Lord of the Rings, gone wrong #5
"Boromir!" They all shouted, hoping for a reply. The fellowship spread out around the campsite and looked under shrubs and small rocks. Frodo walked around the tree, as he did so he smelt the horrible smell of Striders earlier excretions. He stopped suddenly. "I found him!" Frodo called out. He took a step back from what he saw. The rest of the fellowship ran towards Frodo, pinching their noses as the came closer to him. "Strider how could you?" Frodo asked in a sad voice. "How could I what, Frodo?" Strider replied. "Strider don't play silly buggers! Give me an explanation. Now!" Frodo yelled with annoyance "Ok, ok" Strider started. "I had an affair with your wife, I'm sorry. She said she loved me! I believed her..." Strider bowed his head in shame. "You what? I don't mean that. I don't have a wife. Strider what are you talking about?" Frodo answered with a confused look on his face. "I'm meaning the current situation. Look!" Frodo pointed to Boromir's body, which was propped up against the tree, in the hole which Strider had dug earlier to do his business in. "You ate Boromir!" He accused. "I didn't eat Boromir!" Strider shouted back in defence. "Then explain why you were making so much noise whilst you were pooing and explain why Boromir's body just happens to be in the hole where you excreted. Explain to me why it smells so bad and explain one more thing to me Strider, explain to me how Pythagoras came up with the theory that A squared + B squared = C squared. Go on Strider, humour me!" Frodo yelled. "Hey Strider, explain something to me too. Why did you eat my arrow?" Legolas pointed to the arrow, which stuck out of Boromir's chest. "I can't explain it?" Strider sobbed. "Take my word, it wasn't me. Cross my heart and hope to die, pock a needle in my eye, what's the time? Ten to nine, hang your knickers on the line, when there dry, bring them in, put them in the biscuit tin, eat a biscuit, eat a cake, eat you knickers by mistake." Strider sniffed. "Talk to the hand, coz the face ain't home, leave a message after the tone. Beep, beep." Frodo replied as he held his hand up to Striders face. "Listen to me Frodo. I would never eat Boromir. He is too hairy; I would probably have coughed up fur balls if I had eaten him. Have I coughed up any fur balls Frodo?" No, you haven't. OK Strider I believe you. But then what did ate Boromir?" Frodo asked. "Orc's" Legolas said simply. "We better get going" Merry, Pippin and Sam all said together. They were getting tired of following these fools around. Strider and Frodo dug the poo hole a bit deeper and tossed Boromir's body into it, Strider then grabbed Gimli and tried to toss him in as well, but Gimli grabbed onto Frodo and the toss was incomplete. "Nobody tosses a dwarf!" Gimli shouted at Strider.
The fellowship started off again. They walked and walked. Suddenly out of nowhere a small creature came up to them. "You must not go, you must not go!" The creature shouted at them. It walked up to Frodo and signalled for him to come closer. Frodo leaned over so that the creature could talk into his ear. "Frodo Baggins must not go to Hogwarts." It whispered. "It is not safe, Frodo must stay." "Hogwarts?" Frodo questioned. "What's that?" Legolas asked as he looked around. He could hear a loud humming. It sounded like the noise was getting closer and as it did so, a rattling sound added to the humming. They could all see what it was now. It was a machine they had never seen before. A motor cycle, but not any motor cycle. This one was flying...
Will the real cause of Boromir's death ever be straightened out? Who and what is this new creature? Who ate whose knickers by mistake?
Find out next time on Lord of the Rings, gone wrong.
"Boromir!" They all shouted, hoping for a reply. The fellowship spread out around the campsite and looked under shrubs and small rocks. Frodo walked around the tree, as he did so he smelt the horrible smell of Striders earlier excretions. He stopped suddenly. "I found him!" Frodo called out. He took a step back from what he saw. The rest of the fellowship ran towards Frodo, pinching their noses as the came closer to him. "Strider how could you?" Frodo asked in a sad voice. "How could I what, Frodo?" Strider replied. "Strider don't play silly buggers! Give me an explanation. Now!" Frodo yelled with annoyance "Ok, ok" Strider started. "I had an affair with your wife, I'm sorry. She said she loved me! I believed her..." Strider bowed his head in shame. "You what? I don't mean that. I don't have a wife. Strider what are you talking about?" Frodo answered with a confused look on his face. "I'm meaning the current situation. Look!" Frodo pointed to Boromir's body, which was propped up against the tree, in the hole which Strider had dug earlier to do his business in. "You ate Boromir!" He accused. "I didn't eat Boromir!" Strider shouted back in defence. "Then explain why you were making so much noise whilst you were pooing and explain why Boromir's body just happens to be in the hole where you excreted. Explain to me why it smells so bad and explain one more thing to me Strider, explain to me how Pythagoras came up with the theory that A squared + B squared = C squared. Go on Strider, humour me!" Frodo yelled. "Hey Strider, explain something to me too. Why did you eat my arrow?" Legolas pointed to the arrow, which stuck out of Boromir's chest. "I can't explain it?" Strider sobbed. "Take my word, it wasn't me. Cross my heart and hope to die, pock a needle in my eye, what's the time? Ten to nine, hang your knickers on the line, when there dry, bring them in, put them in the biscuit tin, eat a biscuit, eat a cake, eat you knickers by mistake." Strider sniffed. "Talk to the hand, coz the face ain't home, leave a message after the tone. Beep, beep." Frodo replied as he held his hand up to Striders face. "Listen to me Frodo. I would never eat Boromir. He is too hairy; I would probably have coughed up fur balls if I had eaten him. Have I coughed up any fur balls Frodo?" No, you haven't. OK Strider I believe you. But then what did ate Boromir?" Frodo asked. "Orc's" Legolas said simply. "We better get going" Merry, Pippin and Sam all said together. They were getting tired of following these fools around. Strider and Frodo dug the poo hole a bit deeper and tossed Boromir's body into it, Strider then grabbed Gimli and tried to toss him in as well, but Gimli grabbed onto Frodo and the toss was incomplete. "Nobody tosses a dwarf!" Gimli shouted at Strider.
The fellowship started off again. They walked and walked. Suddenly out of nowhere a small creature came up to them. "You must not go, you must not go!" The creature shouted at them. It walked up to Frodo and signalled for him to come closer. Frodo leaned over so that the creature could talk into his ear. "Frodo Baggins must not go to Hogwarts." It whispered. "It is not safe, Frodo must stay." "Hogwarts?" Frodo questioned. "What's that?" Legolas asked as he looked around. He could hear a loud humming. It sounded like the noise was getting closer and as it did so, a rattling sound added to the humming. They could all see what it was now. It was a machine they had never seen before. A motor cycle, but not any motor cycle. This one was flying...
Will the real cause of Boromir's death ever be straightened out? Who and what is this new creature? Who ate whose knickers by mistake?
Find out next time on Lord of the Rings, gone wrong.