The Inuyasha Funny Fic
by Yuki

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is the property of Rumiko-sama...Not Viz. I refuse to accept that the evil known as Viz has any sanction over this wonderful series.

Chapter 5
How Inu-Yasha Came to Hate Pork

As we start our new chapter we find our heroes hot on the trail of the infamous Dash Monster. Already, our brave Inu-Yasha has been marked by this creature from hell, the dash in his name standing out like a mocking testament of the monster's victory. But soon, SOON they shall find and destroy the vile creature and we can all celebrate with YAOI!!

"HELL NO!!" Sesshoumaru screamed. Holding a large stick in his hand, he appeared to be quite busy keeping his brother at bay. " We'll never find the damn thing at this rate! He fucking won't leave me alone!"

"But Sesshou-chan!" Inu-Yasha whined as he advanced towards the demon. "I just can't resist it anymore! Let me take you into my arms and kiss you and feel your body and...." Inu-Yasha's love rant was cut short as the large stick Sesshoumaru had cracked down on his skull. With a small groan, the love struck demon fell to the ground with a thump.

"Stay AWAY from me!!!" Sesshoumaru screamed hysterically, his tolerance for this basically gone. And maybe...when the tolerance is gone...then maybe he'll give in and we'll get YAOI =D *claps her hands*

"NO! NONONONONONONO!!!" Sesshoumaru screamed and screamed, his patience snapped. He was so busy screaming that he didn't even notice the large shadow pass over him. And since he had just knocked Inu-Yasha out cold, his adoring brother was unable to warn him of the imminent danger. Suddenly a very manly scream filled the forest. And although I wuv my Sesshou-chan so much, even I can't protect him from the vicious Dash Monster! Oh the humanity of it all! To be unable to protect the one I love from danger! Oh woe is I for being so weak against the creation of commercial America! Please, PLEASE Forgive me my beloved Sesshou-chan! There was naught I could do! *bursts out crying*

--scene fades to further add effect--

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Inu-Yasha awoke to find his brother lying on the ground, unconscious. Concerned for his well-being, he quickly went over to him and started mouth to mouth resuscitation. The fact that he was still breathing didn't matter. He just wanted an excuse to kiss those soft, sultry lips.... Lips as fine as silk and as sumptuous as ambrosia.....the kind of lips that make girls swoon and men green with envy....**sighs dreamily**

"HEY!" Inu-Yasha yelled, snapping the narrator out of her trance. "If you please! I am trying to revive him here!"

Oh...sorry.

"Hmph." Inu-Yasha turned to go back to 'resuscitating' his brother, only to see him glaring up at him angrily. "Oh...heheh ^_^;;; Brother.....you're alive.

I'm so relieved!"

"I'm sure you are...." Getting up, the demon pushed Inu-Yasha off of him angrily. "You shitface! You didn't even help me when that damn monster attacked!"

"Monster? He attacked? You knocked me out!!" Inu-Yasha yelled back." It was your own fault Sessho-Maru......oh dear god..."

"S-S-Sess-Sess-Sessho-Maru?!?!?!" the older brother cried out in both disgust and fear. "I've got a fucking dash in my name!!!"

"Join the club -_-" Inu-Yasha said with a sigh. Whether the sigh was because of his own dash or the fact that he had to stop kissing his brother...well we'll never know. OK well DUH, we all know it's because he had to stop playing tonsil hockey.

"You slipped me the tongue?!?!" Sessho-Maru shrieked angrily. "How could you take advantage of me like that?!?!?!"

"Hmph...I was helping you out...ungrateful." Turning his nose up, Inu-Yasha looked upset. "At least I only got a dash in my name...unlike SOME people." Looking back at Sessho-Maru, he smirked in an almost malicious way.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Sessho-Maru blinked. "......................." Suddenly it struck him. "M....M....M...My U!!!! He took one of my U's!!!" Tears filled Sessho-Maru's face and he began to whimper and whine. "My U.....My U......"

