A/N: I want to thank everyone who reviewed!!! That just makes my day
coming to the computer and seeing them!^^ Hopefully this chapter will be
better and more active. Well on with this story...
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi...blah..blah...blah
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After having a quick conversation with Ashley, which I have to say I wasn't in the mood for. It seemed me and Ashley had drifted apart recently. Sure we tried to keep close like we use to be. But things just could'nt be the same and we knew that. But we accepted that. It seemed that I didnt really have any close friends. Yes, I had 'friends' but...well how can I say this? There not really close friends. People I can just say hello to in the hall. Or people that were always near so I wouldnt be alone. But I accepted that....Although I hate to admit it..I worry about fitting in. I worry about what people say and think. I just do.....
Paige passed me in the hallway. She didnt say anything. Or give any hint that she noticed me. It was then that I 'really' noticed how different Paige was from last year. She didnt seem to want to be the center of attention anymore...which I have to admit I always hated. She didnt want to talk anymore. Hazel had informed me that she had even quit the squad. Which she had loved. She had loved bragging to me that she was the spirit squad captain. She had loved showing me her newest routines. But now she didnt say much. I shrugged. She just going through a time.
Stopping in the hallways for a brief second. Rick was about to walk right pass me but he stopped and turned to me.
"Terri..hello..again.",he paused.,"Listen I know we dont know each other very good. But I was thinking that we could..you know.",he continued on as he saw that I wasn't going to give a response,"Do something...I know we dont know eachother very well but I was thinking that we could go see a movie or go get a bite to eat. Or whatever you want...",being in to much shock to reply. He watched me stand there for what seemed to be an enternity to me.,"Or not?",he said beggining to walk off.
Being afraid to say yes..that this might be a joke I just stood there like a 'idiot'. The I began to regain controll of myself. 'Come on Terri...if you dont say yes now, he might never ask you out again. And I knew this was right, I mean I couldnt just wait for Craig. I had to realize he had a girlfriend.
"Wait.", walking after him he stopped and turned back to me.,"Yeah..It sounds great..", I said smiling waiting for an answer. He let out a small laugh. 'Oh god...', I though silently. Im so stupid. He tricked me. "Okay...I get it..", heading of in the other direction he stopped me.
"Terri wait...it would be great to go...how about tonight? Or is that to soon?", I let out a sigh of relief.
"Thats great...",I slapped myself later for souding over excited.
"Okay we can meet at the Dot then. At six..", he smiled walking away from me.
A grin over took my face. A boy had finally asked me out. And not just any guy...A hot guy!
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A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I was glad that the day was atleast halfway over. Lunch was next which was something I was not looking forward to. Hazel sat there and Im sure she'd be dying to talk about Dean. Not being in the mood I entered the overcrowded cafeteria and took the seat that Hazel had saved for me. I hated to say it but it was my only option. So people were standing it was so crowded. So I plopped down beside her.
She gave me the 'we need to talk in private look' but I ignored it. And looked down at the table. Looking up I saw Spinner looking at me. He turned his head going back to his conversation with, Jimmy. Taking a good look at the 'very' disgusting cafeteria. The one person I didnt want to see was sitting all the way on the other end of the cafeteria. Dean. He was just sitting there smiling at me. Not doing anything but smiling at me. And I found this smile evil. Standing up I didnt want to see his face and more I began to stop off. Out of this place. Stupidly I didnt look where I was going and before I knew it I hit the ground. Milk, chocolate milk went everywhere. Not to mention all over me. Not making a noise I looked up to see who had did this to me. It was Craig. I stood up quickly.
"You idiot!",I stomped out of the cafateria not looking at his expression. I was fustrated after reaching the restroom. After getting 'most' of the milk off me. I realized how stupid I had acted. He probally hadn't even meant to. I shook my head.
I don't think a word escaped my lips the rest of that day. Hazel kept trying to talk to me but I ignored her. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I felt like talking to someone but I realized I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I didn't even think I had said more than two words to most people the last couple days of school.
Grabbing my backpack quickly I headed out passing the gym. Glancing in for a second as I walked by I stopped to realize that Hazel was leading the squad now. But I didnt care I just kept walking. Not watching where I was walking I turned my head back ahead and bumped right into Spinner.
