by Yuki
Disclaimer: Inuyasha is the property of Rumiko-sama...Not Viz. I refuse to accept that the evil known as Viz has any sanction over this wonderful series.
Chapter 2: How Inuyasha Came to Hate Beef
"Hay fever again?" Sesshoumaru asked as the two walked through the
woods. Displaying that the remarkable grasp of the obvious ran in the family.
"Shut up." Inuyasha growled back. "Just start sniffing so we
can find that damn monster and get this fucking story over with."
Apparently he was not impressed with this story.
"What do you think I've been doing?" Sesshoumaru griped. "You
think we've been walking around randomly? No, I've been following his scent."
"We've been walking for hours dammit." Inuyasha stopped walking and
sat on the ground. Sesshoumaru stopped and looked back at him, more than a little
annoyed. Which actually made him look cuter than normal, if that's at all possible.
"..........." Both Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru didn't respond to this.
"Tired? Hmph, figures." Sesshoumaru smirked.
"No I'm NOT tired you asshole." Inuyasha gruffed back. "I'm just
sick of walking around like this."
"I thought you wanted to get this over with." Sesshoumaru seemed to
have a better memory than his brother since Inuyasha had just commented on this.
"........... you are a bitch....." Inuyasha growled. Then, looking
back at his bro, he sighed. "I figure we let it find us. I mean, with your
name alone it has a pretty good meal."
"ME?" Sesshoumaru yelled angrily as he stomped over to Inuyasha. "I
do NOT want to be the bait and possibly end up Sesshomar! You do it! Inyasha
isn't that bad of a name!"
"ME?" Inuyasha bolted up and stared the demon in the eyes. "I
have to kill it! I can't kill it with a name like Inyasha!!!"
"You couldn't kill a corpse let alone a monster!" Sesshoumaru screamed
back. It was very clear that neither of them cherished the idea of losing
their 'u's. Which is perfectly understandable because everyone knows that the
'u's in a man's name are something precious and...manly. So they continued to
argue back and forth, causing quite a ruckus in the woods until...
Something happened.
"ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
It was a scream.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" both Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha screamed at the
same time.
Be nice. Just go investigate the scream or I'll get nasty. Need I prove my powers
again Inuyasha?
"Shit! Sesshoumaru, don't piss her off!!" Pulling his brother's ear
close to his, Inuyasha whispered "Trust me...she fucking insane. She'll
do
something horrible if we don't do what she says."
I heard that.
"What could she possibly do to I, Sesshoumaru?" Sesshoumaru straightened
up and looked rather proud of himself.
It appeared that we were wrong about his memory since he was quite scared of
us earlier with the threat of yaoi. It also appeared that he needed some convincing.
And it appears that we'll have some yaoi fanservice coming.
You did this to yourself...Ahem... Suddenly Sesshoumaru grabbed Inuyasha in
his arms and locked their lips in a passionate kiss. They played a powerful
game of tonsil hockey until they had to separate their mouths for a breath.
Ahh how sweet.
".............." Inuyasha stared at Sesshoumaru wide-eyed. Then, turned
around and proceeded to toss his cookies.
".........." Sesshoumaru stood there, dazed and confused. "WHAT
THE FUCK?!?!" He screamed, trying to figure out what just happened. "You're
INSANE!!"
I told you to go check out that scream dammit.
"JUST GO Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha yelled at his brother, coughing and
gasping for breath. "Listen to me next time dammit!!!!"
"But...but..." Sesshoumaru was totally and completely confused. "How
could she...be so....CRUEL!?"
"We're going to check out the scream now heheh just no more of that....."
Inuyasha said with a fake happy face, waving to the narrator. Grabbing Sesshoumaru
by his tail, he dragged the demon off with him.
"Oh NO! Sango's been attacked!" Inuyasha yelled as he saw the little
cat demon of hers running up to him. "Kirara! Where is she?"
"Let go of my TAIL!!" Sesshoumaru ripped his tail out of Inuyasha's
grasp and held it gently, smoothing it out. "Why the fuck would it attack
her baka? She doesn't have a 'u' in her name."
"I don't know ok??" Inuyasha snapped. "It...just did..."
"Sure...whatever Inuyasha." Rolling his eyes Sesshoumaru put his tail
back over his shoulder. He was seriously beginning to wonder about his brother's
intellegence level.
"Kirara...where is Sango?" Inuyasha bent down to look at the creature,
which Sesshoumaru just now noticed.
"Oi....a....cat....demon???" Sesshoumaru's eyes blazed red and the
marks on his face grew longer. "Come here...kitty...kukukukuku..."
"Mew?" Kirara took a hesitant step backwards.
"Oh god dammit...don't do this NOW Sesshoumaru." But it was too late...Sesshoumaru
was already halfway through the transformation.
