Snake is sitting in a dark room completley stripped of all of his clothes.
Around him sits the director, producer, and of course a cameraman.
Snake: Uhhh...why am I here...and why the hell am I naked?
Producer: You're here to help us Snake...and why is he naked Director?
Director (In a very uhh suggestive voice): Because that's what Daddy likes!!!
Snake: Right...get me my damn clothes right now.
Once again...same room,same people, only this time Snake is fully clothed.
Director: Awww I never get to have any fun.
Producer: Whatever...ok Snake here's the deal Maruice was kidnapped...
Snake: OH HELL YEA (He begins doing a very errr creative victory dance)
Producer: AHEM
Snake: Ohhh I mean how sad, and what do you want me to do about it?
Director: Save him.
Snake: How bought we dance on his grave?
About an hour later Snake finds himself once again on a Tanker.
Snake: I am so gonna shoot them all.
After making his usual landing a camerman drops down rigth next to him.
Snake: Uhhhhh
Cameraman: Oh yeah the studio forgot to tell you Snake. They decided to bring me along so we can make a show out of this. We feel things could get interesting.
Snake: Why would things get interesting.
Suddenly Raiden gracefully drops down...right on Snake.
Raiden: Hello all of you TV peoples...ummm where's Snake?
Snake: Spine...snapped in...two.
Cameraman: Ummm your standing right on top of him.
Snake: Spleen...surrendering...like the Iraqi soliders.
Raiden gets off of Snake.
Raiden: Sorry buddy.
Snake: Must use...last bit of life...to shoot Raiden...through head.
Snake takes out his gun, aims at Raiden and fires...but hits the cameraman instead. After the camerman hits the floor Snake stands up.
Snake: Wow...it's amazing how shooting someone you want to see dead does for your health.
Just then another Camerman drops down from a helicopter.
Snake: The hell!?
Cameraman: It's no use Snake you shoot one of us and we are instantly replaced with another. You can't kill us all.
Snake: Oh yea...
An hour and many dead cameramen later Snake gives up.
Snake: Fine fine you win.
Snake looks around the tanker.
Snake: How are we supposed to find Maurice. This thign is huge.
A guard on patrol comes down the stairs.
Raiden: I know we can ask that niec man over there. (To Guard) HEY BUDDY WE ARE LOOKING FOR OUR FRIEND MAURICE HAVE YOU SEEN HIM.
The guard raises his gun towards them.
Gurad: INTRUDERS!!!!
Snake (To Raiden): I will laugh fro a year straight after I kill you.
The guard looks at the camerman:
Guard: Oh my god...am I on TV?
Snake: Uhh yea.
Guard: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I can't belive this. HI MOM!!!!
Snake sneaks up behind the guard and kills him.
Snake: Well...that was convient.
Raiden: You know what is convient...duct tape.
Snake: ...I hate you so damn much.
Cameraman: Ummm are we actually going to be saving Maurice. I mean viewers are gonn get really bored of this really fast.
Snake: Yea yea keep your skirt on.
They all go into a side door on the tanker. When they get inside they spot two guard talking.
Guard 1: Hey are those the guys?
Guard 2: Yea I think...
Guard 1: You know what to do right?
Guard 2: Yep.
Guard 1 (In an unsually loud voice): YES WE HAVE SECURED MAURICE IN THE HOLDS.
Guard 2: GOOD MAKE SURE THE SECRET DOOR BY THE VENDING MACHINE IS NOT FOUND.
Guard 1: YES SIR.
Snake, Raiden, Cameraman:...
Raiden: I think Maurice in is the holds.
Snake smacks Raiden in the back of the head.
Snake: Let's go...moron.
They walk away.
Guard 1: Why the hell did we do that?
Guard 2: Liquid may be the sexist british type evil guy in the world plus have great hair to boot, but he really rreeeeaaaallllllyyyy sucks at being a terrorist.
After many dead guards and cameramen they finally reach the hold...thorough the secret door...and umm by the vending machines...yea.
Raiden: 76 bottles of beer on the wall 76 bottles of beer. You take one down and pass it around...
Snake: Must...not...kill Raiden...must use...as human shield.
They finally reach a large room where they see Maurice sitting bound in a chair. Right in front of him is a TV...
Snake: ...oh dear christ.
Cameraman: What?
Snake: On that TV is...is Ocelot Gone Wild.
Cameraman: Oh jesus...oh my gentle gentle jesus.
Raiden: Actually is wasn't really that bad.
They all look at Raiden.