"Oh....",I paused looking at him for a second.,"Im sorry...", walking around him I continued on my way.
"Paige..wait..", he said catching up with me.,"Are you heading home? Want some company?", I merely nodded as he followed me out.
We were about a block or two away from my house when Spinner finally spoke up,"So.....", he continued on as I didnt say anything.,"How have you been?"
Not looking away from the street infront of me I responded,"Im fine...and how are you?"
"Im good...",he nodded. We didn't say anything for a couple more minutes. I felt him looking at me.,"Paige...whats wrong?"
I put a look of confusion on my face," Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?", had he seen Dean? I shook my head. Its not like he'd say anything about it anyways.
"Wrong why would anything be wrong?"
He paused," Your just different this year. Your quiet. I dont think you said more than two words to me..."
"So Im more quiet...who cares..", I said trying to get off the subject as we approached my house.
"Paige, I saw Dean. He hasnt tried anything has he...I talked to-",
I stopped walking., "You talked to him!? Why would you talk to him!?", he opened his mouth to answer but I stopped him,"Spinner would you just stop!? Its none of your bussiness about whats going on with Dean.", I stopped into the house before he could reply and slammed the door behind me.
Stomping up to my room and not paying any attention to Dylan I plopped on my bed looking to the ceiling. After thinking for a few minutes I realized how much I had missed Spinner. Last year he was always so goofy and easy to talk to. And I missed that. I missed that alot. 'I hate myself....', I thought to myself. And I did really at the moment. I thought back to my doodling and I realized it was true I did want to die. I wanted everything to be over.
There was a razor sitting on my bathroom cabinet and I don't know what came over me but I scooped it up and started inspecting it. The memories came back of my cousin. I was just about seven and I was in her room with her. Jenny was her name. Sitting on her bed I watched Jenny. She was in her bathroom. I heard crying and I stood up peering in. Jenny was standing over the sink a blade in one hand. There was blood all over her hands and she was sobbing uncontrobally. She looked up to me and jumped up,"Paige get out!", she yelled rinsing away the evidence. I finally spilled to me mom a few days later what Jenny had been doing. Her mom made her get help right away and she was better now. Infact she was a grade 'A' student and studying to be a teacher at the moment.
'Just one time....', I heard about other girls doing it. It made them feel better. When there lives were not doing so well. They felt like they had some control. Or so I read. 'Just one time..', I repeated and went for it. I slit my wrist quickly. And as soon as I realized it didnt hurt to badly I did the other one.
Realizing what I was doing I dropped the razor quickly.'What am I doing!?', I rushed to the bathroom watching off the evidence. That was the wrong thing and I knew it. And I made myself promise I would never do it again.
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My eyes were wide as I was shocked of hearing the news. Jt's dad died? I knew right away that was why he was called home last night. The bell rang for homeroom and Emma and me didn't talk much more. We entered Mr. Simpson's class and took a seat in our usually places. Next to Jt and Toby. Jt didn't look up to us he seemed focused on his blank computer screen.
Liberty walked over taking a seat next us,"Manny? What are you wearing?", she asked as I remembered my clothes. I shook my head. Glancing over to Jt he didnt make any movments, he just sat there. Nodding once in awhile in response to Toby.
Class began a few minuted later as we were learning all the basics of html. Which most of us new already. Finishing mine I glanced over to see how Jt was doing. He hadnt even started. Mr Simpson didnt seem to mind though. I figured he had probally been reported about the situation.
After a couple of classes and not much of a difference of attitude from Jt it was lunch time. Putting away things in my locker that I no longer needed at the corner of my eye I spotted Jt. He appeared to be exiting the building.
"Wait...Jt..",I said walking over he looked back and even mananged to give me a small smile.
"Hey..Manny...I think Im just going to head out about now...", I blocked his path.
"Jt...are you okay?" , I asked concerned. I had lost my mother not to long ago myself. And I knew it was tough. And let me assure you he acted alot braver than I did.
"Manny Im fine...Im just not feeling well...",he paused as I saw tears coming out at the rims of his eyes. And he was doing his very best to hold them in,"I think Im just catching something. That....bug....thats going around..", I didnt say anything,"Well, Ill see you later...",he then pushed open the door and exited.
I watched him go with sadness. He was real hurt. And I knew he needed some time to himself. Maybe I would IM him tonight or something...
