Disclaimer: Normal is only a setting on a washing machine...
Ok Retribution X are mine (excluding Jubes) the rest belong to those good guys n gals of Marvel!
Ok a huge thanks to Oracles Maiden and Mini Maiden (Cozzie.b on here) who came up with a lot of ideas for this fic. Without their constant badgering (*Cough* Mini Maiden *Cough*) this fic would never have been completed let alone would I be contemplating the next one, I had come to a decision a few weeks ago to not continue with the series, that was until she got on my nerves with her demands for more! Not that I'd ever admit its down to her! ;0P
A huge thank you also goes out to xXrogue-demonXx whose stories make me laugh so hard I think I might explode, you're great!!
Thanx4reading-your comments and reviews really do light up my dank days!! Keep em coming and when are you gonna update Rookie League? Hope you get to this story soon, I know you're working your way through them!
Heroes for ghosts I love to hear your opinions on my stories, that means a lot considering your stories are so good!! Like Thanx4reading I hope you reach this story soon, as you to are reading your way through them! Also update soon…pweeasse *grins winningly*
So with no further ado I present to you:
Retribution X: Terror
Retribution Xs Kitchen.
"YOU ARE NOT HAVING A THEMED WEDDING!" it rang throughout the mansion, that strangled yell, the yell of 6 exasperated team mates to the most feeble minded among them.
Kat wailed "BUT I WANTED A FAIRYTALE WEDDING, WITH WOLVERINE DRESSED AS THE 3 BEARS, GAMBIT AS ROBIN HOOD AND KURT AS THE EVIL STEP MOTHER!"
Mel was fuming now "KURT IS NOT EVIL!"
"He's marrying you isn't he!"
I looked at Richard; Richard looked at Tristan who in turn looked at Bounce, who poked Jubilee who began to swear. I sighed. Mel and Kats arguments, entertaining as they were, had taken on a whole new level.
Ok I feel I need to fill you in on some details. Kat recently spent a few days away, she told us that she had joined the mutant version of Big Brother but I think that she probably got lost in the Freezer section of the minute mart again! Ever since she has been acting strangely….wait she's always strange…stranger then. She ran in asking Bobby if he had brought the 'marshmallow tree' or something, and she has been hankering on to go on a mission which is the strangest thing of all!
Right now we are in wedding 'negotiations' with her, namely we say no to any of her or Bobby's suggestions. However they seem to be caught on this whole 'fairytale theme' where Kat will be Tinky Winky and Bobby will be a dwarf and the guests have to dress as their favourite fairytale creature.
I could picture it now, Logan as grumpy the dwarf…wait he already was, the priest as the magic mirror on the wall, the bridesmaids dressed in their best sleeping beauty/snow white/Cinderella/Shrek costumes…..
"ARGH!" I yelled
Everyone's heads snapped around to look at me as if I was Sabretooth sucking a dummy or something.
They didn't ask what was wrong; they were probably having the same images as me.
"YOU WILL WEAR A WHITE DRESS AND BOBBY WILL WEAR A TUX!" Mel yelled in her best, Mel taking over voice
Alas, as with every argument that has taken place since the team was formed (well ones that involved Kat in some capacity, big or small) something ended up being burn, namely the kitchen and the dining area was badly smoke damaged.
"Thank heavens for Xavier's gold card" Bounce said picking up what once may have been a towel but was more than likely the contents of the washing machine and looking at it sadly
As is the way with life, whenever tragedy strikes something comes along to distract your attention, the battle alarm went off. Why is it always the way to be flung into the heat of a battle when you are busy stamping out a fire?
"To the Bat Mobile!" Tristan said flinging his arm towards what was once a sink, Kat climbed into it quickly.
In the heat of Battle
Ok so the phrase, 'to be plunged into the heat of battle' was a bit premature we were just scuttling out of our very own Retribution X van (long gone are the days of my old rust bucket hauling us into battle – we got a new mode of transport nearly every month hey it does have to carry Kat and Bounce after all!) It was a Scuzzlebutt related incident, looks like ol' Sabretooth was having his monthly rampage, I like to think its hormone induced. Suddenly I saw a slightly podgy girl run past me in a manner nothing like Quicksilvers.
"Kitty! Yay! Long time no see!" The blur of podgy white flesh then latched itself to the leg of the puzzled mutant "Can you tell them that story you read to me and Bobby that night in the Mansion?"
Sabretooth looked at Kat as if he wanted to kill her but their was something stopping him, more than likely the fear that this product of a deranged mind may contaminate him.
Kat looked at us eagerly "When I was in the X Big Brotherhood mansion Kitty here used to give us piggy back rides and stuff!" She was now positively beaming
Sabretooth blinked
"It's ok she scares us too" Richard informed the huge mutant
"Don't you love me anymore?" She asked Sabretooth biting her lip ready to wail
Sabretooth looked from us to her and made a wise decision he ran, looking over his shoulder the whole time to make sure that Kat wasn't following him, however it was due to this that he ran smack bang into the Retribution X van, boy was that a huge dent.
