On the last episode of Ocarina of Time Rewrite, Link, having recieved all three of the Spiritual Stones, returned to Hyrule Castle Town, with hopes of getting into the Temple of Time to get the Triforce. However, Ganondorf appeared and caused some trouble. As Zelda and Impa fled from the castle, Zelda tossed a rock ocarina at Link, one which will change the course of history... probably.
At the gates of Hyrule Castle Town...
Link: Wow, this Ocarina is awesome! It's all blue and shiny. It's a LOT better than that dumb old ocarina that Saria gave me. (throws it behind his back, and it shatters is it hits the ground)
Navi: Didn't Saria give that to you as a memento of your eternal friendship?
Link: Yeah, but look, this one's SHINY. (twirling the Ocarina of Time around and watching it gleam in the sun)
Navi: (looking at the shattered pieces of Saria's Ocarina on the ground) Heh… yeah, that was a pretty dumb ocarina. Look, this piece had "LINK + SARIA 4EVER" scratched in it. What a piece of junk!
Link and Navi: (walk away laughing)
In the Lost Woods…
Saria: (freezes in place and collapses)
At the Temple of Time…
Link: Okay, so where's this door that leads to the Triforce?
Navi: I don't know.
Suddenly, an old woman who looks suspiciously like Ganondorf walks by.
Old Woman Who Looks Suspiciously Like Ganondorf: (walks up right behind Link and starts talking loudly in a high voice) It sure was foolish of the builders of this temple to put the Triforce right behind that Triforce-shaped door over there. Anyone who wanted it would just have to put the Three Spiritual Stones in that pedestal over there and play the Song of Time on the Ocarina of Time, and they could easily get it.
Link: (still thinking)…Maybe there's some sort of application we have to fill out or something…
Old Woman Who Looks Suspiciously Like Ganondorf: (talking louder) Yes, I sure hope no one here has Three Spiritual Stones and the Ocarina of Time, or they could be listening to me and find out how to get to the Triforce. If they got it before Ganondorf, his whole evil scheme will be totally ruined!
Navi: (to Link) Maybe there's a special chant or something?
Link: Zelda didn't say anything about that, though.
Old Woman Who Looks Suspiciously Like Ganondorf: (frowns, then drops a piece of paper on the floor) Oops, I just dropped that very important document that tells exactly how to get the Triforce on the floor. I sure hope no one tries to pick it up and look at it.
Link: (still racking his brain)
Old Woman Who Looks Suspiciously Like Ganondorf: It was careless of me to drop it. I better bend down and get it before someone picks it up and gets the Triforce. (almost yelling right in Link's ear) SOMEONE WITH THE THREE SPIRITUAL STONES AND THE OCARINA OF TIME.
Link: (talking to himself) Maybe if we just ASK for the Triforce, someone will give it to us…
Old Woman Who Looks Suspiciously Like Ganondorf: (thinking) Okay, this isn't working. I better think of a new, more simplistic plan.
Some time later…
Navi: I don't know about this, Link. It looks kind of suspicious to me.
Link: (walking along a trail of candy, picking up each piece and eating it) It's free candy, Navi. It can't be anything bad. ( he gets to the last candy) Hey, this long line of candies led us straight to this pedestal here.
Navi: (pointing) Look, there's a sign on it.
Above the three slots there is a crude sign that shows where all the Spiritual Stones go on the pedestal and the exact notes and hand positions for playing the Song of Time on the Ocarina.
Link: Gee, that sure is convenient.
Navi: (suspicious) You don't think anyone placed this here TRYING to get us to get the Triforce, do you, Link?
Link: Of course not, Navi. Don't be stupid.
Behind a nearby wall…
Ganondorf: This plan is perfect! No one's too stupid to mess this up.
Back at Link and Navi…
Link: (trying desperately to get it right) Darnit, this stupid Spiritual Stone won't fit!
Navi: Try turning it upside down!
Link: I did!
Behind a nearby wall…
Ganondorf: …
Back at Link and Navi…
Link: Darnit, I dropped one!
