Fever + Dream
Chapter Four
Yeah. So the fuck what? He'd come in and lay down and after Kawamura wheedled him forever he'd even took off his coat and accepted the blanket Kawamura offered. He didn't need a blanket, but whatever. If it made Kawamura happy and shut him up he would have done whatever it took. He was far past the stage where he felt like arguing.
Problem was, when he lay down he started sweating like a bastard, even though he was still freezing cold, and that just sent Kawamura into this pointless hilarious mother-hen mode. When Akutsu had the blanket all over him--bastard actually spread the blanket over him, though Akutsu balked when he started to tuck him in like he was three fucking years old, he had limits no matter how shitty he felt--and he was lying there sweating and hurting and had drained at least three cups of water and way the fuck more than ten minutes had gone by, Kawamura had sensed some little grain of weakness in him and left for a little bit.
He came back with a bowl of rice and some soup.
"I don't want any fucking soup, Kawamura," Akutsu glared.
"Oh, come on, it's good. We just had it and I reheated it and--"
"I'm not eating any fucking soup!"
"It'll go to waste," Kawamura said, fake-regretful, looking at him like he was going to fall for such a stupid ploy.
"Like I care."
"Please?"
Akutsu gave him a long look. Please?
"Well, I gotta go clean up the mess I made reheating it or Dad'll yell at me," Kawamura said. "Maybe you can eat a few bites of rice at least?"
"Like hell," Akutsu said, turning his head so he was half-speaking into the pillow.
"It's good for your stomach."
"I'm going home."
"Okay, I'm leaving," Kawamura said. Chalk one up for Akutsu that round. "Just don't go until I get back, okay? It'll only take a few minutes."
"I'm going now," Akutsu said, but instead he listened to Kawamura clatter down the stairs and tried not to look at the food he'd left, chopsticks lying over the rim of the bowl, by the side of the bed.
Even if he didn't look at it he could smell it.
Akutsu supposed it didn't smell all that bad. Would have served Kawamura right if it had turned his stomach all the way and he'd have puked on his bed, but the more he thought about it the more he supposed he could eat something, just a little bit, not enough for Kawamura to notice and real quick before he got back.
He rolled over a little bit, where the food was, got a little bit of rice with the chopsticks and stuck it in his mouth after listening to make sure the bastard wasn't coming back . He chewed, swallowed; waited to get sick. He didn't.
And yeah, once he started eating he was ravenous. The little bites he was taking at first became hungry mouthfuls; the rice was gone before he knew it, and then he poked at the soup's contents a little with his chopsticks. He guessed it didn't look all that fucking bad.
Akutsu picked out the parts that looked the best with his chopsticks; that's all he figured he'd do, at first, but next thing he knew he had the bowl to his lips and was sucking it down like crazy. Hell, who was he to question what his body told him. If the treacherous fucker wanted him to eat something there wasn't anything he could do about it.
When he was done, he wished he hadn't eaten the whole thing, though. He supposed it was better to have gotten it out of his system since he'd be damned if he was going to let Kawamura walk in on him eating but he still should have left off a lot earlier than he did.
He put the bowls back where Kawamura had left them and closed his eyes again. He didn't open them again until Kawamura came back into the room.
At least you had to give Kawamura credit that he didn't say anything. He just took the dishes out without a word, ran them downstairs--guy loved running around, apparently--and came back holding a basin and a towel.
Akutsu was pretty glad that he could open his eyes just enough to see what Kawamura was doing without Kawamura catching on. That way when the guy was stupid enough to come at him with a wet towel, like he was going to stick it on his forehead thinking Akutsu was having a moment of weakness, Akutsu could grab him at the last minute and scream at him and tell him he didn't need Kawamura mopping at his forehead like some fucking nursemaid. It was stupid, anyway. Akutsu was cold as fuck. He didn't need freezing cold water on him to kill him the rest of the way.