I looked at Kat maybe Jean was right, maybe Kat did need to be fixed to prevent other malfunctioned people like her being unleashed upon the populace.
Back home
We arrived home to notice as soon as we walked in that that fire from earlier we thought we had done a good job putting out wasn't put out after all and had kind of spread so maybe the hall would need to be redecorated/rebuilt too. We soon put the fire out though, we used Hanks lab coat to smother bits of it (okay Hank was still in the coat but he only got a little singed) and put the rest out by getting Kat to manipulate it and throw it at the X-Jet which Scott was just landing from a test flight, so what it might have to rebuilt from scratch? That doesn't matter does it?
An hour later
"Okay Okay I'll get a whole team of builders on the wing so that it should be finished soon…." Xavier said with a sigh
"TOMMOROW" Bounce demanded arms crossed across her chest
The professor rubbed his hands across his brow "You know what, you are draining my resource's more than the X-men ever have and they have 4 times as many members!"
"Ohhhh is that your angry voice?" Bounce really didn't like the Professor much
"We have Kat though!" I pointed out evenly as Kat ran around the room giggling about butterflies and how they flutter by when their wings are on fire.
"I have a mind to cut off you money supply altogether" Xavier glared at us angrily
"Wow you actually have a mind?" Bounce exclaimed incredulously as Jubilee swatted at her arm in a bid to get her to shut up
"Right that's it from this moment forward I'm not going to pay for anything…nothing, except the refurbishments but that's only because it reflects badly on the school…"
Jubilees head snapped up "Not even that cute Gucci bag I saw yesterday that would look perfect with that little black dress I was going to buy…er I mean my uniform!" She blushed "That's right it could carry medical supplies in battle" She look sheepish, but we all knew she was lying so it was a wasted effort really.
"No not even a Gucci bag!"
*GASP*
"You shall generate your own electricity from the wheel situated in your basement in which the servants were made to run around in, in the old days in order to provide my forefathers with the light they needed to see….."
"Erm but our wings only a few years old" Ha! That stopped the old goat rambling on!
"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"
We all looked at the bald man and wondered if this was the onset of senile dementia.
We sauntered from the room with many snickers and much taunting of the mentally frail (not Kat this time but Xavier).
Outside his office
"Do you really think he will cut us of?" Richard asked nervously, he was thinking of his cooler full of beer
"Of course he won't…he's just going soft in the brain is all!" I reassured him with a laugh.
When we reached our wing we grabbed Mel's mobile so we could order a pizza (are kitchen was fried after all) however the guy at the Pizza place was in an arsy mood and refused to send a pizza over (he had refused us ever since Bounce got over excited and bounced one of their delivery boys on top of the nearest skyscraper and forgot to bring him back down again).
So what we did is what any resourceful young group of mutants would do….moan they are hungry….raid the Brady Bunches fridge and when that fails (because Scott is in the med bay due to an unfortunate accident in the X-jet), you ring the nearest Chinese takeaway. This is where this tale of terror begins.
Despite my bravado it seems the brain cell that the Professor claims for his own wasn't as mushy as it appears on many an occasion and he had cancelled his card…the card which every member of Retribution X had learnt off by heart, the card which was our only source of money. Cancelled, finis, dead…..no dinner for Retribution X. That was it, the straw that broke Richard's glasses (ok that was my fist raised in anger).
"What the hell are we going to do now?" I asked angrily
"We do what resourceful youngsters the world over do!" Jubilee said chirpily
"Good idea but do you honestly think that Wolverine will pay for our drink sprees?" I asked
"Erm actually that wasn't what I was thinking, I thought we could make money from our best assets and talents." Jubilee said face splitting into a grin
"What causing chaos and destruction wherever we travel?" Tristan asked wiping off Kat slobber from his arm and wiping it onto Mel's handbag
"Well no not exactly…I was thinking more along the lines of busking for a living" Jubilee said dreamily
"I AM NOT SINGING!" I announced, moodily folding my arms over my chest
Outside the Mall
"At first I was afraid
I was petrified…."
I sat in the corner as people flipped coins at me yelling that someone should shut the tone deaf kid up, but if the money would help her hold a tune they was all for supporting the cause. I had to agree with the pedestrian's who's brains Kat was driving out though her screech, I myself had a mouldy towel wrapped around my head (which a hobo had kindly donated to the cause).
"Go on now go….
Walk out the door"
The plan wasn't working most people were driven back by the sound of Kats voice and the rest ran past us, hands over ears giving as wide a birth as possible (I wondered not for the first time if we were afflicted with a deadly and highly contagious disease causing such a reaction).