Navi: Here, let me get it. (flies down and picks up the Stone, but hits her head on the pedestal and drops it again, the stone landing squarely on Link's foot)
Link: (grabbing his foot, jumping up and down) Auugh! Auuuughhh!
Behind a nearby wall…
Ganondorf: This is ridiculous. I can't take it anymore. (walks up to Link and smacks him in the head)
Link: Ow!
Ganondorf: You idiot! Let me see those! (he snatches the Spiritual Stones from Link's hands) THIS one goes here, and THAT one goes there. The last one goes here, okay!? You're such an idiot… Give me that! (snatches the Ocarina from Link's hands and plays the Song of Time. The door opens.) THERE! Now go inside and get the sword, alright?! God, you're so STUPID! (stomps off angrily)
Navi: …Dang, what was his problem?
Link: (walking into the room) Yeah, I know. What a pill.
Navi: (gasps as she enters the room) Wow! Is that…
Link: Is that what? (sees the sword) Neat. What is it?
Navi: Is that the legendary blade? The bane of evil? The sword constructed long ago by the last remaining Wise Ones?
Link: You still haven't answered my-
Navi: Could that be the famous sword that crushes all wickedness and is destined to be the weapon of the Hero of Time? Is it that mythical and wonderful blade that-
Link: WHAT IS IT!
Navi: …Is that… the MASTER SWORD!?!
Link: (sarcastically excited) I don't know, IS IT?!?!?!?!
Navi: I think it IS!
Link: Well let's GET IT THEN!!! (grabs the sword and pulls it from the platform)
Suddenly, a bright light fills the room as the Triforce on the floor glows. A blue beam rises up around Link and bathes the room with light.
Voice: Link… hey, Link! Wake up!
Link: Huh… what. What! Who are you?
Rauru: Well, I'm Rauru, one of the-
Link: (squinting) What? Dang, it's early. Get me some coffee.
Rauru: Link, you ne-
Link: (tries pouring himself some coffee, but spills it) Wha… dang.
Rauru: (gasps in horror) My Gerudian carpet!!! (runs over to it)
Link: (eating a bagel, spitting crumbs all over the place) Err, yeah, sorry about that.
Rauru: AUGGGHHH! (grabs a bottle of Hyrulian SpotCleaner and a few rags) Oh, this is horrible, just terrible!
Link: Dude, it's just carpet.
Rauru: (looking up at him from the floor, scrubbing it) You idiot! This isn't "just carpet", it's GERUDIAN CARPET! It's very rare and beautiful and I LAID IT MYSELF!
Link: Ah… well, sorry. You keep cleaning, I'll be-
Rauru: (staring at him)
Link: (stares back)
Rauru: (walks up to him, touching his tunic) Oh dear oh dear, these clothes… oh, they just won't do.
Link: Huh?
Rauru: (walks over to a closet, opens it and fumbles around in it) Oh yes, this will be PERFECT for his frame… yes, this is good too… oh NO, that would be horrible with the green…
Link: Um… what?
Rauru: (walks over to him, comparing white and black leggings against him) Oh, come on, Link, those clothes are SO seven years go.
Link: Nuh uh! My tunic and sword are very stylish! And that red thing on the Deku Sheild? Totally chic.
Rauru: (measuring his waist with measuring tape) You know it's been seven years since you pulled the Master Sword from the pedestal, right?
Link: Huh!?
Rauru: Well, just look at yourself! (shoves a mirror in his face)
Link: (stares at the mirror for a few seconds, then twirls around in a circle and shakes his butt in front of the mirror) Righteous! I look good!
Rauru: YEAH ya do… (blushes) um, I mean, come here. We HAVE to do something about that outfit. (they disappear into Rauru's huge clothes closet)
Later…
Link: (now wearing the Adult Link outfit) All RIGHT! Rauru, you're a genius!
Rauru: Yes, yes. I did design the Chamber of Sages myself, after all. The waterfalls, and the Sage Platforms… perfect.
Link: It could use a few chairs.
