The Inuyasha Funny Fic
by Yuki

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is the property of Rumiko-sama...Not Viz. I refuse to accept that the evil known as Viz has any sanction over this wonderful series.

Chapter 1: How Inuyasha Came to Hate Fudge


It was a beautiful spring day in old Japan. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming and there was love in the air. It was the perfect day to go out and enjoy life. Even the local thieves were taking a day off to bask in the light of peacefulness.

"I'm bored."

Inuyasha was bored.

"I think I just said that." Inuyasha growled as he sat on a tree branch.

'Yes you did.....I was just emphasizing the point...'

"Well don't."

'Umm yes...of course. Ahem... As I was saying.' It was a beautiful spring day and everyone's favorite dog demon was spending some quality time with...

"Hey...He's not everyone's favorite dog demon!" Sesshoumaru jumped into the scene and looked rather smug but annoyed. "I do believe my fan following is slightly larger than his."

'Well...I umm...I was only saying that because...'

"Feh..." Inuyasha jumped out of the tree and landed beside his brother. "In your dreams Sesshoumaru. We all know that all the girls like me. She just said so. 'Everyone's favorite dog demon'"

"Feh... perhaps the ones with mental problems." Sesshoumaru snorted back. "All the ones in their right minds worship the greatness which is I, Sesshoumaru."

"Worship!?" Inuyasha growled at the full demon and grabbed his kimono. "Why would they want to worship a bastard like you??"

"Better than following around a snidely little half breed." Sesshoumaru growled right back at the half demon and it looked like it was about to get ugly.

'AS I was saying...' Everyone's favorite HALF-dog demon was spending some quality time with nature.

"Hn..better." With a self-satisfied smile, Sesshoumaru leapt away.

"Feh..asshole." Inuyasha crossed his arms and glared after his brother. Jumping back into the branch, he leaned back to relax. He was bored.

"What did I say about that?" Inuyasha's glare was a very convincing argument so we will not comment on the fact that he is bored anymore.

"Feh, I'm bored," he sighed. "I wish something would happen."

Suddenly something happened.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There was a scream.

"GOD DAMMIT!!! Stop that!!!" Inuyasha screamed.

'Sorry.......habit....'

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

Inuyasha jumped down from his branch yet again and raced towards the sound. It was Kagome! She was standing beside the well, very much afraid. Hence the scream.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha ran up to her and skidded to a stop. "What's wrong??

"There was this...this...MONSTER!!" she cried out, her body shaking with fear. "I was just getting out of the well when it attacked me!!"

"Attacked you?!" Inuyasha drew out his sword and looked around the woods. "Where did it go??"

"I don't know," she replied. "It disappeared!"

Disappeared? What sort of monster was this to suddenly attack everyone's favorite time travelling school girl and disappear??

"HEY! I'm more popular than her!" A young girl in a brown school uniform stepped out of nowhere. Her hair was done up in two little buns and a scowl covered her face. "I mean, I've got almost the entire male cast fighting over me!! What has she got??" Miaka pointed a finger at Kagome.
"One little demon mutt and some wolf guy with a serious personality problem!"

"DEMON MUTT??!?" Inuyasha fumed at the girl.

He was not happy.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING START THAT AGAIN!!!" Inuyasha screamed into the air.

"Umm Miaka..." Kagome said, trying to calm the enraged demon, "You don't really travel through time...yours is more like another world..."

"Really?" The brunette tapped her chin and thought. "But wasn't that...a history book in the library?"

"No...it was not a history book.." Kagome said with straining patience. "Trust me on this...I'm sure everyone loves you more than me ok?"

'Yes we all love you Miaka. Go eat a cow or something so we can continue our story.'

"Food?? Where?" Miaka hopped up and down, smiling happily.

"There.." Inuyasha pointed to the well.

"Itadakimasu!!" Miaka cried out as she leapt into the well. Suddenly there was a THUMP.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome scolded, "That was mean!"

"Feh, she called me a mutt." He turned away from her and smiled smugly to himself. "Let's go look for that damn monster."

"Fine..let's go." As the two walked off, a small voice came from the well.

"Hello? Is someone up there? I need some help...I've...I've fallen into the well and I think I've broken my leg. It hurts very badly..but I think I may be able to stand up... **CRACK** oh dear GOD! The bone is sticking out! Please! Someone! I need immediated medical attention. If someone would just throw me a rope or something...someone? Please?"