I fumbled about in the pocket of my leather jacket until I found my phone and flipped it open.
"Hello" The gruff voice on the other end barked
"Hi, I thought that I would call in that favour…."
An hour or so later….
"Hand over the money bub or you'll be visiting adamantium city" Wolverine growled as he clutched a rich looking passer by, by his Armani suit.
"Here take this…but please don't hurt me…I have a wife and a dog!" The guy stuttered throwing his wallet at Kat
Logan threw the guy to the floor and attacked another guy, he looked like needed bringing down a peg or two anyway.
I walked away, once you've seen Logan attack one innocent pedestrian you've seen him attack them all (give him his due he only did it to guys who looked like they either had plenty of money or attitude). I watched Kat as she looked at the wallets littered at her feet, she then looked around grabbed the wallets and shoved them under her armpit and ran into the mall. I looked after her retreating and highly wobbly butt and contemplated following.
At that moment we saw mall security coming towards us, causing Wolverine to hastily drop the guy he was hassling and give him a kiss on the cheek. I screwed up my eyes in an attempt to make out what the object the security guy was dragging behind him was; it appeared to be some kind of potato sack. However as the security approached it became clear that the potato sack was in fact Remy.
"Bonjour Chere's!" Remy greeted cheerily as he was dragged to the gutter
"Excuse me but what is this man charged with?" Richard asked sounding very much like a man of the law.
The security guard regarded Richard for a moment "Theft" He then turned his attention back to Remy "Empty your pockets and you may not be charged"
Remy shook his head "Non, Remy tink dat be a bad idea"
The guard raised an eyebrow, Remy sighed "Ok, ok!"
Remy pulled out a notepad, 5 decks of cards, a pot of jelly, a mouldy sandwich, face cream, aftershave, a bar of soap, a 'Greatest love songs of all time' C.D, a red silky thong, a Clint Eastwood portrait, a beach umbrella, a hipflask (half empty), a small gremlin (or was it a small child?) and several bottles (some of which were empty) of Tequila.
"Officer arrest this man!" Bounce yelled pointing at Gambit
"I can't those are none of the items he's accused of stealing"
"Oh" Bounce sat on the floor and looked as if she would cry "I wanted to know a criminal…"
Back at the Retribution X mansion…well wing…whatever
We had been chased from the mall soon after the Gambit incident by people wielding Sporks and skewers…let me tell you it wasn't a nice sight. Anyway all of the money we had made was with Kat wherever she was…I hadn't seen her since the whole wandering off with the wallets thing. Oh well one thing had come out of this whole debacle and that was that we missed Scott coming to bring us sandwich's (apparently he hadn't been too badly injured in the crash- worst luck).
Unfortunately as with all kind of unwanted animals Kat returned home, she scurried excitedly into the wing which was undergoing refurbishments from 4 truck loads of workers all under Xavier's mind control.
"Guess what?" Kat asked breathlessly
"You ate an elephant?" I asked not even looking up from the magazine I had stolen (did I say stolen I meant nicked…er borrowed) from Jeans 'personal space'.
"No, you'll never guess….I got a tattoo!"
"Not another one of those henna efforts? How many of those poor people have you burnt?" Mel scoffed from the corner of the room from where she had ordered a cheap pizza with the little money we had…damn Xavier for not dealing in cash instead of credit cards which could be stopped!
Bounce bounced over to Kat "LetmeseeLetmesee!" She said hurriedly (that was the last time I was gonna let her nick pixie sticks off of the little kids!)
Kat grinned "It's dedicated to the love of my life!" She said flashing us the spot on her pot belly where she had the tattoo
"Boobys! The love of your life are Booby's!"
"No it says Bobby" She said slowly like I was thicker then her
"Well unless Bobby is suddenly being spelt in a new and exotic way that doesn't spell Bobby then this says Booby"
Kat looked at her belly "Damn it….he said that dyslexia was a state in China… that woman warned me…" She mumbled to herself "….I wonder what Scott's one says"
Mel held up her hands "Wait a second you're telling me Scott had a tattoo done too?"
Kat looked at Mel as if she were a piece of dirt "Yes something about masculinity"
Meanwhile….
Scott wheeled into the room in his Xavier style wheel chair
"Guess what I did today Luscious Lips" He said to Jean who was busy washing his smelly y-fronts
Jean barely looked at her husband and grunted for him to tell her
"I got a tattoo with your name on it"
"Really you're so romantic show me…" Jean gushed kissing Scott's frog lips before looking at the tattoo "…is this some kind of joke?"
"What?" Scott looked startled at Jeans sudden change of countenance
"It says Jeans and has a Levi label tattooed to the side of it" Jean was turning a funny shade of purple
"Oh dear…." gulp
All that's left now is for you to review…so what are you waiting for?