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Please Reveiw!!!!
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi...blah..blah...blah
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After having a quick conversation with Ashley, which I have to say I wasn't in the mood for. It seemed me and Ashley had drifted apart recently. Sure we tried to keep close like we use to be. But things just could'nt be the same and we knew that. But we accepted that. It seemed that I didnt really have any close friends. Yes, I had 'friends' but...well how can I say this? There not really close friends. People I can just say hello to in the hall. Or people that were always near so I wouldnt be alone. But I accepted that....Although I hate to admit it..I worry about fitting in. I worry about what people say and think. I just do.....
Paige passed me in the hallway. She didnt say anything. Or give any hint that she noticed me. It was then that I 'really' noticed how different Paige was from last year. She didnt seem to want to be the center of attention anymore...which I have to admit I always hated. She didnt want to talk anymore. Hazel had informed me that she had even quit the squad. Which she had loved. She had loved bragging to me that she was the spirit squad captain. She had loved showing me her newest routines. But now she didnt say much. I shrugged. She just going through a time.
Stopping in the hallways for a brief second. Rick was about to walk right pass me but he stopped and turned to me.
"Terri..hello..again.",he paused.,"Listen I know we dont know each other very good. But I was thinking that we could..you know.",he continued on as he saw that I wasn't going to give a response,"Do something...I know we dont know eachother very well but I was thinking that we could go see a movie or go get a bite to eat. Or whatever you want...",being in to much shock to reply. He watched me stand there for what seemed to be an enternity to me.,"Or not?",he said beggining to walk off.
Being afraid to say yes..that this might be a joke I just stood there like a 'idiot'. The I began to regain controll of myself. 'Come on Terri...if you dont say yes now, he might never ask you out again. And I knew this was right, I mean I couldnt just wait for Craig. I had to realize he had a girlfriend.
"Wait.", walking after him he stopped and turned back to me.,"Yeah..It sounds great..", I said smiling waiting for an answer. He let out a small laugh. 'Oh god...', I though silently. Im so stupid. He tricked me. "Okay...I get it..", heading of in the other direction he stopped me.
"Terri wait...it would be great to go...how about tonight? Or is that to soon?", I let out a sigh of relief.
"Thats great...",I slapped myself later for souding over excited.
"Okay we can meet at the Dot then. At six..", he smiled walking away from me.
A grin over took my face. A boy had finally asked me out. And not just any guy...A hot guy!
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A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I was glad that the day was atleast halfway over. Lunch was next which was something I was not looking forward to. Hazel sat there and Im sure she'd be dying to talk about Dean. Not being in the mood I entered the overcrowded cafeteria and took the seat that Hazel had saved for me. I hated to say it but it was my only option. So people were standing it was so crowded. So I plopped down beside her.
She gave me the 'we need to talk in private look' but I ignored it. And looked down at the table. Looking up I saw Spinner looking at me. He turned his head going back to his conversation with, Jimmy. Taking a good look at the 'very' disgusting cafeteria. The one person I didnt want to see was sitting all the way on the other end of the cafeteria. Dean. He was just sitting there smiling at me. Not doing anything but smiling at me. And I found this smile evil. Standing up I didnt want to see his face and more I began to stop off. Out of this place. Stupidly I didnt look where I was going and before I knew it I hit the ground. Milk, chocolate milk went everywhere. Not to mention all over me. Not making a noise I looked up to see who had did this to me. It was Craig. I stood up quickly.
"You idiot!",I stomped out of the cafateria not looking at his expression. I was fustrated after reaching the restroom. After getting 'most' of the milk off me. I realized how stupid I had acted. He probally hadn't even meant to. I shook my head.
I don't think a word escaped my lips the rest of that day. Hazel kept trying to talk to me but I ignored her. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I felt like talking to someone but I realized I didn't really have anyone to talk to. I didn't even think I had said more than two words to most people the last couple days of school.
Grabbing my backpack quickly I headed out passing the gym. Glancing in for a second as I walked by I stopped to realize that Hazel was leading the squad now. But I didnt care I just kept walking. Not watching where I was walking I turned my head back ahead and bumped right into Spinner.
"Oh....",I paused looking at him for a second.,"Im sorry...", walking around him I continued on my way.
