Title: Heroes (4/10)
Author: Karen
Rating: R (for violence and some non-graphic sexual scenes. Whoo hoo!)
Pairing: D/J
Disclaimer: Not mine, not a one.
Category: Angst, Romance, Light Humour.did I mention the angst?
Spoilers: YES! Up to and including 'Heroes' and then we swerve merrily off
into my own little world.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive. If you want to.
A/N: This is an episode 'fixer' or 'what if'. I haven't seen the ep or read
a transcript, so it may be a little out of whack when the episode airs. In
my head, everything is hunky-dory and certain events never happen. Period.
Oh, and I'm working on the supposition that Cassie is a senior in high
school.
Dedications: This is completely and totally inspired by the wonderful D/J
vids at www.gypsy-gateway.com, specifically 'Words He Doesn't Say' and
'I'll Be Good To You'. Wonderful, wonderful vids, thanks for the
inspiration and all your kindness to a D/J newbie, Amy.
Part 4.
Daniel and Janet drove for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence, Janet wondering why on earth she didn't just follow the rest of the SGC's example and pretty much move herself and Cassie onto the base, thus avoiding situations like these, and Daniel wondering just how to approach the subject of declaring his undying love for a woman that had dropped him like a hot potato three weeks before. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and saw the lines of tension on her face, even in the dim light of the car. Even her body language was discouraging, legs crossed and away from him, arms folded defensively across her body and face staring pointedly out of the passenger window. He looked back at the road before him and licked his lips. He could do this; he'd saved the world how many times now? Winning back Janet should be a walk in the park.
"So, how have you been?" He mentally cursed himself for sounding like such an idiot and then realised opening the conversation with 'Hey, Jan, I just realised that I'm in love with you and was wondering if you'd like to forget about this whole dumping me thing and giving us another go?' was probably the best way to find himself stopping by an ER when he gave her a heart attack. Yeah, thinking about it, the words he actually said were probably better.
"Fine." Janet didn't take her eyes off the road and only realised when the silence stretched between them again that she should probably say something else. "You?"
"Fine." Daniel ground his teeth at the cool note in her voice and forced himself to persevere, after all Rome wasn't built in a day. Although he had some very interesting theories about..he shook his head in annoyance. Focus, Jackson! "You seem like you've been pretty busy recently, I haven't seen you about much."
"Yeah, well you know the SGC. Busy, busy." Janet cringed and hoped she didn't sound as stupid as she felt. The awkwardness that was almost palatable between them was just one of many reasons that she'd been avoiding Daniel like he had the plague. Which he didn't because she'd just had his most recent blood work this morning, so no excuse there. Dammit.
Daniel cleared his throat and cast around for another topic of conversation. "How's Cassie?" He risked glancing towards her again and added hesitantly. "I've missed her."
Janet felt herself soften slightly at his words and she turned her head towards him with a brief smile. "She's fine, Daniel." She looked away as he smiled back at her and went back to staring at the road. "She's missed seeing you too." She closed her eyes at the light sigh from behind her and firmly resolved to never tell Daniel that Cassie was barely speaking to her these days after hearing that Janet had broken it off and it was a constant struggle to get even one civil word out of her when they were in the same house.
"Um, about that." Daniel mentally gave himself a brisk shake and quick slap around the face to get himself together. "Could we talk about what happened with us? Only there's a few things that I'm not entirely clear on."
"Daniel, I'm tired and to be perfectly honest I don't think we really have anything to say to each other regarding our personal history." Janet winced as her nails bit into her arms through the heavy wool of her coat and forced herself to relax a little. "I just want to go home and get in a nice hot bath."
Daniel drifted slightly as the image of Janet in a bath wearing nothing but bubbles popped into his head and then the image changed and he saw Janet in a bath wearing nothing but the clear, soothing water she was..Goddamit, will you focus, Jackson! He cleared his throat and hoped that she wouldn't notice that his voice was somewhat lower than usual. "I get that, really I do, but I just want to get a few things straight if you don't mind?"
Janet winced and was profoundly grateful that she'd kept her face turned from his and that he couldn't see the panicked look on her face. "Do we have to go through this?"
