Fox Games:
Chapter 2-Concerns
The rain poured down outside, running down the window like a miniature
waterfall. Kurama, however, saw nothing of the rain, or any of the storm for
that matter. He was lost in a world of his own making, a seemingly endless
dream from which he could not hope to escape. His thoughts swirled around his
head as behind him, in the other room Hiei and his mother were setting out
dinner. Upon their return from the meeting with Yusuke, Kurama's mother had
somehow managed to convince Hiei to stay for dinner. But Kurama, swamped in his
trance-like state, only barely registered this as an abnormality. He had gone
immediately to the window and sat there ever since. What he didn't know was
that Hiei had only agreed to stay because he was worried about Kurama. Very
worried. And when Hiei showed emotion such as this, well then you knew
something was horribly wrong.
"Shuuichi, dinner time!" his mother's soft voice called.
"Coming mother," he replied, voice flat.
It was a wonder he had heard at all. He walked stiffly into the room and sat
down woodenly at the table, eating mechanically and seeming not to notice the
worried looks he was getting from the other two people in the room. When he had
finished he stood up slowly and said, "I'm tired, mother. I think I'll go
to bed early. Good-night Hiei." And he left the room.
His mother bit her lip and turned anxiously to Hiei. "I'm sorry, Hiei. I
don't know what's wrong with him He's been like this ever since he came home a
little while back. You know, from his trip. I just don't know what to do with
him. Do you know what's wrong? Has he told you anything?"
Hiei opened his mouth to say he had heard nothing, to declare his innocence,
but hesitated when he saw the desperate, pleading look on the woman's face.
"I...well...all I know is he...had...um...a kind of...fight with one of
his close friends. And...um...he feels really guilty...cause he knows it's all
his fault," the little fire demon said haltingly.
"Oh," came the worried reply. "Well I hope they work things out
soon." And she got up and began to clear away the dinner dishes.
"There's not much chance of that happening," Hiei thought as
he watched the upset woman closely. "I hate to say it, but it's true.
Ever since the day Kurama closed Haven out, a gap has opened between them.
Growing larger every day that they are apart, that gap is now an ocean
separating them. And I don't think there's much chance of Haven trying to cross
that ocean...not after the way Kurama treated her." With these
depressing thoughts swirling around his head, Hiei began to help clean up form
dinner.
Kurama meanwhile, was sitting up at the window in his room, staring out at the
rain once more.
"Thank you, Hiei. For everything," Kurama's mother said, seeing the
little fire demon to the door.
"It was nothing," he replied awkwardly, not used to being thanked.
And in a swirling of black cloak, he was gone, running through the pounding
rain. Minutes later he was sitting deep within the leafy maze of a tall maple
tree, disregarding the fact that lightning strikes the tallest objects in the
area, and staring out at the orbs of water as they splashed on the ground.
And meanwhile Kurama sat in his darkened room, also staring out at the
seemingly endless torrent, his mind adrift and his hands lying limply in his
lap. Thoughts laced with grief, guilt, and anguish swam in his head, creating a
muddled mass that writhed and twisted as if it had a life of its own. The mass
had resided in his mind ever since that fateful day and pressed down upon him
with a weight greater then any human standards could measure. It had repressed
and silenced him, causing him to withdraw deeper and deeper into himself as
time went on. His eyes had grown dull and taken on a sunken look; he hadn't
been eating much, so his face appeared gaunt and some of his tighter clothes
were beginning to hang looser on his already lean frame; he had lost interest
in most things, so his grades were slipping and his mother and friends were
beginning to worry. In short his life was a mess, and all because of his one
mistake. The biggest mistake of his life...letting her go.
**FLASHBACK**
Wandering underneath the trees they only stopped when they came to the banks
of a river. The silver-stained waters churned madly and the rush of the waters
proved a background for the rest of nature's music. Kurama sighed heavily and
stared out at the water.
"Kurama?" Haven inquired gently, her voice full of concern.
When he looked over at her, his eyes were muted and filled with anguish.
"Haven...I...I can't really explain this...I..." swearing under his
breath he trailed off and looked away.
Haven's hand rested gently on his arm and he covered it with one of his own.
Turning back he tried again. "I don't know...if I can explain this...but I
just don't know...I just...I just don't think it would be a good idea for us to
be together anymore."
He cringed inwardly at his own words. They sounded harsh and cruel, even to his
own ears
He dared to look at Haven's face and saw on it that look he had first seen when
they met her. That tormented, grief-stricken look. She hadn't looked like that
in months. And now it was back, and it was his fault. Her face twisted in utter
pain and her eyes went blank.
Guilt welled up in him. He had to at least try to explain his fears.
"Haven, I-"
But she cut him off. "No Kurama!"
Those were the last words she said to him that night. Flipping up into the
leafy canopy above, she ran off into the night. Kurama stared after her
hopelessly, his stomach churning with guilt. Haven...
**END FLASHBACK**
As they scene ran itself through his mind once more, his face twitched slightly
and a lone tear trailed down his haunted face and dripped off his chin. That
day had played itself over and over and over again as the months had worn on,
and now it was so clearly burned in his guilty mind that he doubted he would
ever be able to forget it. But, he had had to do it! What did he have to offer
her anyway? A kitsune trapped in a ningen's body! He could give her nothing,
nothing except the possible failure of her trust, which, ironically had
happened anyway.
He had told himself this countless times: This was something I had to
do, and at first he had allowed himself to believe it. But now, now as he looked
back with that gift/curse hindsight he was beginning to have second thoughts.
Her stricken face haunted his dreams by night and the backs of his eyelids by
day. Fragments of songs Haven had once sung filtered through his mind.
I can't make it without you, my heart's still achin'
I hear the wind, call out your name, it's makin' me remember.
Wish I had just one more day.
I don't know if I can make it, without you my heart's still breakin'...
Cause you're a god, and I am not,
And I just thought, that you would know.
You're a god, and I am not,
And I just thought I'd let you go
More than angry words I hate this silence,
it's getting so loud.
Well I want to scream,
But bitterness has silenced these emotions,
It's getting hard to breathe.
Another tear
slipped down his cheek. What had he done, oh, what had he done?
He curled up on the window seat and rested his head against the cool
windowpane. And when morning came, it found him still curled up by the window,
face haunted, even in sleep. The rays of sun painted his face a bright gold and
caught his red hair on fire. Even though it had lost most of its luster and now
hung limp around his face, the effect was still enough to take away the breath
of any who watched. But the only one Kurama would have cared about was not
there. And that was what made all the difference in his life.
"Shuuichi! Shuuichi!" his mother called, knocking on his bedroom door
and opening it. But upon seeing her son she stopped and sighed. This was the
3rd time this week he had fallen asleep by the window. She turned around and
closed the door softly behind her; this was the last straw. When Shuuichi woke
up, she was going to make him sit down and talk to her. She would find out what
was wrong, make him tell her everything; no matter what it would take, she was
going to find out what was wrong with her son.