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Standard disclaimers apply.
Some smut content.
thoughts
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Definitions
Chodoku - an original character, a male student who bullied Kaoru when she was little
hitokiri - a killer or an assassin
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Chapter 2: Inner Sanctums
Kaoru blinked, unsure of what had awakened her. Darkness rendered her sight useless, but her other senses came alive, informing her of a startling situation.
The soft heat of Kenshin's breath on her ear tickled, and there was definitely a solid warmth curled around her. Through the thin material of her robe, she could feel the hardness of his chest and thighs. The hair on his leg was rough in texture against the tender insides of her knees. One arm loosely pinned her against him.
She went very still, trying to cope with her conflicting feelings. A very great part of her screamed for her to get up and flee, but the tenderness in her heart bid her stay, and she fought bitterly against her panic before conquering it.
Slowly she repeated Kenshin's promise in her mind. A couple of deep breaths and she was ok, although unwinding enough to go back to sleep now seemed impossible.
Somehow he sensed her distress, and he tightened his grip on her waist while burrowing his face into the hollow of her neck. He sighed a word she didn't recognize into her hair, then drifted back into a deeper sleep.
She felt reassured, even as she felt slightly trapped. Tiredness began to drift over her again, and she relaxed with a strangled sigh into Kenshin's body. Drowsiness slid across her consciousness, and her eyelids drooped with heaviness. Distractedly, she noticed the large bulge nestled into the hollow at the end of her spine. When the hardness shifted against the sensitive skin there, she went rigid with shock, but Kenshin's firm grip on her waist prevented her from jerking away.
After a long, tense moment, in which he failed to wake up and devour her, she was forced to resume breathing and thinking.
Some male students from the dojo had been rather crude in their talk and actions in front of her until her father had put a stop to it. Chodoku and his gang had on occasion flashed her and she endured many leers from them before they were given a severe beating and told never to come back. Although she had never cherished these childhood memories, from them she had gained certain insights into what males were equipped with. But as to how that was supposed to work with her own body, she hadn't a clue.
The first thing Kenshin noticed upon waking was the crush of soft flesh and the tantalizing scent of jasmine, both of which sent a quick shiver of desire down his spine. Then he realized the way his arm was wrapped possessively around Kaoru's waist, securing her against him.
He choked back a soft curse, mad at himself for exposing Kaoru to his aroused state up close and personal. Carefully he eased his pelvis away from hers, but she stirred at his movement, and Kenshin knew that the damage had been done. He put some distance between them, propped his head up with his elbow, and used his hand on her waist to pull her towards him until she was rolled over onto her back, staring up at him.
The stray moonlight reflected strangely in her eyes, making them seem bottomless and unreadable. Her face was a mask of perplex ion, and though he could tell that she was deep in thought, he couldn't tell whether her thoughts condemned him or were in his favor.
"What are you thinking about, Kaoru?" he dared ask in the too-quiet tension.
Her brow furrowed. "Intercourse," she shared absently.
Shock rippled through his body; that and anticipation.
"Intercourse?" he repeated in a strangled tone. Something hot and giddy pooled in the base of his stomach. He smoothed the hair away from her eyes, simply because he could not stop himself from touching her.
She grew wide-eyed, and she realized belatedly what she had said. Her gaze flew to his, frantic to correct his misunderstanding; but the words died on her lips as she confronted the hunger and worship in Kenshin's eyes. He was regarding her as if she was some kind of miracle. As if she was some kind of scrumptious dessert.
His touch lingered along the line of her jaw, and she shivered with some unknown excitement. Butterflies took wing in her abdomen, brushing her insides to hypersensitivity with their silken fluttering. His eyes caressed her exposed skin, causing a blush to steal across her cheeks.
"Were you really thinking about intercourse?" he asked disbelievingly, his tone husky.
She blushed deeper. "Well, wondering about the mechanics of it."
"Mechanics…" he repeated with a stunned expression, then began to shake with irrepressible laughter.
She pouted, certain he was laughing at her. Inwardly she reveled in the sound of his unguarded and unhindered merriment. It warmed her to her toes and put her at ease. He tipped her chin towards him, his thumb stroking her pouting lip. There was a new, speculative gleam in Kenshin's gaze.
The butterflies in her stomach tripled.
Would he actually allow me to get close? Kaoru wondered.
His thumb paused in mid stroke, as if he sensed the direction of her thoughts. Experimentally, she flicked her tongue against his callus. The warm, wet sensation sent an involuntary shudder through him.