Sickness fucked his timing all up though. By the time he was ready to jump, Kawamura already had the thing on his head. Weirdest thing of all was that it actually didn't feel all that bad, like his body was cold and his head was hot, or whatever the fuck it was. Didn't make any sense. Didn't make any sense the way Kawamura was all touching him like he was made of glass and would break any minute either. Akutsu guessed it was fear or something but really he didn't much get the impression Kawamura was afraid of him. Not usually at least.
So there he was, Kawamura all leaning over him and pressing the cloth to his forehead, his cheeks. Took him for a sleeping sucker who'd just let him do that to him forever, and Akutsu guessed he was right, since he was letting him. He couldn't imagine why he was, either. Kawamura was acting just like his mom did when he got sick, and Akutsu hated when his mom did her little cluck-cluck-oh-you-poor-dear act with him.
It really was the same, Kawamura the bastard.
So how come it didn't piss him off?
Best as he could figure it all had to do with the way they touched him. His mom pressed greasy Vapo Rub fingers on his chest and the minute Akutsu's lip curled up in a snarl she snatched them away like he was going to burn her. But even when he made a big show of curling his hands into fists over the cover Kawamura just kept dabbing and worrying and sighing.
Akutsu couldn't think about it anymore.
He opened his eyes and stared Kawamura down.
"Are you feeling a little--"
Akutsu put one weakened hand on Kawamura's shoulder, and he shut up.
"Kawamura..."
"Hm?"
"You remember when that little bastard Echigoya--"
"Echizen."
"When that little creep bastard Echizen and I had that match and I left afterward and I told you--" Wait a fucking minute. He'd just told Kawamura not to lose. It didn't make any sense for him to be bringing it up now. He started again.
"You remember when I came into your dojo and kicked all those sorry bastards' asses and you followed me like a dumb shit and gave me this I'm worried about you bullshit and I told you to fuck off?" That wasn't exactly what he said, but hell, give a dying bastard a break. He'd made his point. He thought.
"Yeah?"
"That was a warning. And you didn't listen to it, so you're in trouble."
"Mmm-hmm?" Kawamura smiled and dipped the towel back into the basin. "I'm sorry. So does it feel a little better with your face cooled down a little?" Bastard was actually pretty good making sure that the towel wasn't too wet or too cold. His ass was dead the minute Akutsu could get out of bed.
Akutsu sighed. There wasn't any point in talking to Kawamura about shit like that, and even he had to admit he wasn't hardly helping his case by letting him fuss all over him, so he gave up.
Fucking hell.
He didn't get Kawamura at all. Seemed like nothing he did he could get away from him. Seemed like he was always there, always talking to him no matter what Akutsu said, always trying to help him out when he didn't need anybody to help him and nobody offered you their help without wanting something in return anyway. That was totally the impression he was getting- -that Kawamura wanted something that he didn't want to ask for, and damned if Akutsu could figure it out or if he could figure it out he could help him with it. If anybody should have known that he was a worthless son of a bitch, it was Kawamura.
But Kawamura was not a stupid guy. Maybe he was a chickenshit for not coming out and saying whatever it was he wanted Akutsu to do for him, but he wasn't stupid. He knew not to linger too long dabbing at him with that fucking towel and when to push the box of kleenex over his way and just when to get him another glass of water. When the cup was drained almost dry, just about two more swallows in the bottom of it, Kawamura would smile and take it from where he'd put it by the bed and run downstairs--Akutsu could hear him running--and bring it back filled with water and ice.
"Here, I'll take that," Kawamura said, now that the cup was almost empty again. When he came back Akutsu took a drink, put the cup down hard on the floor, and said, "Come here, Kawamura."
"Hmm?"
What Akutsu was going to do was tell him he was a fucking sucker. He and Kawamura might have been totally different people but neither of them needed to be waiting on anyone, especially someone who appreciated it as little as Akutsu did.
"Closer."
"Huh?"
And when Akutsu was right in front of his face, Kawamura did this stupid little flinch thing, which took him totally off guard. That was one thing you could say about the guy--and Akutsu had tested him, believe it, he had--Kawamura was about the only person in the world who didn't flinch when Jin Akutsu was two inches away from him and deadly serious. Unless Kawamura had a serious germ phobia he never knew about it didn't make any sense that he was flinching now.
