Note: Konami and Rockstar owns everyone oh yeah and I really don't hate the
x-box or Microsoft...a lot
Maurice Chavez: Hello and welcome everyone to Pressing Issues the #1 hit show in Vice City. This is your host Maurice Chavez. Today's topic is 'Gun Safety.' With me I have 3 very different views of gun safety. My first guest is a legendary Mercenary David.
Snake: Hold it Chavez no one says the 'D' word the name is Snake go it?
Maurice: Of course Dav..Snake whatever you say. Anyway moving right along our next guest is a Russian guy named Sahala..ummmmm..shalasah..uhhhh.
Ocelot: *Sighs* Look just call me Revolver Ocelot...stupid people that can't say Shalashaska..*Keeps grumbling*
Maurice: Ok Ocelot..wait isn't that a bird?
Ocelot: *Takes out his revolver* You wanna say that again.
Maurice: *Nervously* No I was just saying. Now please Mr. Nice Russian Man put the gun away.
*Ocelot puts the gun away*
Maurice: Ok last but not least making his second appearance on Pressing Issues is Barry Stark the 'naturalist.' who is once again behind the barrier so to not to offend anyone.
Barry: Hi Maurice I'm still naked back here.
Maurice: Yes yes Barry we all know that is why we installed that divider in there.
Snake: What the hell does a naked guy have to do with gun safety?
Maurice: Umm lots. Anyway I guess we will start today's exciting episode of Pressing Issues with you Ocelot. Obviously as your name and bad temper suggest you must be against these new tighter gun laws.
Ocelot: Actually I'm against guns altogether.
Snake and Maurice: WHAT!?
Ocelot: In fact I've never actually shot anyone voluntarily ever.
Snake: How about the President.
Ocelot: Didn't you hear me my finger slipped.
Snake: That guard on the boat.
Ocelot: That was Liquid.
Snake: The five people this morning on our way here.
Ocelot: Also Liquid.
Barry: Gun safety is good and I'm still naked.
Maurice: Shut up Barry when it's your turn we will tell you ok. Remember how you were shot last time.
Barry: Oh yeah but it healed nicely see.
Maurice, Snake, and Ocelot: GET BACK BEHIND THE BARRIER.
*Barry gets back behind the barrier*
Maurice: Ok now we turn to you Snake. What do you think?
Snake: Barry's a weird idiot.
Maurice: No about gun safety.
Snake: Oh yeah well I hate anything that has to do with gun safety. If guns were meant to be safe then they would have put these little switches on them that make them safe.
Maurice: Uhh I believe the do in fact they call that switch a safety lock.
Snake: Really!? *he takes out his gun and looks at it* Hmmm safety on the gun.IT MUST BE THE PATRIOTS.
Ocelot: Oh god here we go again.
Maurice: Who are the Patriots?
Ocelot: Oh boy *covers his ears*.
Snake: The Patriots are the evilest vilest people I've ever heard of in my life. They have put harder laws on cardboard boxes and actually made me wait to buy a gun. Now I have to wait a full 30 min to buy a damn gun. Stupid I.D. checks.
Maurice: Really but that doesn't seem that bad.
Snake: No Maurice it is bad. They.. *Turns head almost crying* ..they made me star in a game on the X-Box.
Ocelot: NO..those bastards.
Maurice: Ummm Snake I don't think we can make fun of a huge cooperation like Microsoft, and Ocelot this is a family show so you can't swear.
Ocelot: Ummm what about the naked guy.
Maurice: He's behind the barrier ok you can't see anything so it's fine.
*Barry steps in front of the barrier*
Barry: Not anymore..please Ocelot, Snake anyone I need another hug some human contact please.
*Ocelot shoots Barry and everyone turns to look at Ocelot*
Ocelot: Uhhhh bad Liquid bad. *He bites his arm*
Maurice: Ummm ok once again Barry has been shot what else could happen.
*There's a knock at the door Maurice goes to open it*
Maurice: Hello!?
Microsoft Man: Hello we have just been aware that you have been bad mouthing our system.
Maurice: *interrupting* I'll be with you in just a second but first this commercial.
**Commercial**
Voice: Hello folks have you been feeling sad, lonely, and depressed. Well you need..A CARDBOARD BOX.
*Stupid happy music starts playing*
Voice: Yes head on down to your nearest cardboard box dealer today and pick up the new Orange X789 model. Remember for the best in cardboard boxes there is only one place you can go. Cardboard Box Land just a short right off of Outer Heaven.
