Title: Crusher
Rated: PG-13
Author: Etoile
Email- Etoile@soon.com
Summary: AU from Crush. Buffy accidentally finds out Spike's in love with her. When things change, she's not sure what to do. Please review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sunnydale or anyone that lives there. They all belong to Joss Whedon.
This chapter has a lot of dialogue taken straight from Crush. That belongs to the writer, David Fury. It goes AU from there. Chapter 1"Bloody Hell! Watch where you're bloody walking!"
The drunken frat boy merely sneered and stumbled out of the Bronze.
"Bloody hell," I say much quietly now and dab at my brand new brown leather jacket. At least the drink hadn't stained it. I go to the bar and ask for a beer. I sip on it and look around the club. Xander and his ex-demon girlfriend are doing some sort of a dance. The witches were on the dance floor too. Now where is Buffy? My eyes scan the club again until I see her. She's sitting by a round all by herself, watching her friends, and looking lost in thought. I stand up and take a deep, unnecessary breath.
* * *
"Bleedin' crime, is what it is."
I don't even need to look up to know who was speaking to me. I could be blind, deaf, and dumb and still know when he's coming. It's just like with Angel. I can sense vampires, it's part of the job description. There's like an itching tingle at the back of my neck. But apparently, the longer I know a vamp, the more distinctive the sense. Angel felt, and probably still feels, like a warm sprinkle. I used to love that feeling. Now it just reminds me of what I don't have. Spike's tingle is sharper and it…I don't know how to explain it. It kind of hits my stomach. Which is really weird. So when I feel that tingle that goes to my stomach, I know.
I look anyway and, as he sits down in the chair beside me, I am shocked. In place of his usual black on black with a spot of red, he's wearing khaki pants, a greenish button-down shirt over a black t-shirt, and a brown leather jacket. I raise an eyebrow as he continues to speak.
"Jackin' up the bar price to pay for fixing up this sinkhole. Not my fault insurance doesn't cover act of troll," he says, referring to the incident with Anya's ex-boyfriend.
I am still confused with the conversational tone along with the change of wardrobe, and I reply, "Gee, maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize."
Spike sits back in his seat. "I've half a mind to! Especially since the flowering onion got remodeled off the sodding menu." He leans forward now. "'S the only thing this place had going for it."
I frown. I really can't stand the confusion any longer and have to ask, "What are you doing?"
It's Spike's turn to frown. "What, what do you mean what am…I…"
"Here? At this table?" I felt the need to clarify. "Talking to me. Like we're some kind of talking buddies."
"Well, I saw you…sitting here alone. Thought, I don't know, you could, maybe do with a bit of, uh, you know, company." He looks a little pained as he says this.
Right. I raise my eyebrows at him and he frowns. He gets up in a huff. "Suit yourself!" Good. I focus back on the dance floor. I need to find myself someone to dance with. "Although…" I hear him say as he sits back down. I roll my eyes.
"It's just, we took on that Glory chippie together. I was right there with you, fightin' the fight."
I can't believe he's talking again. Where was this going? "Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious." Maybe I shouldn't be answering back. It just seems to encourage him.
Case in point, he speaks again, "Still, points for intent. You'd think that would be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn a little consideration, respect."
I am about to comment on that statement when Xander's voice sounds, "Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat." Anya and Xander were standing behind Spike, patiently waiting.
Spike turned his head to look at them and sighed. "Bugger it," he says and reaches for his beer bottle. He knocks it over accidentally and hurries to grab it. He gets up quickly and heads for the bar. I watch him go in confusion. He was strange, really. I don't know that many vampires personally. Well, only two. But he was by far the stranger of the two. At least Angel didn't show up wearing different clothes and different guise. Wait. Yes he did. But that was different. Angel was different. Spike is just strange.
"Xander, I think you many have hurt his feelings," I hear Anya say and I'm brought out of my thoughts.