Snake: Anyway...let's just go save the idiot
They all get down to where Maurice is. Snake takes out the gag they put in him.
Maurice: IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS SACRED WILL SOMEONE SHUT THIS FUGGING TV OFF.
Snake turns off the TV and gets Maurice out of the chair.
Maurice: Thanks.
Suddenly the tanker starts shaking.
Snake: The hell.
A large Metal Gear appears. Out of it is playing loud and very scray break dancing music.
Snake: Uh oh.
Liquid Snake's voice coem pouring out of the loud speaker.
Liquid: Snake how dare you mock the NBDBSVA you and everyone else will die.
Snake: Take Raiden he's stupid and noone likes him...Uhhh where is that idiot?
They see Raiden sitting on the chair where Maurice is watching Ocelot Gone Wild.
Snake: Right...well I think we should run.
Cameraman: WAIT!!!!
Snake: What!?
Cameraman: Commercial time. We need one for the show you know.
Snake: What the fuc...
**Commercial**
And Now A Public Service Announcement with President George Sears
Sears: Good Day. As you may have see in past episodes there has been a huge onslaught of violence. I would just like to remind you that violence is wrong and should never be used.
Guy off camera: Ummm Solidus what about when you attacked Maurice that one time.
Sears: Ummm...EAT STEEL JERK ASS
He begins chasing the guy with his sword.
**Commercial**
As we rejoin our heros. Snake is beating the living hell outta the cameraman. Maurice is doing...something, and Raiden is watching Ocelot Gone Wild.
Liquid: AHEM giant breakdancing metal robot of death that wants to kill you here do you think we could get on with it.
Snake: Yea sure.
The Metal Gear begins doing some breakdancing moves pretty much destroying everything in its path. Sanke and crew run for dear life...except someone's missing.
Maurice: Umm where's Raiden?
Raiden is still sitting in his chair watching Ocelot Gone Wild. Suddenly one of Metal Gear's feet smashes him and the TV.
Snake: It's funny because I wanted it to happen then it happened.
Snake runs down and pick up Raiden's body.
Snake: Now let's get outta here.
They all run onto the deck to where there is a waiting helicopter. All of them jump on just as the Metal Gear rips the tanker apart and sinks.
Snake: Phew...that was close.
Cameraman: Umm Snake Maurice was still on the deck...
Snake: ...oh well it wasn't a total loss...hey Raiden was hurt right?
Snake: Uhhh...why am I here...and why the hell am I naked?
Producer: You're here to help us Snake...and why is he naked Director?
Director (In a very uhh suggestive voice): Because that's what Daddy likes!!!
Snake: Right...get me my damn clothes right now.
Once again...same room,same people, only this time Snake is fully clothed.
Director: Awww I never get to have any fun.
Producer: Whatever...ok Snake here's the deal Maruice was kidnapped...
Snake: OH HELL YEA (He begins doing a very errr creative victory dance)
Producer: AHEM
Snake: Ohhh I mean how sad, and what do you want me to do about it?
Director: Save him.
Snake: How bought we dance on his grave?
About an hour later Snake finds himself once again on a Tanker.
Snake: I am so gonna shoot them all.
After making his usual landing a camerman drops down rigth next to him.
Snake: Uhhhhh
Cameraman: Oh yeah the studio forgot to tell you Snake. They decided to bring me along so we can make a show out of this. We feel things could get interesting.
Snake: Why would things get interesting.
Suddenly Raiden gracefully drops down...right on Snake.
Raiden: Hello all of you TV peoples...ummm where's Snake?
Snake: Spine...snapped in...two.
Cameraman: Ummm your standing right on top of him.
Snake: Spleen...surrendering...like the Iraqi soliders.
Raiden gets off of Snake.
Raiden: Sorry buddy.
Snake: Must use...last bit of life...to shoot Raiden...through head.
Snake takes out his gun, aims at Raiden and fires...but hits the cameraman instead. After the camerman hits the floor Snake stands up.
Snake: Wow...it's amazing how shooting someone you want to see dead does for your health.
Just then another Camerman drops down from a helicopter.
Snake: The hell!?
Cameraman: It's no use Snake you shoot one of us and we are instantly replaced with another. You can't kill us all.
Snake: Oh yea...
An hour and many dead cameramen later Snake gives up.
Snake: Fine fine you win.
Snake looks around the tanker.
Snake: How are we supposed to find Maurice. This thign is huge.
A guard on patrol comes down the stairs.
Raiden: I know we can ask that niec man over there. (To Guard) HEY BUDDY WE ARE LOOKING FOR OUR FRIEND MAURICE HAVE YOU SEEN HIM.