**Back to the Show**
*Ocelot and Snake are carefully moving the now dead Microsoft man out of the door*
Maurice: Quickly before we get back to the..oh shit we're back. Umm hello folks were we last left off Barry had been shot by Ocelot..
*A body is heard being thrown out of the door*
Ocelot: Wait a minute Snake did it
Snake: Shut up Ivan
Ocelot: No you shut up DAVID
Snake: DON'T CALL ME DAVID
Maurice: Gentlemen gentlemen calm down.
*Snake and Ocelot keep grumbling but sit down anyway*
Maurice: Ok good now the topic today was..
*Barry stands up*
Barry: Oh help me I was shot down there again please I need mouth to mouth and this time it's serious please..
*Ocelot shoots him again and everyone looks at him again*
Ocelot: *clears throat* Liquid if you do that one more time you will get no dessert I'm serious this time.
Maurice: Right..now that we have gotten both views from Snake and Ocelot I guess that leaves only one more person Barry now it is your turn.
Barry: *silence*
Maurice: Well since our nudist friend is now filled with bullets I guess that is our show for today. I think we all have learned a little something about gun safety. Gentlemen I thank you for com....
Snake: WAIT A MINUTE..SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY CARDBOARD BOX.
Maurice: Excuse me?
Snake: I KNOW I PARKED I RIGHT OUT FRONT BUT WHEN I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW IT WAS GONE.
Maurice: Now calm down Mr. Snake maybe you just misplaced.
Snake: NO IT WAS AN ACT OF THE PATRIOTS..YOU CHAVEZ YOU'RE A PATRIOT DIEEEEEEEEEEEE.
*A few gunshots are heard*
Ocelot: Wow he dropped fast..wanna go get a coffee?
Snake: Yea sure.
*They get up and leave the studio on the way out we here.*
Snake: Oh that's right I brought my box in for a cleaning.
*More random gunshots are heard*
Ocelot: That's it Liquid no more staying up late for you anymore.
*Back in the studio*
Maurice: *on the ground bleeding* and..that.is all..for Pressing Issues tonight tune in tomorrow..when me and Barry will be in the hospital getting treated for multiple..gun wounds..thank you and good night.
Maurice Chavez: Hello and welcome everyone to Pressing Issues the #1 hit show in Vice City. This is your host Maurice Chavez. Today's topic is 'Gun Safety.' With me I have 3 very different views of gun safety. My first guest is a legendary Mercenary David.
Snake: Hold it Chavez no one says the 'D' word the name is Snake go it?
Maurice: Of course Dav..Snake whatever you say. Anyway moving right along our next guest is a Russian guy named Sahala..ummmmm..shalasah..uhhhh.
Ocelot: *Sighs* Look just call me Revolver Ocelot...stupid people that can't say Shalashaska..*Keeps grumbling*
Maurice: Ok Ocelot..wait isn't that a bird?
Ocelot: *Takes out his revolver* You wanna say that again.
Maurice: *Nervously* No I was just saying. Now please Mr. Nice Russian Man put the gun away.
*Ocelot puts the gun away*
Maurice: Ok last but not least making his second appearance on Pressing Issues is Barry Stark the 'naturalist.' who is once again behind the barrier so to not to offend anyone.
Barry: Hi Maurice I'm still naked back here.
Maurice: Yes yes Barry we all know that is why we installed that divider in there.
Snake: What the hell does a naked guy have to do with gun safety?
Maurice: Umm lots. Anyway I guess we will start today's exciting episode of Pressing Issues with you Ocelot. Obviously as your name and bad temper suggest you must be against these new tighter gun laws.
Ocelot: Actually I'm against guns altogether.
Snake and Maurice: WHAT!?
Ocelot: In fact I've never actually shot anyone voluntarily ever.
Snake: How about the President.
Ocelot: Didn't you hear me my finger slipped.
Snake: That guard on the boat.
Ocelot: That was Liquid.
Snake: The five people this morning on our way here.
Ocelot: Also Liquid.
Barry: Gun safety is good and I'm still naked.
Maurice: Shut up Barry when it's your turn we will tell you ok. Remember how you were shot last time.
Barry: Oh yeah but it healed nicely see.
Maurice, Snake, and Ocelot: GET BACK BEHIND THE BARRIER.
*Barry gets back behind the barrier*
Maurice: Ok now we turn to you Snake. What do you think?