So maybe Kawamura was getting sick too; serve him right, fussing all over him the whole night like Akutsu was three years old or something, because not only did he do that little flinch thing but it looked like his face was getting hot and when he blinked he held it out extra long in some weird way. Kawamura had pretty long eyelashes, too. Akutsu guessed he'd never looked at him close enough before.
And suddenly Akutsu knew what it was that Kawamura had been wanting, and fucked up as it was--fever eating his brain, it had to have been, just like he thought--Akutsu thought that maybe he wanted it too.
Fuck if he knew how to do it, but if that was what it was, far be it from him to worry about that sort of bullshit.
How the hell would he know how to kiss someone--some fucking guy? Kissing was stupid anyway. But he sort of grabbed the back of Kawamura's head, so that his hand rested right where his hair stopped in the back, and brought him forward, not all gentle and mushy and crap but not hard either, and he kept his eyes open while Kawamura closed his and they put their lips together and--there you have it. What the fuck else was there to say? Akutsu kissed him.
Jesus. He'd seen kisses in movies and shit, some pretty raunchy movies too, actually, but he didn't know when you did it, it would seem like time drew out all weird and just when one kiss was ending another one would begin.
And even though in some of those raunchy movies they were all slobbering all over each other and practically wrestling with their tongues you never saw how it began. That wasn't how it was at all. It was just a matter of--after he'd kissed him a few times, and Kawamura's face got even hotter than his, and started kissing him back so he wasn't doing all the work, their mouths just sort of opened on their own. It was Akutsu who pushed his tongue into Kawamura's mouth first, but then he did the same back, and that kiss was the longest of all. Akutsu guessed they didn't cut it out until both practically couldn't breathe.
And when that kiss was over there was this weird moment where they were like staring at each other, Kawamura bright red and shocked-looking but smiling a little bit too, and then they both turned at the same time and saw that somehow Kawamura had knocked the cup of water over on the floor. It made a darkened stain dotted with ice cubes where it had spilled.
"Oh, geez, sorry," Kawamura said. "I'll go get a towel."
So Akutsu lay back on the bed. Kawamura came back with the towel and set a fresh glass of water down, but by that point Akutsu was feeling all wasted and tired and fucked up again and was resting his eyes, on and off. When Kawamura was done cleaning up he took one of his schoolbooks off his desk and lay on his stomach on the floor.
"What're you laying on the floor for," Akutsu croaked flatly. "It's your bed."
"Oh," Kawamura said. He smiled at him. "I don't mind. I like to read on the floor."
"It's your bed," Akutsu repeated.
"No, no, I really don't--"
"You can lay down on the fucking bed, Kawamura," Akutsu said through clenched teeth. It hurt to talk. You would think Kawamura would consider that.
Kawamura laughed a little, nervous or something. "Okay then." He got on the bed real gently, on the side close to Akutsu--had to be close, the bed wasn't that big. At first he was reading but then he put the book, open to the page he'd left off on, over his chest and closed his eyes a little bit too. And then Akutsu really didn't know anymore what happened after that, because to be honest he went to fucking sleep. It wasn't like he was some moron who just went and fell asleep on every guy he ever met's bed. It was that he was sick, goddammit.
When he woke up, Kawamura was telling him it was awfully late and wouldn't Akutsu's mom worry if he was out all night without her knowing where he was, and he was sure his parents wouldn't mind if he needed to crash there for the night but he should at least call first.
Akutsu'd woken up groggy-headed. "Nah," he said. "I can just go home. My mom'll bitch me out if I call and I don't feel like arguing on the phone."
"Okay," Kawamura told him.
Akutsu got his coat and shit and was ready to leave.
"Akutsu?" Kawamura said, right when he was all ready to go. Akutsu grunted in response.
"Uh," Kawamura said. "If you're still sick tomorrow, and want to get away, you know. I'm sure my parents won't mind if you want to crash here."
Akutsu grunted again.
It sure as hell was quieter at Kawamura's house.
He didn't say that he figured he might.
