Disclaimer: Obviously the characters don't belong to me or I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer.

Chapter 3 In the 'Mourning'

I opened my eyes to be greeted with a pounding headache…and of course a pair of warm arms circling my chest. I stared at them then slowly turned to see whom the arms belonged to. Mimi's perfect head was resting on the pillow. "Shit." I mumbled then carefully eased myself out of her arms and went to the shower.

I turned on the hot water giving it a minute before getting in. I leaned my head against the wall letting the hot water remove all the tension from my body. I reached out for the shampoo and squirted a decent amount onto my hand; I let my hands rub it into my hair as my thoughts lingered on last night. I'm an idiot; I can't believe what I did. I reached out for the conditioner waiting for all of the shampoo to wash out then repeated the process. After a while I turned off the water and stepped out grabbing a towel and drying myself off. I looked around for my clothes and mentally kicked myself. They were out there with her… I wrapped the towel around my hips and opened the door.

Mimi was just finishing slipping her shirt on. She looked up at me with her happy eyes. I walked over to my grab my bag. She sidled over to me and pecked me on the cheek. "Morning sexy." She said. I smiled at her. She wrapped her arms around me. "Love you." She whispered. I froze. Love? She looked up at me looking concerned.

"Matt?" she asked.

I took a step away from her. Love? I'm not sure if I'm in love with her, lust, yes but love? I've never been in love before. "Mimi, I'm not sure that what we did last night was right. I was drunk and it shouldn't have happened." I said slowly.

Mimi took a step back as if she'd been slapped. Tears filled her beautiful eyes. "I wasn't drunk."

"That doesn't count…" I started.

Mimi's face contorted into a look of anger and pure revulsion. "Oh of course it doesn't count, women fall over themselves to get a piece of Matt Ishida. You can just reach out and pick one on random."

"That's not what I meant." I mumbled. What did I mean?

"No fault ever falls on Matt Ishida. You know what you believe you're so perfect, believe me you're far from perfect." She yelled.

"NO!" I yelled. "You don't get it!"

Mimi jerked back again.

"Who was I kidding thinking you could love me? With your perfect body and your smile… It's all a game to you. You probably go for records or something 'I had Mimi hooked after 5 seconds' those magazines missed something, they forgot to add uncaring bastard to playboy." She shouted, her beautiful brown eyes shimmering with tears. "I wish I'd never seen you again." With that she stormed out the door.

I stared motionlessly at the door. I felt completely numb. I kneeled down to retrieve my bag and pulled out some clothes, quickly changing into them. I walked back into the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was mussed up which would usually send me into a panicked search for a comb. My face had taken on a blank mask. I slowly raised a comb to my hair and set it in its usual style. Dead eyes stared back at me. She said she loved me…she was so perfect…and I just made her feel like one of those girls…used once then thrown away…She was so warm…

I could still feel her hands on my skin, I could still smell her and I could still taste her. The comb dug into my hand as I clenched my fist. She was so perfect and see what you did to her! You destroyed her… you tainted her. You… "Asshole!" I slammed my fist into the mirror shattering it into pieces, not feeling the glass tear into my skin.

"You fucking asshole!" I shouted stalking out of the bathroom grabbing the first thing I saw and threw it across the room. I proceeded to thrash my room.

I growled grabbing my jacket and kicked my door open. A maid looked at me shocked. I pointed at my door. "I want my room to be left alone until my friend Dio arrives tell him to take my stuff with him." I snarled turning my hand to point under her nose. "I want you to tell him personally." The maid had gone cross-eyed staring at my bloodied hand. I quickly hid it behind my back. She nodded slowly. I walked past her no longer caring, hurtling myself onto Dio's bike and tearing down the road.

*~*~*~*~*

I'd been driving for hours straight. The night sky was matching my mood; dark cloud covering every single star, giving off the sense that a storm was about to start. I pulled up at a red light and considered seeing how I'd end up if I rammed into the truck going past.

"Hey! You're Matt Ishida! From Timber Wolves! You guys rock!" Someone called. I turned to look at the guy. He must have been about 18 and he was driving a mini van with others of about that age. I smiled on reflex, Pete would have been proud of me.

"Yeah, that's me." I said flicking my eyes over the people in the car.

"Hey, you wanna come to a party? It'll be awesome!" A girl asked.

I shrugged. Party, alcohol and drugs... temporary amnesia… Being able to forget how warm Mimi felt. "Yeah sure. Lead on."