Yes, if I could get through his polite façade Kaoru thought.
Boldly her tongue returned, tracing the crescent of his fingernail. Another silent shiver shot down his spine, and he regarded her with dawning wariness.
And I could break through it, break his control, if I dared
Suddenly, the knowledge that she could reach past Kenshin's friendly mask was enough to ease past frustrations. From the bittersweet sorrow of her father's passing, gratitude blossomed in her heart. Although Kenshin was ten years her senior, although he had tucked her in and told her a story like her father use to, her thoughts of him were not in a familial way. Staring up into his familiar face, she realized that she did not feel the usual twinge of inadequacy that plagued her daily existence. Here, within the circle of his arms, she felt safe and accepted. Cherished.
Suddenly it was too much to keep to herself. Sweet abandonment swept into her soul as she sought his lips with her own, giving herself up to the seduction of his touch.
The kiss was slow, a press of lips, an easing of the tension that sprung up between them. Involuntarily Kenshin's hand came up to cup the back of her head, angling her mouth against his.
"Beautiful," he whispered against her lips, staring into the glazed depths of her cobalt eyes. Then he closed his own eyes, losing himself in the sensations of her mouth. He explored her delicately with the tip of his tongue. She tasted sweet and fresh, like afternoon rain and honey. When her tongue tentatively touched his, he returned her parry, encouraging her to boldness until they both came up gasping for air.
Their gazes clashed and excitement flashed between them, then Kaoru buried her heated face into his shoulder. He gathered her against him in a fragile embrace, one that could be easily broken if she wished. He noted when her fisted grip on the front of his robe relaxed, and allowed his own tense readiness to seep away.
She pressed her palms flat against his chest, and slowly moved her hand towards his bare skin. Guessing her intent, he caught her wrist and lifted it away from his body. This caused her to look up at him, and he read confusion and blind need in her hazy glance.
"No more," he commanded quietly. The fog cleared from her vision, and he caught a glimpse of her pain before she dropped her eyes. She had taken his command as a rejection.
Firmly he lifted her chin until she was forced to meet his gaze.
"You cannot charge blindly into this, Kaoru," he reprimanded her softly. "You are not into casual coupling and you are the type who gives her heart when she gives her body to someone-" At this she started to protest, but he laid a quieting finger on her lips. "I know, because I am like that."
Her eyes widened slightly, and he could see the inquiry in her gaze. He made a quick decision, and with a deep breath he began.
"There was someone I loved," he stated, watching her closely for any sign of resentment or accusation. As he warmed to the memories, his eyes grew distant and misty, his tone flat with suppressed emotions. "The first time I met her, she was covered in the blood of an assassin I had just killed. She fainted, and because she had seen my face, I was forced to take her with me. My superiors had her background checked out and when they found nothing suspicious, her death was postponed. She had no family left in Kyoto, so the owner of the inn where we were based took her in so they could keep close tabs on her activities.
"When the police began to viciously root out and kill our compatriots, it was decided that her and I would pose as husband and wife and live out on a little farm to escape detection." He paused, a sad smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Those were some of the happiest days of my life."
He turned to Kaoru then, as if belatedly realizing she was there. Her posture radiated open sympathy, but her eyes were shadowed with uncertainty. There was a glint of jealous hunger in her eyes; the same hollow expression a street orphan would wear when peeking in on well fed, well loved children on a cold winter's night. Kenshin's chest constricted like a fist, and he wondered for a moment if Kaoru's life had been more lonely than his.
"And?" Kaoru prompted him softly.
He regretted ever starting this story, both because he was too much a coward to risk ending their easy camaraderie, and because he feared the hurt it might cause Kaoru. But he had, and it was for the best that Kaoru reject him now, as she should once she understood just how dangerous it was to love him. Reluctantly, as if feeling a great weight settling on his shoulders, he continued.
"She came to me one night, as a wife comes to her husband, and my love for her was complete. I did not know then that I had killed her fiancé and that she had sought me out to kill me. We continued on like that, her in her silent misery, until she left me one snowy winter morning; unable, I think, to personally carry out her revenge. With her gone, her fellow betrayers were able to lure me into a death trap using her name. I killed every man that stood in my way, and then I discovered her there, with the leader. He and I fought as she watched, and at the last minute, she threw herself between our blades, whether to stop him or to stop me I never knew. My blade killed them both in the end, and she died in my arms, apologizing to me. Me, her love's killer." Bitterness dripped from his tone, and behind it, his self-loathing seethed, searching for an outlet. The metallic taste of guilt lingered in his mouth, and with the sharing, the long festering wounds in his soul were laid open and raw.
