Title: Crusher
Rated: PG-13
Author: Etoile
Email- Etoile@soon.com
Summary: AU from Crush. Buffy accidentally finds out Spike's in love with her. When things change, she's not sure what to do. Please review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sunnydale or anyone that lives there. They all belong to Joss Whedon.
Thanks again for the reviews! This should be up weekly at the least.
Chapter 3I look around again just in case I hallucinated this entire thing.
Nope.
Everything is still here. The sarcophagus I thought I was laying on was actually pavement in the cemetery. And the breeze I thought was from outside was from outside because I'm bloody outside.
In the sodding sun!
Where are the flames? The nancy boy flailing of the arms to find shelter?
I take a deep breath before attempting to sit up again. And I stop. Air just rushed into my lungs. I start to cough and hyperventilate.
The thing about being a vampire is that you have to fake life. I mean, that's obvious since we're dead and all. I may do the whole inhaling and exhaling bit, but I'm just doing it out of habit really. Even when I smoke, there's no effect. Breathing was one of the most disorienting things when I became a vamp. I actually had a panic attack like I used to as a kid because I couldn't feel anything going into my lungs. I thought I was going to die, not knowing I was already dead. It took some time to get used to it.
But this, this is completely different. The complete opposite. Now I'm having a panic attack because I can breathe properly. I can feel my heart pounding harshly as I try to get in more air.
What is it they do on the tele? I don't have a paper bag handy… And isn't that for throwing up anyway? Bloody hell. I roll over instead. I try to get on my knees but only end up in a fetal position. My breath is still coming out in shallow spurts and I can tell I'm in danger of passing out.
Now how's that for the Big Bad?
I'm trying bloody hard to calm down but nothing's working. I realize how low I've gone when I try imagining Mr. Rogers singing about being a neighbor. I close my eyes and suddenly I see my mother's face before me. Where did that come from?
It does the trick though as I begin to breathe more slowly and evenly.
I haven't thought of my mum in forever. Sometimes, when I'm having cocoa with the slayer's mom, I get in danger of remembering but I quell the urge. I always regretted turning her in the height of her sickness. The demon face she wore…those awful things she said… They weren't like her. They weren't what I liked remembering. I used to have nightmares about it.
But that wasn't what my mind conjured up this time about. I used to be a sickly child. But then again, it was the Victorian Era, we all were. Only one of my 5 sisters made it to adulthood. Even my older and more strapping brother died before he was 18. Anyway, my mum used to hold me in her lap and sing to me whenever I had my attacks. And I guess it still works.
I miss her, I think and my eyes tear up.
Damn it! I push the tears back. I push up on my knees and try to stand up. My legs are much too weak so I decide to crawl to my crypt. No one's around so I'm sure there's no chance to be embarrassed as long as I make it quick. But the tears stop here, that's for certain. I'm not going to turn into some bleeding wuss over a few thoughts about my mum. I'm gonna go do something manly…and evil vampirey…
That stops me. Am I even a vampire anymore? I don't know what those sods did to me. Obviously all that electricity was enough to get my parts started again. I think hard and feel my features shift.
That's odd.
* * *
I groan when I feel a depression in the right side of my bed. I didn't really get that much sleep last night after all the obsessing I did over Spike's secret feelings for me. Even after I finally fell asleep, I kept having these dreams… A voice starts calling me. I grab a pillow and throw it in the voice's direction. It squeals and starts jumping up and down.
I turn around and squint at the demon. "Dawn, I thought you just turned 14. Because I don't see it." She keeps jumping and I have a strong desire to kick her off the bed. "Dawn, what do you want?" I grunt extremely patiently.
She finally stops and jumps off the bed. I notice she's fully dressed and grinning brightly. Wow, looking at her like this, you'd hardly believe that a couple weeks ago she was cutting herself up because she found out she was the key. I glance at the clock. 6 a.m. Huh. I check again. 6 a.m. This can't be right. As I'm checking again, Dawn speaks up, "Yeah, it's six in the morning."
"I see. So why am I getting up?" I ask.
"Mom's sleeping and she's been really tired lately and I have a field trip this morning and we have to get to school early but it's still dark and knowing me, I'd probably get kidnapped right in front of the driveway so you need to take me."
I gape at my sister. I've heard breathing was important when you're talking but apparently scientists don't know anything. I nod at her and ask, "When do you have to be at school?"