"Paige..wait..", he said catching up with me.,"Are you heading home? Want some company?", I merely nodded as he followed me out.
We were about a block or two away from my house when Spinner finally spoke up,"So.....", he continued on as I didnt say anything.,"How have you been?"
Not looking away from the street infront of me I responded,"Im fine...and how are you?"
"Im good...",he nodded. We didn't say anything for a couple more minutes. I felt him looking at me.,"Paige...whats wrong?"
I put a look of confusion on my face," Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?", had he seen Dean? I shook my head. Its not like he'd say anything about it anyways.
"Wrong why would anything be wrong?"
He paused," Your just different this year. Your quiet. I dont think you said more than two words to me..."
"So Im more quiet...who cares..", I said trying to get off the subject as we approached my house.
"Paige, I saw Dean. He hasnt tried anything has he...I talked to-",
I stopped walking., "You talked to him!? Why would you talk to him!?", he opened his mouth to answer but I stopped him,"Spinner would you just stop!? Its none of your bussiness about whats going on with Dean.", I stopped into the house before he could reply and slammed the door behind me.
Stomping up to my room and not paying any attention to Dylan I plopped on my bed looking to the ceiling. After thinking for a few minutes I realized how much I had missed Spinner. Last year he was always so goofy and easy to talk to. And I missed that. I missed that alot. 'I hate myself....', I thought to myself. And I did really at the moment. I thought back to my doodling and I realized it was true I did want to die. I wanted everything to be over.
There was a razor sitting on my bathroom cabinet and I don't know what came over me but I scooped it up and started inspecting it. The memories came back of my cousin. I was just about seven and I was in her room with her. Jenny was her name. Sitting on her bed I watched Jenny. She was in her bathroom. I heard crying and I stood up peering in. Jenny was standing over the sink a blade in one hand. There was blood all over her hands and she was sobbing uncontrobally. She looked up to me and jumped up,"Paige get out!", she yelled rinsing away the evidence. I finally spilled to me mom a few days later what Jenny had been doing. Her mom made her get help right away and she was better now. Infact she was a grade 'A' student and studying to be a teacher at the moment.
'Just one time....', I heard about other girls doing it. It made them feel better. When there lives were not doing so well. They felt like they had some control. Or so I read. 'Just one time..', I repeated and went for it. I slit my wrist quickly. And as soon as I realized it didnt hurt to badly I did the other one.
Realizing what I was doing I dropped the razor quickly.'What am I doing!?', I rushed to the bathroom watching off the evidence. That was the wrong thing and I knew it. And I made myself promise I would never do it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My eyes were wide as I was shocked of hearing the news. Jt's dad died? I knew right away that was why he was called home last night. The bell rang for homeroom and Emma and me didn't talk much more. We entered Mr. Simpson's class and took a seat in our usually places. Next to Jt and Toby. Jt didn't look up to us he seemed focused on his blank computer screen.
Liberty walked over taking a seat next us,"Manny? What are you wearing?", she asked as I remembered my clothes. I shook my head. Glancing over to Jt he didnt make any movments, he just sat there. Nodding once in awhile in response to Toby.
Class began a few minuted later as we were learning all the basics of html. Which most of us new already. Finishing mine I glanced over to see how Jt was doing. He hadnt even started. Mr Simpson didnt seem to mind though. I figured he had probally been reported about the situation.
After a couple of classes and not much of a difference of attitude from Jt it was lunch time. Putting away things in my locker that I no longer needed at the corner of my eye I spotted Jt. He appeared to be exiting the building.
"Wait...Jt..",I said walking over he looked back and even mananged to give me a small smile.
"Hey..Manny...I think Im just going to head out about now...", I blocked his path.
"Jt...are you okay?" , I asked concerned. I had lost my mother not to long ago myself. And I knew it was tough. And let me assure you he acted alot braver than I did.
"Manny Im fine...Im just not feeling well...",he paused as I saw tears coming out at the rims of his eyes. And he was doing his very best to hold them in,"I think Im just catching something. That....bug....thats going around..", I didnt say anything,"Well, Ill see you later...",he then pushed open the door and exited.
I watched him go with sadness. He was real hurt. And I knew he needed some time to himself. Maybe I would IM him tonight or something...
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Please Reveiw!!!!