The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Rewrite - Chapter 9
"Gorons, Dodongos and bombs, oh my!"
On our last exciting episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite, Link went to Kakariko, which is the birthplace of "the great" Impa. It's also the crazy-people capitol of Hyrule, beause everyone there is somewhat insane. After trying the omelets (under Impa's request), Link was recruited to find some lady's lost chickens, which after a little threatening, was rewarded for. Reaching Death Mountain, lost of crazy stuff happened, which resulted in Link buying a Hylian Shield and a Keaton Mask for the guard's *ahem* "son". Let's see what zany, unpredictable things Link will do now on this exciting episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite!
On Death Mountain Trail...
Link: You know, for a mountain, this sure is easy to climb. I don't even need to find any footholds or anything, it's one little route all the way up.
Navi: Yeah, you would have expected that Death Mountain would actually be... mountainous.
Link: It is uphill, though, which is still hard. I'm gonna sit and rest for a while. (sits on a rock and takes out a bottle of Sparklet's water)
Rock: (gets up)
Link: AUUGGHH! (quickly jumps off the "rock")
"Rock": Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: ...
Navi: From now on, Link, expect that the first member of any race you meet will automatically sense your unfamiliarity with them and explain their race to you, out of the blue. They will then being to tell you about the problems their race has, probably hoping with all their heart that you will be the one to save them.
Random, Unidentified Goron #1: We eat rocks, but this boulder here is blocking the entrance to Dodongo's Cavern, where the most nutritious rocks come from.
Link: ..."nutritious rocks"?
Random, Unidentified Goron #1: Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: ...
Navi: Also expect each member of each race only to mutter one or two sentences to you, no matter what you say to them.
Link: ...Oooookaaaay.... I'm about done resting now... (backs away slowly, then turns around and runs away)
After about five minutes of running, they have come to the entrance to Goron City.
Link: (breathing heavily) Okay... I really need to rest now... (sits down)
Navi: According to the map, the entrance to Goron City is... that way. (points to the entrance)
Link: Nonono, I say it's that way! (points to a dead end)
Navi: Fine. Whatever. Don't listen to me, I'm just an all-knowing fairy.
Link: (walking to where he pointed) Hmm... hey look, a wierd plant! (tries to pick it up) Grr, it's a toughie! (pulling harder)
Big Boulder Beside the Weird Plant: (gets up, it as at least twice the size of the previous Goron)
Link: AUUUGGGHHH!
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: Yeah, I know, it's just that you're a lot bigger than the other Goron we met.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Oh. Yeah, we fluctuate in size greatly. Anyway, you're probably wondering what that plant there is.
Link: ...Well, not really, but I would like to know.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: It's a Bomb Flower. They grow in dark, damp places, so Bomb Flowers in a location like this are extremely rare. I'm shielding it from the sun.
Link: Aww, how noble.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Yes. Do you have any other questions for me?
Link: Yeah, where do babies come from? (snicker snicker)
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Umm... Bomb Flowers like these usually grow in Dodongo's Cavern, but right now a bunch of Dodongos showed up, and this big boulder appeared, so we can't get into it.
Link: Yeah that's nice and all, but I asked about-
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Yeahokayseeya! (resumes his rock-like position)
Link: (stands there for a moment, then knocks on it) Hello?
Navi: Forget about it, Link. Let's just go to Goron City. Besides, PDFarsight doesn't have any jokes left about this guy.
Link: Okay. (walks into Goron city, sees lots of rock things/Gorons) Okay, so we'll justAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! (falls all the way down to the bottom level) ...Erggh....
Goron: (gets up) I'm hungry! I want the rocks from Dodongo's Cavern!
Link: Yeah yeah, shut up, just be patient.
Goron: Big Brother said locked himself in his room and said "I will wait here until The Royal Family's Messenger comes!"
Link: Hey, that's me! I'm the Royal Family's Messenger!
