Hello I'm back again, updating everyday…gosh isn't that unusual for me *mock look of shock*. Don't worry tho I haven't lost my lazy ways, it's simply down to the fact that other than Big Brotherhood I will not post a story that is unfinished, its just to much pressure.

Huge thanks and major Kudos to xXRogue-DemonXx, Xx-Disturbed-xX and Mini Maiden long may all of you reign in the realm of Fanfiction. And mini maiden (a.k.a Cozzie.b in this site) hurry up and finish your fic and post it you have me hooked!!

Also all of you Retribution X fans out there (I Know there are some) go check out Oracles Maiden's fic Channel hopping, has me, my muses and pinky and the brain style parody bout Magneto and the prof and Gambit hosting a very familiar gameshow!! So go check it out now! ….Actually after you have read and reviewed this fic!!

In Xavier's office

We had infiltrated the main area of the Mansion and had won over the guard ensuring we stayed out of the area, fortunately for us and unfortunately for Xavier the guard was Remy and I just happened to be carrying my hip flask full of rum, we had no trouble after that.

We had reached Xavier's office in the hope that Richard had gotten lost and just come here to wait for some one to guide him back to the Retribution X wing, considering his college education and doctorate this seemed unlikely. We peered around the corner and began searching

"Psst…Ash"

I looked at Mel "What?"

"It's the exam results cabinet…."

"And? I'm sure that Richard isn't hiding in there…"

"No…" Mel cut me off "…It will tell us who according to the tests we all had to take the other year who did the best…I'm betting Kat got the lowest score with Bobby"

I waved my hand at the metal cabinet as if I wasn't in the least bit curious. "Go on then."

Mel rifled through all the papers for a while before coming across something that caught her eye.

"What is it?"

"It's the file of all the tests and look it's got the intellectual ranking of all the occupants of the mansion in the front…." Mel fell silent as she looked at the ranking

"Whodathunkit?" I asked her staring in disbelief as I read that the people with the highest I.Q.'s in the mansion were…Kat, Bobby and Wolverine.

Mel was frenzied in her search for the actual tests that they sat so she could see what answers they gave.

It seemed that all of Wolverines questions were on porn stars, beer and cigars. Bobby's questions all had the answer of Ice; Ice caps, or Black ice, and Kats answers were all Malta.

"I knew it…" Mel breathed as a betting slip fell from the folder "…I can not believe Xavier would be so corrupt as to manipulate the results!" Tears welled up in her eyes as she whispered "I should have been at the top"

I grabbed a toupee from Xavier's desk and handed to her so she could use it as a hanky.

"Oh well do you fancy going somewhere warm to have a kip?" I asked Mel

"Anywhere in mind?" Mel asked dropping the file on the floor forgotten

"Yep!"

In the Summer's 'relaxation area'.

We knew we were safe from detection here as the good family summers were always in bed asleep by this time and barely had visitors (unless you include rats and stray cats who for some reason seemed drawn to Jean like a magnet) so we grabbed some grub and a soda kicked off our shoes and sat back on their sofa, feet on the coffee table and watched the T.V. where the police were still looking for the escaped mass murderer.

"Turn it over" I said nudging Mel who was taking a sip of her soda causing her to spill a bit of it on the Jeans white sofa.

"Opppsssieee!"

"Don't worry I accidentally dropped a load of chocolate on it and it's all melted in" I pointed to the large brown dirty patch on the sofa.

"Ohh its jolly nice to see you I never expected to see you here" Scott said as the drippy pair walked in

Jean looked in horror at the mess we had made

"What the hell have you done to my lovely sofa?" Jean demanded

Scott peered over Jeans shoulder at the mess "You know I believe that you can get adult nappies if you have problems controlling yourself"

I looked at him disgusted "Its chocolate you fool"

"Ohhh well in that case we can spend the evening with you now your house trained just like the professor…" Scott stopped and drooled at the mention of Xavier before continuing "…said we had to if we ever found you!"

I grabbed Mel's arm and we ran, in the background we could here Scott ask if his breath smelt.

Meanwhile…

Kat sucked on a bubble blowing pipe causing her to splutter and foam at the mouth slightly as her oversized Sherlock Holmes hat slipped over her head. Kats new friend Billy Bob is following a safe distance behind her.