"MEW?!?!!?!?!" Kirara jumped back in fear as the huge dog loomed over
her, drool dripping from it's fangs. With a loud rumbling bark and a fangy smile,
the dog leapt at Kirara. Hair standing on end, the cat demon fled for her life,
changing into her more powerful form with each step.
Inuyasha put his face in his hand and grumbled. Why did Sesshoumaru always do
this? EVERY time...
"Fucking leave her alone Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha yelled as Kirara sped
by him with Sesshoumaru close on her heels, his tongue lolling out of the side
of his mouth. Inuyasha, being the half breed he was, just didn't understand
the pure joy of chasing a cat demon and then eating it.
"EATING IT?!?!?!" Inuyasha screamed. "He can't EAT her!! Sango
will kill me!!!!" Fear racing through him, Inuyasha had to think fast.
Sesshoumaru and Kirara zipped by again, causing his long white hair to fly out
as the went by. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and went ahah.
We're assuming he has an idea since that's what most people do when they have
an idea.
"You asked for this Sesshoumaru." Head bowed down slightly, Inuyasha
sighed. On their next pass, the half demon jumped onto the speeding dog and
climbed his way to his head. Once there, he reached into his jacket and pulled
out a very very large newspaper. Rolling it up, he pulled it back and smacked
is sharply on Sesshoumaru's nose.
"BAD DOG! STOP! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD DOG!"
Inuyasha continued to whack the sensitive nose until Sesshoumaru stopped the
chase and covered his nose with his paws, whining.
"You stop this now Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha scolded. "Stop it now
or I'll go get the shock collar."
Sesshoumaru's eyes grew wide and he nodded quickly. As he changed back to normal,
Inuyasha jumped off his head.
"That was totally unnecessary." Sesshoumaru said grimly, rubbing his
sore nose. "I was just having fun."
"You're embarrassing you know that??" Inuyasha retorted, as a now
small Kirara jumped into his arms for protection. "EVERY time you see a
cat demon, you do that!!"
"Feh, you wouldn't understand." Sesshoumaru snorted.
Like how he wouldn't understand drinking out of the toilet and humping people's
legs?
"WHAT?!?!" Sesshoumaru turned a bright red. "I don't do that!!!"
Both Inuyasha and Kirara gave him flat, unbelieving stares.
"I DON'T!" he stammered angrily. "She...she's making that up!!"
"Uh-huh..." Inuyasha gave his brother a wicked smile and winked. "I
believe you bro...I suuuuure do."
"..........you....bastard..." Sesshoumaru clenched his fist tightly
and gritted his fangs.
"Mew." Kirara looked up at Inuyasha.
"Huh? Oh yeah we were gonna go investigate the scream. Kirara, where's
Sango and what happened to her?" Inuyasha set the little demon on
the ground.
"Mew." Kirara said.
"REALLY??" Inuyasha gaped.
"What?? What did she say?" Sesshoumaru looked at the cat from behind
Inuyasha's shoulder.
"She said that her and Sango were sitting in the fields, having a nap when
this monster came out of no where and attacked them. They tried to fight it
off but it was too strong. It attacked Sango, knocking her out, but ignored
Kirara. Kirara couldn't get Sango to wake up and smelled me nearby, so she came
running to look for me. Now she wants us to go to Sango. To see if we help her
out."
"..................." Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha. "You're
telling me she said all that in one
little...'mew'....."
Inuyasha blinked. "Umm yeah."
Sesshoumaru looked at him again.
Inuyasha blinked.
Kirara blinked.
Sesshoumaru blinked.
Inuyasha blinked.
Kirara blinked.
Sesshoumaru bli..
"STOP THAT!!!" both the demons yelled.
Touchy touchy touchy.... Just follow the cat.
"Mew!" Kirara bounded away with the two dog demons following her.
As they trotted away, a very nice view of their backsides was clearly visible.
Umhmm...they certainly both got THAT good part. Very nice indeed....
"Huh??" Sesshoumaru looked back over his shoulder as they ran after
the cat. "Now wait a minute bitch..."
"Come ON Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha grabbed him by the tail yet again
and pulled him along.
"My tail!! You're hurting it!" Sesshoumaru wailed as Inuyasha yanked
on it again.
"You are such a wimp!" Inuyasha growled, obviously not mentioning
the fact that he cried every time someone thwacked his ears he broke out in
tears.
"Ahahahahah!!!" Sesshoumaru nearly fell down laughing. "Your
ears??? Ahahahahahaha!!"
"Oi...."Inuyasha glared at his brother and gave his tail an extremly
hard yank.
"OWW!!" Pulling his tail away from his brother, Sesshoumaru cradled
it, his eyes brimming with tears.
"It's a sensitive thing baka...**sniffle** don't be so rough."
You two are really going to get it if you don't stop this right now and go see
what's wrong with Sango!!
"Yes Ma'am!" They saluted, as they properly should, and ran over to
the Sango who was lying on the ground.
