Disclaimer: Sirius isn't dead. We were just playing hide and seek and…I never found him…I lost him…and I---I…*bursts into hysterical tears*

Author's Note: Meh. So I took a vacation to inferno (high school). Sue me. Or, more like my parents. They have been searching for reasons to ship me away. 'Anyways, I take a pleasure in killing people…It rather makes me giggle inside…like so…Bwahaahaa ha ha * ahem *…aynways…' Does anybody recognize that? Ktb? Yeah. I thought so.

I think I'm sorry for not posting so long. Well, I wouldn't know; I don't think during the school year.

Thank you for reviewing and flaming. For the one reviewer who said to put Moony in it more, sorry, but this isn't his broadway-lemonade stand. But, you shall be quite pleased with this chappie. *tips fingers in evil manner*

I should shut up but…: I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!!

* Ahem * I just realized in chapter five I mixed up the roman numerals ten and five…because. I'm not sorry, because no one seemed to care. Neener neener.

The game is afoot- Sherlock Holmes

Chapter VI--Day 3---Mad Onions, Pandas, Wenches, and Ideas

"Get up I tell you."

* Poke *

"…"

* Loud abominable snoring *

"I said get up. Up with you!"

* Poke *

* Poke *

* Unnecessary respiratory blockage *

"…erine…"

* gaping gasps for oxygen *

"Prongs! What the hell!? Do you have a death wish? " Sirius shot up from his cramped position on the couch, trying to regain his breath and rub his sore back at the same time.

" It's four in the afternoon. " James smirked from his position on the floor, from where he was role playing with a few of Harry's toys accompanied by a highly amused baby.

Sirius, fully awake by now, stretched and yawned; still slightly out it, his blurry eyes watching what was taking place at his feet.

James picked up an ugly looking action figure with an absurdly large six-pack and gave him a deep manly voice, while making him fly around Harry's head with his wand.

"Yes. Yes, I am James Potter. I HAVE COME!! You shall have no fear anymore!!! I will rescue the princess and destroy the evil…git!! But alas, I cannot do it without my psycho bipolar sidekick…Padfoot!" James grinned, clearly enjoying himself.

He directed his wand to a lone pink dinosaur, and made him join the buff plastic man in orbit around Harry; who squealed 'Paddy!' and 'Daddy!' over and over.

Me? A pink dinosaur…he shall pay later…well…okay, it does have my natural good looks and I am quite fond of pink and…(A/N: enough already, Padfoot, you make me ill)

Now it was Sirius' turn, using an eccentric voice that didn't sound very different from his own; a lot alike when the Marauders used to plot schemes in Hogwarts days.

"Of course the buffoon could not function without me!! ME!! His schizophrenic evil other half!! I would go out of my ways to rescue my friend with his vile and swollen mind!!! " He cried over dramatically. He caught James eye; it was true, he would.

Added to their insane little posse was an orange, stretchy, girl figurine on a surfboard; James made her wiggle as if crying on the ground and put on a high falsetto, sound oddly enough, like a mad Wormtail.

"OH JAMES!! It's me----Lily!!! I have always loved you!! " at this, Sirius raised a defiant eyebrow, "Rescue me, lover boy!! SAVE ME!! Save me from him…the evil…GIT!!" Padfoot nodded in approval and made fat, stuffed panda bear, with a smashed face, hop over and sit on the surfer girl.

" Potter, " He hissed evilly, making himself sound like Snape as much as he could, " You shall never ever in a thousand years defeat me! Prat. I shall win! Mwuhaa haa haa! Kiss your woman good-bye…nor not, " with a flick of his wand, Sirius sent Lily under the couch; making the Panda continue in its malicious laughter.

James slowly lowered the plastic macho man in front of the Panda bear. He glanced at his Son, and positively elated when he took in the huge, gooey, baby smile plastered to his chubby face.

Now, how to keep this G-rated…

"Evil git, if you were a…vegetable, you would be an onion."

"Because I make people cry?"

"No. Well…"

"Because I smell!?"

"I—no…"

"Because I have layers?"

"…Er.." James started, faltering into his real voice.

"Because I peel!!? " Sirius topped off shrilly, his voice raising to a crescendo.

"Sirius…"

"I know!! It's because I'm from underground!!!" he paused breifly, in mid rant…a crazy smile on his face, the panda bear positivly quivering with anticipation, "I KNOW!! Underground---Underworld!! OH MY GOD! ….…I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He cried, his hands thrown up. James had to regain himself from the attack of lunacy; Harry on the other hand, loved it.

"Okay…we're finished now. "

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James paced back and forth in the front room, his head bowed in thought.

'What? What can I do for her…'

James had made sure that Harry was safely secured in his playpen and that Sirius had a large…very large…pot of soothing peppermint tea, before he came here to think.

He didn't have the time or energy to go shopping, but he wanted to do or get something special for Lily to let her know for sure that he was in control and that she was…forgiven for her hastiness. Yes, forgiven.

Tripping slightly over a pile of assortments that he and Sirius had dug up during the great diaper search, James suddenly got an idea.

Grabbing a dusty photo album, an unopened wizard camera, top of the line, and some pink stationary, also moth eaten, James dashed to his bedroom and locked the door.

Let the project begin.

Er…and don't mention it to Sirius…he tends to…yeah…you know…

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"You know, you think you're a big man down there…in your fancy playpen with your special toys…" Sirius started off, ranting to no one (well, Harry but…), as if he were giving a particularly interesting lecture.

He scrutinized with the 'James' action figure, as if wiggling his finger in disapproval. Taking a hearty gulp from his overly fragranced tea, he looked as if in deep thought, but really he his mind and his body were tired.

This tea does wonders…unusual for something James makes…I feel…quixotic…hmm…and tired…

Picking up an equally sleepy baby out his play area, (Sirius' absurd speeches make everyone tired, ) he lay down on the couch, his feet stretched over the end, and Harry asleep on his chest; one of his long arms draped over the infant to keep him in place.

For the first time in days, the two both slept wonderfully.

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A/N: If you couldn't tell yet, I was in one of my…moods. Yes, you tarzan, me asylum worthy. Since this chapter was a short transition…what's that fido? Yes. That's right. NOW, you can expect one more and an epilogue.

Murr: Sirius?

SB: Er…yes? Do you want charity or something?

Murr: No, I just wanted to tell you something.

SB: Ok. Yes?

Murr: I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD…NOT YOU!! YOU COMMON KITCHEN WENCH FOR JAMES!!!

SB: Eep.