Xander, in his newly reacquired seat, says, "And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer." He pauses for a moment and considers his statement. "You know, that's uh, that's actually some pretty good advice."
Willow and Tara come over and sit down. Xander turns his attention to them. "So, who's up for some more liquid refreshements? I'm buying, for I am payday man."
Willow, opening a bottle of aspirin, replies, "I could use a water."
Xander raises a hand dismissively. "Water poses no challenge for payday man, for I have…" He looks, dismayed, at the small tray lying on the table with just a few coins on it. "Hey, where's my change?"
I look at the tray and scowls. I glance over at the bar. Xander follows my line of vision to see Spike buying another beer. "Spike, you diabolical fiend," He says and gets up to confront Spike.
I pay my attention to Tara who is comforting Willow. "Poor Will," she says. "Still getting those headaches?"
"Fewer and further between, but…yep, they're still exercising their visitation rights." Willow answers.
Tara speaks up, "Honey, in case you didn't hear me the first six thousand times, no more teleportation spells."
Willow shrugged, "Well, it's just we have squat in the way of Glory-fighting arsenal, and…another run-in with her and my headaches and nosebleeds are gonna be the least of our problems."
I, knowing the various most of our problems, speak up. "You know what? This is the first R and R I've had in weeks. How about we go one night without saying the name Glory."
Everyone around the table nods. "I'm down with that." Tara said. "Let's just call 'she who will not be named' another name. Let's just call her-"
"Ben!" I exclaim.
"For example," Tara deadpans.
I getup and the other three girls watched me walk over to Ben. "Ben! Hey!" I say. Ewww. Was that too excited?
"Buffy hi," Ben smiles at me. Nice smile.
I smile back and state, "I barely recognized you without your hospital scrubs." The guy sitting next to Ben gets up and leaves, so I sit down in his place.
"Oh, you'd be surprised at the extent of my wardrobe," Ben says.
"Really?"
"I actually have entire outfits that aren't blue pajamas."
I laugh. It feels nice to laugh at a lame joke. That wasn't Xander's anyway. I really need to get out more often and find myself a new guy. This new guy doesn't seem half bad so far. He already had been a great help to me. Speaking of which. "Um, my sister…uh, told me what happened at the hospital before I got there."
"Uh, huh." He replies. He looks a little unsure. I wonder why. I'm not gonna accuse him of anything.
I continue, "And, uh, I just wanted to say…thanks." He looks confused at that. "For looking after her?" I elaborate.
Ben sighs and smiles. "That's okay. I'm glad Dawn's all right."
* * *
"The point is, I work hard for that money." Xander said.
I roll my eyes. The boy had been harassing me for some time now. "And you're saying I didn't?" I ask.
Xander glared at me. "You stole it."
"And you're making it into very hard work!"
"Listen, bleach boy, I don't have a chip in my head. I can do far more damage to you than you can ever do to me." Xander shifted his body into a more threatening position.
"Yeah?" I retort distractedly. I had stopped listening to the whelp's incessant yapping. I had noticed Buffy chatting with the poufy intern from the hospital. I start watching them intently. "Like you could ever hurt me." But I know who could. Especially if she ever found out about my feelings. Maybe it wasn't the right time to start making with the declarations of love.
"Are you listening to me?"
I look at the boy, annoyed. I reach into my pocket and pull out some money. "Fine, here. Now shut up." As I walk toward the exit, I hear Xander say something about the amount. I pull out the rest of the cash in my pocket and cursed, "Damn, gave him the 20."
Bugger that. I have to out of here fast. I pass by Buffy on the way out the door. She gave me a weird look and turned back to chat with her new all-American boy. I run my hands through my hair a few times, leaving my once immaculate style thoroughly disarrayed. Just as well, I think as I light up a cigarette and inhale deeply. Part 1 of the make-Buffy-love-me plan was already shot to hell. I hadn't even been there ten minutes. I wonder if I should move on to part 2 or just give up.
