Maurice: Hello and welcome to yet another exciting episode of Pressing Issues. Our topic this episode is one that I think is really stupid but we will do anyway. The topic is more of a question, and that question is how do you deal with your own death. With me now our 3 extraordinary people who claimed to have once been killed but for some unknown reason remain here right now. Our first guest is one who some say has had a very screwed up life. Not only is he bisexual but he also was sleeping with one of his closest friends father. Oh..and he also sucks blood outta peoples necks but still that bisexual stuff is weird. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Vamp.

Vamp: Greeting Maurice.

Maurice: Welcome. Please tell us about yourself.

Vamp: Well not only am I the five time break dancing champion at the National Break Dancing Bi-Sexual Vampires Association but I am also..

Maurice: Wait there's an association for things like that?

Vamp: Yea do you want in?

Maurice: ummm No..Anyway our second guest is one that complains that not only does he fall asleep for no reason whatsoever, but he also complains about dropping dead for no reason whatsoever. Please welcome Solider #139.

#139: Hello.

Maurice: So 139 tell us something about yourself but not as disturbing as Vamp's association.

#139: Well I usually just wander around a section of my house with a flashlight always pointing to the ground. Then sometimes I use a radio and say Nothing to Report in it all day long. Oh and I'm also a member of the N.B.D.B.S.V.A so don't make another comment about it.

Maurice: Fine whatever..Our next guest is not only the founder of Metal Gear Shampoo but was also the only terrorist leader to ever receive the Sexist Terrorist Alive award . Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Liquid Snake.

The same break dancing song from the commercial starts playing.

Maurice: The hell..!?

Vamp: Oh he always needs entrance music. I mean last week we went to McDonalds and he wouldn't even order a Big Mac until the guy behind the desk would play this song over the loud speaker.

Maurice: Huh that's..screwed up.

Vamp: Yep.

Some dry ice pours through the room and Liquid comes out doing some break dancing moves not seen since the 80's. Not being able to contain themselves anymore Vamp and 139 start joining him. Maurice just sits still shaking his head for a few minutes.

Maurice: I think I'll go get a drink from the machine down the hall..you guys want anything?

Liquid: Mr. Pib.

139: Diet Coke.

Vamp: A stage crew member.

They stop dancing and turn to Vamp.

Vamp..what?

Maurice: Nothing listen we'll be right back after I get the drinks and remind myself why the hell I'm in this job anyway.

*Commercial*

Solid Snake: Hello dear friends If you remember the first time I was on Pressing Issues I make stupid remark about the X-Box. I just would like to take this time to say I'm sorry. The truth is we need the X-Box and the X- Box needs us so please everyone buy an X-Box today.

Snake goes back to playing DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball.

Snake: Oh yes baby shake it for Solid Snake.

Announcers Voice: Remember people to see fake made up girls in string bikinis for all you sad sad people to get off to there's only one system. X- BOX

*Commercial*

Maurice walks but into the studio with a Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pib, and Diet Coke only to see Vamp sucking on 139's neck.

Maurice: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU VAMPIRIC IDIOT.

139: It's ok I told him to just leave enough blood to let me drive home.

Maurice: Ok then I guess it's ok. Now let's get to business. Vamp how exactly were you killed.

Vamp: Uhhh I was shot in the head about 2 times.

Maurice: All at once?

Vamp: Nah it was kinda like over a period of time..come to think of it was that blonde boy.

Liquid spits out his Mr. Pib.

Liquid: No it wasn't me I was with Ocelot at the time..a little too with.

Maurice: What do you mean a little too with.

Liquid: Well for a while I was Ocelot right hand.

Maurice, Vamp, 139: OH MY GOD YOU WERE ATTACHED TO AN 50 YEAR OLD MAN'S HAND.

Liquid hangs his head in shame.

Liquid: Yes.

Vamp starts laughing.

Liquid: Shut up..hey weren't you going to spend Valintines Day with Dolph Vamp?

Vamp stops laughing.

Vamp: My little Dolphy bear..

Vamp starts crying.

139's beeper starts going off.

139: Huh..oh my god guys the meeting.

Liquid: The N.B.D.B.S.V.A.

Maurice: Oh sweet jesus.

Vamp: We must leave now.

Liquid: I parked my Metal Gear close to the entrance come on.

Liquid, Vamp, and 139 all leave the studio.

Maurice:..son of a bitch you know..I can't ever have a good show.

Announcer's Voice: And that was today's episode of Pressing Issues we thank all of our guests and our new sponsors the N.B.D.B.S.V.A.

Maurice can be heard screaming.