Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters are property of SquareSoft. You can't sue me, and you wouldn't get anything anyways.
The Truth Behind by neXI45
"Get the hell away from me, Irvine! I told you that many times, and you're being a pervert!" shouted Rinoa, her voice echoing through the corridors.
Rinoa stormed away from him, her fists balled up in anger as he had made another pass at her, for the millionth time in the past week. She couldn't believe how dense he was; it seemed like the only think he could think was him, her and a bed the moment he saw her.
The moment she had gotten away from him, Rinoa immediately ran into Quistis. "Hey Quistis."
"I heard some shouting. Irvine was flirting with you again?" Quistis already knew what to expect, as that wasn't the only time it had occurred.
"Yes, and he's even worse ever since Squall broke up with me and went with Seifer."
"He's been flirting a lot with me too ever since Seifer broke up with me. I don't get that either. Squall definitely loved you, and as far as I could tell, Seifer loved me. Nothing in their actions made me think that they were gay in any way whatsoever. I think we're missing something really important here."
The two stopped talking for a moment, mulling over the question. The only thing that they could think of that was in common with their problems was... "Irvine!"
Rinoa gasped in shock. "You know, I think Irvine did something to Squall and Seifer."
"It makes sense. Irvine's slept with like all the girls in this Garden, except you and me. I think we're ruining his 'streak'."
"Yeah, I've only been with Squall. Irvine thinks he's such a ladies' man, but Selphie told me he's completely lacking in the bedroom department."
"We need to find out what Irvine did to them. I have a plan."
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Irvine sighed as he mulled over the latest problem. He had all the pieces in place, but there was only one little problem; the willingness of Rinoa and Quistis after their boyfriends had left them. He was in his room, thinking of possible ways to get them with him in a bed. There was a rap on the door and he opened it, wondering who it could be.
"Hey Irvine. I have a problem and I think you're the only one qualified to fix it." Quistis' voice drifted through the door, her in a very provoking position against the metal frame of the doorway.
Irvine nearly salivated at the sight in front of him; Quistis with a very seductive smile and moving around certain parts of her body, driving him crazy. He immediately ran toward Quistis. "What kind of help?"
She internally grimaced, knowing the next step that came. "My problem's of a personal nature, so I want you to come with me to my room."
Quistis quickly turned around and headed for her dorm room, disgusted at the extent of Irvine's perversion and her having to pretend to want him. The moment they got to her room, she stepped in first, and brought out her whip and laid it on her bed.
Again, Irvine was totally overridden by his thoughts of lust and was concentrating only on the hot woman that was standing near a bed with a whip. His first thought when he saw the whip was 'Kinky.'
Which is to say that his thought was completely lost as a heavy book slammed into his head and knocked his cowboy hat askew, obliterating his consciousness in one fell swoop.
Rinoa grinned from behind the door as she burned the book with a Firaga spell, as she definitely didn't want it after it had been contaminated by his touch.
They locked the door after they had swiped his dorm room card and immediately headed for his room where they would search for any information on what he had done to their boyfriends.
The first thing they spotted was an open diary with scribbled stuff on his desk. Quistis used a pair of tongs to flip through the pages, looking for something that would tell them what had happened to Squall and Seifer.
An interesting passage was read aloud by Quistis.
"Damn it, Quistis and Rinoa are the only two girls that haven't slept with me, and they're the hottest of them all. I wish I could get them in bed. I hate Squall and Seifer. Grr."
Another passage caught Rinoa's eye as Quistis flipped a few more pages with her tongs. "I think I have a solution! I made this spell I call 'Yaoi' and it makes guys gay. If I cast it on Squall and Seifer, since they've known each other for a long time it'll make them date each other and I'll be able to get Rinoa and Quistis! VICTORY IS MINE! Oh, just in case I forget...I made sure that Dispel gets rid of it."
"That's it! Let's go get our boyfriends back!" Rinoa and Quistis immediately high-fived each other; both of them were ecstatic that their loves (and sex toys) were only a spell-cast away.
Rinoa looked around the room for a draw point and found one near a pile of magazines. For those wondering what kind of magazines, it was obviously 'Playgirl' magazines. So Rinoa immediately drew two Yaoi spells and destroyed the draw point with a Sorceress-empowered cast of Dispel, bringing a permanent end to Irvine's possibility of raising havoc like that again.