*~*~*~*~*

I leaned my head on the plane window. Staring into space. Refusing to think about him. I had to put on a happy face. I was finally getting to see Sora and Tai again. The man sitting next to me had blond hair and blue eyes. Nothing in comparison to his but they kept making me think about him. The man smiled at me suggestively. I frowned at him. He seemed to have his confidence as well. He looked annoyed and looked away. I continued to stare out the window hoping that when I got to Japan I'd have something happen so I could forget about last night. I closed my eyes refusing to cry. This was going to be a long flight.

*~*~*~*~*

I'd forgotten how many drinks I'd had, how many of those pills being offered to me. The music was so loud it should override any thoughts. There were so many lights flashing on and off. Bodies everywhere. I could still feel her, smell her and taste her. Someone wrapped their arms around my neck. A leggy blond with curves in all the right places exactly the type I usually went for. She pressed her lips against mine. I shuddered at how empty it felt. I pushed her away. I had no idea how many drinks or pills I'd had, but it obviously wasn't enough.

*~*~*~*~*

I staggered out of the mini van managing to stand with a noticeable waver. The car door slammed behind me and with a screech of tires and a couple of almost understandable good-byes drove away. I waited till the loud music and laughter faded into the background. I turned bringing on a sudden wave of dizziness and suddenly found myself lying on the ground. I laughed uncontrollably and got unsteadily to my feet. I stumbled towards the front stairs. I lifted one unsteady leg up and had to grab the railing to avoid toppling over again. I clutched the railing with both hands and slowly and painfully brought one leg at a time up to the next step with a loud thump.

After a long, long time, I reached the door. I attempted to stand up straight and look as presentable as a drunk/stoned guy could, realised I was still laughing from my first fall, instantly stopping and reached for the doorbell. You idiot! My mind crowed. As I reached, I slowly tipped forward and smacked my head against the hard wooden door; hand still pressed against the doorbell letting off a continuous peel of bells. I fought back my laughter as I leaned helplessly on the door. I heard a sudden click and the door swung open dropping me onto the floor inside. The laughter I'd been trying to suppress broke free and I lay there laughing into the hard wooden floor. I rolled over and looked up at the shadowed figure then at the baseball bat above her head and laughed harder.

"You going to hit me with that bat Yolie?" I choked "Cause right now I could go for one right between my eyes." I let out another choking laugh and vomited all over her floor.

Yolie flung the bat away and dropped down to her knees. "Matt!" She yelped. She knew my voice too well; you didn't run the record company that the Timber Wolves had a contract with without knowing my voice off by heart. I gave a ragged gasp and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. Yolie carefully helped me to stand leading me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to bring up every meal I'd ever had.

Yolie was perched on the sink ready to leap up if I fell. I struggled to my feet smiling shakily. "Great to see you again, told you I'd visit." I said weaving slightly. She jumped to her feet pushing her long violet hair out of her face and held me up.

"Matt you look awful!" She cried. I looked up at her behind her was a large mirror. An unshaven man with slack pale skin, scruffy blond hair and bloodshot blue eyes glared back at me. I turned away from him in disgust, tripping over my own feet. Yolie was there instantly catching me. She looked worried. I tried to smile "Don't worry bout me." And reached out my hand to tweak her nose to prove I was acting normal, hoping to see her smile again.

She jerked back and gasped. "Matt! What happened to your hand?" I looked at my hand confused. My hand was stained with dry blood deep gashes ran all over and imbedded in my flesh were blood red pieces of glass. I clenched my fist causing the glass to drive deeper, pain flooded through my fogged up brain. You deserve it!

Yolie reached out and grabbed my hand forcing it open. "Matt?" I clenched my hand again. "Matt! Stop it." I reluctantly unclenched my fist. Yolie fussed over my hand then pushed the toilet seat down and sat me down. I watched her blankly. She rummaged through a draw and turned around with a pair of tweezers. She kneeled on the floor next to me and took my hand. She looked up at me through her glasses. "This is gonna hurt, it would help if you started talking. Preferably about what happened." She said choosing a piece of glass that had imbedded itself between my first two knuckles and giving it a quick tug. Then looked up at me concerned.

I shrugged. I deserve whatever pain I get. "I punched a mirror." I said finally.

Yolie looked up at me shocked then tried to pull on a goofy smile. "Have you developed eisotropophobia?" She asked.

I stared at her blankly.

She sighed busying herself with my hand. "It's fear of mirrors."

I shook my head distantly amused. "More like a hate of mirrors."

"You mean it was one that showed your hair all messy and made you look fat?" She joked.

I just stared.

"Ok, I'm sorry I joke when I'm really nervous you've rubbed off on me." She muttered plucking out a particularly long and jagged shard.

