest of the stragglers away by shooting them his signature glare. Lisa put up the Closed sign while the children ran home, and she then turned on Snape.
"Gods, Severus," she chided jokingly. "You'll scare away all our business like that. What will Albus say if we go bankrupt?" She occupied herself with stowing the cash register drawer in a safe under the counter while Severus came up with a reply.
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Like he wouldn't suspect it. What the old fool was thinking in employing me, dreaded Hogwarts Potions Master, as a candy man," she spat the last bit, "I will never know."
The woman simply rolled her eyes and then focused on taking off her apron. "You're such a drama queen. Get over it, will you?" she said, annoyed.
He shot her a glare, but she deflected it, purposely turning the opposite direction while trying to retie a ponytail for her long silky brown hair. "You have got to be the most infuriating person, minus Potter and Weasley, and the rest of the Weasleys now that I think about it, oh, and Potter Sr. And I can't forget Granger. Or the Creevys," he said, slipping into a tangent.
"Ooh," she taunted. "That must put me at...number 15. I'm not very impressed," she tutted. "I will have to try harder."
Severus massaged his temples. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" he asked waspishly.
Lisa glanced down at her watch. "Oh shit," she muttered. "I still have that lecture on Renaissance art. And I'm an hour and a half late already." She pulled from beneath her tee shirt a golden necklace. The pendant was a minute hourglass. "See ya later, Sevvy poo," she smirked, turning it twice and disappearing.
Severus flipped off the light switch for the store and walked into the staff office angrily. He collapsed into a chair and accio'd some coffee. He took a long drink and let out a sigh.
"Nothing is right with the world," he muttered overdramatically. "I can't even walk around normally without missing the feeling of my robes billowing along behind me. And that Lisa."
At this point, the half of his brain not responsible for the last few lines in this story butted in. "What about her?" it asked.
"She's annoying," he replied aloud.
"Is everyone annoying to you?" his brain countered.
"Well, yes, but she is more," he pouted. But his own mind refused to join his pity party.
"Oh stuff it, Snape. You just think that because she is the closest you have ever had to a friend, excluding Malfoy for obvious reasons," he reasoned with himself.
"Fair enough," Severus agreed huffily. He glanced at his new Muggle watch, a present from Dumbledore, who insisted that the Disney Princess Collection was definitely in for men this year. It was late. Severus gathered his things and locked the door, hopping into his Volkswagen bug. His yellow Volkswagen bug. Needless to say, he scowled the entire ride to his new home, as if daring any other drivers to chuckle at him.
A/N: Funny? Yes, no? I thought so, but who cares what I think, right? Please review, I like them. They keep the plot bunnies from dying of malnutrition. So feed them.
Mystical Witch~ Yes, the mighty have fallen. And I suppose Severus can fit into that category.
Ty~ Thanks for the review, love. This story is actually meant to be incredibly out of character, so I don't mind if you think it's hard to swallow *wink*. Well, Sev wasn't a used car salesmen (that would have been great!) but I thought this worked out well. I may put you in. Who knows?
~Emily
Disclaimer: Still not mine. No Snape for me. No Draco for me. Boo hoo!
The Wizard Protection Program
Pairings: Harry/Ashley, Ron/not telling, Hermione/not telling, Draco/not telling, Snape/not telling
Rating: PG
Chapter 3: The Candy Man Can
A tinkling bell sounded as the door of Candyland Candies swung open. A steady stream of children poured through the door, all ogling the colored sweets the magical new store contained. The two people behind the counter exchanged a glance with wide eyes. "Damn," they mouthed in unison to each other.
It was the candy dish, full of sherbet lemons, which sat on Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's desk that prompted the existence of the candy shop right next to a large elementary school in Midland, Illinois. Minister McNally and the esteemed headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were deeply engaged in a planning meeting for the new program when the latter offered the former a little bit of candy. Thus, Candyland Candies was born.
Of the two behind the counter, it's hard to say if you could ever find a more interesting pair to actually spend their days selling sugary sweets to greedy kids.