Quistis had been waiting outside for a few moments for Rinoa to come out, wondering what was taking her. When she saw the very evil smile that Rinoa had, she thought best not to ask.
They ran into Squall and Seifer in the middle of making out in the Quad. Both Rinoa and Quistis then rushed forward and pushed them apart, making quite a scene.
Squall and Seifer weren't happy with what had just occurred, wondering what the hell had taken over their ex's. They glared at their respective ex-girlfriends, wondering what the hell was going on.
Squall spoke first, an expression of irritation directed at Rinoa. "Just because you're jealous, you don't ha–"
His speech was cut short the moment that Rinoa cast Dispel on him. Blinking his eyes in confusion, he looked at Rinoa. "Rinoa? I feel like I just woke up from a deep sleep."
Rinoa smiled as she kissed him, knowing that the old Squall was back. He responded to the kiss, running his hands through her hair.
Quistis had also cast Dispel on Seifer and both were at the moment very 'occupied' with each other.
A few people started taking pictures of Seifer and Quistis' little moment, hoping that they could sell it to the Trepies. After all, Quistis was quite an attractive woman. And the pictures of Seifer's naked chest could also be sold to some girls.
Breaking apart for air, Squall questioned Rinoa about what had occurred. "My memory of the past few weeks is completely hazy. I'm not sure what came over me."
"Well, Quistis and I found out that Irvine cast a spell he called 'Yaoi' on you and Seifer. It made you two gay, and he did it because neither Quistis nor me would sleep with him."
"What the hell?" The words struck hard in his mind, clearing up the haze of the past two weeks. He remembered the grin that Irvine had the moment he had been overcome with a desire to understand Seifer more. Nothing had occurred between them, but it was disturbing to say the least.
Seifer had been listening to the explanation given by Quistis about Irvine's role in the mess, and he looked directly at Squall. "Thinking what I'm thinking?"
Both of them drew their gunblades and clashed the hilts together, simultaneously shouting, "Revenge!"
All four of them headed for Quistis' dorm, to see a half-conscious Irvine sitting on Quistis' bed and fingering the whip on her bed covers.
Irvine woke completely the moment the door opened, and paled at the sight of Squall and Seifer's expression. He could tell that he had been found out. "Listen..."
Seifer swung his gunblade back and forth, drawing the eyes of Irvine. "You know, Irvine, I have a good mind to just cut off your family jewels right now." Irvine's face blanched and he nearly threw up at the mere idea of it.
Rinoa had been whispering in Squall's ear the moment they had entered the room. Squall grinned very evilly and tapped Seifer on the shoulder. He said something that made Seifer immediately stop swinging his gunblade and look back at Squall and Rinoa with a look that resembled that of the ultimate happiness.
"But Squall here just told me something I'd rather do. Since you thought it was so fun to make Squall and me gay, I think it's better to return the favor. Oh, and Rinoa's going to purge your memory of the cure to the Yaoi spell."
A flick of Rinoa's hand made Irvine completely forget about using Dispel to get rid of Yaoi. She leaned back over to Squall's ear and said something that made Squall grin again, with an even more evil smile, if that was possible.
They cast float on Irvine and used various spells to push him to what was formerly known as Cid's office and dispelled the float, dumping him next to Nida.
Before Nida or Irvine could comprehend what was happening, Rinoa had already cast the last two existing Yaoi spells on Nida and Irvine. Rinoa, Squall, Seifer and Quistis immediately left the room and hoped that the Garden intercom would not turn on while Irvine and Nida were 'getting to know each other'. Rinoa had upped the potency of the spell through her sorceress powers.
Each girl took their respective boyfriend back to their own dorm and spent one long (and noisy), night of getting to 'know' each other again.
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"Hey, Rinoa."
"Yes, Quistis?"
"Why'd you make Nida and Irvine become a couple?"
"If you never noticed, he kept staring at inappropriate parts of my body which only my Squall can look at. He didn't make it that obvious because of Squall."
"...Yeah, he deserves it."
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A/N: Dun dun dun. This has been probably one of the most disgusting fics you've ever read. There is no hope for anyone. Oh and here's an answer...the more potent Yaoi spell had somehow duplicated and infected Fanfiction.net, bring the onslaught of Yaoi fanfics.