Goron: Oh yeah?! Well you also have to figure out how to get INTO his room! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (disappears in a puff of smoke and hellish fire)
Link: ...Um....
Navi: (turns green and flies near the rug on the locked door) I sense that this rug has something to do with opening the door!
Link: Hmm, you may be right Navi.
Navi: Since he's waiting for the Royal Family's Messenger, why don't you play that Royal Song you just learned? Maybe that will open the door!
Link: Nah, I got a better idea. (lifts up the rug and pulls out a key) See, it was under the rug the whole time!
Navi: ...Shut up.
Link: (unlocks the door and walks in; the room is totally dark) Hey, where is everything?
Suddenly, the torches light up, and you can see that "No rocks from Dodongo's Cavern make Big Brother go crazy" is scribbled over every inch of every wall and all over the ceiling.
Link: Well that's pretty unusual...
Voice From Undetermined Source: Big Brother is watching you....
Link: Hey! Who said that!?
VFUS: Big Brother is watching you...
Link: Show yourself!
VFUS: Big Brother is watching you....
Link: STOP SAYING THAT! And who's Big Brother?!
VFUS: I am! (hops into view from the closet)
Link: Woah! What are you doing in there!
Big Brother: My Goron friends call me Big Brother, but my name is Darunia. Hey, aren't you supposed to be the Royal Family's Messenger?! You're just a kid! Get lost!
Link: But-
Darunia: Get out of my face, now!
Link: Wait, I have a question. Can I have the Spiritual Stone of Fire?
Darunia: ...
Outside Darunia's Room...
Link: (flies out the door and slams into the opposite wall)
Darunia: And stay out! (slams the door)
Navi: (whispering to Link) Maybe you should try to cheer him up before you ask him for his most prized possesion.
Link: No. He was a jerk. I'll just kill him and take it from him.
Navi: (gets in Link's face and speaks gravely) You will play Saria's Song for him and like it.
Link: ...O-okay. (walks back in Darunia's Room)
Darunia: Hey! I told you never to come back!
Link: Yeah, whatever. Here's a pretty song for you. (takes out the Ocarina and plays Saria's Song)
Darunia: .....(begins to dance like crazy) Wahoo! Oh yeah! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come one! YEEEEEAH! HOT! What a hot beat! (stops dancing) Suddenly, just like that, my depression is gone! I suddenly had the urge to dance! Now I'm all happy and gitty! So you want the Spiritual Stone, eh? Well, how about you clear up our little problem for us? Go kill all the Dodongos in Dodongo's Cavern.
Link: NO! I REFUSE! THAT IS GOING TOO FAR! (looks at Navi)
Navi: (gives him the scariest evil-eye ever)
Link: Umm... ehehe... I mean, sure! I'll do it right now!
Darunia: Wait! I want to give you this, for no reason at all, besides the fact that you couldn't defeat the Dodongos and would surely die in the cavern without this. Here. (gives him the Goron's Bracelet) Now you can pull up Bomb Flowers.
Link: Okay, thanks. (leaves)
At the Bomb Flower on Death Mountain Trail:
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Hey, what are you doing?!
Link: I'm going to use this Bomb Flower to blow up that boulder down there.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: ...Oh. I wonder why I never though of that.
Link: Probably cuz you're a big stupid idiot. (drops the bomb)
Random, Unidentified Goron #1 (is sitting by the boulder): [BOOM] AUUGGGHHH! (dies)
Link: Heheh... oops. THAT'S probably why you never though of that. (drops another one)
[BOOM]
The boulder explodes into a million jillion pieces, so tiny that all traces and fragments of the boulder disappear forever.
Link: Direct hit! Ha ha! (drops down and walks into Dodongo's Cavern)
Link is now venturing into Dodongo's Cavern in order to save the Gorons from starvation, and Hyrule from domination. However, what monstrosities await Link in this cavern, filled with things called "Dodongos"? What are those anyway? Find out next time, o the next exciting (hey, this one might actually be exciting) episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite!
"Gorons, Dodongos and bombs, oh my!"