"Yes, we do!" Daniel frowned as she jumped at the uncharacteristic snap in his voice and said apologetically. "Sorry, it's just I've been trying to track you down to talk for a while now and I've gotten a little impatient."
Janet shifted in her seat and remembered Sam's words of a week ago, it seemed Daniel really wasn't prepared to stay out of her life as she'd hoped. She took a deep breath and said carefully. "Ok, Daniel, obviously this is bothering you and you have things you want to say." She carefully schooled her face into an expression of blandness and shifted in her seat until she sat facing him. "We'll go over this one last time and then I expect you to respect my wishes and keep our relationship on a purely professional level."
"Um, right." Daniel took his eyes off the road again and glanced at her set face. "Sure." He tightened his hands on the steering wheel at her approving nod and made a mental note not to try not to look at her again before he'd finished speaking in case he did something stupid like grabbing her and kissing her senseless and/or throttling her for speaking to him like he was a naughty six year old.
"Well?" Janet re-folded her arms across her chest and firmly stayed in her CMO persona, hoping to hell it would be enough to stop her breaking down and throwing herself into his arms. "You had something to say?"
"Right." Daniel stared blankly through the windshield at the road stretching ahead and tried to think of a way to open the conversation but not hostilities. "What happened with us? I thought it was going pretty well." He glanced at Janet's expressionless face. "I thought we were having fun."
"Daniel, I explained my reasons to you, weren't you listening?" Janet's faintly exasperated tone changed to one of deep annoyance when she saw the guilty wince at her words. "You *weren't* listening to me?"
"No, I was, I swear." Daniel cringed and tried to explain. "You just caught me by surprise. I was so shocked I couldn't take everything in and I just wanted to see if."
"So what did you take in, Daniel?" Janet wouldn't have believed he could hurt her anymore but the pain at his guilty confession was like a needles burrowing all over her skin. "Exactly what *do* you remember?"
"Um." By now wishing he'd never listened to Jack that morning and had left Janet at the roadside, Daniel felt a cold sweat spring out on his forehead. "You dumped me." He coughed at the incredulous huff of air from Janet and mumbled unhappily. "That's pretty much it."
"I see." Ice disdain dripped from Janet's words and she shook her head. "How flattering, I couldn't even hold your attention when I was finishing our so-called relationship."
"That's not true, you always had my attention, Janet. And it wasn't 'so- called' it *was* a relationship." Daniel winced as a car passed on the opposite side of the road and it's high beams shone in his eyes. "I told you, I was just so surprised at what you were doing I couldn't concentrate on the reasons why."
"Wonderful, just wonderful." Janet tightened her arms across her torso and huddled back into her seat. "So because you didn't think to pay attention to relevant information you're expecting me to go through it all again?"
"Please, Janet, it's important to me." Daniel could feel his heart pounding against his ribs and didn't dare take his eyes off the road as his hands began to shake on the wheel. "Please."
Janet chewed on her lower lip for long moments before sighing in defeat. "Fine. I wanted out because I wanted more. More than a series of one-night stands and occasional dinners. Feel better now?"
Daniel ignored the stab of pain that went through him at her brutal summary of their relationship and nodded slowly. "I see." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you felt that was all we had." He took another breath as they came up into the outskirts of town and turned his head briefly to look at her face in the neon glow of the streetlights. "I was very happy with you, Janet, and I'd like you to think about giving us another chance. What we had was a lot more than sex and dinner to me."
Janet nodded slowly; she'd been almost expecting that response. "Thank you for that, Daniel." She turned her head to face away from him again and wished he'd put his foot down to get her home and away from this tortuous conversation. "But I don't think I made myself clear. I wanted more than what we had and part of that means that I don't want you, not anymore." By sheer will she managed to keep her voice steady and emotionless as she told the biggest lie of her life to date. "You aren't enough for me."
Daniel was horribly afraid for one long moment that he would actually throw up as her words hit him with the force of a Mack truck. His mouth opened slightly and his breath came in shallow gasps as she echoed the words of Apophis from his dream and trampled his heart into dust while she did it. He shook his head to clear the roaring in his ears and heard his voice as though from a long way off. "Was I ever enough for you?"