"I punched the mirror because I hate myself and at that point I wanted to kill my own reflection." I muttered. I could tell Yolie wanted the whole story, I couldn't lie to her. "I was attempting to give up being a playboy, I went out to a bar and was quite contently getting smashed, pleased with myself because I'd dodged every attempt of dancing. Then Mimi turned up. Have you seen her lately? It's no wonder she's an actress. We had no idea who we were talking to. We flirted a bit than after a while I worked out who she was and told her who I was…Then we went to the park and then my hotel room and…" I broke off as my throat let out a choking sob.

Yolie looked up at me with wide eyes. "Matt…you didn't"

I looked away taking on a distant voice. "Next morning I was so confused. I'm not used to being in the same room as them when they wake up I'm usually out of there without a note if possible. She told me she loved me… I've never been in love, you know me, how it takes me so long to make friends… and I made her feel like one of those girls…" I clenched my fist again driving a half removed shard back into my flesh.

Yolie grabbed my hand and started to pull the shard out again.

I raised my spare hand to cover my eyes. "I can't forget her…even now, I can still remember everything about her, the way she'd smile, her laugh, how her eyes just sparkled... her personality just drew me towards her," I choked a laugh. "I'm full of alcohol and drugs and I can still taste and feel her lips."

Yolie was staring at me. I leaned down and caught her lips with mine then pulled away with a short bitter laugh. She looked at me surprised.

"See! Nothing works compared to her everything is cold and lifeless." I moaned.

Yolie gently closed my hand and looked me right in the eyes. "Matt, I think you've just described love, and because of your current condition I'll ignore the cold and lifeless thing." She stood up and chucked the glass into the bin and washed her hands and the tweezers.

I stared at her as she helped me to stand and washed my hand.

"You'll have to see a doctor in the morning and get your hand stitched up." She turned to look at me. "Now that you have discovered love I think you should tell her."

I closed my eyes in pain. "You don't understand what happened, I don't think she wants to see me again. Ever." I felt tears run down my face.

Yolie wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry. It'll be ok. You'll see."

*~*~*~*~*

Tai was in the backyard playing with Chikara. I smiled watching as he scooped her up and started to spin in circles to Chikara's screaming delight. I wonder if Matt would make a good father. I jerked my head back annoyed that he'd again somehow crept back into my thoughts. I turned to look at Sora, who was also watching Tai and Chikara play.

"Sora," I said slowly.

She turned her head instantly paying me complete attention.

"You and Matt…you dated at some point…didn't you?" I asked shifting uncomfortably. Oh yeah sure! Not gonna think about him are you!

Sora looked surprised. "Well yeah, for two and a half years." She carefully placed her empty glass on the table. "Why?"

Yeah, why Mimi? What's he matter to you? "Just curious, two and a half years is obviously a long time, and yet years down the track you're married to Tai. Just curious." Just jealous.

"Well you know, after the Digitalworld, Matt, Tai and I became really good friends. Matt and I were especially close, always hanging out, teasing each other. After a while people started to think we were going out, everyone, even Tai. So it just fell into place. We'd both noticed how people insisted on how good a couple we made, and we just started going out. No awkward silences or getting tongue-tied. We acted just the same still hanging out and teasing, but somehow we'd decided that everyone thought we were a couple so we should be." Sora said sheepishly.

I leaned back in my chair sipping at my drink.

"All through school, Matt and I were the couple everyone wanted to be. Our dates weren't that different to how we used to hang out, maybe a couple of occasional kisses and we held hands but I think we just fell into the idea that we were a couple." Sora laughed. "We even got voted Prom King and Queen. When we got to the point of choosing which college to go to Matt got a scholarship for a major music college in Canada. That night he took me out to dinner and at the end of meal he said something along the lines of. 'We've never really been more than best friends, all this couple stuff that we've been putting up with is a sham. I don't think either of us wants to live like this for our entire lives. I happen to know a guy who's nuts about you.' He said some other stuff and the next day was off in Canada. It took Tai about two weeks to figure out I wasn't with Matt anymore."

I laughed imagining how many times Tai would have asked Sora about Matt before he was sure he could go out with her.

"Now, if you don't mind I'd like to know what your sudden curiosity is about." Sora said giving me her I'm-a-mother-and-I-can-detect-lies look.

I shivered. "I met Matt in LA." I mumbled.

"And?" Sora asked.

I looked at the ground.

"And?" She repeated. Then "Oh my God…Mimi?"

I nodded.

"Are you ok? Did he pull one of his 'I'm Matt Ishida, I'm a God, all girls worship me' things?"

I nodded again.