The sounds of singing birds filled the air and the day was pretty. What a pretty day.

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"What did it look like Kagome?" Inuyasha and Kagome were walking through the forests somewhat aimlessly since they had no idea where to start looking. And it was starting to get annoying. At least Inuyasha wasn't bored anymore.

"You're pushing it..." he growled.

"I didn't get a good look at it," Kagome explained as she stepped over something old and smelly. "It came and went so fast."

"Why did it leave anyway?" Inuyasha stopped and looked back at her. "I mean, if it was going to attack you, it would have."

"I don't know... It seemed like it wanted something." Kagome thought back to the event and hmmmed.. "Whatever it wanted, I must not have had though, since it left."

Kagome was baffled. Inuyasha was annoyed. Kaede was upset that Kagome had stepped right over her.

Suddenly something else happened.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

It was another scream.

"I am going to hurt you so bad...." Inuyasha leapt at the narrator but was pulled back by Kagome.

"That sounded like Shippou!!" Kagome ran towards the scream, leaving Inuyasha behind.

"I'll get you..." he growled before running after her.

"Kyaaa!! No!" Kagome ran up to the little kitsune who was on the ground unconscious. Picking him up gently, she made sure he was all right.

"He looks all right.." Inuyasha noted as he stood beside her. "There aren't any injuries."

"Why'd he scream then?" Kagome wondered aloud.

"Feh, probably saw a snake or something," answered the youkai with a huff of annoyance.

"Shippo...are you...OH MY GOD!!!" Kagome nearly dropped the little boy in surprise.

"WHAT??? What's wrong??" Inuyasha whipped around to see if there was something coming.

"No! No!! " Kagome held him close and cried into his tail. "It's too cruel!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!?!" Inuyasha yelled. "Shippo is perfectly....SHIT!! That couldn't have happened!"

"How can we help him Inuyasha?" Kagome sniffled softly. "How can we get his 'u' back?"

For those of you who are not too quick in these things, it has become apparent to Inuyasha and Kagome that Shippou is in fact now Shippo. The 'u' which made his name what it was is gone.

"It had to be that monster you saw Kagome!" Inuyasha deduced, showing a remarkable grasp of the obvious. "It must feed off of the 'u's in a person's name!"

"And I don't have a 'u' in my name!" she realized. "Oh Inuyasha! How can there be such a monster existing? It's just too horrible."

"I know. That's why we must hunt it down and KILL it! And then...perhaps.." Inuyasha looked down at the still unconscious Shippo.." Perhaps we can save him. If not...well I don't want to think about that."

Inuyasha, now done with his overly dramatic and OOC speech, set off to find this beast. Kagome, wanting to help but not stupid enough to tag along this time, stayed behind with Shippo.

"Ganbatte yo Inuyasha!" she cried after him. He was going to need all the luck he could get. Or else he'd end up.....Inyasha. And that...just didn't sound right.

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The scent of the monster had been all around where they had found Shippo. Unfortunately, Inuyasha seemed to be suffering from a rather nasty attack of hay fever so he couldn't smell pile of shit let alone track a monster's scent.

"Hey shut up! I can't help it!" Inuyasha snapped. "I got it from mom, ok?"

Ahh so the one of the reasons you want to be a full demon is to get rid of the hay fever?

"Yes...I mean NO!" Inuyasha kept walking, grumbling very unnice things. "Once I find that damn thing you are so dead."

Oh really? I think not.

"Feh, you think you can stop me?" Holding up his clawed talons he smirked confidently.

Why, yes I can. Just like this...Ahem.... And suddenly a giant rabid tanuki leapt at Inuyasha from behind a bush.

"AHHHHHH!!!" Inuyasha fell to the ground as a giant rabid tanuki began to attack him, foam dripping from its mouth. "You fucking....ARGGH!!

Get off of me!!" With a surge of strength, Inuyasha pushed the beast off of him. It immediately jumped back at him and tried to bite his head off.

You believe me now? I am god here.

"Fine whatever!!" Inuyasha struggled to keep the tanuki at bay. "A fucking insane god though!"

Well, that's a matter of opinion. I believe you've learned your lesson. Suddenly a huge bolt of lightning shot from the sky, hitting the tanuki.
The electricity shot through the tanuki's body and right into Inuyasha's. Both combatants glowed a bright yellow for a moment before falling to the ground, smoke rising from their charred bodies. Inuyasha pushed
himself up.