Janet's eyes filled with tears at the detached tone of voice and she nodded briefly. "Yes. Once." They drove on in silence for some minutes until Janet couldn't bear it anymore. "Do you understand now?"
"Yes. Thank you." Daniel felt like he couldn't breathe, every inhalation of air was an effort and he just couldn't seem to get enough oxygen to stop the ringing in his ears and the dizzy feeling in his head to go away. "I care about you and Cassie a great deal, you know."
"I know, Daniel, and as friends we were great." Janet could feel herself start to shake despite the relentless heat being pumped out by the car's system. "We just couldn't take it any further, we should never have tried to." She squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered the gentle touch of his hands on her body and his eyes staring into hers as he entered her slowly and tenderly. "We just weren't meant to be."
"I guess not." Daniel turned the car into her street and fought the urge to stamp the gas pedal into the floor and keep going until he could think of the right words to bring her back to him. One of the things he had always loved about Janet was her innate kindness and sensitivity and the most disheartening thing about their entire conversation had been the lack of emotion in her voice. He felt like he didn't know the woman seated next to him and had no idea how to reach her. "Here we are."
Janet wasted no time in unclipping her seat belt and fumbling for the door handle. "Thanks for the ride." She opened the car door and stuck one foot onto the sidewalk. "I really hope that will be the end of this, Daniel. I'd like to try and get back to normal if we could." Without looking at him she got out of the car and shot up her front path like a squad of Jaffa were on her tail.
"Right. No problem." Daniel sat frozen in the car and concentrated on not throwing back his head and howling in despair at the loss of yet another loved one from his life. "I can do that."
**********************************
"You can't do that!" Jack's mouth dropped open as Daniel finished telling him the outcome of his talk with Janet the night before. "Since when do you give up so easily, Daniel? Hell, you went after Sha're for years and she kept trying to kill you, for Pete's sake!"
"She was being controlled by a parasite and was evil, Jack." Daniel leaned in defeat against his workbench and shook his head. "Despite all evidence to the contrary Janet isn't evil and she isn't possessed. She just doesn't want me anymore."
"Oh, get real, of course she wants you." Jack rolled his eyes and once again resisted the urge to beat some sense into his friend. "She's pissed because she thought you were using her to scratch an itch and you didn't want anything else, that's all."
Daniel winced. "God, don't put it like that. It sounds so."
"Cheap? Tacky? Like somethin' people would expect me to do?" Jack glared. "I know! And you should be ashamed of yourself, by the way."
"Ashamed doesn't even begin to cover how I feel at the moment." Daniel clenched a fist and pressed it hard against his churning stomach. "I can't believe that's what she thinks of me."
"Me neither, but lets move on." Jack O'Neill, man of action and matchmaker extraordinaire, clapped his hands together briskly. "Ok, we know why she dumped you now we just need to find a way to fix it." He held up a cautioning hand as Daniel opened his mouth to protest. "Uh-uh, trust me, Daniel. A woman doesn't kick you to the curb and then avoid you for three weeks afterwards if she doesn't feel anything for you anymore. Janet left the state rather than give you a chance to confront her about what she did, that is not the mark of an indifferent woman." He rolled his eyes at Daniel's thoroughly confused face. "She was running away so you wouldn't change her mind, Daniel."
"You're wrong, Jack." Daniel felt the small spark of hope inside him die as he remembered Janet's cold manner in his car and the distance in her voice. "Janet's not like that."
"Daniel, I may know squat about women but I wrote the book on evasive tactics. The woman was running, trust me." His eyes unfocused as he stared around Daniel's dangerously cluttered lab without seeing the mounds of artefacts and fossils. "We just have to get her to slow to a walk."
Despite himself, Daniel felt a small glow of amusement at Jack's highhanded manner. "What would you suggest, roping and branding her?" The amusement died at Jack's sudden speculative look. "Jesus, Jack, I was joking!"
"Hmm? Oh, me too, me too!" Jack paused again and then reluctantly shook his head. "Definitely joking. Ok, so we just gotta get her to talk to you again." He mulled over the idea for another few moments and could still reach only one conclusion. "Dammit." He waved a hand at Daniel's baffled look and felt his shoulders slump a little. The things he did for his team! "Ok, back in a while, kid."