Snake: Barry's a weird idiot.
Maurice: No about gun safety.
Snake: Oh yeah well I hate anything that has to do with gun safety. If guns were meant to be safe then they would have put these little switches on them that make them safe.
Maurice: Uhh I believe the do in fact they call that switch a safety lock.
Snake: Really!? *he takes out his gun and looks at it* Hmmm safety on the gun.IT MUST BE THE PATRIOTS.
Ocelot: Oh god here we go again.
Maurice: Who are the Patriots?
Ocelot: Oh boy *covers his ears*.
Snake: The Patriots are the evilest vilest people I've ever heard of in my life. They have put harder laws on cardboard boxes and actually made me wait to buy a gun. Now I have to wait a full 30 min to buy a damn gun. Stupid I.D. checks.
Maurice: Really but that doesn't seem that bad.
Snake: No Maurice it is bad. They.. *Turns head almost crying* ..they made me star in a game on the X-Box.
Ocelot: NO..those bastards.
Maurice: Ummm Snake I don't think we can make fun of a huge cooperation like Microsoft, and Ocelot this is a family show so you can't swear.
Ocelot: Ummm what about the naked guy.
Maurice: He's behind the barrier ok you can't see anything so it's fine.
*Barry steps in front of the barrier*
Barry: Not anymore..please Ocelot, Snake anyone I need another hug some human contact please.
*Ocelot shoots Barry and everyone turns to look at Ocelot*
Ocelot: Uhhhh bad Liquid bad. *He bites his arm*
Maurice: Ummm ok once again Barry has been shot what else could happen.
*There's a knock at the door Maurice goes to open it*
Maurice: Hello!?
Microsoft Man: Hello we have just been aware that you have been bad mouthing our system.
Maurice: *interrupting* I'll be with you in just a second but first this commercial.
**Commercial**
Voice: Hello folks have you been feeling sad, lonely, and depressed. Well you need..A CARDBOARD BOX.
*Stupid happy music starts playing*
Voice: Yes head on down to your nearest cardboard box dealer today and pick up the new Orange X789 model. Remember for the best in cardboard boxes there is only one place you can go. Cardboard Box Land just a short right off of Outer Heaven.
**Back to the Show**
*Ocelot and Snake are carefully moving the now dead Microsoft man out of the door*
Maurice: Quickly before we get back to the..oh shit we're back. Umm hello folks were we last left off Barry had been shot by Ocelot..
*A body is heard being thrown out of the door*
Ocelot: Wait a minute Snake did it
Snake: Shut up Ivan
Ocelot: No you shut up DAVID
Snake: DON'T CALL ME DAVID
Maurice: Gentlemen gentlemen calm down.
*Snake and Ocelot keep grumbling but sit down anyway*
Maurice: Ok good now the topic today was..
*Barry stands up*
Barry: Oh help me I was shot down there again please I need mouth to mouth and this time it's serious please..
*Ocelot shoots him again and everyone looks at him again*
Ocelot: *clears throat* Liquid if you do that one more time you will get no dessert I'm serious this time.
Maurice: Right..now that we have gotten both views from Snake and Ocelot I guess that leaves only one more person Barry now it is your turn.
Barry: *silence*
Maurice: Well since our nudist friend is now filled with bullets I guess that is our show for today. I think we all have learned a little something about gun safety. Gentlemen I thank you for com....
Snake: WAIT A MINUTE..SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY CARDBOARD BOX.
Maurice: Excuse me?
Snake: I KNOW I PARKED I RIGHT OUT FRONT BUT WHEN I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW IT WAS GONE.
Maurice: Now calm down Mr. Snake maybe you just misplaced.
Snake: NO IT WAS AN ACT OF THE PATRIOTS..YOU CHAVEZ YOU'RE A PATRIOT DIEEEEEEEEEEEE.
*A few gunshots are heard*
Ocelot: Wow he dropped fast..wanna go get a coffee?
Snake: Yea sure.
*They get up and leave the studio on the way out we here.*
Snake: Oh that's right I brought my box in for a cleaning.
*More random gunshots are heard*
Ocelot: That's it Liquid no more staying up late for you anymore.
*Back in the studio*
Maurice: *on the ground bleeding* and..that.is all..for Pressing Issues tonight tune in tomorrow..when me and Barry will be in the hospital getting treated for multiple..gun wounds..thank you and good night.