"What ya doing Kat?" Tristan asked coming in taking a drag of his slim cigarettes

"We're huntin' wabbits!" Kat replied Elmer Fudd style

"What?"

"We're tracking down the killer" Billy Bob filled in helpfully

Tristan eyed Billy Bob carefully taking another drag and exhaling smoke from his nose giving him the appearance of a dragon. "…and you are?"

"Billy Bobs the name, huntin's me game!"

Tristan looked at him but apparently didn't see him as a threat and stuck his hand out in Billy Bobs direction "Tristan"

Kat was looking under the mat for signs of Richard

"I'm going out on my  3rd date now, she's waiting outside now…don't set fire to Ash's alcohol stash no matter how cold it gets or you might just lose an eye…."
Kat slapped a hand protectively over her eye

"Anywho keep her outta trouble alright Billy Bob?"

Billy Bob nodded as he lifted the pot plant and looked underneath it. "So what exactly does this missing guy look like?"

Kat looks up startled, scared even "Who's missing?"

"You know the guy you're looking for"

"Oh you mean the one who's been murdered….that's Richard he's one of those Boffard people"

"Boffard?"

"Yeh you know the ones who don't have a life and spend their whole life studying appliances"

"What?"

"God don't you understand England!" Kat asked Billy Bob with the same tone of 'could this person get any thicker' that is often used on her.

It would perhaps be helpful if I were to point out that Kat meant Boffins that study sciences not 'appliances'. 

Billy Bob having grown weary of Kat in the seemingly long 10 minutes he had known her (he had already been treated to her Gloria Gaynor impression) looked at the pot plant (albeit a dead pot plat) that he held in his hand….he raised the plant high above his head and began to bring it down with strength incredible of one so humanoid when Kat suddenly turned around and set fire to it promptly, setting Billy Bob on fire at the same time.

"Oh I'm really sorry Billy Bob but the plant looked like it needed some water…" She gushed as she spat on his arm in an attempt to put out the fire "….you won't *spit* poke my eyes out with cocktail stick's for doing this will you?"

Billy Bob wasn't listening to her prattle on however as he ran to the bathroom and stuck his hand down the toilet to put out the flame, leaving Kat spitting onto the rug on which he had previously been stood.

Billy Bob having come out of the bathroom was carrying a sharp looking pair of scissors; he held them out in front of him with a look of malicious intent on his face. He gained on Kat slowly, almost menacingly

"Awwww I'm sorry Billy Bob I'm already spoken for I don't think Bobby would like me giving you a lock my hair." She snatched the scissors from Billy Bob's hands before giggling "Pointy, Pointy!"

Kat sat on the floor robed in Sherlock Holmes's garb, mission forgotten immersed in the wonders of the pointy scissors. Doing this she failed to see Billy Bob coming up behind her rope in his hand, luckily at that moment Bobby walked in and fearlessly (and noisily) tackled Billy Bob to the floor proclaiming to have found the escaped murderer. Kat however remained oblivious to the noise and scuffle (they even knocked into her at one point) and wandered off following an imaginary butterfly. It took awhile but eventually Bobby was over powered and was carried off to the walk in freezer to be hacked up later once the dumb red head had been dispatched.

In Logan's Bedroom with Ash and Mel

"Over here we see a funny looking statue made of cling film…" I carefully showcased the statue as Mel acted as some kind of cheap game show host (what? We were bored and tired and HOMELESS)

"…at least I hope its cling film it looks scarily like latex..." Mel's voice drifted off before she squealed in the girly manner unique to her and Scott. "EW"

I jumped sleepily away from the statue that was actually Logan's bin "God the man's at it like a bloody rabbit" I looked around spying an area where I would be safe "Oh well sleepy now…night, night!" I crawled into the laundry basket and nestled into the dirty clothes, before throwing out some smelly underpants and a pair of socks, I looked up watching Mel twitch on the spot.

