Hello. This is going to be my first fan fic. My friend wrote two very good ones, and then told me to write one… Please, please please please, review, so I'll write better. So, here we go…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Harry Potter; it was all invented in that head of JK Rowling. I do not own Draco Malfoy, but I truly wish I did. (and, thanks, Stink, for the encouragement.)

~~*~~Numbed~~*~~

What else can I do to escape this? I try so hard to get attention, but all the anger in me is returned. Especially from Weasley.

First I got it from Father. Ever since my childhood, I have beaten by him. I think he even tried to molest me. I do love my father, but the hate seems to overpower that love. I dream of injuring Father, sometimes even killing him. My mother, my beautiful mother, she loves me. She tries to protect me from Father. Father just hits her, as well.

Coming to school is my only to get away from the hate I receive at home. The summer holidays are hell. Father always makes sure that he doesn't hit me at least a week before school starts so no one will see the bruises. That damn cane he carries around is his favourite thing to use on me. It leaves the darkest bruises. When he touches me, his cold hands leave goose bumps prickling my skin. I guess you could say he molests me to a certain point.

My anger is the best disguise. No one sees through the façade I put up. I hate it. The anger has made me numb to the pain I suffer. The anger I show is a reflection of the pain inside me. I am mean to just about everyone. Even myself. There is really only one person who breaks me down inside. Weasley. He is the only one who can put me in my place. He is the only person who makes me feel complete. And that is why this strong feeling has come over me: Love.

Love and Hate. They are two completely different emotions. They are the strongest of emotions. But yet they can both be mixed into only one. I love to hate Weasley. No! But I love to love him as well. I HATE THIS! I HATE MYSELF!!

I see him in the corridors after school, walking with that Potter. I wish I could be Potter. I wish I could be with Weasley every damn second of the day. Even that mudblood, Granger, is lucky.

Oh, how I long to be with him. I want to touch his red hair, his freckled cheeks. I want to kiss his soft pink lips and his long neck. To touch his arms, his chest, his stomach, his…

I lay in my bed; the curtains pulled closed, thinking of him. If only we were friends. We could be more than friends. Maybe even more than that, if possible. We could be one. For just one night, we could be one together. I run my hand over my stomach, lower, and I touch myself. It sends shivers of pleasure through my body. But it could be so much more with Weasley!

I should talk to him. If only I could. I wish there was a world with no evil and hate, where I could express my feelings for him. My dreams are perfect. My dreams show the world I wish was my own. In my dreams, Weasley…Ron and I are together, united in a way lovers know. We are lovers. We are together. Draco and Ron are together. Draco and Ron.

But until that world is here, I only have my dreams. My dreams are the only place I can be happy. I get lost in my dreams, my escape. I'm so numbed to this world. This world of darkness and evilness. The evilness is taking over me. I fear my fantasies will never be reality. I fear this world can not be saved.

~~*~~

And I fear that this fan fic sucked. Anyway, please read and review and give some criticism. No flames please!!! Or I will probably cry (not really).