The guard raises his gun towards them.
Gurad: INTRUDERS!!!!
Snake (To Raiden): I will laugh fro a year straight after I kill you.
The guard looks at the camerman:
Guard: Oh my god...am I on TV?
Snake: Uhh yea.
Guard: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I can't belive this. HI MOM!!!!
Snake sneaks up behind the guard and kills him.
Snake: Well...that was convient.
Raiden: You know what is convient...duct tape.
Snake: ...I hate you so damn much.
Cameraman: Ummm are we actually going to be saving Maurice. I mean viewers are gonn get really bored of this really fast.
Snake: Yea yea keep your skirt on.
They all go into a side door on the tanker. When they get inside they spot two guard talking.
Guard 1: Hey are those the guys?
Guard 2: Yea I think...
Guard 1: You know what to do right?
Guard 2: Yep.
Guard 1 (In an unsually loud voice): YES WE HAVE SECURED MAURICE IN THE HOLDS.
Guard 2: GOOD MAKE SURE THE SECRET DOOR BY THE VENDING MACHINE IS NOT FOUND.
Guard 1: YES SIR.
Snake, Raiden, Cameraman:...
Raiden: I think Maurice in is the holds.
Snake smacks Raiden in the back of the head.
Snake: Let's go...moron.
They walk away.
Guard 1: Why the hell did we do that?
Guard 2: Liquid may be the sexist british type evil guy in the world plus have great hair to boot, but he really rreeeeaaaallllllyyyy sucks at being a terrorist.
After many dead guards and cameramen they finally reach the hold...thorough the secret door...and umm by the vending machines...yea.
Raiden: 76 bottles of beer on the wall 76 bottles of beer. You take one down and pass it around...
Snake: Must...not...kill Raiden...must use...as human shield.
They finally reach a large room where they see Maurice sitting bound in a chair. Right in front of him is a TV...
Snake: ...oh dear christ.
Cameraman: What?
Snake: On that TV is...is Ocelot Gone Wild.
Cameraman: Oh jesus...oh my gentle gentle jesus.
Raiden: Actually is wasn't really that bad.
They all look at Raiden.
Snake: Anyway...let's just go save the idiot
They all get down to where Maurice is. Snake takes out the gag they put in him.
Maurice: IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS SACRED WILL SOMEONE SHUT THIS FUGGING TV OFF.
Snake turns off the TV and gets Maurice out of the chair.
Maurice: Thanks.
Suddenly the tanker starts shaking.
Snake: The hell.
A large Metal Gear appears. Out of it is playing loud and very scray break dancing music.
Snake: Uh oh.
Liquid Snake's voice coem pouring out of the loud speaker.
Liquid: Snake how dare you mock the NBDBSVA you and everyone else will die.
Snake: Take Raiden he's stupid and noone likes him...Uhhh where is that idiot?
They see Raiden sitting on the chair where Maurice is watching Ocelot Gone Wild.
Snake: Right...well I think we should run.
Cameraman: WAIT!!!!
Snake: What!?
Cameraman: Commercial time. We need one for the show you know.
Snake: What the fuc...
**Commercial**
And Now A Public Service Announcement with President George Sears
Sears: Good Day. As you may have see in past episodes there has been a huge onslaught of violence. I would just like to remind you that violence is wrong and should never be used.
Guy off camera: Ummm Solidus what about when you attacked Maurice that one time.
Sears: Ummm...EAT STEEL JERK ASS
He begins chasing the guy with his sword.
**Commercial**
As we rejoin our heros. Snake is beating the living hell outta the cameraman. Maurice is doing...something, and Raiden is watching Ocelot Gone Wild.
Liquid: AHEM giant breakdancing metal robot of death that wants to kill you here do you think we could get on with it.
Snake: Yea sure.
The Metal Gear begins doing some breakdancing moves pretty much destroying everything in its path. Sanke and crew run for dear life...except someone's missing.
Maurice: Umm where's Raiden?
Raiden is still sitting in his chair watching Ocelot Gone Wild. Suddenly one of Metal Gear's feet smashes him and the TV.
Snake: It's funny because I wanted it to happen then it happened.
Snake runs down and pick up Raiden's body.
Snake: Now let's get outta here.
They all run onto the deck to where there is a waiting helicopter. All of them jump on just as the Metal Gear rips the tanker apart and sinks.
Snake: Phew...that was close.
Cameraman: Umm Snake Maurice was still on the deck...
Snake: ...oh well it wasn't a total loss...hey Raiden was hurt right?