And I Would Drown

By krys-eve

A/N: First completed D/G fic. Short. No plot, just a vignette. This fic has also not been beta-ed by another, so please bear with me. I haven't found anyone yet and might just ask one of my friends if she'd be kind enough to do so.

Please review and stuff. ^_^ This is my first fanfiction I've written, at least in a while. Compliments will be enjoyed, constructive criticism will be taken seriously as I really would like to know your input, and flames will be accepted but laughed at.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and its characters, settings, and all that stuff. The book belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I'm not making squat out of any of this. And I only have about three bucks and a few pieces of lint in my wallet.

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Why is it that people always want what's bad for them?

They know something out there is more expected of them; something better, something healthier, something to improve and further progress their life.

Isn't it ironic how, something so easy to obtain is coursed with obstacles, making it harder to acquire these things? They can bring their spirits down, even affect the most fragile part of their existence.

I am speaking, of course, of love. Some people are so tragic that they've hardly ever experienced a part of love. Some are so caught up in the façade of impressing another; they both fail to recognize each other on this superficial level.

But I once thought I was in love. I once went against the grain of my upbringing to experience this so called love. I was so young, and this experience only made me older, but colder.

I want what I cannot have, what I'm not supposed to want. I disobeyed an important part of me: my family. Because I wanted to finally do something for myself. And I got my heart broken.

But myself as an individual is not quite broken. Bent, yes, but just short of being broken. I still have some use, but it's only out of habit and not out of heart.

But the biggest blow I took was subjected to my emotional capacity. I can't laugh. I can't cry. Even after watching the comedies or reading the tragedies. I just don't feel anymore.

But, after all this anger and frustration and regret and animosity, another part of me will be lost. And I should know better than to go back, hoping you'll accept me. Because you're the one who's under me, ironically enough.  Who would have thought a Malfoy was under a Weasley. Funny, no?

But still, I find I can't completely let go. Even if you're the one who's at fault. But I'm so stupid. I keep going back to what I know will completely diminish any other dignity I still have.

But I still wonder in astonishment, or maybe its regret.

Do you still hear me, see me, feel me…or have you completely forgotten?

Do you hold any anger towards me? Or maybe regret?

Do you finally understand "you never know what you had until it's gone"?

Did you really expect me to wait?

Did I just not love you enough?

Did you really love me?


Or was I just some transitional, useless figure in your life? Just someone to toy with while you find real love?



But I was waiting there, patiently. I could have been your love. I remember when I said those special three words. And I was so happy that you said them back. Do you mean to tell me those were all lies?

I sometimes wish you weren't my first. Then I'd be able to take a blow like this; I'd have been able to know how to cope. But…I guess I've got to learn.

For now, I'll try not to look back. I'll try to suppress everything, hoping that they'll vanish. And maybe when I see you again, I can look you square in the eye and greet you as a friend would. And you'd realize what you had lost. And I would rejoice in your sorrow, in your anguish.

And I would drown.