Maurice Chavez: Hi this is Maurice Chavez. Fresh from Vice City Hospital
after surviving 5 gunshots to the back. And this is Pressing Issues. Anyway
today's topic is a weird one. Our topic is 'Animal Obsession'. In other
words what happens when we take our love for our pet's too far, and they
turn into an obsession? As usual I have brought 3 guests onto the show to
discuss this. Out first is the female assassin Irene..."
*A dog comes out of nowhere and jumps on Maurice*
Maurice (Screaming): Ahhhh...help me please what is going on?
Sniper Wolf (Angry): Never use my real name ever. Call me Sniper Wolf.
Maurice: Fine fine Sniper Wolf I got it please call off your wolf.
*Sniper Wolf whistles and the wolf comes back*
Maurice: Ok good. *He gets back onto his chair* Now our second guest is one of the most psychic not to mention anorexic people in the world. Ladies and Gentlemen I welcome..You know what screw the name. You just say your damn name so I'm not attacked again.
Psycho Mantis (In his weird mask on voice): Greetings Maurice. I can read your mind.
Maurice: Lovely...
Mantis: Wait I can seriously watch. *He does that hand movement thing* you once were a clown and tried to get a sex change.
Maurice: Wow that's...wait a minute I've told everyone before I NEVER TRIED TO GET A SEX CHANGE.
Wolf (Laughing): Whatever you say Miss Chavez.
Maurice: Enough I still have one more guest to announce.
Wolf: Wait a minute Mantis why are you here?
Mantis (Looking down): I like bunnies..and I don't know why.
Wolf (Raises eyebrow): Right.
Maurice: Can I continue..Thanks. Ok our third guess also out of the hospital is making his 3rd straight appearance on Pressing Issues. Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome back again Barry Stark.
Barry: Hi Maurice guess what animal I'm obsessed with.
Maurice, Wolf, and Mantis: WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
Barry: I was gonna say dogs not my...
Maurice (Interrupting quickly): Anyway moving right along. Ms. Wolf as I can see you seem to have a special bond with Wolves when did this start.
Wolf: Well Maurice it all started when I was born. I was a small Kurdish child and I always...
*She continues for 2 whole hours*
Wolf: ...and that's when I got my first wolf.
*She looks at Maurice and Mantis who have been staring down at her exposed cleavage since she began talking.*
Wolf (Angry): Damn men.
*She snaps her finger and three wolves come down from the ceiling and start attacking all of the guys*
Mantis (Crying): The pain..make them stop owwwwwwwwww...hey that's not a chew toy.
Maurice (Screaming): Owwww...ok ok we'll stop looking please get these wolves outta here.
Barry (Happily): Ouch that's hurts you're a naughty doggy aren't you.
*The whole room including the wolves look toward the divider*
Wolf: ....ok I think I'll call them off...what is the problem with that nude guy anyway.
*She snaps her fingers and the wolves all jump out of the window and into a waiting helicopter.*
Maurice (relieved): Thank you...now Mantis earlier you were saying about bunnies?
Mantis (looks down again): Yes Maurice..it's just there so cute and soft and furry...
Barry: Guess what else is cute and sof..
Maurice: OK Barry shut up right now I don't want to hear about it you got that amigo. If you even try to mention it again I will kick you off the show.
Barry: I'm sorry Maurice..I'll try to be good I promise.
Maurice: Ok Barry I understand you just stay there and we'll reach you soon I promise.
Wolf (mumbling): They make such a cute couple.
Maurice: What was that?
Wolf (quickly): Nothing.
Mantis: Hey Maurice I can read your mind perfectly..you don't think i'm a real psychic do you?
Maurice: Actually I was just saying about the bunnies..
Mantis (pretending like he didn't hear the word bunnies): Watch Maurice for I will now show you my true power.
Wolf: Oh great not this again.
Mantis: Put your controller on the floor nice and steady.
Maurice: Controller?
Mantis: Now watch as I move it with my mind.
*He does those weird hand movements again.*
Maurice: Ummm are you feeling ok..
*Suddenly a PS2 controller flies through the window and hits Barry*
Maurice: Huh well that was...uhhh convenient let's go to a commercial.
*Commercial*
Liquid Snake's Voice: Hello friends. I know what your thinking how does that sexy British terrorist kill all those people and still have great hair. The answer is Metal Gear Shampoo.
*Weird break dancing music starts playing*
Liquid's Voice: Yes with this new shampoo you will not only have great hair but a great and sometimes evil personality to go with it.
Announcer: That's right Metal Gear Shampoo made by The Patriots
*Back to the show*
Maurice: Welcome back to Pressing Issues today's exciting show has..
*The whole show blacks out and all that can be seen is a giant green HIDEO in the top right corner of the screen*
Wolf: MANTIS STOP THIS RIGHT NOW
*The show come back into view everything is back as it was except the fact that Barry is sitting is Wolf's lap*
Wolf (screaming): GET OFF ME YOU SICK PERVERT.
Barry: I'm sorry but this is the only way I can get any respect..
*Two wolves dressed in suits walked in picked Barry up and brought him outside. Everyone in the studio can here Barry being attacked to death*
Maurice (has been sitting in his chair speechless with his mouth hanging open): Ummm right....Listen Mantis the show is running out of time and we would really like to know what is it with you and bunnies.
Mantis: Alright Maurice I'll tell you..(sighs) when I was 5 I was attacked by a giant bunny who took me to his magical kingdom. Ever since then I've been proclaimed King of the bunnies.
Maurice: ....
Wolf: ...
Barry (outside): THE PAIN
Mantis: WHAT???
