I really don't have a vocabulary large enough for such an epic.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"And when she says she wants somebody else

I hope you know

she doesn't mean you.

And when she breaks down and makes a sound

You'll never hear her

the way that I do.

And when she says she wants someone to love

I hope you know

that she doesn't mean you.

And when she breaks down and gets you down

I hope you know

she doesn't need you.

She doesn't mean you . . ."

~ Unknown (If anybody knows the title/artist of this song and could tell me, it would be much appreciated. S.)

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Chapter 9

Part I

The four women huddled together in Princess Mercury's chamber.

"This is all my fault," Mars wailed mournfully. "I should have seen it coming. I should have been able to stop it!" The fiery rage in her threatened to lick up her soul.

"No!" Jupiter chided her, her voice low and powerful, then soft and hissing. "Don't say such things. This is no one's fault." The Amazon with fluid brown hair was strong, stronger than them all: a deep-rooted oak tree that could not be moved.

"What's going to happen?" asked Venus cautiously, timidly.

No one had the answer.

After the first week of Princess Serenity's disappearance came and went, the Queen had relapsed into a paralyzing state of sorrow. She hardly ate or slept, but paced the halls of her once-glorious palace like a madwoman. The last thing she was capable of was ruling a kingdom. Her trusted advisors, particularly Luna and Artemis had automatically taken command, but none could take the place of the once strong ruling Queen. Things were slipping now that she was not in command. The Silver Millennium had plunged from a metaphorically fruitful summer into the darkest of winters.

The princesses had tried to go to her, comfortingly, and encourage her to take back the scepter and rule her people with the grace they so desperately needed in this time of devastation. But the Queen only shook her head sadly and would not look at them.

After a long brooding silence, Princess Mercury spoke. "I heard that the Queen summoned the Guardian of Time, but that Her Grace the Princess Pluto will not answer."

Jupiter's eyebrows lifted in comprehension. "The Guardian of Time . . . she could tell us where the Princess is."

Mercury nodded. "It is within her power."

"But why would she withhold such valuable information?" Venus said on the edge of wrath.

"I don't know," Mercury said quietly. The rest agreed with their silence.

A pause.

Mars said, "Prince Endymion fears that although the rebels on Earth have appeared to be defeated, he feels the fight was too easy. And the betrayal of his most trusted friends was a terrible blow to him on top of everything. However, no one can find them, nor their new mistress." She was the closest to the Earth prince, and she kept in contact with him now he was gone. "What will happen if Sorceress Beryl rises up again? What if she makes an attack on the Moon in its weakened state?"

Jupiter spoke fiercely, fists clenching, "Then we'll do whatever the hell we have to in order to stop her."

Mercury approved. "It's the only thing we can do."

Princess Mars scowled. "If only I could perceive Serenity's location – but whenever I meditate that area of awareness is blocked from my consciousness."

The ferocious Jupiter trembled, now terrified as a kitten. "Do – do you think she's dead?" Her eyes glimmered with tears long denied freedom.

"No," the priestess assured her sternly. "If she had died I would have sensed her soul's separation from this plane of existence."

Venus lifted her golden-crowned head up to stare into the ceiling. "Oh, Serenity . . . where are you?" Her question reverberated in the vault and fell back down to her, unanswered.

* * *

Serenity was in the world of the dead, but it was less vile than she had first imagined.

Although the people there, she had learned, were mostly brooding and preferred malice over mercy, they retained a certain amount of undefiled humanity. Most of the Nemesians had come to regard her as an extension of their prince: a queen of the underworld. Like all people, they did not fail to notice the girl's soothing light, and those she came into contact with visibly benefited from her kindness. She was to them like a beacon in the darkness – most of them, anyway. There were a few who were threatened by her loving, light-giving presence. Among them were Rubeus, and the woman-snake Esmeraude.

Once the seductive woman had cornered Princess Serenity and warned her to stay away from Prince Demando. "He's mine. Keep away; or else I'll make you regret it," she threatened.

Serenity remained serene as her name. The woman, she knew, was not truly evil. No one on Nemesis was. They were only misguided, their thoughts and ways tainted from years of hardship and the Black Crystal. "He doesn't belong to you," Serenity had said plainly. "And he doesn't belong to me either. The Prince Demando belongs to no one but himself."

Esmeraude only glowered and stormed away.

The arrogant Rubeus simply denied the princess's existence.

The Princess kept busy with the Ayakashi sisters. She got along fairly well with them now. Besides, she wished only to keep herself occupied, and was eager to work for the quartet, who were equally eager for the help.

Serenity labored patiently waiting to be rescued. (Escaping on her own was out the question: she had no idea how to get home, and even if she did, getting to that point without the Nemesians interfering would have been impossible.) Meanwhile, the weird sisters took Serenity under their wing as a fifth sister, and the moonchild often found herself the mediator between the petty sisters' feuds.

As for Demando . . . he was unrelenting. The bond they had forged was astonishingly strong, but it was straining to remain intact under its back-breaking tension. It wasn't as if he intended her any real injury – no, he only wished to keep her against her will. Sometimes, the two former friends would pass in the hallway as they had in the Moon Palace, only to stop and gaze at each other for moments at a time, challenging each other with their eyes. Her question was always the same: let me go? And his answer came steadily: no. Eventually, one person would break off the link and continue on his or her way.

Demando came into her room at times, with the obvious intention of speaking with her. But Serenity would remain seated in front of her mirror at the cosmetics table, stiff and silent, as Demando gazed at her conflictingly. Then he would leave in frigid frustration. They could not find words with which to communicate if their most precious and private heart-language couldn't cease to clash and get nowhere.

Three long, dismal months passed.

* * *

Serenity was gazing out of the windows in the wing of the fortress she preferred when Cooan came to ask her a favor.

"Serenity-hime."

The princess waited expectantly.

"Are you preoccupied?"

She shook her head no.

"Would you like to do something for me? I'd be terribly grateful . . ." Cooan clasped her hands together in front of her in an entreating gesture.

"Of course, Cooan. What is it?"

The woman handed her a document for instruction. "Sort through these goods for me. I'm supposed to put them into containers and label them with the contents and destination. It's vital that the right supplies get to the cities and provinces that need them, but something's come up and I just have to be there."

Serenity knew that by the term "something's come up" Cooan meant she had discovered when and where she could interact with Rubeus – an opportunity far too important to pass up. Her sisters were always teasing Cooan for her lack of returned affection, but that by no means made her resign her devotion.

"Why do you try so hard, Cooan?" Princess Serenity asked gently. "You know Rubeus sees right through you, unless he wishes to use you. He's not worth it, and he doesn't deserve your attentions."

Cooan sighed and shrugged. There was no use hiding anything from this princess. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. After all, you are in Rubeus's position. Everyone knows how our Prince desires you, but for all his efforts, you reject him." A bit uncouth, as was the sisters' way, but not an insult.

Still, Serenity was hurt. "That's not the same at all! I do care for Prince Demando, but I have to come to him of my own free will; any other way is wrong."

Cooan nodded considerately, though she didn't understand. Then she asked, "Why do you always come and stand by the windows?"

Serenity closed her eyes and inhaled. The Ayakashi sisters could never comprehend the lunar woman's fascination with the outside. Serenity was helped by knowing that there was a world outside this place and that it continued to thrive, despite her imprisonment. The yellow clouds churned. "I want to go out there," she informed the Nemesian.

Cooan knitted her eyebrows and looked thoughtful. How was it that the proximity of the frail princess always made her feel like being nice? Her sisters felt it too. "I'll tell you what, Serenity-hime. You do this favor for me, and I'll arrange for you to go outside."

Serenity brightened, touched. "You will?"

She nodded and started to leave. "Don't forget," she called over her shoulder, "to label the containers!"

* * *

Petz shook Serenity awake later in her bedroom that night. "Wake up Serenity-hime, I'll take you to the outside."

"What?" Serenity had forgotten about Cooan's promise and was now trying to grasp what Petz was talking about.

"Outside the palace, duh, don't tell me you don't remember!"

Serenity did right then. "But why are you taking me and not Cooan?"

Petz demanded, exasperated, "Do you want to sit around here and ask questions or do you want to go?"

Serenity preferred to go. She demonstrated this by immediately rising from the bed and following Petz out into the corridor. They walked unspeaking through the barely lit passage ways and came eventually to the side of the palace with the windows. This time, they went a way Serenity had never been.

Petz opened a door and they descended down a staircase. At the other end, there was another, similar to the strange sliding ones that led into the sisters' rooms from the outside. Petz placed her hand onto a flat smooth panel near the door. Both it and her Mark flashed black. Then the door opened.

Stepping through, Serenity could tell they had left the palace. It was no longer day on the planet of Nemesis, and the light was very dim. The chilly air made the princess wish she had bothered to dress warmer. They were on a sort of well-kept, walled in lawn, with stunted trees that didn't grow past the height of two-story stone wall. A few flowers blossomed limply, but they were all of the same breed. It was what she presumed to be a small garden.

In the center of the lawn, an exotic out of place tree stood. It was a pomegranate tree, an import from Earth that had somehow managed to survive the climate on Nemesis. Beneath the tree rested a figure.

Petz approached the figure and by the way she spoke to it, Serenity identified it as Saffir. "Is the Prince asleep?" she questioned him in a hushed voice. The two women moved closer until they too were underneath the pomegranate tree.

Saffir nodded then gazed at Serenity.

"This is the best I could do," Petz told her.

Serenity's heart sank. She was still in her prison. And yet, this area was probably the most beautiful location on all of Nemesis. But she steeled herself and said politely, "Thank you . . . but how did Cooan convince you?"

Petz laughed wryly, "With a couple of things of hers that I've been lusting after."

It was a smart thing to do. Serenity knew that in the citadel Petz's connections with Saffir were sought after when someone was in a bind.

The princess strode up to the pomegranate tree and stoked its rough bark: something real, something familiar.

"We'll only give you an hour or so," instructed Saffir. "The Prince doesn't sleep long, and we don't want you to get caught out here." He looked at Petz sardonically, "For our sake more than yours."

Petz grunted in agreement.

Serenity looked doubtful. "Forgive me Saffir-sama, but I can't believe Prince Demando would ever truly be angry with you."

Saffir softened, but appeared un-surprised. "Oh? You don't think so?" Despite his earlier harshness to the girl, he did not really think that badly of her. Besides, he understood she must be afraid and felt rather sorry for her.

"Prince Demando always told me about you."

Now Petz and Saffir looked extremely surprised. Saffir even looked a little embarrassed.

Serenity continued in earnest. "He really loves you, you know."

Awkward and yet pleased, Saffir gazed at her intently, his eyes full of emotion. Love was not spoken of in Nemesian culture. It was considered a weakness. But Saffir loved his elder brother and was ever seeking to appease him, to gain his acceptance and approval. Now he was begging Serenity with his eyes for a hope so small and selfless that it made Serenity wish to cry. Kami, he looked so much like his brother.

"Did he say that?" It was hopeful, despite his urge to conceal it.

Serenity took his hand. "Not in words, Saffir. But it's so obvious."

"To you," Petz added, but she was equally touched and amazed.

Saffir looked down at Petz and their eyes met tenderly. Then Saffir bowed to kiss the Princess's hand. "After an hour, we'll come and get you," he informed her quietly. She had gained a new respect from him. He knew a little now of what his brother saw in her – in those large, compassionate eyes.

Then Petz and Saffir departed side by side. Before they disappeared back into the palace, Serenity saw Saffir place his arm across her shoulders. The fierce woman made no protest.

* * *

Saffir came into his room. Early morning light struggled to leak into the private chamber through the windows and skylights. The Prince was bent over some papers sitting on the floor, rubbing his forehead with a pale hand. There was bad news from the north – civil war and famine.

"How did you ever manage it when I was gone?" he asked dejectedly without turning around. The gait of the younger man was that familiar to him.

Saffir stopped right behind him. At another time the semi-compliment would have pleased him, but right now he had a purpose. "You told her about me, Onii-chan?'

Prince Demando started, turned. He knew exactly what he was speaking about. Demando nodded and resumed the toil of his responsibilities, despite his uneasiness.

"What is she doing here?"

Demando closed his eyes painfully, knowing it was coming. "Can't I make her mine?"

"You can . . . but only physically."

"I always get what I want, Saffir." He spoke the words despondently, factually.

"So you do. But you've never wanted much of anything, at least not like this." So wise, his little brother.

"They told me I could never interact with her again." When Saffir moved around and caught sight of his face, he was stunned. His brother's eyes threatened tears. He had never, never in his life cried before. "How could they ask me to go back to the way it was before . . . the way it was without her?" He continued, slow and steady. He was entirely certain of what he spoke of. "She made me understand. She taught me how to live, how to be human." Even this revealing of inner emotion she had taught him. "Everything was more real, more significant. I know I had you before. I know that should have been enough. But Saffir, she even showed me that it was right to love you."

Saffir flinched in jubilation. That word, twice in less than ten hours. They had both spoken it. Of course – she was the one who had taught it to him. "Kami . . ." he tried not to tremble. "For you Onii-chan, I pray that it does not get any worse that it already is. If that happens, I'm afraid that it will break you."

* * *

Part II

Serenity and Calaveras were taking up an old gown of Beruche's in their private quarters for the princess to wear. It was the afternoon after the Princess's escapade in the walled garden.

"Eh, Serenity-hime, tell that witch of a sister of mine when you see her that if she has the audacity call me ugly, then she can give me back all the shoes she's stolen!"

"Which sister?"

"You guess."

"Petz."

"Damned hag."

"Why don't you tell her yourself?" She was never patronizing, only helpful.

"I would if I could, but I'm not speaking to ever again," as if Serenity should know this.

"For the third time this week?"

"This time, for good!"

"Are you sure she called you ugly?"

"To my face! All I did was mention something lewd about her and Saffir and she said, 'Well at least I'm not too ugly to get laid!'."

Serenity winced at the terse, vulgar language. "Maybe you should try to be more tasteful next time, Calaveras."

Calaveras muttered, cursed when she pricked her finger with her sowing needle. "Anyway, she should still give me back my shoes. It's not like it's easy to find things quality things nowadays. We have a shortage of everything."

It was true. Although things were generally not as bad within the palace, the people who took up residence there were always tithing and forgoing. Sometimes, they would fall into particularly bad spells when they were served the same thing at each meal: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Serenity could only imagine what it was like outside the citadel. What Prince Demando had told her before of the suffering on Nemesis, Princess Serenity could only guess at. She thought she had understood, but now she knew better.

Somehow, in a way she didn't comprehend, the people of Nemesis seemed to think that her coming was a turning point for them – that with her, things could be better. Serenity was guilty that they had so much blind faith in her.

Beruche's door opened and the woman stood aside to allow someone else to pass in. It was Esmeraude. Serenity stood, but Calaveras, when she saw it was only Esmeraude continued on the dress, while Beruche looked on with vague interest.

Esmeraude eyed the Princess with disgust. In a mocking, sweet voice she said, "My Prince requests to see Her Grace the Princess at once."

Serenity looked to the two Ayakashi sisters for prompting, but neither returned her glance. So the sunny-haired young woman answered in all seriousness, "Thank you, Lady Esmeraude. If you will kindly tell the Prince that I'm far too busy, with my apologies."

Esmeraude snapped her fan impertinently. "I'm afraid that he insists." She was aggravated that the puny chit would even think about dismissing her Demando and just plain envious that she was summoned instead of herself.

Serenity relented. She followed Esmeraude mutely to the windowed wing of the palace. Esmeraude sniffed when servants and nobles kowtowed to the Princess, who acknowledged them in a kind nod. They passed through the large columned room where she had first met Esmeraude and came to another long hall. They exited onto a balcony. The Nemesian air was thick, but wintry. At the end of the walk, there was a solitary, secluded room, complete with the same large windows. This wing of the palace was obviously built in wealthier days.

The large, ceremonious door opened before they even reached it. Demando ushered Serenity in, but when Esmeraude tried to come, he denied her entrance. "That will be all, Esmeraude." He closed the door.

His room was large, and bare like her own, except this one had light-sifting windows and a much higher ceiling. Glancing up, Princess Serenity noticed that there were skylights. The sickly yellowish sky offered some view. In a corner, there were piles of papers and books on a low table, where Demando sat on the floor to study and brood. A fancy, round, post-less bed lay centered at the far side of the room. Bits of other antique furniture was scattered here and there. It was really a lovely place in its own dark, depressing way, but it rather reminded her of a monk's quarters: dull and pleasure less.

It occurred to her how well Demando fit in here – on Nemesis. He had been a beautiful, rare enigma on the Moon Kingdom, but here matched perfectly with the forlornly graceful setting.

Likely, Demando realized just how out of place Serenity looked. Her bright, stunning beauty, and even more stunning aura were not compatible with the dark, negative energy and miasma that flooded his home. She had however, although not to his knowledge, almost nearly grown accustomed to it.

"You may sit," he told her, but the Princess preferred to stand.

Prince Demando circled her absently. As usual, it could not be guessed what was on his mind simply by his blank features. "If you wanted outside of the palace, why didn't you just ask?"

She didn't know what to say. She had never thought to ask him.

He stopped circling and their eyes looked directly at each other, only a few feet apart. Floods of knowledge and emotions passed between them.

Demando walked to a couch and sank down, averting his gaze to the floor. Sadly, vulnerably, "You may go wherever you want. I'll change the locks to allow you to pass. But I insist that you take the Ayakashi sisters with you if you choose to leave the citadel. It's far too dangerous to be outside these walls without an escort."

She questioned him noiselessly, frowning.

"It's not that you could escape. You couldn't. If you tried to leave and go out into Nemesis all alone, you would die. You're better off here."

She could hear through his monotone now. He was truly worried for her. He was burdened with the troubles of the world. She had forgotten he could be so selfless.

He breathed in and out heavily and rested his head against the back of the couch, his eyes closed. He looked so tired.

Impulsively, Serenity came to the small couch and sat down next to him, facing his weary form. He didn't lift his head, but only moved it to observe her. She reached out and rested her hand on his. It was freezing.

"My mother will come, and Prince Endymion. They'll come take me away. They won't be gentle. Do you know that you've ruined any chances of making peace with the Silver Millennium?"

His head lifted and he nodded slowly.

"I'm not worth that," she protested softly.

"You have no idea . . ." equally soft.

"How can I be worth it?"

"You don't know?"

A shaking head.

"That's exactly why."

She was confused. But it made him smile knowingly, and that was all the more unsettling . . . how beautiful he was to her when he smiled.

"They'll come," she repeated.

"Until then . . . will you want me?" in a hushed whisper. All protective walls were knocked down. They were completely laid open to one another; vulnerable.

"No," she said sadly, but her response was automatic. Something in her chest tightened at the harsh word.

"I see." He closed his eyelids. They flew open again, searching. "Do you want him?"

Him? Endymion . . .

"Yes," but it came out sounding less sure than she would have liked. "He's to be my husband. How can I betray him?"

"He's not your husband yet."

She smirked ironically. It was the same thing Mars had said. "Even so . . ."

He interrupted her. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want him?"

She was dazed, and she didn't understand why, "I . . . because I love him . . ."

She regretted it the moment she said it. Not because she had lied, although she did feel like she hadn't given the whole truth, but because of the way he looked at her like she'd betrayed him; not with rage, but infinitely, infinitely sad.

"Oh, I – I love you too," she choked out. It was true. She loved everyone.

The sadness smoothed away, with only traces remaining, much to her perplexing relief. "Then why can't you want me in the same way I want you?"

"Because . . ." she wanted to cry. "It's not the same type of love."

The pain was back in his eyes. "Then what . . . must I do for you to love me like that?"

It was too much for her. She sprang up in frustration, her voice rising, near hysteria. "Nothing! You can't do anything! It's not you! It's not your fault! It's not you!!!!" She fought back the burning tears.

Why didn't he understand? Even worse, why didn't she understand? Why couldn't she love him again? Why was it? She couldn't remember.

Because . . . everything had been set perfectly before he'd come into her life. She was sure, she swore up and down that the way her world had been was the way it was meant to be. And yet, he had opened up a whole new world to her, a world of suffering, but a world complete in itself, with fulfilling rewards as well as sorrows.

When she regained her composure she saw Demando had grown very still. "You hate me," he said flatly. It was even worse than not loving him.

"No," she moaned pitifully, clutching her head between her hands and squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Her head screamed painfully.

"I'm sorry," he said, finally seeming to realize what he was doing. "I'm sorry, don't think anymore." He had remained outwardly calm throughout the whole ordeal.

He stood and guided her over to the large bed. Serenity made no protest, smothering sobs. He laid her down on the mattress and lifted the sheets over her. She sank in against the supporting comfort gratefully. She curled up in fetal position, closing her eyes, and tried to make the thought-shattering headache go away.

He lay next to her, facing her in the center of the bed, but didn't touch her. Her breathing slowed. The tension flowed out of her body. She was asleep.

He turned over on his back and stared up at the top of ceiling through the skylights.

"But I love you . . ."

Only the air heard him.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

;_;