Today is my birthday.
Kaoru was nice enough to treat us all to a wonderful dinner at the Akabeko. This is the first birthday that I celebrate with my new family. The first time that I actually celebrate it in years. I know I should be ecstatic, everyone is treating me so well. I feel like I've been accepted again, at last. Like I never committed any of the things I did. Things that I will never stop regretting.
I know I owe them a lot, so I at least pretended to be happy. But the gratitude I feel is not enough for me to forget the pain I feel inside.
Cause on days like this, beautiful memories flood my mind. Memories that will always remain as nothing more but mere memories. The fact that I can never see or feel them again drowns my whole being.
My real family.
Otoo-san..
Okaa-san..
Oni-chan..
if only you knew how much I miss you.. how much I need you.. and how much it hurts for me to be alone.
I know I shouldn't be like this, you taught me to be strong and to be proud of who I am. But sometimes I just need someone who I can lean on, someone who I know would always be there. And I know Ken-san and the others are doing what they can to fill the abyss the loss of you has created in my heart. I appreciate that. I really do. Everything is not perfect but it's more than what I asked for in my prayers for every night that I stayed in that monster's house. There's only one thing. One person, who I still don't know where I stand in his life.
Sanosuke, what will it take for me to be your friend?
He didn't read any further. In that one entry he found out more than what he wanted to. His curiosity died quickly, replaced by other more powerful emotions. He somehow felt her sadness and regret. And even the longing he too felt for his real family was magnified.
But the last words were the ones that left a deep pang of guilt in Sano's heart. He knew he wouldn't be able to face her anytime soon. He decided to return everything tomorrow.
"Maybe it won't be as hot." He reasoned to himself.
He recalled every single word she wrote as he haphazardly returned the diary in her bag. Sighing he went back to his futon. He knew he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.
If only she knew..
~~~
A/N: thanks to those who reviewed. Hmm.. sorry bout the grammar errors, sometimes I miss them, don't worry they'll always be minimal :)