Chapter Four
Yeah. So the fuck what? He'd come in and lay down and after Kawamura wheedled him forever he'd even took off his coat and accepted the blanket Kawamura offered. He didn't need a blanket, but whatever. If it made Kawamura happy and shut him up he would have done whatever it took. He was far past the stage where he felt like arguing.
Problem was, when he lay down he started sweating like a bastard, even though he was still freezing cold, and that just sent Kawamura into this pointless hilarious mother-hen mode. When Akutsu had the blanket all over him--bastard actually spread the blanket over him, though Akutsu balked when he started to tuck him in like he was three fucking years old, he had limits no matter how shitty he felt--and he was lying there sweating and hurting and had drained at least three cups of water and way the fuck more than ten minutes had gone by, Kawamura had sensed some little grain of weakness in him and left for a little bit.
He came back with a bowl of rice and some soup.
"I don't want any fucking soup, Kawamura," Akutsu glared.
"Oh, come on, it's good. We just had it and I reheated it and--"
"I'm not eating any fucking soup!"
"It'll go to waste," Kawamura said, fake-regretful, looking at him like he was going to fall for such a stupid ploy.
"Like I care."
"Please?"
Akutsu gave him a long look. Please?
"Well, I gotta go clean up the mess I made reheating it or Dad'll yell at me," Kawamura said. "Maybe you can eat a few bites of rice at least?"
"Like hell," Akutsu said, turning his head so he was half-speaking into the pillow.
"It's good for your stomach."
"I'm going home."
"Okay, I'm leaving," Kawamura said. Chalk one up for Akutsu that round. "Just don't go until I get back, okay? It'll only take a few minutes."
"I'm going now," Akutsu said, but instead he listened to Kawamura clatter down the stairs and tried not to look at the food he'd left, chopsticks lying over the rim of the bowl, by the side of the bed.
Even if he didn't look at it he could smell it.
Akutsu supposed it didn't smell all that bad. Would have served Kawamura right if it had turned his stomach all the way and he'd have puked on his bed, but the more he thought about it the more he supposed he could eat something, just a little bit, not enough for Kawamura to notice and real quick before he got back.
He rolled over a little bit, where the food was, got a little bit of rice with the chopsticks and stuck it in his mouth after listening to make sure the bastard wasn't coming back . He chewed, swallowed; waited to get sick. He didn't.
And yeah, once he started eating he was ravenous. The little bites he was taking at first became hungry mouthfuls; the rice was gone before he knew it, and then he poked at the soup's contents a little with his chopsticks. He guessed it didn't look all that fucking bad.
Akutsu picked out the parts that looked the best with his chopsticks; that's all he figured he'd do, at first, but next thing he knew he had the bowl to his lips and was sucking it down like crazy. Hell, who was he to question what his body told him. If the treacherous fucker wanted him to eat something there wasn't anything he could do about it.
When he was done, he wished he hadn't eaten the whole thing, though. He supposed it was better to have gotten it out of his system since he'd be damned if he was going to let Kawamura walk in on him eating but he still should have left off a lot earlier than he did.
He put the bowls back where Kawamura had left them and closed his eyes again. He didn't open them again until Kawamura came back into the room.
At least you had to give Kawamura credit that he didn't say anything. He just took the dishes out without a word, ran them downstairs--guy loved running around, apparently--and came back holding a basin and a towel.
Akutsu was pretty glad that he could open his eyes just enough to see what Kawamura was doing without Kawamura catching on. That way when the guy was stupid enough to come at him with a wet towel, like he was going to stick it on his forehead thinking Akutsu was having a moment of weakness, Akutsu could grab him at the last minute and scream at him and tell him he didn't need Kawamura mopping at his forehead like some fucking nursemaid. It was stupid, anyway. Akutsu was cold as fuck. He didn't need freezing cold water on him to kill him the rest of the way.