My thoughts are interrupted by a loud scream nearby. I run over to the alley behind the Bronze to see a teenage girl struggling with two guys.
"What's wrong with you two? You said we were going for dinner!" She shrieked.
One of them replied, "We weren't lying."
"You're the main course," the blond one finished. Their fangs elongated and ridges appeared on their foreheads.
I throw the remainder of my fag to the ground and laugh. The two idiots stop their little skirmish and see me standing in the shadows. I'm still laughing and they growl. It sounds wimpish to me.
"What do you want pal?" The one with the black hair asked.
"You're next if you just stand there." The second one threatened.
This just made me laugh more. They couldn't be more than 18, if even that. And there they were, doing a scene out of some grade B horror movie.
I smirk at them and say, "Didn't your sire teach you anything? I had a pillock and a psycho as my teachers, but I still learned something."
The girl sees my involvement as a welcome distraction and tries to make her escape. She's got spunk. But she doesn't have much speed because after only a few steps she's knocked down. She whimpers and cowers next to the wall
Now I step into the streetlight. "There will be none of that now. You're dealing with me now kiddies, leave the lady alone."
All of a sudden, they start laughing. I narrow my eyes at them.
The one with the black hair begins to speak, "Our sire taught us something. Rick, didn't he teach us something?"
Rick nods, "Sure did, Nate. He said something about watching out for the slayer and her little pet vampire. I'm guessing that's you. Bleached hair, leather coat, British accent, chip in his head."
I'm really mad now. I growl, "And a massive chip on his shoulder. I'm nobody's pet but he was right about watching out for me." I'm one second from ripping their heads off when they start laughing again.
"Yeah pal, you're real scary," Nate says and suddenly grabs the girl trying to scoot off again. "What I don't understand is why you waste your time helping the fucking slayer. It's not like she needs you. She'd kill you if she had the chance. Now, you hang with us and you'd get to be what you were meant to be. Here." He pushes the girl towards me.
Oh. So this is what peer pressure is. I'll make sure to warn the Niblet about that. Wait, what am I doing? Working up a lesson for the slayer's sister while these punks are offering my first meal in a long time? I really am a pet vampire. Sod that.
I smell the blood and fear in the girl and automatically go into game face. I look at the girl in my arms. She's looking at me with so much terror in her eyes. A second ago, she was looking at me like I was the bloody Messiah. I pause as I struggle with which look I liked best. The demon in me loves the fear obviously. But there's this little part in me, that shouldn't even be there, that enjoyed being her savior. And that part apparently has a louder voice than the demon because I let go of the girl and tell her to run. She does.
"Oh, you really are a pansy," Nate, or Rick, says. I don't really know but I smirk at the one that opened his big mouth first.
"Do you know a pansy that can do this?" I ask, grab his friend, and twist off his neck. His shocked face is clear as he turns into dust.
Ah. That's what I wanted to see. Fear. The other vampire starts backing up but I catch him before he has a chance to escape. "You wanna reassess your opinion of me, mate?" He nods. "Too bad," I say and he meets the same fate.
Well. At least I got a good ending to a bad night. I turn around at the sound of clapping and I'm shocked to see the slayer.
* * *
I don't know why I stood in the shadows and watched Spike. Wait. Yes I do.
When he walked by me back at the Bronze, there was just this strange look on his face. He looked sad or something close to it. I excused myself from Ben and go after him. I've seen Spike sad before and it's not pretty. He causes trouble. Technically, it's not any different than if he was angry, or upset, or happy, or… Okay, Spike causes trouble, period. And I have been chosen to stop it.
I couldn't find him until I heard some scuffling in the alley. I went there to see two vamps, and a girl, and Spike. I figured he'd take care of it until I heard their offer and saw Spike vamp out. This was the point where I should have joined the fray. But I stopped myself. I've always wanted to know how far this semi-partnership with Spike would go. If he went along with them, I could stake him without reservation. If he didn't then, I don't know. It makes him a little more reliable, that's for sure.
