I don't own the tv/manga series Inuyasha, nor do I own the song white flag, it belongs to Dido.
He Called Me Kagome
Kagome found it hard to believe the situation she was in. She had never intended for this to happen. Never dreamed of this possibility.
She stood and nervously paced the small dark cave. She had no desire to do what she was about to do. Inuyasha would certainly feel that she had betrayed him. He had betrayed her, but that was beside the point. He had suffered so much in his life, she did not want to see him suffer, it would only pain her more. But she had to do this. She prayed she was not making a mistake.
Life was so unfair.
Inuyasha had finally made a choice between Kikyo and Kagome. And he had chosen Kagome. She smiled sadly as she remembered how happy she had been. Ecstatic really. It had seemed like everything would be perfect. Kikyo was the only thing that could have taken Inuyasha away, and he had chosen Kagome instead. It seemed as if nothing would ever be wrong again.
They were all so happy, Miroku and Sango while still distant obviously had a special relationship. And Inuyasha and Kagome were so happy. They had most of the jewel shards collected and it seemed that they would defeated Naraku in no time. But Kagome had needed to leave. It was finals week. Just one week she had promised Inuyasha, one
week and she would return.
She jumped as a small door in the rock behind her opened. The repulsive servant of the youkai who had been her enemy, Inuyasha's enemy, beckoned her, "My lord will see you. He is most interested as to why you come to him."
The servant was obviously interested as well, but she held silent. It was none of his business.
She had returned, just as she'd promised at the end of the week. But Inuyasha was not waiting for her at the well. Instead she found Kaede and Sango waiting for her.
Something about the way they looked had bothered her.
"Is something wrong? Is Inuyasha alright?"
"He is sound in body, although not perhaps in mind," Kaede replied soberly. "He has gone."
"Gone? Gone where?"
"We are not certain."
"But surely he will come back."
"I think not. I'm sorry Kagome," Kaede replied gently.
"But…"
"Kagome," Sango started hesitantly. "Inuyasha didn't leave alone."
"Who…"
"Her name was Misha."
"Misha?" Kagome tried to rack her brain for any recollection of the name.
Sango sighed, "None of us knew her. Apparently she was an old friend of Inuyasha's. She joined us in battle the day after you left. She did not make an effort to get to know the rest of us. A few days later she left and Inuyasha went with her. He said he would finish collecting the shards with her."
"Kagome?" questioned Kaede worriedly.
"I'm alright." She had not been, but there was no point in worrying them. Later that night when no one could hear her she broke down crying. She had cried every night, alone, for almost a week.
Eventually she had found him. He had been fighting a raven youkai and she had followed the sounds to the battle. She arrived just as he defeated his foe. He seemed so glorious standing there, triumphant over his enemy. Yet, he did not crow as once he would have after battle, no gloating, no bragging, he just stood there looking down at the crumpled mass of black feathers.
"Inuyasha?"
"What's up Kagome?"
"What's up? Is that all you can say?"
"What do you want me to say? Nothing would make things any different."
"But why?"
"I don't know, it just happened."
"Just happened?"
"I just fell in love with her."
But you were in love with me, Kagome's mind argued silently, you said so! But she could tell that nothing she said now could change things, just as he had said. He was so unchangeable, like he simply did not care anymore. He had to know how this was hurting her.
"Have you collected any of the jewel shards?" she asked, she had to talk about something, anything, so she could collect her thoughts.
"No, I'm strong enough without them now."
"How?"
"It's something called sinsengie. It makes me stronger."
He turned his back on her and was gone. She watched him as he rapidly vanished into the woods. It felt as if her heart was tearing from her chest and going with him, as she stood rooted to the spot. It was not until there was no longer a trace of him that she turned away, allowing the tears she had not let him see pour down her face.
"Please sit here," the servant indicated a pile of animal skins set next to a low table. She followed the directive, surprised to find that the furs were exceptionally soft. It was amazing that she could still notice such things, when it seemed that the world really ought to be ending.