"There there brother dear..."Inu-Yasha sat next to him and put his arm around the crying demon. "It'll be ok....We'll get him...Now now...don't cry..." Patting his back soothingly, he smiled at Sessho-Maru. "Here...I'll make it all better..." Leaning down he put his lips against his brothers, beginning the kiss slowly.

WHOHOOO!! Go Inu-chan Go Inu-Chan!!! *whistles*

Sessho-Maru's eyes widened and there was a loud crack as his fist came into contact with Inu-Yasha's jaw. "BASTARD! " he screamed, pounding Inu-Yasha into the ground with his foot. "DON'T YOU EVER TRY THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Inu-Yasha's body twitched as Sessho-Maru finally stopped stamping him into the ground. "Feh, serves you right," Sessho-Maru spat angrily at him. "NOW, I'm going to find that fucking monster and make it change my name back to the glorious perfection it was!!!" Storming off by himself and leaving his brother behind, the u' deprived demon set off to find the cure.

The forest was quiet for a moment, the soft whimpers of pain from Inu-Yasha being the only sound. A loud grunt came from the injured dog demon as a stranger planted their foot firmly on his back.

"OWW!! GET off me bastard!" Inu-Yasha shoved off the stranger who fell to the ground with a thud.

"Hey! Watch what you're doing!" the stranger said, as he picked himself up.

"Well watch where you're going!" Inu-Yasha shrieked at the boy who was dressed in yellow and black.

"......It's....YOU!" the boy cried out happily as he rushed Inu-Yasha and embraced him fiercely. "BROTHER!"

"WHAT!!?! Get off me! I'm not your brother you freak!" Shoving him away, Inu-Yasha glared at him.

"You don't remember your own brother!?!" the dark haired boy asked in shock. "It's me! Your long lost brother Ryouga!"

"................=_=;" Inu-Yasha gave him a very non-amused look. "You're in the wrong fanfic you idiot. This is Funny Fic."

"It is?" Ryouga blinked in confusion. He was sure he had gone the right way.... BUT we all know how terribly lost that cute little guy gets ^_^

"Cute?! Who was that??" Looking around frantically, he searched for the voice.

It was me! The horribly adorable author, Yuki-chan!

"Ahhh! A monster!" he shrieked and jumped into Inu-Yasha's arms with fright.

=_= A MONSTER?!?!

"Ahh shit...." Inu-Yasha dropped the very unsmart boy to the ground and ducked behind a tree, barely avoiding the lightning bolt that struck.

Watch your mouth you rude crossover character.

"What was that?!?!" Ryouga jumped up, his clothes still smoldering from the flames. "It was your own fault idiot!" Inu-Yasha called from behind the tree. "Don't piss her off!!! Trust me!"

"Piss WHO off???" screamed in confusion. "I don't even know who you're talking about! ARGGH!! How did I end up in such a weird fanfic?!?"

It's not weird -_-; It's just.....Funny.

"You call this Funny you dement—" Ryouga's cursing was stopped short as Inu-Yasha slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Do you WANT to die???" he whispered harshly into the human's ear. "Don't say ANYTHING unless it's something nice alright???"

You're a good widdle doggie demon Inu-Yasha ^.^ *pat pat*

"Yes, yes ^^;; I know..." Inu-Yasha nodded. "Now....we'll just be going now....." His hand still over the lost boy's mouth, he quickly ran off. Which seem rather silly since I know where he's going and he can never ever escape me *evil laugh*

Inu-Yasha came to a skidding halt at the bank of a river, dropping Ryouga to the ground with a thump."What are you?!? Fucking INSANE??? You're gonna get us both killed!" he screamed at the extremely confused Ryouga.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about!!! I'm not even supposed to BE in this fic!!!" he screamed back in frustration. "What are you so afraid of???............And what the hell is up with your name? A dash? That's a bit tacky, don't you think?"