"Maybe she's dead" Sesshoumaru guessed as he walked up to her and
gave her a small kick in the side.
"Stop that!" Inuyasha shoved the demon away and picked Sango up, shaking
her. "Oi! Wake up! Wake Up!"
Apparently, not being the real ladies man, it appears that Inuyasha knows of
no better way to wake someone up than by shaking them.
"huh?" the girl blinked to awareness. "What...happened...that
monster...."
"Oi! San-Go!" Inuyasha stopped and blinked. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
TO YOUR
NAME??!?!?!"
"What??? What???" San-Go jumped up and looked around frantically.
"My NAME!!"
"Hmph...She's been marked." Sesshoumaru crossed his arms and looked
very intelligent, which is just right, seeing how he is very intelligent. Of
course, compared to Inuyasha, Kirara looks intelligent.
"HEY!" Inuyasha screamed in a very unintelligent voice. "What
the fuck is this?!!? The BASH Inuyasha Fanfic???"
"Well...she's only stating the truth brother..." Sesshoumaru replied
with a smirk.
Inuyasha leapt at Sesshoumaru, intending to be very unnice to him, when a giant
cow feel from the sky, crushing the half demon beneath it's bovine weight. Moo.
"ARGGHG!!!" Inuyasha's arm twitched as he tried to free himself.
No HURT Sesshoumaru!
"Biiiiiiiiitchhh....." Inuyasha growled as he threw the cow off of
him. There was a loud crash and a scream as the cow landed on someone a ways
away.
"Seems like there's a bit of favoritism is in play here." Sesshoumaru
swished back his hair and grinned in a very handsome manner.
"You fucking...." Inuyasha raised a claw to strike at Sesshoumaru
when a huge bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of Inuyasha, who barely
escaped it by leaping backwards.
No HURT Sesshoumaru!!!
"kukukuku Better listen to her Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru kicked some
dirt at Inuyasha and smirked at his inability to do anything about it.
"You are so dead..." Inuyasha growled as he got up from the ground
and glared daggers at his brother.
"Excuse me..." San-Go, being entirely forgotten was a little upset.
"Could anyone tell me what happened?"
"You were marked by the monster." Sesshoumaru explained matter of
factly. "It's mark, a dash, has been left in your name. It's just a bit
of bragging on his part. Teasing us."
"And how the fuck do you know that?" Inuyasha growled.
*blink* "Why..she told me of course." Sesshoumaru pointed at the narrator.
"Told me what it was and how it worked. Also told me where it was."
"WHAT?!?! You knew where it was all this time?!?!" Inuyasha fumed
very unintellegently.
"..........BITCH! Stop it!!"
Touchy....touchy...
"I was just making the story more interesting." Sesshoumaru quipped,
even though he, in all his intelligence, wasn't quite sure what the act of quipping
involved.
"Why'd she tell you?!??!"
"Ahem...*cough*" Sesshoumaru gave a small cough and looked away with
a small grin, his cheeks slightly red. "In exchange for the information.....I
well..."
And he was very GOOD at it, I may add. Come over next commercial break Sesshou-chan
and I'll show you some tricks of my own. **wink**
Inuyasha and San-Go blinked and turned a slide shade of green.
"Dear....god..." Inuyasha stuttered..."Fucking don't say anymore!!!
I don't want to hear this!!"
"Hmph, you're just jealous." Sesshoumaru laughed. "Just because
your woman won't put out...."
"WHAT?!!?" Inuyasha yiped. "Why would..I ...I mean.... I don't...."
His face turned a VERY bright red and it actually made him look kinda cute.
"Oi...I'm the cute one." Sesshoumaru said with a disappointed frown.
"I think Inuyasha's cuter actually..." San-Go timidly pointed out...and
quickly eeped when a stunned Inuyasha shot a glare at her.
"Nevermind...." San-Go said, and then grumbled some very nasty things
that cause Kirara to cover her innocent ears.
ANYWAYS! We are getting off track here. I swear...I try to get the plot moving
and all I get is bickering!
"Plot? What Plot?" San-Go asked.
Hehe sounds like a lemon to me.....whaddaya say men? Drop the almost non-existent
plot and make this a yummy yaoi lemon?
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru both screamed and
ran off into the sunset.
*blink* Well...that was unexpected. Oh well. They'll be back for the next chapter.
Unfortunatly San-Go will not.
"Ahh damn." San-Go said, with slight disappointment.
Sorry mia muchacha. You're just no fun to write for this little girl. You're
outta here!
"Huh?" San-Gio blinked as she noticed a shadow all around her.
"Mooooooooo"
"KYAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
SPLAT
"Mew?" Kirara poked at the cow which sat on her mistress.
"The smell.....dear god...the SMELL!!" a muffled voice called out
from under the living hamburger.
And so San-Go was gone and we await a new chapter.