I held my breath and slowly let it out as he tells the girl to run. I watch as he dusts the vampires and finally I clap for him. Kind of reminiscent of our first meeting, I know. He turns around with this stunned and I smirk. Nice to know I can still throw him off balance.
"What are you doing here?" He asks.
"My job, but since you got that so nicely wrapped up…" I say to him.
He just nods. Now I know something's wrong. He's not even going to brag?
I try again, "Maybe you should just take over my patrols from now on. Gives me more time to go out."
He looks up sharply at that, but then just nods again.
I don't even know why I'm asking this, but I can't seem to stop myself, "What's wrong Spike?" It sounds too nice. I add some sarcasm, "You're not your usual charming self."
I watch as emotions flicker in his eyes. Hope, anger, confusion, and finally resignation. Then he does something weird. He sighs. It's one of those sighs that foretell impending brooding. I got used to those with Angel. Which is why it's weird. The only thing Angel and Spike have in common is the fact they're in the same family of vampires.
"I might as well start leading a group of boy scouts," He finally says.
Color me confused. This wasn't the poignant sentence I was expecting. "Huh?"
He gets agitated and starts pacing in front of me. He stops suddenly and looks at me. "How long were you there?" He asks.
"Um, a while?" I say, not really sure where this is going.
"Did you see that? Did you see me?" He sounds disgusted. But I'm not sure why.
"You kicked their asses, if that's what you mean. Well, technically, you ripped their heads off. But it got the…"
"Not that part," He interrupts my ramble. "They gave me the chance of having the first warm meal in bloody forever. All I had to do was say the fucking word and she would have been dead and I would have…" He sighed again. "I let her go. I let a meal go…I am a pansy."
Oh. I can see, on the level as a vampire, how he can sound so distraught about that. And as a vampire slayer with a potentially trustworthy vampire helper, I've got to make him see it's not bad.
"Spike, look at me," I say. He complies, reluctantly. "I don't know how to help you out with what you're feeling. The only one who could would be Angel." He scoffs at that but I continue, "I'm really…grateful that you made the choice you made. And…I really don't know what to say. I mean, is it so bad to choose not to kill?"
"I'm a vampire, pet. I should kill. If I don't, there's something wrong with me."
"I've always known there was something wrong with you." He gives me a look. Fine, not the time for jokes.
"I shouldn't be doing this. It's fundamentally against my nature."
I nod. "But it doesn't mean I'm not glad about it. Cause if all vampires were more like that, I wouldn't need to slay. Of course I'd probably be annoyed all the time, but you know, sacrifices."
He looks a little less constipated now, so I figure he's getting what I'm saying. Who would have thought it would come to this between him and me? Just a year ago, he was trying to kill us all. Not that he could, but he tried his dandiest. Now we're having a discussion on his changing nature. And me! I actually believe he can change his nature. I can't believe I believe that.
He's running his hands through his hair now, still in thought. Hmmm. He really shouldn't put gel in it if he wants to do that. And he makes fun of Angel hair so much. His is like a helmet. He'd waste less money if he stopped using gel. Which is a really stupid thought since he probably just steals it. But…it looks softer now and kind of curly, who knew? I wonder just how soft it is…Ahhh! Crazy thoughts! Get out!
Spike looks at me funny now. And I guess I would too since I'm turning red and shaking my head vigorously. "Um…there was a fly," I lie, still blushing.
"Right," he says dubiously. He shuffles his feet a little. "Ah, I'm going to go kill something, do your patrol."
"Sure," I say. I really need to not be here anymore. We both turn away from each other, when I remember something. "Oh, hey Spike? Dawn says she needed some of your first hand knowledge on her history project. She'll be home after four."
He nods and I turn back towards the Bronze. As he walks off, I hear him muttering to himself, "Used to eat little kids, now I'm helping them with their homework. Used to kill slayers, now I'm falling in love with them. What next?"
I think the world just stopped spinning.
* * *