Leaving Daniel staring after him Jack strode from the lab and towards Janet's office, resolutely ignoring the little voice inside him that was yelling about being a man and ordering Teal'c to go in his place. He jogged briskly along and finally only stopped when he reached his destination. With another put upon sigh he raised his hand and rapped sharply against the door in front of him. "Come in."
Jack squared his shoulders and opened the door to stick his head into the room with a friendly grin. "Hey, Doc, got a minute?"
End Part 4.
Part 4.
Daniel and Janet drove for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence, Janet wondering why on earth she didn't just follow the rest of the SGC's example and pretty much move herself and Cassie onto the base, thus avoiding situations like these, and Daniel wondering just how to approach the subject of declaring his undying love for a woman that had dropped him like a hot potato three weeks before. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and saw the lines of tension on her face, even in the dim light of the car. Even her body language was discouraging, legs crossed and away from him, arms folded defensively across her body and face staring pointedly out of the passenger window. He looked back at the road before him and licked his lips. He could do this; he'd saved the world how many times now? Winning back Janet should be a walk in the park.
"So, how have you been?" He mentally cursed himself for sounding like such an idiot and then realised opening the conversation with 'Hey, Jan, I just realised that I'm in love with you and was wondering if you'd like to forget about this whole dumping me thing and giving us another go?' was probably the best way to find himself stopping by an ER when he gave her a heart attack. Yeah, thinking about it, the words he actually said were probably better.
"Fine." Janet didn't take her eyes off the road and only realised when the silence stretched between them again that she should probably say something else. "You?"
"Fine." Daniel ground his teeth at the cool note in her voice and forced himself to persevere, after all Rome wasn't built in a day. Although he had some very interesting theories about..he shook his head in annoyance. Focus, Jackson! "You seem like you've been pretty busy recently, I haven't seen you about much."
"Yeah, well you know the SGC. Busy, busy." Janet cringed and hoped she didn't sound as stupid as she felt. The awkwardness that was almost palatable between them was just one of many reasons that she'd been avoiding Daniel like he had the plague. Which he didn't because she'd just had his most recent blood work this morning, so no excuse there. Dammit.
Daniel cleared his throat and cast around for another topic of conversation. "How's Cassie?" He risked glancing towards her again and added hesitantly. "I've missed her."
Janet felt herself soften slightly at his words and she turned her head towards him with a brief smile. "She's fine, Daniel." She looked away as he smiled back at her and went back to staring at the road. "She's missed seeing you too." She closed her eyes at the light sigh from behind her and firmly resolved to never tell Daniel that Cassie was barely speaking to her these days after hearing that Janet had broken it off and it was a constant struggle to get even one civil word out of her when they were in the same house.
"Um, about that." Daniel mentally gave himself a brisk shake and quick slap around the face to get himself together. "Could we talk about what happened with us? Only there's a few things that I'm not entirely clear on."
"Daniel, I'm tired and to be perfectly honest I don't think we really have anything to say to each other regarding our personal history." Janet winced as her nails bit into her arms through the heavy wool of her coat and forced herself to relax a little. "I just want to go home and get in a nice hot bath."
Daniel drifted slightly as the image of Janet in a bath wearing nothing but bubbles popped into his head and then the image changed and he saw Janet in a bath wearing nothing but the clear, soothing water she was..Goddamit, will you focus, Jackson! He cleared his throat and hoped that she wouldn't notice that his voice was somewhat lower than usual. "I get that, really I do, but I just want to get a few things straight if you don't mind?"
Janet winced and was profoundly grateful that she'd kept her face turned from his and that he couldn't see the panicked look on her face. "Do we have to go through this?"
"Yes, we do!" Daniel frowned as she jumped at the uncharacteristic snap in his voice and said apologetically. "Sorry, it's just I've been trying to track you down to talk for a while now and I've gotten a little impatient."
Janet shifted in her seat and remembered Sam's words of a week ago, it seemed Daniel really wasn't prepared to stay out of her life as she'd hoped. She took a deep breath and said carefully. "Ok, Daniel, obviously this is bothering you and you have things you want to say." She carefully schooled her face into an expression of blandness and shifted in her seat until she sat facing him. "We'll go over this one last time and then I expect you to respect my wishes and keep our relationship on a purely professional level."