Sora pulled me into a hug. "Sometimes he's just to full of himself lately. He's one of my best friends and he's always been there for us no matter what, even if the best he can do at the time is take Tai out and get him so drunk he forgets his problems for the night. And Chikara loves him. But he had no right to do that to you."

I shrugged halfheartedly.

"You know what we have to do? Get him out of your head. Have you seen Michael lately? He's looking good. And I know he's been asking after you. You two can hook up at Kari and TK's-" She continued to chatter on but I wasn't listening anymore. All right Ishida, next time I see you, you'll see what you're missing out on. I thought but somewhere in the back of my mind a tiny voice told me if I saw Matt again I'd probably crawl on my hands and knees just for him to touch me again.

*~*~*~*~*

I looked at the clock Yolie had put next to me. 7:00. I rolled off Yolie's couch and walked into the bathroom. To say I'd slept would have made me laugh if I wasn't so tired. I showered quickly then dressed in a casual khaki shirt and dark blue pants. I glared at my reflection forcing myself not to destroy Yolie's mirror. My hand was wrapped in a temporary bandage that she'd given me that covered the gashes in my hand, which had tendencies to bleed every time I 'accidentally' banged it against something. I found a comb and gelled my hair into its usual spiky style. I stared at the beginnings of a beard I didn't have my razor, I rubbed my good hand across my chin. It didn't look so bad…just give it a bit of a trim and…it's from the day I last saw Mimi. I stepped away from the mirror and walked into the kitchen where Yolie sat sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hey." I mumbled sitting across from her.

"Hey," she yawned, "Taking you to a doctor as soon as I finish."

I nodded completely aware that she was watching me. Off to the doctor's to get my hand stitched up! Whoopty doo! "Great."

Yolie's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh my God! I forgot to tell you, TK proposed to Kari!"

TK proposed to Kari! Whoopty doo! I stopped and processed this through my mind again. I looked up at her in shock. She smiled.

"Why wasn't I informed? Why didn't you tell me last night?" I shouted grinning; I suddenly felt like grabbing my guitar and jamming out a couple of tunes…but I didn't have my guitar so I just smiled like a maniac. "Come on! Tell me about it!"

"You didn't have your phone so they couldn't contact you and last night I had other things on my mind." She said dropping her cup into the sink. "I'll give you the details, in the car. Go on get! Move!" She laughed as I bolted out of the door.

*~*~*~*~*

To the doctor's credit, he was very quiet. I held my hand out and he got all of the tiny fragments of glass that Yolie had missed out and stitched up the gashes.

"So it was one of those typically romantic proposals. I wish I'd been there." Yolie sighed, leaning against the bench I was sitting on.

"I'll remember that and tell your boyfriend one when I next see him, if you ever get one." I smiled purposely looking at her instead of the needle.

She smiled. "I promised, to tell you to call TK when I found you, so you'll have to ring him later on. Oh and I called Dio, the Wolves had gone frantic looking for you."

The doctor glanced up from my hand. "Pardon me, but when you said, Wolves, did you mean the Timber Wolves, that band?" He asked Yolie.

Yolie smiled. "Yep, that's right."

The doctor looked at me. "Mr. Ishida. Correct?"

I nodded.

"Matt Ishida, you're the lead singer in Timber Wolves?" The middle aged man seemed to be getting really excited.

I nodded again.

"My daughter's completely besotted with you, she has all of your CD and so many posters it's surprising I didn't recognise you in the first place. Could I get your autograph for her? Her name's Emily." He grabbed a notebook and his pen.

I smiled. "I'd love to, but first can you finish with my hand?"

He laughed and picked up his needle again.

*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Ishida, got you a present." Pete said as he walked into the room followed by Mike, Steve and Dio. I looked up and grinned. Yolie gave me a brief hug and left the lounge room. I caught the bag Pete threw me and pulled out a pair of midnight blue fingerless leather gloves. I looked up at him shocked.

He ran his hand through his brown hair and smiled ruefully. "Don't want to start anymore rumors. Not good for publicity. The way I see it, the gloves will cover your stitches and because they don't have fingers they won't effect your playing." He turned and walked into the kitchen where Yolie was.

I looked at my band mates confused.

Steve dropped a magazine into my lap.

"Matt Ishida, (27) the lead singer and guitarist of the Canadian band Timber Wolves, has been reported to be having a mental breakdown. For more information, turn to page 32." I looked up. "What makes them think I had a break down…well how do they know at least?" I asked chucking the magazine onto the coffee table.

Mike and Steve shrugged. "We'd better go get your stuff from the car."

I tugged on my new gloves and followed after them down to my car. Pete and Steve each grabbed a suitcase and carried it back up the stairs. Dio grabbed my guitar still in its case and handed it to me with a flourished bow.

"Your precious child," He laughed, then his smile faded, "Matt, you know that maid saw your room at the hotel and probably phoned in to that magazine for some money."

I scuffed my sneaker on the ground. "Yeah"

"Your room was pretty messed up, wanna tell me what happened?" He asked closing the boot of my car. "Cause you're my best friend and you know you can tell me anything."

I smiled. "Yeah I know dude, but it's kinda an uncomfortable topic, ya know?" Dio stuffed his hands into his pockets. I laughed. "But it's good to know you're there for me man, and I care for you to." I teased.

Dio laughed. "Stop you're making me blush."

We turned to walk up the stairs. I stopped. "Dio, after the hotel room I got really drunk and I have no clue where your bike is, I'm sorry dude, I'll buy you a new one."

Dio shrugged. "That's cool, its about time you spend some of your money, as long as you're ok munchkin."

I laughed.

*~*~*~*~*

"You sure you don't want me to sleep on the couch? You can have my bed." Yolie said for probably the 10th time.

I shook my head smiling. "I'm fine, you've got that big business meeting tomorrow all I have to do is get on a plane. Now go otherwise you won't get your beauty sleep."

Yolie gave in finally turning to walk into her room. "Night Matt." She yawned and closed her door.

"Night." I whispered. I'd hung out with the guys for the day, was leaving for San Francisco the next morning. I'd covered my stitches with my gloves and had rang TK earlier, to make get all the details and to catch up. But now I sat alone in Yolie's lounge room. Without a single person to distract my thoughts. Mimi… I shivered suddenly remembering everything again. I reached over to my guitar and eased it out of its case. I strummed across the strings softly making sure it was in tune then emptied my feelings into my guitar, playing softly enough so it wouldn't disturb Yolie but loud enough for me to hear. I let my head rest on the couch and closed my eyes letting the music carry me away.

*~*~*~*~*

I carefully ran my razor across my cheek then washed it, wiping away the excess shaving cream. I looked up at the mirror yet again fighting off the urge to punch my reflection. My reflections newest feature was a barely noticeable beard that went just around my top lip, down to my chin and up to my bottom lip in a thin line. With one last glance to make sure my hair was fine I packed all my things into my bag and exited the bathroom.

Yolie was holding my guitar -in its case of course- waiting for Dio to arrive to give me a lift to the airport. She laughed. "That must be a record for you. Only 45 minutes to do your hair." She stopped and squinted. She walked closer and placed her fingertips on my chin

I smiled pulling on my gloves. "What do you think? Will it make me look better or worse?"

"Better." She carefully put down my guitar and gave me a hug. "I won't see you for a couple of months, Pete told me you have tours non stop till the wedding. So I'll see you at the wedding in three months, I can't believe it all the Digidestin together again. Kari said she invited everyone…"

I froze then grabbed her arm. She looked up at me confused. "She'll be there?" I asked.

"Yes Mimi will be there, for god's sake Matt! You love her, she said she loved you. Do I have to spell it out for you?" She muttered, stepping away from me to glare at me without having to bend her neck awkwardly.

I refused to let go of her arm. "You don't get it, I hurt her, out of pure stupidity I hurt her. I don't understand feelings very well and I'll most likely say something stupid and hurt her again. She doesn't deserve that." My voice broke I looked away until I felt I could handle it again. "I should leave her alone and let her get on with life."

"Sure that's what you think now but just wait till you get to the wedding," She sighed, reluctantly hugging me again. "I understand what you're talking about, but I very much doubt that you always feel this way after a one night stand."

I pulled my arms around her a little tighter. "Thanks for being here for me."

"I'm always here for you, you're like a brother to me." She looked up at me with concerned brown eyes. "Matt, take care of yourself, please, don't go bashing yourself up and please stay away from heavy drinking."

I pulled her back at arm length, staring right into her brown eyes. "Yolie, can you go with me to the wedding?"

"What? Why?" She asked startled.

"Please? I'll take care of myself if you go to the wedding with me." I begged.

Yolie squirmed a little then nodded. "Ok. I think I understand what you're asking, I don't like it but fine."

Dio beeped the horn from outside.

"Thanks Yolie for everything." I smiled grabbing my bags and guitar. "You promised, don't forget"

She kissed me on the cheek. "Yeah, take care ok."

*~*~*~*~*

If you spot anything that doesn't make sense or isn't spelt properly (taking in that I'm Australian and we spell things differently) tell me please. 2 chapters to go!