The first of the employees behind the counter was none other than the ex- Death Eater spy and Potions Professor at Hogwarts, Ron Weasley...oh wait, wrong chapter, I meant Severus Snape (a/n: did I have you there for a second? *crickets* Well, anyways...). Though it may be said otherwise, as his lollypop shaped name tag sported the identity of Owen Chapman. You all may be currently trying to picture the "overgrown bat" filling children's lives with joy right now. Hint: stop before you hurt yourself. I'm sure that Dumbledore, back in that chintz armchair of his, is still laughing, as he was last when we left him, shortly after the author got lazy with chapter one. Then again, who could blame the old (and rather nutty) chap for getting one last laugh in? Not I.
Back to this dynamic duo. Member number two was a kindly young woman, not to mention certified witch, by the name of Lisa Jensen. Though not a member of the Wizard Protection Program, she happens to be a personal friend of the headmaster. Attending a local Illinois college (one the author made up) not too far from the shop, she studies art while working full time. One might ask how, but to them, another would have to tell them to stuff it, and read the rest of the chapter, and all will be explained. Anyways, Lisa and Severus actually get on surprisingly well, given Snape's track record.
The grand opening sales of Candyland Candies had virtually every child in the whole town packed into the miniscule shop, plastering their grubby little fingers all over. Needless to say, Snape was not amused, and the scowl he wore, similar to the one he saved for the Golden Trio, proved it without a doubt. Lisa shot him a sympathetic glance as a boy who would make Dudley Dursley look anorexic waddled up to the register Snape was tending to, chubby hands filled with sweets.
After four more busy and painfully long hours, Snape scared the rest of the stragglers away by shooting them his signature glare. Lisa put up the Closed sign while the children ran home, and she then turned on Snape.
"Gods, Severus," she chided jokingly. "You'll scare away all our business like that. What will Albus say if we go bankrupt?" She occupied herself with stowing the cash register drawer in a safe under the counter while Severus came up with a reply.
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Like he wouldn't suspect it. What the old fool was thinking in employing me, dreaded Hogwarts Potions Master, as a candy man," she spat the last bit, "I will never know."
The woman simply rolled her eyes and then focused on taking off her apron. "You're such a drama queen. Get over it, will you?" she said, annoyed.
He shot her a glare, but she deflected it, purposely turning the opposite direction while trying to retie a ponytail for her long silky brown hair. "You have got to be the most infuriating person, minus Potter and Weasley, and the rest of the Weasleys now that I think about it, oh, and Potter Sr. And I can't forget Granger. Or the Creevys," he said, slipping into a tangent.
"Ooh," she taunted. "That must put me at...number 15. I'm not very impressed," she tutted. "I will have to try harder."
Severus massaged his temples. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" he asked waspishly.
Lisa glanced down at her watch. "Oh shit," she muttered. "I still have that lecture on Renaissance art. And I'm an hour and a half late already." She pulled from beneath her tee shirt a golden necklace. The pendant was a minute hourglass. "See ya later, Sevvy poo," she smirked, turning it twice and disappearing.
Severus flipped off the light switch for the store and walked into the staff office angrily. He collapsed into a chair and accio'd some coffee. He took a long drink and let out a sigh.
"Nothing is right with the world," he muttered overdramatically. "I can't even walk around normally without missing the feeling of my robes billowing along behind me. And that Lisa."
At this point, the half of his brain not responsible for the last few lines in this story butted in. "What about her?" it asked.
"She's annoying," he replied aloud.
"Is everyone annoying to you?" his brain countered.
"Well, yes, but she is more," he pouted. But his own mind refused to join his pity party.
"Oh stuff it, Snape. You just think that because she is the closest you have ever had to a friend, excluding Malfoy for obvious reasons," he reasoned with himself.
"Fair enough," Severus agreed huffily. He glanced at his new Muggle watch, a present from Dumbledore, who insisted that the Disney Princess Collection was definitely in for men this year. It was late. Severus gathered his things and locked the door, hopping into his Volkswagen bug. His yellow Volkswagen bug. Needless to say, he scowled the entire ride to his new home, as if daring any other drivers to chuckle at him.
A/N: Funny? Yes, no? I thought so, but who cares what I think, right? Please review, I like them. They keep the plot bunnies from dying of malnutrition. So feed them.
Mystical Witch~ Yes, the mighty have fallen. And I suppose Severus can fit into that category.
Ty~ Thanks for the review, love. This story is actually meant to be incredibly out of character, so I don't mind if you think it's hard to swallow *wink*. Well, Sev wasn't a used car salesmen (that would have been great!) but I thought this worked out well. I may put you in. Who knows?
~Emily