"Um, right." Daniel took his eyes off the road again and glanced at her set face. "Sure." He tightened his hands on the steering wheel at her approving nod and made a mental note not to try not to look at her again before he'd finished speaking in case he did something stupid like grabbing her and kissing her senseless and/or throttling her for speaking to him like he was a naughty six year old.
"Well?" Janet re-folded her arms across her chest and firmly stayed in her CMO persona, hoping to hell it would be enough to stop her breaking down and throwing herself into his arms. "You had something to say?"
"Right." Daniel stared blankly through the windshield at the road stretching ahead and tried to think of a way to open the conversation but not hostilities. "What happened with us? I thought it was going pretty well." He glanced at Janet's expressionless face. "I thought we were having fun."
"Daniel, I explained my reasons to you, weren't you listening?" Janet's faintly exasperated tone changed to one of deep annoyance when she saw the guilty wince at her words. "You *weren't* listening to me?"
"No, I was, I swear." Daniel cringed and tried to explain. "You just caught me by surprise. I was so shocked I couldn't take everything in and I just wanted to see if."
"So what did you take in, Daniel?" Janet wouldn't have believed he could hurt her anymore but the pain at his guilty confession was like a needles burrowing all over her skin. "Exactly what *do* you remember?"
"Um." By now wishing he'd never listened to Jack that morning and had left Janet at the roadside, Daniel felt a cold sweat spring out on his forehead. "You dumped me." He coughed at the incredulous huff of air from Janet and mumbled unhappily. "That's pretty much it."
"I see." Ice disdain dripped from Janet's words and she shook her head. "How flattering, I couldn't even hold your attention when I was finishing our so-called relationship."
"That's not true, you always had my attention, Janet. And it wasn't 'so- called' it *was* a relationship." Daniel winced as a car passed on the opposite side of the road and it's high beams shone in his eyes. "I told you, I was just so surprised at what you were doing I couldn't concentrate on the reasons why."
"Wonderful, just wonderful." Janet tightened her arms across her torso and huddled back into her seat. "So because you didn't think to pay attention to relevant information you're expecting me to go through it all again?"
"Please, Janet, it's important to me." Daniel could feel his heart pounding against his ribs and didn't dare take his eyes off the road as his hands began to shake on the wheel. "Please."
Janet chewed on her lower lip for long moments before sighing in defeat. "Fine. I wanted out because I wanted more. More than a series of one-night stands and occasional dinners. Feel better now?"
Daniel ignored the stab of pain that went through him at her brutal summary of their relationship and nodded slowly. "I see." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you felt that was all we had." He took another breath as they came up into the outskirts of town and turned his head briefly to look at her face in the neon glow of the streetlights. "I was very happy with you, Janet, and I'd like you to think about giving us another chance. What we had was a lot more than sex and dinner to me."
Janet nodded slowly; she'd been almost expecting that response. "Thank you for that, Daniel." She turned her head to face away from him again and wished he'd put his foot down to get her home and away from this tortuous conversation. "But I don't think I made myself clear. I wanted more than what we had and part of that means that I don't want you, not anymore." By sheer will she managed to keep her voice steady and emotionless as she told the biggest lie of her life to date. "You aren't enough for me."
Daniel was horribly afraid for one long moment that he would actually throw up as her words hit him with the force of a Mack truck. His mouth opened slightly and his breath came in shallow gasps as she echoed the words of Apophis from his dream and trampled his heart into dust while she did it. He shook his head to clear the roaring in his ears and heard his voice as though from a long way off. "Was I ever enough for you?"
Janet's eyes filled with tears at the detached tone of voice and she nodded briefly. "Yes. Once." They drove on in silence for some minutes until Janet couldn't bear it anymore. "Do you understand now?"
"Yes. Thank you." Daniel felt like he couldn't breathe, every inhalation of air was an effort and he just couldn't seem to get enough oxygen to stop the ringing in his ears and the dizzy feeling in his head to go away. "I care about you and Cassie a great deal, you know."
"I know, Daniel, and as friends we were great." Janet could feel herself start to shake despite the relentless heat being pumped out by the car's system. "We just couldn't take it any further, we should never have tried to." She squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered the gentle touch of his hands on her body and his eyes staring into hers as he entered her slowly and tenderly. "We just weren't meant to be."
"I guess not." Daniel turned the car into her street and fought the urge to stamp the gas pedal into the floor and keep going until he could think of the right words to bring her back to him. One of the things he had always loved about Janet was her innate kindness and sensitivity and the most disheartening thing about their entire conversation had been the lack of emotion in her voice. He felt like he didn't know the woman seated next to him and had no idea how to reach her. "Here we are."
Janet wasted no time in unclipping her seat belt and fumbling for the door handle. "Thanks for the ride." She opened the car door and stuck one foot onto the sidewalk. "I really hope that will be the end of this, Daniel. I'd like to try and get back to normal if we could." Without looking at him she got out of the car and shot up her front path like a squad of Jaffa were on her tail.
"Right. No problem." Daniel sat frozen in the car and concentrated on not throwing back his head and howling in despair at the loss of yet another loved one from his life. "I can do that."
**********************************
"You can't do that!" Jack's mouth dropped open as Daniel finished telling him the outcome of his talk with Janet the night before. "Since when do you give up so easily, Daniel? Hell, you went after Sha're for years and she kept trying to kill you, for Pete's sake!"
"She was being controlled by a parasite and was evil, Jack." Daniel leaned in defeat against his workbench and shook his head. "Despite all evidence to the contrary Janet isn't evil and she isn't possessed. She just doesn't want me anymore."
"Oh, get real, of course she wants you." Jack rolled his eyes and once again resisted the urge to beat some sense into his friend. "She's pissed because she thought you were using her to scratch an itch and you didn't want anything else, that's all."
Daniel winced. "God, don't put it like that. It sounds so."
"Cheap? Tacky? Like somethin' people would expect me to do?" Jack glared. "I know! And you should be ashamed of yourself, by the way."
"Ashamed doesn't even begin to cover how I feel at the moment." Daniel clenched a fist and pressed it hard against his churning stomach. "I can't believe that's what she thinks of me."
"Me neither, but lets move on." Jack O'Neill, man of action and matchmaker extraordinaire, clapped his hands together briskly. "Ok, we know why she dumped you now we just need to find a way to fix it." He held up a cautioning hand as Daniel opened his mouth to protest. "Uh-uh, trust me, Daniel. A woman doesn't kick you to the curb and then avoid you for three weeks afterwards if she doesn't feel anything for you anymore. Janet left the state rather than give you a chance to confront her about what she did, that is not the mark of an indifferent woman." He rolled his eyes at Daniel's thoroughly confused face. "She was running away so you wouldn't change her mind, Daniel."
"You're wrong, Jack." Daniel felt the small spark of hope inside him die as he remembered Janet's cold manner in his car and the distance in her voice. "Janet's not like that."
"Daniel, I may know squat about women but I wrote the book on evasive tactics. The woman was running, trust me." His eyes unfocused as he stared around Daniel's dangerously cluttered lab without seeing the mounds of artefacts and fossils. "We just have to get her to slow to a walk."
Despite himself, Daniel felt a small glow of amusement at Jack's highhanded manner. "What would you suggest, roping and branding her?" The amusement died at Jack's sudden speculative look. "Jesus, Jack, I was joking!"
"Hmm? Oh, me too, me too!" Jack paused again and then reluctantly shook his head. "Definitely joking. Ok, so we just gotta get her to talk to you again." He mulled over the idea for another few moments and could still reach only one conclusion. "Dammit." He waved a hand at Daniel's baffled look and felt his shoulders slump a little. The things he did for his team! "Ok, back in a while, kid."
Leaving Daniel staring after him Jack strode from the lab and towards Janet's office, resolutely ignoring the little voice inside him that was yelling about being a man and ordering Teal'c to go in his place. He jogged briskly along and finally only stopped when he reached his destination. With another put upon sigh he raised his hand and rapped sharply against the door in front of him. "Come in."
Jack squared his shoulders and opened the door to stick his head into the room with a friendly grin. "Hey, Doc, got a minute?"
End Part 4.