Phoenix Burning
by Virginia
PG
Disclaimer: JK is the wonderful person who created this world; I am simply borrowing her ideas and building on them.
Warning: A bit of slashiness, not too much though. This is more of a philosophical work. Why are we here? What is our purpose here? Why do we continue to struggle to live? Stuff like that. Hey, I was just in a very thoughtful mood when I wrote this, that's all. ^_^
The green bolt struck from behind, delivered with a screech, met by a helpless wail.
-Why do you cry?
-Because I am dying.
-Why do you cry?
-Because I don't want to die.
-Why do you cry?
-I'm afraid.
-Death has no pain. Death has nothing.
-That is why I'm afraid.
"Wake up! Wake up, damn you! You won't leave me!"
-But I must. It is inevitable. I'm afraid, but I know I must go. That's why I'm a Gryffindor, right? Even though I'm afraid, I must face this nothingness bravely. Just as I faced the man who killed me, the same man who killed me when I was a baby. I have no choice, so I must be brave. Did I ever have a choice?
-What about the rulebreaking? The sneaking around at night. Investigating things better left alone.
-Did I ever have a choice?
-Of course you did. Everyone does.
-No, I didn't. My fate was branded into me. See? It is written across my forehead. Everyone knows my destiny. Just as yours was burned into your arm. We don't have a choice.
-Everyone has a choice.
-No, Dumbledore lied. He still lies to us. He makes me believe I chose to attack the Dark Lord. He makes me believe that I was the only one able to lead the army of the white light. He made you believe you chose to spy for him.
-I did choose to spy for him. My conscience wouldn't permit otherwise.
-No, you didn't. Just as you didn't choose to be tortured by my father and his friends in school.
-Shut up.
-I'm sorry.
-I don't want your pity.
-I don't pity you. You are a great man. You had great ambitions. You could have rattled both worlds. But you had no choice, and therefore you couldn't. And I didn't choose to love you.
-Do I repulse you?
-Once, yes. But I was a child, and my feelings terrified me. I couldn't see past the points you took and the detentions you were so fond of doling out. But then I saw one day, and I understood. And you saw past my façade.
-The Boy Who Lived.
-That's no more real than the Slimy Death Eater.
-Why did you leave me?
-Because I had no choice.
-I must disagree with you. Everything is choice.
-I thought I explained this already?
-No. You create reasons with illogical means. Just as you bumbled in Potions, you now blunder in your afterlife.
-But I thought death was nothing.
-If you wish to see it as such, then it is so. Just as if you look at life like it is nothing, then it becomes so. Just as if you look at your actions in your life being something you can't choose then you are accountable for nothing, and neither are others. What is the point of existing?
-What is the point of existing?
-We exist so we may live.
-Is that not the same?
-To exist is merely to experience with no emotional attachment. To exist is to float in a dream world, a world void of possibility.
-How can I tell when I'm dreaming and when I'm awake?
-You're dreaming now.
-No, I am dead.
-You're dreaming again, and you will awake with the entire Gryffindor House peering down at you and wondering why you thrash and scream in your sleep.
-I don't want to wake and see them.
-Then wake before they know you are dreaming again.
-I can't wake and see them. They are all dead.
-Then why aren't they here already if you're dead too?
-Because you are the only one I want to see in the afterlife. I can't live with you, but I can't die without you. You know this is true.
-Soul mates?
-No, deeper than that. A soul is not a tangible thing. We are mates of something much more basic.
-I don't understand.
-Everything around us, including ourselves contains the basic elements of stars. If you believe in the Big Bang, then you will know everything exploded outwards, a brilliant blinding blast, starting life. We are made of the same stuff, you and I, at the most fundamental level. If you believe in God's Creation, then look at it this way: God breathed life into mud, creating Adam. We are all descendents from that mud. You and I are from the same little globule of mud…perhaps the mud that made his elbow, or his knee…or his…
-I see.
-Then you know.
-I know. I've known all along. But you were the one to leave me.
-I am sorry. If I had known too, I would have stayed with you. Perhaps if I had stayed, I would not have died.
-Now you imagine possibilities. You are beginning to see everything as being something other than inevitable. Perhaps now you can make your first choice.
-What is that?
-Come back to me
-But you're with me now.
-I'll always be with you here. But now I need you to…
"Come back to me!"
-But you're here with me now.
"Potter!"
Must you yell so loud?
"Potter!"
Don't call my name.
"Potter!"
Shut up!
"Harry…"
What do you want?
"Harry, come back to me. Wake up."
"I'm awake."
"Then open your eyes."
"They're open."
What do you see?
I see you. I see light. Dark light…it burns black and blue, but it still casts light. And you know I'm a moth. I'm drawn to your dark light.
Your light is white. It blinds.
Your light sooths weary souls.
"Harry, don't leave me again."
"Is he dead?"
"What does your scar tell you?"
"He is dead. And I am alive."
"You were dead for a while though."
"But I came back to life."
"I would have killed you if you hadn't. You can't leave me alone. I've been alone too long."
"So have I. That's why I came back."