"By 6:30. They said we're leaving at 6:45 on the dot."
"Whatever happened to field trips in the middle of the day?" I mutter as I shuffle over to the bathroom. "I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Be quick!" she says and bounds out of my room.
Be quick. Ha. I am the queen of quickness, I think as I hurriedly brush my teeth. I was actually fully awake once she mentioned the fact that mom's been really tired lately. I feel so ashamed. I was so busy obsessing and worrying over something so silly and inconsequential, while I have a more serious problem at home. Mom was tired and I didn't even notice. What kind of daughter am I? Not the good kind.
I slump in front of the mirror to wash my face. I have too many problems this year. The past years, stuff mostly happened to me. Now I've got my mom still getting sick even after the surgery. A hell god is hunting my sister. And I've still got to slay. I straighten and pull my hair into a ponytail. But I've got to do this. I have to be strong. Because if I'm not, who will?
I quickly exchange my shorts and tank top for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I run downstairs and yell for Dawn. She's standing by the door with her backpack on. "Hey, got everything?" I ask.
"Yeah, but it's like 6:10. We'll never make it on time. You can, I know. But I can't run fast." She says.
I shrug, "It's okay. I'll drive."
Her eyes bug out in what would be a funny expression if I weren't so offended. "It's alright. A little exercise never hurt anyone, right?"
"What are you talking about? It'll take at least 20 minutes to walk/jog. But if we drive, 5 minutes." I estimate. "I wasn't good at math, but this one seems easy."
"But," she says. "You can't drive. You'll kill us."
"Hey! You know what? We're wasting precious time arguing about this." I pick up the set of keys hanging up next to the door. "Take it or leave it."
Dawn gives up. "Fine, I'll take it. But if you kill us, I'm telling mom."
I roll my eyes and follow her outside.
15 minutes later, we're still in good shape as I squeal into the school parking lot. I mean, we're not dead or anything. I look over at Dawn. She clutching her seat so tightly, her knuckles are white. "We're here!" I say cheerfully.
She turns to me slowly, "Never. Drive. Me. Again." I shrug as she gets out of the car seat. I thought it was a particularly good ride. "And, um, tell Spike to come over at six."
I nod. I hope I'm gone by then. But crap, I have to tell him first. "Wait," I say. "When are you getting back home?"
Her ears start turning pink as she mumbles, "Regular time."
"But that's four. What are you doing between that time?"
Her face starts showing the blush now. Oh, this has to be good. But before I can dig deeper, a friend calls her over. I sigh and wave her off. I'll find out soon enough.
I guess I should go find Spike now. At least I don't have to go searching for him. It's light out so to the crypt it is. I start the engine and press the gas. Oops! I screech the tires while some kids jump out of the way. I yell out sorry and I swear I can hear Dawnie groan.
I speed towards the cemetery, lost in thought. What am I supposed to say to him? I was gonna pretend but…I don't know. What if he becomes a problem? Sure, right now he's an asset. But what if he lets his feelings of "love" get in the way of…stuff. I don't need that while I'm dealing with all the crap I'm dealing with now. Glory, the Hellmouth, my mom. Things that I can't take my attention from right now. Geez, no wonder Riley left. I really never paid him much attention. He was like my trophy of normality I put on a shelf and took down every so often to dust and look at. Hmm, that was kinda deep. But honestly, everything was always more important. At least when I dated Angel, he was one of those important things in my life.
Now life is complicated again. I don't really have the time or energy to spend on another doomed relationship. Um…not that I'm saying Spike's a candidate for a doomed relationship with me. I'm not even thinking about him now. Right. I'm not.
I arrive at Spike's cemetery and cut off the engine. I get out and start walking toward his crypt. What's nice about this cemetery is that I barely ever have to patrol in it anymore. Spike keeps it up nicely.
As I near Spike's home, I see a huddled black figure on the ground moving closer and closer to the crypt. Great. It's not even seven yet and I'm already saving his ass. I march over, ready to stop the intruder.
* * *
Wow. If this is what a baby's life is like, I'm glad I have no memory of the time. Crawling isn't fun when everything hurts. And I jabbed my knees on so many rocks, slipped on so much mud, and stumbled over so many potholes, that this day couldn't get any worse.
Suddenly, I'm being grabbed and tossed against the outside of my crypt. I squint up at my assailant.
"Spike?"
It just got worse.