On our last exciting episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite, Link went to Kakariko, which is the birthplace of "the great" Impa. It's also the crazy-people capitol of Hyrule, beause everyone there is somewhat insane. After trying the omelets (under Impa's request), Link was recruited to find some lady's lost chickens, which after a little threatening, was rewarded for. Reaching Death Mountain, lost of crazy stuff happened, which resulted in Link buying a Hylian Shield and a Keaton Mask for the guard's *ahem* "son". Let's see what zany, unpredictable things Link will do now on this exciting episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite!
On Death Mountain Trail...
Link: You know, for a mountain, this sure is easy to climb. I don't even need to find any footholds or anything, it's one little route all the way up.
Navi: Yeah, you would have expected that Death Mountain would actually be... mountainous.
Link: It is uphill, though, which is still hard. I'm gonna sit and rest for a while. (sits on a rock and takes out a bottle of Sparklet's water)
Rock: (gets up)
Link: AUUGGHH! (quickly jumps off the "rock")
"Rock": Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: ...
Navi: From now on, Link, expect that the first member of any race you meet will automatically sense your unfamiliarity with them and explain their race to you, out of the blue. They will then being to tell you about the problems their race has, probably hoping with all their heart that you will be the one to save them.
Random, Unidentified Goron #1: We eat rocks, but this boulder here is blocking the entrance to Dodongo's Cavern, where the most nutritious rocks come from.
Link: ..."nutritious rocks"?
Random, Unidentified Goron #1: Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: ...
Navi: Also expect each member of each race only to mutter one or two sentences to you, no matter what you say to them.
Link: ...Oooookaaaay.... I'm about done resting now... (backs away slowly, then turns around and runs away)
After about five minutes of running, they have come to the entrance to Goron City.
Link: (breathing heavily) Okay... I really need to rest now... (sits down)
Navi: According to the map, the entrance to Goron City is... that way. (points to the entrance)
Link: Nonono, I say it's that way! (points to a dead end)
Navi: Fine. Whatever. Don't listen to me, I'm just an all-knowing fairy.
Link: (walking to where he pointed) Hmm... hey look, a wierd plant! (tries to pick it up) Grr, it's a toughie! (pulling harder)
Big Boulder Beside the Weird Plant: (gets up, it as at least twice the size of the previous Goron)
Link: AUUUGGGHHH!
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Hello. I am a Goron. We eat rocks.
Link: Yeah, I know, it's just that you're a lot bigger than the other Goron we met.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Oh. Yeah, we fluctuate in size greatly. Anyway, you're probably wondering what that plant there is.
Link: ...Well, not really, but I would like to know.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: It's a Bomb Flower. They grow in dark, damp places, so Bomb Flowers in a location like this are extremely rare. I'm shielding it from the sun.
Link: Aww, how noble.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Yes. Do you have any other questions for me?
Link: Yeah, where do babies come from? (snicker snicker)
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Umm... Bomb Flowers like these usually grow in Dodongo's Cavern, but right now a bunch of Dodongos showed up, and this big boulder appeared, so we can't get into it.
Link: Yeah that's nice and all, but I asked about-
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Yeahokayseeya! (resumes his rock-like position)
Link: (stands there for a moment, then knocks on it) Hello?
Navi: Forget about it, Link. Let's just go to Goron City. Besides, PDFarsight doesn't have any jokes left about this guy.
Link: Okay. (walks into Goron city, sees lots of rock things/Gorons) Okay, so we'll justAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! (falls all the way down to the bottom level) ...Erggh....
Goron: (gets up) I'm hungry! I want the rocks from Dodongo's Cavern!
Link: Yeah yeah, shut up, just be patient.
Goron: Big Brother said locked himself in his room and said "I will wait here until The Royal Family's Messenger comes!"
Link: Hey, that's me! I'm the Royal Family's Messenger!
Goron: Oh yeah?! Well you also have to figure out how to get INTO his room! HAHAHAHAHAHA! (disappears in a puff of smoke and hellish fire)
Link: ...Um....