Rauru: (glares at him)
Link: …for, um, sitting here for hours admiring this PERFECT LAYOUT.
Rauru: That's better. Now then, Link, perhaps I should explain to you why your soul was imprisoned for seven years.
Link: Yeah, I was kind of wondering about that.
Rauru: You see, although you were the Legendary Hero of Time, you were not yet hot enough to fulfill your destiny.
Link: Hot enough?
Rauru: …Err, old enough. Yeah. Anyway, since you weren't OLD enough to be the Hero of Time, the Master Sword imprisoned you here, freezing you in place.
Link: So who decided when it was time for me to be let go?
Rauru: Oh, I did. You just weren't drawing any crowds anymore.
Link: Drawing crowds?
Rauru: Yes. See, you really clashed with the décor of the Temple of Time, so we decided to make you a tourist attraction and pay for admittance so that you wouldn't be TOTALLY useless.
Link: What!?!
Rauru: "Come see the Amazing Elf! Frozen in Time!" (takes out some photos of random tourists putting bunny ears on him and putting their fingers in his nose and other pranks) Oh yeah, you were totally popular for the first five years. Really helped the economy of Hyrule. But the last two years have been slow, so I decided, "Hey, I'll just let him go."
Link: (looking closer at the pictures, he sees Navi working on something) Hey, I don't remember Navi doing that when I pulled the sword out.
Rauru: Oh yes… well, that was a problem.
Link: Really? How?
Rauru: You see, the Master Sword sealed YOU in time, not your fairy. She, however, is bound to your side, and as such she was stuck here for seven years, awake the entire time.
Link: Wow. What'd she do to occupy herself?
Rauru: Crossword puzzles.
Navi flies by, holding a tiny piece of paper and a small pen.
Navi: (mumbling) …C'mon, Navi… last one… butterfly, happy pie, jumble mumble wordy bumble….
Rauru: Or, a crossword puzzle, I should say. She's been on the same one the entire time.
Link: (laughing) Really!? That's hilarious! What a dope! Hahaha!
Navi: (grabbing on Rauru's robes, sobbing) I can't take it anymore! I need a four-letter word for "ring or loop forming a chain"! It's the last one! Please tell me!
Rauru: …Hm… link?
Navi: …(her eyes widen) OH MY GOSH! IT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME THE ENTIRE TIME! I HAD TO STARE AT HIS UGLY MUG FOR SEVEN YEARS AND STILL MISSED IT! AAAUUUGGHHH! (flies around the room erratically before running into a wall and falling to the ground unconscious)
Link and Rauru: …
Later…
Link: (making quotations marks with his fingers in the air) Okay… so you're a "sage", and I'm the "Hero of Time", and I have to awaken the other "sages" to use their power against Ganondorf, who now rules Hyrule with an iron fist.
Rauru: Bingo.
Link: So "where" is the "first" "sage" "anyway"?
Rauru: Stop that.
Link: (giggles)
Rauru: That you will soon know. For now, I add my power to yours! Receive this new strength! (lifts up arms, and a yellow disk floats down from the sky)
Link: Wow! Cool!
Rauru: Get some of these from the other sages, too.
Link: (examining it) So how exactly do I make myself stronger with this? Do I eat it? (gnaws at an edge of it) Wait a minute… this is cardboard!
Rauru: B-b-but it floated! That means it's magical!
Link: No it doesn't! Look, I can see the string holding it up! Who's doing that?! (looks up into the rafters in the cieling)
Navi: (holding a stick with the string attached to it) Crap. I was sure he would fall for that.
Link: Rauru, you old fart! (lunges at him)
Rauru: Augh! (quickly sends Link back to Hyrule)
I knew that Rauru was a fake. He always struck me as false. I mean, what was with those little swirling floating disks, anyway? "Adding the strength of the Sages to yours"? Bull. I never got any stronger except from the natural experience gotten from fighting bosses and stuff. Man, I'm so gonna kill Rauru the next time I see him. In fact, I think that's exactly what Link's planning. Find out on the next Ocarina of Time Rewrite!