Sickness fucked his timing all up though. By the time he was ready to jump, Kawamura already had the thing on his head. Weirdest thing of all was that it actually didn't feel all that bad, like his body was cold and his head was hot, or whatever the fuck it was. Didn't make any sense. Didn't make any sense the way Kawamura was all touching him like he was made of glass and would break any minute either. Akutsu guessed it was fear or something but really he didn't much get the impression Kawamura was afraid of him. Not usually at least.
So there he was, Kawamura all leaning over him and pressing the cloth to his forehead, his cheeks. Took him for a sleeping sucker who'd just let him do that to him forever, and Akutsu guessed he was right, since he was letting him. He couldn't imagine why he was, either. Kawamura was acting just like his mom did when he got sick, and Akutsu hated when his mom did her little cluck-cluck-oh-you-poor-dear act with him.
It really was the same, Kawamura the bastard.
So how come it didn't piss him off?
Best as he could figure it all had to do with the way they touched him. His mom pressed greasy Vapo Rub fingers on his chest and the minute Akutsu's lip curled up in a snarl she snatched them away like he was going to burn her. But even when he made a big show of curling his hands into fists over the cover Kawamura just kept dabbing and worrying and sighing.
Akutsu couldn't think about it anymore.
He opened his eyes and stared Kawamura down.
"Are you feeling a little--"
Akutsu put one weakened hand on Kawamura's shoulder, and he shut up.
"Kawamura..."
"Hm?"
"You remember when that little bastard Echigoya--"
"Echizen."
"When that little creep bastard Echizen and I had that match and I left afterward and I told you--" Wait a fucking minute. He'd just told Kawamura not to lose. It didn't make any sense for him to be bringing it up now. He started again.
"You remember when I came into your dojo and kicked all those sorry bastards' asses and you followed me like a dumb shit and gave me this I'm worried about you bullshit and I told you to fuck off?" That wasn't exactly what he said, but hell, give a dying bastard a break. He'd made his point. He thought.
"Yeah?"
"That was a warning. And you didn't listen to it, so you're in trouble."
"Mmm-hmm?" Kawamura smiled and dipped the towel back into the basin. "I'm sorry. So does it feel a little better with your face cooled down a little?" Bastard was actually pretty good making sure that the towel wasn't too wet or too cold. His ass was dead the minute Akutsu could get out of bed.
Akutsu sighed. There wasn't any point in talking to Kawamura about shit like that, and even he had to admit he wasn't hardly helping his case by letting him fuss all over him, so he gave up.
Fucking hell.
He didn't get Kawamura at all. Seemed like nothing he did he could get away from him. Seemed like he was always there, always talking to him no matter what Akutsu said, always trying to help him out when he didn't need anybody to help him and nobody offered you their help without wanting something in return anyway. That was totally the impression he was getting- -that Kawamura wanted something that he didn't want to ask for, and damned if Akutsu could figure it out or if he could figure it out he could help him with it. If anybody should have known that he was a worthless son of a bitch, it was Kawamura.
But Kawamura was not a stupid guy. Maybe he was a chickenshit for not coming out and saying whatever it was he wanted Akutsu to do for him, but he wasn't stupid. He knew not to linger too long dabbing at him with that fucking towel and when to push the box of kleenex over his way and just when to get him another glass of water. When the cup was drained almost dry, just about two more swallows in the bottom of it, Kawamura would smile and take it from where he'd put it by the bed and run downstairs--Akutsu could hear him running--and bring it back filled with water and ice.
"Here, I'll take that," Kawamura said, now that the cup was almost empty again. When he came back Akutsu took a drink, put the cup down hard on the floor, and said, "Come here, Kawamura."
"Hmm?"
What Akutsu was going to do was tell him he was a fucking sucker. He and Kawamura might have been totally different people but neither of them needed to be waiting on anyone, especially someone who appreciated it as little as Akutsu did.
"Closer."
"Huh?"
And when Akutsu was right in front of his face, Kawamura did this stupid little flinch thing, which took him totally off guard. That was one thing you could say about the guy--and Akutsu had tested him, believe it, he had--Kawamura was about the only person in the world who didn't flinch when Jin Akutsu was two inches away from him and deadly serious. Unless Kawamura had a serious germ phobia he never knew about it didn't make any sense that he was flinching now.