Navi: (turns green and flies near the rug on the locked door) I sense that this rug has something to do with opening the door!
Link: Hmm, you may be right Navi.
Navi: Since he's waiting for the Royal Family's Messenger, why don't you play that Royal Song you just learned? Maybe that will open the door!
Link: Nah, I got a better idea. (lifts up the rug and pulls out a key) See, it was under the rug the whole time!
Navi: ...Shut up.
Link: (unlocks the door and walks in; the room is totally dark) Hey, where is everything?
Suddenly, the torches light up, and you can see that "No rocks from Dodongo's Cavern make Big Brother go crazy" is scribbled over every inch of every wall and all over the ceiling.
Link: Well that's pretty unusual...
Voice From Undetermined Source: Big Brother is watching you....
Link: Hey! Who said that!?
VFUS: Big Brother is watching you...
Link: Show yourself!
VFUS: Big Brother is watching you....
Link: STOP SAYING THAT! And who's Big Brother?!
VFUS: I am! (hops into view from the closet)
Link: Woah! What are you doing in there!
Big Brother: My Goron friends call me Big Brother, but my name is Darunia. Hey, aren't you supposed to be the Royal Family's Messenger?! You're just a kid! Get lost!
Link: But-
Darunia: Get out of my face, now!
Link: Wait, I have a question. Can I have the Spiritual Stone of Fire?
Darunia: ...
Outside Darunia's Room...
Link: (flies out the door and slams into the opposite wall)
Darunia: And stay out! (slams the door)
Navi: (whispering to Link) Maybe you should try to cheer him up before you ask him for his most prized possesion.
Link: No. He was a jerk. I'll just kill him and take it from him.
Navi: (gets in Link's face and speaks gravely) You will play Saria's Song for him and like it.
Link: ...O-okay. (walks back in Darunia's Room)
Darunia: Hey! I told you never to come back!
Link: Yeah, whatever. Here's a pretty song for you. (takes out the Ocarina and plays Saria's Song)
Darunia: .....(begins to dance like crazy) Wahoo! Oh yeah! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come one! YEEEEEAH! HOT! What a hot beat! (stops dancing) Suddenly, just like that, my depression is gone! I suddenly had the urge to dance! Now I'm all happy and gitty! So you want the Spiritual Stone, eh? Well, how about you clear up our little problem for us? Go kill all the Dodongos in Dodongo's Cavern.
Link: NO! I REFUSE! THAT IS GOING TOO FAR! (looks at Navi)
Navi: (gives him the scariest evil-eye ever)
Link: Umm... ehehe... I mean, sure! I'll do it right now!
Darunia: Wait! I want to give you this, for no reason at all, besides the fact that you couldn't defeat the Dodongos and would surely die in the cavern without this. Here. (gives him the Goron's Bracelet) Now you can pull up Bomb Flowers.
Link: Okay, thanks. (leaves)
At the Bomb Flower on Death Mountain Trail:
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: Hey, what are you doing?!
Link: I'm going to use this Bomb Flower to blow up that boulder down there.
Random, Unidentified Goron #2: ...Oh. I wonder why I never though of that.
Link: Probably cuz you're a big stupid idiot. (drops the bomb)
Random, Unidentified Goron #1 (is sitting by the boulder): [BOOM] AUUGGGHHH! (dies)
Link: Heheh... oops. THAT'S probably why you never though of that. (drops another one)
[BOOM]
The boulder explodes into a million jillion pieces, so tiny that all traces and fragments of the boulder disappear forever.
Link: Direct hit! Ha ha! (drops down and walks into Dodongo's Cavern)
Link is now venturing into Dodongo's Cavern in order to save the Gorons from starvation, and Hyrule from domination. However, what monstrosities await Link in this cavern, filled with things called "Dodongos"? What are those anyway? Find out next time, o the next exciting (hey, this one might actually be exciting) episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite!