Maurice: Hello again and welcome to Pressing Issues. I hope you all are doing well. Now for today's topic I know day to day when you go to work and to school that you have to deal with some of the most annoying people this side of Outer Heaven. On this show today we have people who deal with people they would rather not. My guests today are Snake and it says here his bestest buddy Raiden.
Raiden: Yep me and my bestest buddy.
Snake: Don't you ever say that again.
Maurice: Welcome to the show gentlemen. Now first I gotta ask Snake why do you hate Raiden so much.
Snake: Are you kidding look at him his hair, his smile, that fact that he should have been a woman.
Raiden: Snake is just kidding we have been the bestest of buddies for a while now.
Maurice: Really!? Why do you say that Raiden?
Raiden: Well back when we were on this really important mission thingy he gave me cover fire, and then we fought together.
Snake: All that time the urge to shoot him was overwhelming.
Maurice: Well obviously Snake you seem to really hate Raiden. So why do you even deal with him.
Snake: He follows me everywhere. He's like a lost little dog.
Raiden: ARF ARF.
Maurice and Snake stare at Raiden.
Snake: Maurice clearly we have reached the part of the show were only destructive and totally random shooting will suffice.
Snake takes out his USP.
Snake: And as the owner of a gun I volunteer to start.
Maurice: Ummm no that's really ok Mr. Snake please just put the gun away.
Snake shrugs and puts the gun away.
Snake: Fine take all the fun outta my life why don't you.
Raiden: I think teddy bears are fun.
Snake is shaking with rage.
Snake: Please Maurice just one bullet.
Maurice: NO do you know how much this carpet costs to clean?
Snake: Well a carpet this size.........i'd say about $156.98.
Maurice: How did you know that?
Snake: Well sometimes these Mormons come to my house and.........well it becomes a mess.
Maurice: I see.........
Raiden: I once had an invisible friend named Mormon.
Snake: MARUICE THERE'S A GIRAFFE OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO.
Maruice: Really!?
Maurice runs over to the window. Raiden also turns his back on Snake to watch.
Snake: EAT HOT LEAD MOTHER FUGGER.
Snake unloads 10 to 20 clips into Raiden's back.
Snake: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh much better.
Maurice: Huh!?
Maurice turns around.
Maurice: Well.........shit time to call the carpet cleaners again. Why don't you people enjoy this commercial.
**Commercial**
Announer: Think you've seen all of Ocelot.........THINK AGAIN.
Russian Porno Music Starts Playing (If you know what it sounds ike you have way too much free time)
Announcer: Presenting Ocelot Gone Wild all the hot Ocelot action that you want.........
**Commerical Cut Off**
Maurice: NO NO FREAKING WAY AM I PLAYING THAT COMMERCIAL.........
Snake: Thank you god.
Maurice: Great what the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime. You've killed the other guest.
Snake: Hmmm.........wanna go get a beer?
Maurice: Yea ok.
They stand up and start walking out Maurice steps over Raiden's body. Snake gives the body one more kick to the head.
Snake: Hehehehe
**Meanwhile**
In a location unknown to anyone. (In reality the Denny's down the street) An evil organazation plots over a grand slam breakfest.
????: So what do we do about Maruice
Another ????: We could kill him.
Yet another ????: Nah.
????: How bout we kidnap him and make him watch Fatman doing jumping jacks naked.
Another ????: No we must think of the vilest wrongest thing to do to him. We must think becuase we are the NBDBSVA.
Yet another ????: Ummm did you order the bacon or is that mine.
DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHH Ohh look it's a dramatic ending.
Raiden: Yep me and my bestest buddy.
Snake: Don't you ever say that again.
Maurice: Welcome to the show gentlemen. Now first I gotta ask Snake why do you hate Raiden so much.
Snake: Are you kidding look at him his hair, his smile, that fact that he should have been a woman.
Raiden: Snake is just kidding we have been the bestest of buddies for a while now.
Maurice: Really!? Why do you say that Raiden?
Raiden: Well back when we were on this really important mission thingy he gave me cover fire, and then we fought together.
Snake: All that time the urge to shoot him was overwhelming.
Maurice: Well obviously Snake you seem to really hate Raiden. So why do you even deal with him.
Snake: He follows me everywhere. He's like a lost little dog.
Raiden: ARF ARF.
Maurice and Snake stare at Raiden.
Snake: Maurice clearly we have reached the part of the show were only destructive and totally random shooting will suffice.
Snake takes out his USP.
Snake: And as the owner of a gun I volunteer to start.
Maurice: Ummm no that's really ok Mr. Snake please just put the gun away.
Snake shrugs and puts the gun away.
Snake: Fine take all the fun outta my life why don't you.
Raiden: I think teddy bears are fun.
Snake is shaking with rage.
Snake: Please Maurice just one bullet.
Maurice: NO do you know how much this carpet costs to clean?
Snake: Well a carpet this size.........i'd say about $156.98.
Maurice: How did you know that?
Snake: Well sometimes these Mormons come to my house and.........well it becomes a mess.
Maurice: I see.........
Raiden: I once had an invisible friend named Mormon.
Snake: MARUICE THERE'S A GIRAFFE OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO.
Maruice: Really!?
Maurice runs over to the window. Raiden also turns his back on Snake to watch.
Snake: EAT HOT LEAD MOTHER FUGGER.
Snake unloads 10 to 20 clips into Raiden's back.
Snake: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh much better.
Maurice: Huh!?
Maurice turns around.
Maurice: Well.........shit time to call the carpet cleaners again. Why don't you people enjoy this commercial.
**Commercial**
Announer: Think you've seen all of Ocelot.........THINK AGAIN.
Russian Porno Music Starts Playing (If you know what it sounds ike you have way too much free time)
Announcer: Presenting Ocelot Gone Wild all the hot Ocelot action that you want.........
**Commerical Cut Off**
Maurice: NO NO FREAKING WAY AM I PLAYING THAT COMMERCIAL.........
Snake: Thank you god.
Maurice: Great what the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime. You've killed the other guest.
Snake: Hmmm.........wanna go get a beer?
Maurice: Yea ok.
They stand up and start walking out Maurice steps over Raiden's body. Snake gives the body one more kick to the head.
Snake: Hehehehe
**Meanwhile**
In a location unknown to anyone. (In reality the Denny's down the street) An evil organazation plots over a grand slam breakfest.
????: So what do we do about Maruice
Another ????: We could kill him.
Yet another ????: Nah.
????: How bout we kidnap him and make him watch Fatman doing jumping jacks naked.
Another ????: No we must think of the vilest wrongest thing to do to him. We must think becuase we are the NBDBSVA.
Yet another ????: Ummm did you order the bacon or is that mine.
DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHH Ohh look it's a dramatic ending.