So maybe Kawamura was getting sick too; serve him right, fussing all over him the whole night like Akutsu was three years old or something, because not only did he do that little flinch thing but it looked like his face was getting hot and when he blinked he held it out extra long in some weird way. Kawamura had pretty long eyelashes, too. Akutsu guessed he'd never looked at him close enough before.
And suddenly Akutsu knew what it was that Kawamura had been wanting, and fucked up as it was--fever eating his brain, it had to have been, just like he thought--Akutsu thought that maybe he wanted it too.
Fuck if he knew how to do it, but if that was what it was, far be it from him to worry about that sort of bullshit.
How the hell would he know how to kiss someone--some fucking guy? Kissing was stupid anyway. But he sort of grabbed the back of Kawamura's head, so that his hand rested right where his hair stopped in the back, and brought him forward, not all gentle and mushy and crap but not hard either, and he kept his eyes open while Kawamura closed his and they put their lips together and--there you have it. What the fuck else was there to say? Akutsu kissed him.
Jesus. He'd seen kisses in movies and shit, some pretty raunchy movies too, actually, but he didn't know when you did it, it would seem like time drew out all weird and just when one kiss was ending another one would begin.
And even though in some of those raunchy movies they were all slobbering all over each other and practically wrestling with their tongues you never saw how it began. That wasn't how it was at all. It was just a matter of--after he'd kissed him a few times, and Kawamura's face got even hotter than his, and started kissing him back so he wasn't doing all the work, their mouths just sort of opened on their own. It was Akutsu who pushed his tongue into Kawamura's mouth first, but then he did the same back, and that kiss was the longest of all. Akutsu guessed they didn't cut it out until both practically couldn't breathe.
And when that kiss was over there was this weird moment where they were like staring at each other, Kawamura bright red and shocked-looking but smiling a little bit too, and then they both turned at the same time and saw that somehow Kawamura had knocked the cup of water over on the floor. It made a darkened stain dotted with ice cubes where it had spilled.
"Oh, geez, sorry," Kawamura said. "I'll go get a towel."
So Akutsu lay back on the bed. Kawamura came back with the towel and set a fresh glass of water down, but by that point Akutsu was feeling all wasted and tired and fucked up again and was resting his eyes, on and off. When Kawamura was done cleaning up he took one of his schoolbooks off his desk and lay on his stomach on the floor.
"What're you laying on the floor for," Akutsu croaked flatly. "It's your bed."
"Oh," Kawamura said. He smiled at him. "I don't mind. I like to read on the floor."
"It's your bed," Akutsu repeated.
"No, no, I really don't--"
"You can lay down on the fucking bed, Kawamura," Akutsu said through clenched teeth. It hurt to talk. You would think Kawamura would consider that.
Kawamura laughed a little, nervous or something. "Okay then." He got on the bed real gently, on the side close to Akutsu--had to be close, the bed wasn't that big. At first he was reading but then he put the book, open to the page he'd left off on, over his chest and closed his eyes a little bit too. And then Akutsu really didn't know anymore what happened after that, because to be honest he went to fucking sleep. It wasn't like he was some moron who just went and fell asleep on every guy he ever met's bed. It was that he was sick, goddammit.
When he woke up, Kawamura was telling him it was awfully late and wouldn't Akutsu's mom worry if he was out all night without her knowing where he was, and he was sure his parents wouldn't mind if he needed to crash there for the night but he should at least call first.
Akutsu'd woken up groggy-headed. "Nah," he said. "I can just go home. My mom'll bitch me out if I call and I don't feel like arguing on the phone."
"Okay," Kawamura told him.
Akutsu got his coat and shit and was ready to leave.
"Akutsu?" Kawamura said, right when he was all ready to go. Akutsu grunted in response.
"Uh," Kawamura said. "If you're still sick tomorrow, and want to get away, you know. I'm sure my parents won't mind if you want to crash here."
Akutsu grunted again.
It sure as hell was quieter at Kawamura's house.
He didn't say that he figured he might.