Maurice: Nothing listen that's all for today's show. I thank you Miss Wolf for taking care of our Barry problem and I thank you Mantis for being a goddamn psycho. Until next time everyone this was Maurice Chavez and thank you for watching and listening too Pressing Issues....are we off good. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN KING OF THE BUNNI...(Show really sings off)
*A dog comes out of nowhere and jumps on Maurice*
Maurice (Screaming): Ahhhh...help me please what is going on?
Sniper Wolf (Angry): Never use my real name ever. Call me Sniper Wolf.
Maurice: Fine fine Sniper Wolf I got it please call off your wolf.
*Sniper Wolf whistles and the wolf comes back*
Maurice: Ok good. *He gets back onto his chair* Now our second guest is one of the most psychic not to mention anorexic people in the world. Ladies and Gentlemen I welcome..You know what screw the name. You just say your damn name so I'm not attacked again.
Psycho Mantis (In his weird mask on voice): Greetings Maurice. I can read your mind.
Maurice: Lovely...
Mantis: Wait I can seriously watch. *He does that hand movement thing* you once were a clown and tried to get a sex change.
Maurice: Wow that's...wait a minute I've told everyone before I NEVER TRIED TO GET A SEX CHANGE.
Wolf (Laughing): Whatever you say Miss Chavez.
Maurice: Enough I still have one more guest to announce.
Wolf: Wait a minute Mantis why are you here?
Mantis (Looking down): I like bunnies..and I don't know why.
Wolf (Raises eyebrow): Right.
Maurice: Can I continue..Thanks. Ok our third guess also out of the hospital is making his 3rd straight appearance on Pressing Issues. Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome back again Barry Stark.
Barry: Hi Maurice guess what animal I'm obsessed with.
Maurice, Wolf, and Mantis: WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
Barry: I was gonna say dogs not my...
Maurice (Interrupting quickly): Anyway moving right along. Ms. Wolf as I can see you seem to have a special bond with Wolves when did this start.
Wolf: Well Maurice it all started when I was born. I was a small Kurdish child and I always...
*She continues for 2 whole hours*
Wolf: ...and that's when I got my first wolf.
*She looks at Maurice and Mantis who have been staring down at her exposed cleavage since she began talking.*
Wolf (Angry): Damn men.
*She snaps her finger and three wolves come down from the ceiling and start attacking all of the guys*
Mantis (Crying): The pain..make them stop owwwwwwwwww...hey that's not a chew toy.
Maurice (Screaming): Owwww...ok ok we'll stop looking please get these wolves outta here.
Barry (Happily): Ouch that's hurts you're a naughty doggy aren't you.
*The whole room including the wolves look toward the divider*
Wolf: ....ok I think I'll call them off...what is the problem with that nude guy anyway.
*She snaps her fingers and the wolves all jump out of the window and into a waiting helicopter.*
Maurice (relieved): Thank you...now Mantis earlier you were saying about bunnies?
Mantis (looks down again): Yes Maurice..it's just there so cute and soft and furry...
Barry: Guess what else is cute and sof..
Maurice: OK Barry shut up right now I don't want to hear about it you got that amigo. If you even try to mention it again I will kick you off the show.
Barry: I'm sorry Maurice..I'll try to be good I promise.
Maurice: Ok Barry I understand you just stay there and we'll reach you soon I promise.
Wolf (mumbling): They make such a cute couple.
Maurice: What was that?
Wolf (quickly): Nothing.
Mantis: Hey Maurice I can read your mind perfectly..you don't think i'm a real psychic do you?
Maurice: Actually I was just saying about the bunnies..
Mantis (pretending like he didn't hear the word bunnies): Watch Maurice for I will now show you my true power.
Wolf: Oh great not this again.
Mantis: Put your controller on the floor nice and steady.
Maurice: Controller?
Mantis: Now watch as I move it with my mind.
*He does those weird hand movements again.*
Maurice: Ummm are you feeling ok..
*Suddenly a PS2 controller flies through the window and hits Barry*
Maurice: Huh well that was...uhhh convenient let's go to a commercial.
*Commercial*
Liquid Snake's Voice: Hello friends. I know what your thinking how does that sexy British terrorist kill all those people and still have great hair. The answer is Metal Gear Shampoo.
*Weird break dancing music starts playing*
Liquid's Voice: Yes with this new shampoo you will not only have great hair but a great and sometimes evil personality to go with it.
Announcer: That's right Metal Gear Shampoo made by The Patriots
*Back to the show*
Maurice: Welcome back to Pressing Issues today's exciting show has..
*The whole show blacks out and all that can be seen is a giant green HIDEO in the top right corner of the screen*
Wolf: MANTIS STOP THIS RIGHT NOW
*The show come back into view everything is back as it was except the fact that Barry is sitting is Wolf's lap*
Wolf (screaming): GET OFF ME YOU SICK PERVERT.
Barry: I'm sorry but this is the only way I can get any respect..
*Two wolves dressed in suits walked in picked Barry up and brought him outside. Everyone in the studio can here Barry being attacked to death*
Maurice (has been sitting in his chair speechless with his mouth hanging open): Ummm right....Listen Mantis the show is running out of time and we would really like to know what is it with you and bunnies.
Mantis: Alright Maurice I'll tell you..(sighs) when I was 5 I was attacked by a giant bunny who took me to his magical kingdom. Ever since then I've been proclaimed King of the bunnies.
Maurice: ....
Wolf: ...
Barry (outside): THE PAIN
Mantis: WHAT???
Maurice: Nothing listen that's all for today's show. I thank you Miss Wolf for taking care of our Barry problem and I thank you Mantis for being a goddamn psycho. Until next time everyone this was Maurice Chavez and thank you for watching and listening too Pressing Issues....are we off good. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN KING OF THE BUNNI...(Show really sings off)