"You know you should find a spot to sleep, the bath looks cosy" To be honest me and Mel had never really been overly close before, she was everything I wasn't, namely perfect, we had so little in common it was untrue but her heart was in the right place, even if it was misguided sometimes (honestly a woolly hat for my Birthday?!) However I was taking pity on her and as I say there wasn't anything you could really hate about her, she was just born unfortunate in the way that everything went right for her and just the opposite for me, but my way of life was more fun or that's what I tell myself anyway! Anyway as I say I was always closer to Kat, Tristan and Richard than Mel, Bounce and Jubilee; it was nothing personal it just worked out that way, they were a bit too giggly girly for me.

Mel grimaced and daintily got into the bath looking distastefully at the tide mark.

We settled down for sleep, safe in the knowledge that Logan wouldn't be back until dawn at least (he was on a bar crawl), by which time we would be gone.

Unfortunately it seems we hadn't allowed for his bar brawls and he came in an hour or so after we finally drifted off to sleep. Suddenly we heard the soft murmur of;

"Bombay Bitches, or the Naughty nurse…decisions, decisions"

I shot upright nearly causing the laundry basket to topple over, vaguely aware of a sweaty vest stuck to my face. I looked over to where Mel had made a similar move. Not a word passed either of our lips as we scurried for the door in a frenzy, as I stormed out of the door I'm sure I heard a rather gravely chuckle come from the room we had just vacated. Like a fool it made me stand shock still.

"Come on Ash you'll be butchered if you stay there!" I heard Mel whisper urgently however as I slowly turned around to face Wolverine I heard her mumble "Screw you!" as she made a run for the potted plant whose vast foliage (ok half a leaf) Mel hoped would offer refuge from the rampaging runt.

"What's yer problem kid?" He looked me squarely in my eye as if initiating a challenge

I weighed up my options tell the truth and face death, or lie and face a fate worse than death.

I decided to tell the truth, I straightened my back, vaguely aware of the vest which was previously stuck to my face falling to the floor

"Richard's missing and we were looking for him, so we decided to ask your help but you weren't in so we decided to wait for you"

Ok so it wasn't the truth, it wasn't even a white lie, I sure as hell hadn't been thinking about Richard when I felt the warmth that seeped from the room but who would tell this monster raving loony that? Not me!

10 minutes later….

"I can't believe you didn't think to look in the lab Mel!" I chastised her as Logan escorted us body guard style to the lab

"What am I meant to have all of the ideas around here?"

"Finally someone who gets it!"

We opened the lab door cautiously you never know what the mansions resident mad scientists were up to. Sometimes I wondered why Beast was so willing to share what had been his own personal space with Richard, especially as the guy never came home but for sleep, beer and missions, secretly I thought it was down to Richards portable Cooler which was perfect for storing sweet confectionary…say Twinkies?

Logan marched in long, heavy strides towards the chiller, no doubt to steal some of Richard's reassuringly expensive beer. I however…ok so it was Mel…noticed that through the glass door of the chiller a worm could be seen writhing about, not just any worm though, a mutant 6 foot long killer worm

"ARGH! The beers covered in a worm" Logan grunted with a *Snickt*

"Logan edge away from the worm" I informed him in my best take control of the bad puppy voice

"Why should I? I've never been scared o' worms" Logan was being rebellious

"IT'S RICHARD YOU IDIOT!" I shouted it just before Logan had time to slice Richard in half…not that it would really have mattered, as long as his head was unharmed he could re grow the rest, it just meant that it would take him awhile to be able to take on his 'human' form again.

"What the hell ya doin' ruinin' good beer worm boy?" Logan grunted annoyed, before blowing some worm juice off of the top of the beer before snapping the can open and taking a good gulp.

Richard quickly changed from his Vermiform to his normal appearance "Hank could probably do with a bit of assistance, he was shoved into the Scientific freezer, he's probably frozen by now" He said it so matter of factly that you couldn't help but remain calm

Mel slapped her hand to her mouth causing me to laugh at her that was until I heard what she said.

"As much as I hate to admit it the ginger winger is right, I do believe we have a mass murderer in our midst."

My blood ran cold…ok it was because I was stood next to where Richard and Logan where trying to prize Hank from the freezer but that isn't the point...

I meant what I said about reviewing and about Oracles Maiden's fic!! Doooo it!!