Inu-Yasha's eye twitched slightly. "Do you think I LIKE it bastard??? It's because of some fucking MONSTER! He did this to me! It's the ONLY sense of a plot this damn fic has!"

"A monster?" Ryouga blinked. "Well, I know for sure that the Inuyasha in my fic, who has NO dash, sure as hell wouldn't let some puny MONSTER do this to him"

"Kisaaaamaa......." A vein in Inu-Yasha's head popped and he grabbed Ryouga and threw him into the river. He meant to give him a proper beating once the boy came out of the water, but was more than a little surprised to see a little black pig crawl out of the water. A very wet.....very angry little black pig.

Blinking at the bedraggled swine, Inu-Yasha suddenly burst out laughing, rolling on the ground and pointing at him. "A....A PIG! Bwahahahahaha!!!!"

Suddenly (i like the word suddenly, it's so....sudden) anywho.... SUDDENLY the little porker leapt at Inu-Yasha, his teeth bared and began to beat up the demon viciously.

"OUCH!! Stoppit! Stoppit!!" Inu-Yasha swat at the black blur, but was unable to lay a hand on the speedy piggy who was doing a very good job beating the shit out of him.

Oh the humility of it all....to not only have his name desecrated but to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a pig....a very small pig at that.

"Ok Ok!! I'm sorry!!!" Inu-Yasha cried. "Just stooooppppp!!!" Ryouga stopped his relentless attack and gave a little snort.

Now Inu-Yasha......since you've been properly defeated by this cute little itty bitty piggy, perhaps you should go find that dash monster. Your beloved brother has already gone after him. You should follow.

"Brother dearest?" Inu-Yasha blinked. "He could be in danger! Oh I must go after him and protect him!" His eyes grew all big and dewy and he clasped his hands together. "And then maybe....maybe he'll be so grateful that he'll....he'll...." Inu-Yasha blushed bright red and closed his eyes, giggling like a school girl.

Ryouga sweatdropped and started wondering just what the hell kind of fanfic he'd gotten into.....

"YES!" Inu-Yasha cried out enthusiastically. "I will go after my brother and I shall rescue him!"

And you'll have mad gay monkey sex! YES! Incest is BEST!!!! WHOHOO!!! This'll be a lemon yet!!!

"YES! IT WILL!!! LET'S GO!" Inu-Yasha eagerly began his search. Soon....soooonn..... A little dribble of drool dripped down his lip as he thought of what was to come....

Oops, you're forgetting someone.

"Huh?" Inu-Yasha turned around to see the pig trying to sneak away. "Him?? No I don't like him!"

You ARE taking him. We might get a threesome out of this.

At that little, innocent remark, Ryouga squealed in fright and tried to run off, but came to a sudden halt as a large brick wall appeared in front of him. The little pig fell to the ground with a thump, a large lump appearing on his head.

Grumbling about not liking to share, Inu-Yasha went over and picked him up, dunking him in the river to wake him up.

Now then you cute little thing....You're going to go with Inu-Yasha to find and destroy the Dash Monster. And then you're going to help make this a lemon. Aren't you excited???

"............" Ryouga didn't look too excited.

Oh well. We'll make it work ^_^ Now go on you two! Go!

"K!" Inu-Yasha dropped Ryouga on the ground and happily skipped along, eager to reach Sessho-Maru. Suddenly (yes, suddenly, my favorite word) he felt something land on his head. Why it was little Ryouga ^_^ Awwwwww how cute! He's riding on Inu-Yasha's head! Isn't that cute Inu-Yasha??

"..............-_- Sure." Knowing better than to argue, Inu-Yasha continued on. But now he was walking slowly, a very sour look on his face and an equally sour looking piggy on his head.

"This is so fucking humiliating...." Inu-Yasha grumbled under his breath as he continued onward. He just hoped he didn't see anyone he knew.......

And thus another chapter ends....and Yuki rescues her writers block by randomly adding a crossover ^.^