"The Master will be here soon. Would you like some tea?" without waiting for an answer he motioned and a serving girl stepped from the shadows. Kagome was surprised to find that the servant was a young human; she could not be much older than five, surely. She wondered what such a young girl was doing in the palace of the youkai lord. Especially since he claimed to hate humans with a passion.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the lord himself. His amber eyes burned into Kagome as he moved across the room to sit next to her. Kagome noticed that both his swords were strapped into the sash at his waist. It seemed he was never without them.
"Go!" with that simple word he dismissed his servants, and for a second Kagome thought he meant her as well. But he cast his eyes, somewhat inquisitively at her, "I suppose this visit has something to do with Inuyasha? Surely he doesn't know you're here?"
"SINSENGIE!" Myoga had bounced about the room in a frenzied panic.
Kagome watched the flea in irritation, she had confided to him about her visit with Inuyasha and all he cared about was that sinsengie stuff, never mind her emotional problems.
"So?"
"It's…it's very dangerous," Myoga fumed. "How could you not tell me this immediately? He ought to know better."
"I didn't realize," Kagome muttered. "What is it?"
"I don't know how to explain it. It makes a youkai or a hanyou more powerful, but it alters their minds too. Makes them not care about things, things that used to be important to them."
"Like the shikon jewel?" Like me? She wondered silently.
"Yes."
"But you said it was dangerous?"
"Yes, sinsengie in small amounts seems harmless, but it's addictive. And no matter how powerful a youkai is, an overdose will kill him."
"But won't Inuyasha know his limits?"
"There's no way for him to know, you can never tell where the limit is until you step over it. It also depends on where he gets it from, it's stronger in some forms than in others, and from different places."
Myoga continued to bound across the tiny room in a frantic worry. Kagome sat with her knees pulled up under her chin, letting her mind wonder. She flitted through memories of the few days in the last year she had actually made it to school. She had had to take a life awareness class, which covered things like pre-marital sex, finances, and drug abuse.
She remembered sitting in class staring out the window, she'd been dreaming of returning to the feudal era, and being with Inuyasha, even though he was still in love with Kikyo. The teacher had embarrassed her by calling on her to answer a question, "How do drug abusers who want help try to get it?"
"Uh, they ask for it," Kagome had ventured.
"Not directly, usually they can't admit they have a problem. So they tell someone they think cares, someone they think will get them help. If you'd read the text you'd know that."
Kagome had always hated that teacher, but perhaps she had learned something useful after all.
"Myoga, do you think Inuyasha wants us to help him?"
The flea turned to look at her, and she explained what she had remembered from her class.
"Hm, it's possible. It just might be."
"But how can we help him, we aren't strong enough to do anything."
"No, I can only think of one person who could help him. Even though he claims to hate Inuyasha he seems to care at least slightly about him. I've often wondered if he showed up at just the right moment to keep Inuyasha from making a bigger mess of things by distracting him."
Seshomaru's face remained emotionless and unchanging as he listened to Kagome. She could not tell what he was thinking, although that was nothing new, she could never tell with Seshomaru, even in the heat of battle. She had not mentioned Myoga's comments about Seshomaru caring for his younger half-brother, they had both agreed that pointing that out to him was probably not the best way to get Seshomaru's help.
"So what brought you to me?" He was not going to make it easy for her apparently, "I'm one of his enemies."
"You're also his brother, I thought maybe, I don't know, that families would stick together. Even if you say you dislike each other. You've both had opportunities to kill each other and haven't, I thought maybe…"
"Maybe…" Seshomaru repeated thoughtfully. "Jaken."
The servant came running at Seshomaru's call.
"Yes, my lord?"
"Escort Kagome out of the palace."
"Yes, my lord."
Kagome rose to follow Jaken.
"And Jaken," Jaken turned to his master. "Make certain she reaches the village unharmed."
"Uh, of course my lord."
As they left the room Kagome glanced back, Seshomaru was reclining on a pile of furs, his gaze distant. She wondered for the hundredth time if she had made the right decision. There was no way she could really know, but she had tried to help him. She would do anything it took to help him, no matter what the price.
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
Destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on…
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be