"What the HELL??" he screamed rather loudly. "What the fuck are you smoking?!?!"

Nothing. Now get on with the story before I decide to get some rabid fan girls out here.

"EEEP!" Inuyasha straightened straight up. "Ok ok! Just don't do that!"

Good dog. Now go on. Find the beast.

"I'm going...I'm going..." Sulking off to really nowhere in particular, Inuyasha resumed his search. This was getting him nowhere.

Suddenly something happened.

"KYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was yet another scream.

"God damn you..." Inuyasha's eye twitched and he clenched his fist tightly. Without saying another word,
which proved him to have some common sense, Inuyasha went towards this scream.

"Her too?!?!" He stared in disbelief at a very familiar miko lying unconscious on the grass. Running over to her, he lifted her up.

"Kikyo...damn...he got you too." Shaking her somewhat roughly, he tried to wake her up. "Oi,
Kikyo...wake up."

"What...?" Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Inuyasha. "Oh Inuyasha. It was good for me...was it good for you?"

"WHAT?!?" Inuyasha let go and her body fell to the ground with a hard thwap. "What the fuck are you talking about????"

"Ouch! Be more gentle!" She sat up and rubbed the back of her head. "What are you yelling about?"

"............." Inuyasha had put quite a bit of distance between himself and the miko, his face burning red. "I fucking hope you were dreaming..."

"Oh that?" she smiled sweetly. "It's a dream I have every night. Care to make it reality?"

"Ehhhhhh?????" Inuyasha's face was almost completely red now and he was seriously considering running. "I only came cause I heard you screaming!!"

"Oh that's right... I was attacked.." Kikyo stood up and brushed herself off. "But I'm not hurt..."

"Yes you are.....Kikyo..." Inuyasha cringed at the sound of her name now...it was so wrong...

The miko stared at him a moment in shock and then blinked...."Ki...Kikyo?????? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY 'U'?!?!?!"

"That monster that attacked you took it!" Inuyasha replied vehemently. "It eats the 'u's in people names! I'm out to find and destroy it!"

And apparently having no luck whatsoever doing it, I may add.

"Shut....UP!!!" Inuyasha screamed...again..."I'm doing my best ok?!?!"

"Is your hay fever acting up again?" Kikyo asked. "I swear....a stuffed up dog demon is the most pathetic thing in the world."

"............." Inuyasha only glared at her.

"Oh touchy..." Kikyo waved him off. "Whatever....if you're looking for him, I suggest you get some help
because you're obviously getting nowhere fast."

"And who would THAT be?" he asked angrily. "Not you I should hope."

"No not me." She stuck her tongue out at him. "You're so mean. I was thinking of someone with a better sense of smell than you. Someone who would have something to gain from destroying the monster."

Inuyasha blinked. "Miroku?"

"............" Kikyo wondered what she ever saw in him. We all wonder that sometimes, don't we?

"Shut UP!!!" Inuyasha was seriously getting tired of the 'let's all attack Inuyasha' day. "Who is it then? Huh?"

"Why...it would be...myself." A shadow flashed by Inuyasha and landed between him and Kikyo. "We all know I got all the goods of the family brother." Sesshoumaru flashed a smirk at him. "You got the left overs."

"HIM????" Inuyasha nearly dropped his sword as he pointed at his brother in disbelief. "No! I am NOT working with HIM!!!"

Yes you are.

"WHY??"

Cause I said so.

"But...but..." Inuyasha stammered, trying to think of some way out of this.

Keep this up and I turn this into a yaoi lemon.

Both Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru let out shrieks of terror.

"Just DO it Inuyasha!" Sesshoumaru begged. "Do you WANT to...to.....I can't say it!!"

Do the horizontal mambo with your brother. Get down and dirty between the sheets. Packing the fudge. Incest is best and all that stuff.

"I'll do it!!!" Inuyasha cried out, tears almost falling. "Sweet god...I'll work with him...just
not...not...that."

Oh good. You made a wise decision. I think you'll have fun together.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru looked at each other warily. This was definitely not their idea of fun. But the only other option was...was..

Ok you guys! Get going! Find that monster and get this plot going!

Heads down and dejected looks on their faces, the brothers nodded and went off to find the monster.