Kaoru's eyes were round, and the tentative touch of her finger to his cheek brought away a red stain upon her skin.
"You're bleeding," she whispered in astonishment.
She laid her palm against the scar, willing away his hurt, wishing she could take away his pain. His eyes were downcast, he refused to look at her, but when his hand came up to cover hers, he did not remove it as she expected. Rather, he pressed it more firmly against his face, as if seeking comfort in her touch. He was shaking, as if his entire body was raked by grief, but his eyes were dry and void of cleansing tears.
Kaoru would have offered her embrace, but the freshly foraged bond was too new to stretch enough to accommodate this, and she feared that he would turn away.
His trembling ceased as abruptly as it had began and he released her hand in an embarrassed gesture of his own. He made to rise, keeping his face turned away, but she caught his wrist, tugging him down to her. She followed him to her knees, her anxious face seeking his.
She looked up into the fever brightness of his eyes, shocked to see that they were fiery amber. The haunted shadow in them disturbed her, more so than the cold calculation of the hitokiri ever had.
Her grip on his wrist tightened. She wished more than anything to share his pain, to show him that he wasn't alone.
Kenshin allowed her to halt his escape, caught between old grief and awakening love. The compulsion was too strong to fight, and slowly, against his will, he turned to her, the features of his face distorted with raw guilt. He steeled himself for rejection.
Her eyes were luminous with unshed tears, huge in her pale face. One word escaped her lips, more a sigh than a whisper as he bent to catch it.
"Stay."
Stay.
Looking into her face, Kenshin knew she would cling to him, and if he refused her, here in this moment, she looked as though she might beg. He could not bear to see a proud woman like Kaoru beg, even if it meant forgoing the solitude where he could nurse his grief.
He was poised above her, indecisive, and Kaoru's breath caught as she realized that he might choose sorrow's empty embrace over hers. Then weary resignation filled the yellow depths of his eyes, and she wondered silently if somehow he had read her selfish need to be held and reassured of her importance to him.
He laid beside her and drew her against his chest. Seeking escape from the complexity of his emotions and her own, she hid her face from his view. She felt like a trespasser; like a thief in the night that had robbed Kenshin of his inner peace.
His arms tightened like bands of steel around her, but she did not protest. One errant hand undid her hair, and he buried his face in her tresses, the scent of jasmine surrounding him, accepting him. The grief and guilt had been overwhelming, but suddenly it no longer consumed him. Somehow, it was enough that Kaoru was warm and real and safe in his arms and he found himself vowing never to let her go. Sleep settled like a golden cloak over him, wrapping him in gentle darkness, so that the last of his burden slipped away, leaving him among peaceful dreams of dark haired girls playing hide and seek among wild flowers.
Kenshin's breathing evened out into slumber, and Kaoru was glad of it as she lay quiescent against him. She wished she too could find that peace, but it was long in coming. The vicious little spiral of her thoughts would not let her be, so she lay in the dark, rubbing the texture of Kenshin's blood between her finger and thumb, brooding about this recent development in her love life.
Was there any of Kenshin's heart left for her after this unknown woman and her star-crossed fiancé had ripped it to shreds? And if so, would she be strong enough to be content with less than all of it?
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Author's Notes
Kenshin got around to telling Kaoru about Tomoe. Hurray, they're making progress! I guess its a little silly for the author to be cheering but seriously, Kenshin and Kaoru need a little help along the way.
*Spoilers*
*Beginning of rant*
I finally got around to watching the second OAV. It was totally depressing and I really don't agree with the way they portrayed Kenshin. Would he really leave his wife and son? Would he really put Kaoru's life in danger by giving her an incurable disease? I'm ranting, I know, and there are spoilers in this rant. See? I put up a warning like a good author. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I am merely stating mine. Ok, I'm done now.
*End of rant*
Thanks everyone for the reviews. They make me a happy person, so if you haven't left one yet, do so.
Wolfspeaker, Gaiden, Joseph Parker; thanks.
Special thanks to Annaneko! Go visit her site rkdreams.com!
Quickening has a great story called "Broken" about Inu yasha. Go read it.
That's it for now.